I’m so convinced I have borderline personality disorder cause of all the intrusive thoughts and the fact it’s makes me wanna do them( my intrusive thoughts is telling me to) I’ve been taking quizzes all day on line tomsee if I have any other mental Illnesses that serial killers might have. I get very annoyed easily and mad which is a symptom of BPD, I’m so scared :((((

I’m sure I might have BPD as well as OCD, but don’t wanna have it diagnosed cuz of the assumptions. I dont want to be misinterpreted as manipulative, aggressive or abusive because of the stereotypes (my partner has always said I’m the most calm and often TOO understanding person he ever met) But I do get the “inward anger” towards myself. Like, thinking I am utterly worthless and if I died no one would care. I often think something bad needs to happen to me for people to wake up and care. No one knows it though as I hide it from fear of people thinking I’m crazy and leaving me. I feel I have to frantically scramble to not be left. I fear abandonment to the point where I think I’d prefer to die over that happening. I have zero self esteem and feel I have no personality anymore. I think in black and white. People are cunts or they’re not lol ? I’m great or I’m worthless (100% worthless most of the time) I adore my partner more than my own life. to the point if he left me, I think I’d have to die to avoid seeing him with someone better than me (I wouldn’t do it though but it seems to be my only “solution”) imagining him leaving me all day everyday is agony I feel like I’m being sliced open every second and I feel sick. I don’t want the label though cuz people are saying Caroline flack might have had BPD, and I think she’s vile for what she did, suicide or not. I don’t agree with abuse - male or female. so I don’t wanna be associated with an abuser. Everyone is saying she’s evil if she had bpd so I really DONT want that association just because I hate myself and don’t want to be abandoned. Anyone know anything about DBT? I bought a DBT work book but I’m not telling anyone in my life as again, I don’t want the negative connotations. I’m a gentle person to everyone except myself so if I got tagged as a bitch I’d be mortified when all I want is love and acceptance and I feel I lack it

Kinda really anxious because I am afraid I might have borderline personality disorder, except I constantly am afraid that I might have mental disorders that I’m not diagnosed with. Wondering if other people with OCD deal with themes of obsession over mental disorders. Or if this is borderline personality disorder, and instead I am creating different personalities based on different disorders I keep thinking I have. I have been diagnosed with OCD but in my comments it was mentioned that I showed some symptoms of OCPD and BPD but not enough to diagnose

It started a month ago on vacation. I started getting intrusive thoughts about harming my loved ones in their sleep and it scared me so bad. I thought it would stop but it only got worse. Here I am a month later and things have changed drastically. My thoughts have now shifted to becoming some serial killer. I am so worried it’s all I think about. I can’t stop thinking about the things I did as a kid and how it could validate all my thoughts. I don’t wanna hurt anyone or anything at all. I am so scared of the thought of the notorious serial killers that I’ve heard about in the past and I can’t stop comparing myself to these horrible people. I’m scared because I used to be mean to animals as a kid and people say this is the first thing to look for in serial killers. I remember still having a lot of empathy for them when I was young too. I look back and cant at all understand why I was like that. It makes me wanna breakdown and punch myself. All of that stopped a really long time ago and every since I have done nothing but helped and empathized with animals. I am every surrounded by them and consider them to be more family than pets. I get extremely upset over anything or anyone who is suffering. I just can’t get that memory of me doing that stuff out of my head and I’m afraid it means it validates my thoughts I’ve been having even though this is not what i want to happen. I’ve been completely avoidant of alcohol and refused to take a medication I was prescribed because irritability was a side effect and I’m afraid of snapping and hurting someone. I just can’t stop thinking about my past and how it could correlate to now. Even though I have grown up to have morals and respect for everything I have a fear that it’s all been a lie. I get so much anxiety from thinking about this stuff. I haven’t eaten in almost 3 days because my stomach is in a constant knot and when I do eat I feel too guilty to do so because I’m not paying attention to these thoughts and sometimes it makes me question whether I secretly want to do bad stuff which I don’t and that scared me so bad. I made an emergency appointment right after I started having these thoughts and they diagnosed me as having schizotypal personality disorder. They said I have been having ocd “tendencies “ because I have the thoughts and constantly googling everything which I guess would be a compulsion. I have been looking on forums for people with past actions similar to mine to see other peoples reactions. I’m not sure what this is anymore. Idk if this is ocd or I’m just using it as an excuse. All I know is that I’m extremely scared. I vowed if this stuff as everything something I would even think about doing I would take myself out before I ever hurt anyone else. It’s scary but it’s what I always tell myself when I doubt any of this.