- Username
- becca123
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Any time I see a woman who is slightly undressed or in skimpy clothes I keep checking and checking to see my reactions
I do the same. But often times it’s mainly towards girls that are actually really pretty or have a really nice body or something. Like Before HOCD I was able to notice if I a girl was pretty or attractive like the body or face or anything and I didn’t think anything of it and went on with my day. I also feel like I noticed a lot cause I had my own insecuritie issues. But now it’s just a pain in my ass and I just feel like I need to keep looking. Like if I notice a girl has a big butt I have to keep looking at it to see my reaction
THIS! I never ever ever looked at woman’s butts before this all started. Now, if a girl has a nice butt I’m paralyzed with fear
@Immorethanocd See like even before HOCD I’d be able to notice a girl had a big butt and jt was no problem. Cause girls do that often times. Like I remember being with my friends and if we noticed a girl had a big butt or boobs we’d be like “omg do you see how big that girls butt is” or something like that. Like I would never look at it in a sexual way. Now even sometimes I notice it and get a sexual intrusive thought. It’s madeness. Something I get tons of anxiety but sometimes I don’t get a lot of anxiety but I just ruminate a ton and obsess. I’ve had HOCD for over a year now so my anxiety isn’t as bad as it use to be but sometimes it does spike a lot. My biggest thing now is general obsessing and ruminating, and i trusive thoufhts
@becca123 I get it. I can be having a great day and as soon as I see a girl with a good body or something I literally change to having an awful day
@Immorethanocd Yeh it’s so tough. It’s just crazy I went from not even questioning my sexuality always knowing I was straight and having boyfriends and all, to now this. And I have a boyfriend rn and my HOCD can really interfere with my feelings for him like I’m always wondering like what if this isn’t real and I’m a hypocrite and a liar about liking him. Or that it’s just a front because I don’t wanna come out or something. Then other times that goes down and I know that I do like him a lot and kinda even love him. We just started getting serious and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend so I get so scared that I don’t really like him
@Immorethanocd And I had two boyfriends before him and never had this problem until HOCD.
@becca123 I’m getting married and I’m terrified I’m a hypocrite and tricking my fiancé. I feel the exact same.
@becca123 I liked and had crushes on boys my entire life until suddenly when I started dating and felt happy with my current boyfriend. Then I got HOCD and started fearing I was gay
@Immorethanocd Don’t worry! You’re going to be okay! I’ve literally had so many day dreams of marrying this boy and we get a long so well and I feel like I can really have a future with him. But when my HOCD kick in it completely numbs those feelings I have for him it’s so weird. My therapist really recommends trying an SSRI and I know someone else that went on and she said it helped her tremendously. So maybe speak to a therapist about that
@becca123 I’m on an SSRI right now! I have had trouble taking it each day and that’s been tough
@Immorethanocd When did you start taking it? I keep pushing it off starting it. But my friend I know who’s in it said it literally helps so much like she doesn’t even have ocd anymore. But if she stops it then it kicks back up. I’m on birth control so I think that if I start it I’ll jsut take it the same time I take my birth control everyday
@becca123 I’ve been on it on and off for years. When I take it, I have no problems. I am able to get over my fears and enjoy my relationship. But, I have a lot of trouble consistently taking it
Well before I found out I had ocd I had other ocd themes like health ocd and stuff or I was scared I was going to hit a little kid with my car by accident and then my life would be ruined. But they weren’t that bad I think bc I didn’t know I had ocd. Once I got HOCD it sky rocketed and it’s been the worst form yet and hasn’t really gone away. I’ve had good streaks but then it comes back
My HOCD has really clung to this one too. When I was a kid, I used to masturbate to naked women. This fact has haunted me and completely destroyed my entire outlook on my relationship. I can’t get off to naked men and this whole thing has made HOCD really stick!
@Immorethanocd My HOCD started when I was having a really bad high and got the thought “does the fact that I like lesbian porn mean I’m an actual lesbian”. Mind you lesbian porn and fantasizes while masterbating is like the biggest form of porn for straight girls cause it’s so taboo for us. And I always knew it was so common and it never bothered me. Like I know other straight girls that use it too. But ofc it latched onto me and completely diminished me. My HOCD isn’t as bad as it use to be. When I first got it I wasn’t eating, or going out with friends, and I was getting panic attacks. Finally I pushed myself to go out again and stuff and it’s gotten better like I’m able to cope with it better but certain times during the month it can pick up a little more like for instance this is the week before my period and I feel like it’s kicked in more. I notice it also gets worse in times when my hormones just makes me feel horny over weird stuff. Don’t worry you will get past this, you should really try making it a task to take your medicine everyday
@becca123 I know. Fantasies mean nothing and I know we know that. We are going to get past it. Doing dumb shit as a curious kid suddenly became so huge to me with ocd but I know I’ll be okay. And you’ll be okay too! I’m going to really try to get past it and be responsible with my meds
@Immorethanocd Yes you’ll be okay. Just remember that HOCD has gone away for you
@becca123 You’ll be okay, too❤️ stay strong❤️
Intruder here, but this whole conversation has been so helpful for me! Lesbian porn has been my biggest struggle in dealing with hocd, and it also gets really bad in my pms. Usually before, while and after watching it, I just feel SO much anxiety, I cant think or do anything else. Afterwards I feel suicidal and really depressed for the next day or two. I also don't watch straight porn, don't know exactly if it's because it just looks so forced or something. But this scares me a lot too. I'm a virgin and have never been in a relationship, so I'm scared that when I'm with a man I'll not have a sexual response. This makes me so sad. I really want to just have a happy life by the side of a man, and ocd tells me this is fake. Or worse, that I'm only attracted to them romantically, which I also don't think it's true, because even though I don't watch porn with them, I'm not mentally opposed or anxious about it as I am with lesbian porn. Oh well, this is all over the place, but I needed to get this stuff out of my chest. :(
