*Q + A* Hi Everyone! My name is Kerry and I have suffered from severe OCD since 2008. It came on after a bad car accident and I had shown no signs prior to that. I was 17 and now I’m 28. I saw many therapists untrained in OCD, and it wasn’t until I met an OCD Specialist and went through weeks of intensive therapy using ERP that I started to really question the connection between my obsessions and the effect I had on my reality by performing my compulsions which were totally random (anything you can think of!) I mainly suffer from magical thinking OCD which is basically like “superstition on steroids” - it follows along and targets with my everyday anxieties and my obsessions try and tell me if I perform certain, ever changing compulsions, that I can make or prevent things from happening. This has morphed into multiple themes of OCD, but also follows along with my real life which is hard. BUT I can honestly say I am in a state of ongoing recovery from OCD because I truly understand it’s sick game now and I am able to stop it in it’s tracks before performing compulsions. I’m not perfect and will always have OCD, but I wanted to open up a Q + A session today for you all to ask any questions you may have for me. To give you all some hope, I just published my OCD memoir “The Obsessive Outsider” and I’m so thankful to have added a resource to our world from a sufferer’s perspective. My goal is to eventually help you all get to a point where you can share your stories like I have because it’s so empowering. Hit me with your questions, friends!

DID I EVER!!!!! Oh man, my ROCD can get really really bad. The problem is that in my last relationship, I was given reason not to trust him so my ocd took that real life event and freaking destroyed me. I went “crazy” for like three months, literally spending hours and hours asking for reassurance and needing to assess his every body movement and response, writing notes in my phone every time I thought of a new question...it was EXHAUSTING and honestly it was one of the major reasons I went on Zoloft. Because I couldn’t even take the anxiety of my own waking mind. If you type my name in YouTube along with relationship OCD there will be a video that is very popular about ROCD and it might help you!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn I'm just so at a loss because I dont feel as anxious today and it makes me worried that I really don't want my fiance anymore. He's been feeling it too and is it normal to feel annoyed at your partner or think that you dont like certain things they do when you actually do like it

@sks2011 This is what makes ROCD so hard and complex. Because some feelings of doubt are normal for people in relationships, but those of us with ocd have to go the extra mile in terms of handling the doubt and keeping it under control. This is all your ROCD talking - so we have to make a concentrated effort to not dwell and analyze how we feel because it will always circle back with doubt because we have a doubting disorder. This is a good time to practice mindfulness and separate yourself from “how you feel” since OCD attacks and makes you doubt how you feel.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I did have to work through depersonalization, but it took time. It’s a very weird abstract place to be in. I consulted my specialist at the time. If you don’t have a specialist, I would definitely consider it.

To be honest, I didn’t have insomnia issues until I started my antidepressants. I craved sleeping as much as possible when my OCD was bad because I thought it was “an escape” but in truth it wasn’t. I didn’t have a problem with sleeping, but OCD did start coming in my dreams where I would literally be performing compulsions in my dreams, which is no fun to wake up to. I had to work even harder during those times because I would automatically wake up anxious. It was a concentrated effort. I did receive insomnia side effects once I went on my antidepressants BUT my psychiatrist added another medication to help with that side effects that works beautifully. And honestly, those 9 months of bad insomnia were worth it to have my head right. Sorry if this doesn’t really apply to you, just my story!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn No it definitely applies because I have the same problem of ocd in my dreams and instinctually I will wake up and I can’t go back to sleep, presumably Bc my flight or flight response is activated. What was the medication you used to get through the night for sleep? Thanks so much ?

@evkrey Happy to answer, just keep in mind that this is my personal experience and to consult your doctor for your case. My psychiatrist decided to put me on 1 MG of Klonopin. Did it stop the side effects of restless legs that were out of control and insane insomnia? Yes. But I wish I wasn’t on it because it’s a very strong medication I wasn’t aware of at the time I started. I wasn’t aware of the various medications and what they did I just trusted my psychiatrist which I still do, but if I could do it over again, I would try a lot more things before such intense medications. I say that now, but I am really so thankful for the ease they’ve provided me at the same time.

Thank you for sharing!! In regards to medication, I am not a doctor but in my personal experience Sertraline has worked wonders for my anxiety. BUT I will say it took a good six months for me to adjust on it. It can initially spike your anxiety. This medication really took time for me, but it also WORKS in my experience. It has really calmed my brain down. In regards to your daughter and contamination - it is hard at times to know if something is just gross or if it’s OCD - the best lessons I learned are to always treat it like OCD, gross or not. This is because if you continue to think little things like this are gross, this contamination fear will likely only get worse. So regardless, I would start exposing yourself a little at a time to show yourself it won’t kill you or make you sick. I absolutely think you should work through this sort of thing - I would eat the whipped cream. Your mind is going to tell you it’s gross, but people do this all the time and everything in life is essentially “gross” and contaminated, so the more you can push through little things like this, the better off you’ll be in the future and more normally you’ll be able to live if that makes sense?

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn It absolutely does. I just want to make sure my efforts to work through it aren’t bordering into being disgusting. Because seriously...people should be washing after the bathroom. Even my own kid lol!

@Sara80985 For sure, we know everyone should wash their hands after going to the bathroom, but the reality is that not everybody does and we have to realize that is a reality. Of course you want to teach your kid to be sure and wash their hands after the restroom - but avoiding eating the whipped cream because she made herself a sundae is something you can expose and it won’t be the end of the world. Good for you for thinking these questions and being on top of your behaviors!

