Ok, so can your sexuality change? Because literally all these articles I’ve read are saying yes, and if so, I’m screwed. Like HOCD may as well not be a thing because I’m just gonna turn gay or bi or whatever, right? Like this is so frustrating because I don’t know what’s happening to me. I don’t know if I’m gay, bi, straight, whatever or if I have a mental illness that’s causing all of this. One source says it’s HOCD and others say “oh it’s okay! it’s perfectly normal to question your sexuality and oh yeah! your sexuality can totally change! oh and did you know women are more likely to be bi? and that sexuality is fluid actually?” Like which side do I believe? This is so exhausting. I just can’t take it anymore. I can’t even daydream about guys anymore and that’s literally all that made my depressing life a little bit happier and now that’s gone. Like what do I do? Just deal with it? This sucks.

I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.

❗️ I don‘t know what is true anymore. Some say sexuality fluid and some say sexuality isn’t fluid. I googled it and some studies believe that. That triggered my HOCD. I also read that „Sexual Fluidity“ is actually also an orientation. I‘m really irritated, there are so much names and orientations, so much other opinion. If sexuality is really fluid I don‘t know what to do anymore.

I’m so exhausted. Been having HOCD since May & had it once before when I was 15 - both times began as me genuinely thinking I was questioning my sexuality, then it became obsessive and that’s when I landed on HOCD. It was more like HOCD that actually questioning. But I will say I do find women attractive, and have always watched lesbian porn & in my mind I guess I do find women’s body’s somewhat sexually attractive. This being said - I have always had boyfriends, always fell for boys and not once have I ever been genuinely interested in a girl or fallen for one. I’m 20 too, so it’s not like i’m only 14. In very open about sexuality and accept everything and everyone, so the idea of being lesbian or bi isn’t alien to me. Some of my friends are gay and lesbian . Earlier this summer I even started coming out to people as maybe being bi, and i was almost pushing that label onto myself to try and accept myself - but it still didn’t feel right and I am still unsure and uncertain. Just want some advice - is this similar to other people’s stories ? Not looking for reassurance, just genuinely wondering wether it is HOCD or maybe I am just abit gay hahaha (which would be okay, just doesn’t really feel right)