- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I have dealt with harm ocd myself. Suicide being the big one. Please take it easy on yourself. I know how difficult that can be ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, that isn't the most easiest thing in the world. To be kind to yourself. Thank you for empathizing to me.
- Date posted
- 5y
I have the same thoughts when it comes to the future. I’ll think about something and then go “well I hope I’m around for that”. I have been seeing an OCD therapist for a few weeks now and it seems to be something that will help. Once I kind of get out of a theme, a new one pops up. My therapist said that’s normal and actually a good sign. But it sucks. I just want to be to the point where this doesn’t have such an affect on my every day life.
- Date posted
- 5y
That’s interesting that having the topic jump to a different one means it’s a good sign. My topic has stayed consistently the same until last week, around the time I just started with my OCD therapist, that it for the first time starting jumping to new topics ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 My therapist said your ocd will try to throw new things at you once you start working against it. He said it’s like an ex boyfriend who realizes you’re moving on so then they show up and bash your car windows out with a baseball bat.
- Date posted
- 5y
@ejh Haha that’s a great analogy! Well if that’s the case I’m ready to fight back ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 You and me both!
- Date posted
- 5y
I’ve even had weird ones about humans having organs and brains and stuff. To the point where I would get nervous and uncomfortable around people. You just have to recognize these are OCD thoughts and not you.
- Date posted
- 5y
Absolutely. It’s an everyday struggle but it can be done. I have to tell myself that all the time. Especially in times like now when we are shut in our houses with nothing but time to think.
- Date posted
- 5y
If you wanna, I'm here for you. Don't worry, you'll have an amazing life
- Date posted
- 5y
I also have been dealing with suicidal OCD, it’s been going on straight for almost 5 months now. It’s definitely a topic that scares people but I try and reassure others that it’s not me actually wanting to die, it’s the OCD placing these intrusive thoughts, feelings, and urges. I also completely relate to it being so constant and torturous. It really tries to create doubt and fear, plus the anxiety is just all consuming at times. It makes me less lonely to know others also deal with the same thing. I hope both of us are able to work on this and move past this truly awful theme.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes, I agree with every word you have said. I have been dealing with this for 5 years. It was triggered after the the tragic suicide of my stepdad.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Brandon H Im so sorry. I can’t even begin to fathom how that horrible that must have been for you and your family. Mine began out of nowhere it seems, in the middle of a bad anxiety episode. It really tries to eat at you and get you from so many angles, whether it be fears of developing depression and wanting to do it, fears of losing control and doing it, even thoughts presenting themselves at direct commands which is so scary. I have to keep reassuring myself, no matter how I feel, that it’s not be feeling this and it’s just the OCD.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah. The thing about it, is that you don't just fear this way of death, but my mind convinces me that this how you will die. So, it is kinda like knowing how you're gonna die, but you're not actually going to. It is just the fear of not having any choice or control.
- Date posted
- 5y
Wow yes! There have been so many times where I try to make plans for future events or things I’d like to do later on and my mind tries to make me feel...idk the exact word, maybe guilty?...to make these plans because the thoughts say “well you’re not gonna be around for that”, so trying to make me feel like I have no choices. Also agree with the mind saying this is how you will die. I was on vacation around the time it started and I struggled so hard each day until I came back home. I remember breaking down and sobbing in front of my dad because I was so afraid that I was going to die on that trip. Same thing over Christmas, went through an especially rough patch and I was terrified I wouldn’t make it through Christmas, like I was scared I’d give up or lose control or something.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 That is exactly what I go through. I am only 19, and my mom always talks about me having a wife and kids, but my OCD destroys any hope of that for me.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Brandon H OCD will do that to you, just tries to ruin any little good thing in your life. Are you currently seeing a therapist at all?
- Date posted
- 5y
@Evelyn4416 Yes, once every 2 weeks.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Brandon H That’s good to hear! I had started seeing a mental health counselor back in December for the first time for a couple weeks then recently switched to an OCD specialist a couple weeks ago. I hope you’re able to find peace and healing in your mental health journey. We’re in this all together and will overcome ?
- Date posted
- 5y
That is good! Yes, we will overcome!
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah, I know what you mean. It is kinda hard not to have the intrusive thoughts, which causes anxiety and distress.
- Date posted
- 5y
That is really the ultimate goal. To recapture control.
- Date posted
- 5y
Exactly.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 24w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 22w
I started dealing with OCD when I became fixated on health issues, particularly the fear of contracting a life-threatening disease. If I experienced any kind of medical symptom, no matter how small, that even remotely hinted at something potentially fatal, it would drive me crazy, and I couldn’t stop obsessing over it. Then one day, I started having intrusive thoughts about accidentally hitting someone with my car, and I would end up driving in circles to check if I had. Eventually, I found myself overwhelmed by a flood of new obsessive thoughts and compulsions. One day, while I was at the park, a squirrel came near me, and for some reason, I felt like it attacked me. I Googled it and learned that squirrels could carry rabies, which spiraled me into a deep fear of rabies. I became consumed with the thought I received a bite from a squirrel, raccoon, or bat any time I’m in areas that trigger me. It started off only being inside then transferred to even being in my own home. This made me obsess over every physical sensation in my body, compulsively checking to make sure nothing was wrong. One compulsion that I hated the most would to be putting rubbing alcohol on me to make sure that I had no open wounds. Every day feels like I’m walking around in a fog of anxiety, constantly worrying that I won’t even make it to old age. Sometimes, it gets so overwhelming that I just want it all to end. It stresses me so bad at times to where my brain feels like I’ve been studying all day.
- Date posted
- 19w
so I need to get back into ERP, but it’s so hard to manage these thoughts and learn to deal with them. like I swear my mind has to make everything about it. Like every time I clean my room, my mind’s like yup make sure it’s clean so when your parents find you, or something so stupid like if I get a headache, my mind convinces me that I like the pain and that that’s why I get my thoughts because I actually want to do it. It’s so exhausting. Because I know I would never want to take my life and I treasure my life so why does it do it to me? It’s hard to comprehend the fact of these thoughts too because I don’t know many people with this exact theme. It’s such a scary feeling. And I’m constantly questioning whether I have actual depression or if it’s just my OCD. Yes I have been diagnosed with suicidal OCD, but my mind still tries to convince me otherwise. I just don’t know how to let these just sit and pass without panicking.
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