Thanks for speaking up on here with this. You are brave and you know you need help so major props to you. I’m not sure how old you are, but I will say this - your OCD getting out of hand like this is much more important to address than being worried about what your parents or anyone thinks. An OCD Specialist can eventually explain it to your parents in much more normal terms than you may be able to. You can keep it private if you’d like other than that, but I would let your parents in on what’s going on because the ocd going untreated only gets worse I promise! When I needed a diagnosis and next steps there wasn’t anything like this app which literally connects you with OCD Specialists in your state. If I had this app when I was in your exact position, I would absolutely have taken advantage of it and gone from there. I’m so happy you’re here on this app because this can be an incredible resource. My very next steps would be to call this number for an informational free call with the app (312)-766-6780. They will look into OCD Specialists in your state which is incredibly more accessible than anything I’ve come across. Additionally, they work with you on payments depending on your situation and insurance and it’s very affordable. I promise you girl, the specialist can help you out with your parents, but you have to do your part too to prevent this from getting worse. I totally was where you are!

Thank you so much, I'll try doing exposure therapy and reminding myself that I have to let the thoughts exist

@Sam212 Heck yeah, Sam!

Hey There! So the best thing you can do to find an OCD specialist is to find one in your state. In the past, it’s been very hard to scout one because we had to do the interviewing ourselves. This app literally does that for us. They will find the specialist for you in your state. I know people who have taken this route and it’s been a Godsend, and I will always say it, I wish I had this app to help me find the right specialist AND because it’s so dang affordable through the app. I talk a lot about how I used ERP myself after my intensive program in my book. But if you aren’t working with a specialist I suggest you start there. I got on a three way call with someone last week with this app and we were able to all work together and find her a specialist in her state and we did and it was so amazing to watch how seamlessly it went. I was just there to make her feel better about easing into it all. If you are really wanting to find an OCD specialist, I’m more than happy to jump on a call with you to connect with the app like I did with her!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn That is so kind of you!!!!!! Thank you! Like so much! I saw in the comments above that you have provided a number, is that the number in the app to call to help find a therapist. If it is, is it okay if I text you in the next day or two to see if you are able to maybe get on the call for support. That is very kind of you to offer. Thank you!

Can you expand a little more on your thought process on this? Good looking out that if it eases your anxiety, it could be avoidance!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Like, for example, if I feel a spike of anxiety over an OCD theme or just being scared of the bad feelings OCD gives me, I go “do I need to be thinking about this right now?” as in, is it relevant and should I be worrying about it. It makes me less anxious for a little bit.

@WeCanDoThis I definitely think if you’ve already exposed that area then saying that is totally fine - it’s a great way to keep moving and not let that obsession continue to pester you. However, if you have very persistent intrusive thoughts and you keep doing that, you will know in your heart if it’s avoidance. I think for the majority of the time based on what you’re saying, whatever it is, is probably not relevant to be worrying about because we have OCD and it’s likely OCD so should be treated as such. You want to be cautionary about it making you “less anxious for a little bit” and make sure that isn’t leading to avoidance or reassurance to temporaily avoid.

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Okay, thank you for the response! This helps. <3

To me, this is a good thing you get this dread because you and your body don’t want to deal with the stupid compulsions! Like you said, you dread the feelings of the ocd MORE than the actual obsession. That’s your body saying it’s tired of performing the compulsions and it’s catching on because otherwise you wouldn’t care at all about the distress as long as you could feel relief from your compulsions. It’s also very normal to go into a panic that you may get worse “this time” like before and get depressed over it, but this something you had to get a mental hold of because you have control of it not getting that bad ever again. You got out of it before and you can stay out of it by staying on top of your responses to your OCD.

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn That’s a good way of looking at it. Thank you!

My entire approach to it has been strictly ERP. Literally just not performing what compulsion my brain is dying for me to perform. It sucks - because oftentimes it offers me good things like “you’ll be more successful if you touch this three times” and much of the time I’m unhappy so I’m so tempted to give in like I used to, but I KNOW it’s OCD. It’s not worth giving in to me anymore because once I give in to one, ten more come with it. My book is entirely about magical thinking OCD if you need a resource on it!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Yes thank you for your help! My mgocd acts similar it will tell me NOT to do things I want to do for similar reasons ya know. And where can I access your book?

@OCDone You can access it on Amazon or Barnes and Noble online, or on my website, theobsessiveoutsiders.com. Thank you for your interest and keep pushing because I know you’ve got this.

The compulsion is whatever act or thought your OCD is urging you to in response to oblige and shut up the obsession. It’s not too much at all! That’s what I’m here for!

@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you so much, it's been tough because I've been having a tough time identifying what to change in my behavior to lessen the problem

Absolutely, let’s do it! How about you email me at kerry@theobsessiveoutsiders.com and we will exchange numbers and set up a time to call in to the app. I’m excited to walk through this with you Mackenzie!

Hi Mackenzie! Following up to see if you wanted me to hop on a call with you to call in and get more information on finding an affordable OCD therapist in your state through video conferencing. I’m hopping on a call with someone else tomorrow to do it, so I wanted to reach out and let you know if you wanted me to do the same with you tomorrow :)