I worried about this a lot too. I was scared for a long time about not having a physical response to a male body. I was worried that I could be turned on by a woman’s body. And I was incredibly afraid that I could love a man but not have a good sex life with him. And guess what: the biggest barrier to sex with my boyfriend is my ocd
Hey girl! First off quit porn. Before HOCD I used to watch lesbian porn to get off by myself but when I was with my boyfriend I never needed it. My boyfriend always got me turned on naturally. I simply just used it for taboo reasons when I was by myself. Once I got the thought that triggered my HOCD I immediately gave up porn and haven’t looked at it since because it scared me so much. First off you should know that lesbian porn is like the most common form of porn for girls (specifally straight girls) because it’s taboo, hot and steamy, weird, forbidden, or whatever you wanna call it. I know other straight girls who have watched it to but sadly it still doesnt make HOCD just go away. Don’t worry you will be okay but first step is I would get rid of porn and see a therapist. I still deal with HOCD but it’s not as bad as it was when it first started for me
@becca123 My boyfriend turns me on too but I can’t orgasm with him. And that’s been upsetting me too
@becca123 Do you get turned on by the female body or just lesbian porn
@Immorethanocd Well before HOCD I only got turned on by lesbian porn not by a woman’s body. But having HOCD ad made me suddenly think I’m attracted to the female body but I think that’s just bc of the ocd ya know cause I never have before. But my therapist has told me that some women do get aroused by the female body
@becca123 That’s what scares me. I don’t watch lesbian porn, but when I was younger I would be turned on by breasts and I’m turned on by descriptions of the female body now. I’m really terrified that that’s what I’m into not men, because I don’t get the same reaction from a man’s body
@Immorethanocd Like descriptions in erotica
@becca123 I’m really really afraid of never having good sex with my fiancé
@Immorethanocd I mean I don’t look at a guy when I’m out that has a nice body and get turned on. I was never like that. I use to love my ex boyfriends body but I don’t remember if it like turned me on or not but I remember looking at him and thinking it was so hot. But girls are different than guys most girls don’t just look at a guy and start getting really horny. Not like how guys get with girls
@Immorethanocd Have you guys had good sex before? Bc maybe it could jsut be the hocd that’s effecting it. That happens often with ppl with HOCD like with my current boyfriend he can make me orgasm and everything but there are times during sex that I get really frustrating bc I’ll be getting a lot of intrusive thoughts trying to compare if I would rather be with him or a girl or something in that moment but it’s just the ocd talking
@Immorethanocd Because I know before HOCD I absolute never had that problem. I always had great sex with my boyfriends
@becca123 So I’ve had HOCD since we started being together and it’s never been great, because of anxiety and just a lack of experience. So that makes me even more afraid. We used to have a lot of fun fooling around and I’m scared that sex will never work for us
@Immorethanocd Don’t worry just keep up with your meds I’m sure it will help you
@Immorethanocd That’s what makes this so much stronger, because it’s always been a little off but I’ve been dealing with this the entire time
@becca123 Thanks for talking to me, it’s so easy to get back into panic for me. My biggest fear is just bad sex forever when I want it so bad with the man I love. Thank you for your time
@Immorethanocd Maybe he just need to learn your body a little more
@becca123 It could be a lack of experience, my anxiety, all sorts of things. Rationally, I know that. But ocd really wants me to think otherwise
Ok I really don’t want to give you reassurance but you really have to remember that thinking about girl in girl stuff when you’re masterbating about you and another person, or watching lesbian porn it’s not weird. It’s just a known thing that for girls this is taboo and is hot and steamy so therefore it turns us on. People have thoughts about having sex with animals or watching animal porn and it doesn’t mean they actually want to do that it’s just taboo and feels wrong so it arouses them. For some reason idk why but things that generally feel “wrong” arouse us. It’s human nature. Personally I never ever was attracted to the female body. Like I remember going to watch lesbian porn and seeing photos of naked women and I would scroll right pass them because they just didn’t do anything for me. I felt no physical attraction to it. Now having HOCD a big thought of mine is if I’m attracted to the female body sexually, meanwhile I never was before, but having this ocd almost makes me feel like I all of asudden am. And if I feel any sort of arousal I get anxious. But if we didn’t have the ocd this wouldn’t be happening. Trust me you are fine. It is a bad day but you’re going to get through it. Lmfao it’s funny bc if a guy has sex with a guy then he’s gay, but if a woman has sex with a woman it doesn’t mean she’s a lesbian at all. Don’t you realize how common it is that guys have a threesome with them and two girls. Not saying to go do this, all I’m saying is that it doesn’t mean anything
See in the past I have been turned on by naked women but I have absolutely no desire to be with one or act on it. All my thoughts about sex have been about being with men and this almost makes it sounds like I have to be lesbian then
@Yikes1000X Does anyone on this thread have input on this? I’m very terrified now that I am gay and all my evidence I’ve gathered in my head is real
@Yikes1000X Yeah, same thing happens to me too. I have zero interest in women in real life, but this thing with pornography just messes up my mind so much. I would never do that with a woman, but my mind tells me that I would. It feels like proof. That being said, ocd will tell us that having been turned on by these things means something, but it doesn't have to. I think ocd is just you endlessly battling against concepts alien to you. Some people fear they are murders or pedophiles, and in the end they may actually be the sweetest people ever. I don't know why this happens, but it does. In my case, because this gets stronger in pms, I'm suspecting that it has something with my estrogen and serotonin levels. I'll talk about that with a doctor after quarantine ends.
@Lavander SAME HERE. Ugh so glad to relate to someone❤️❤️ this is so bizarre
@Yikes1000X Hi there. Sorry to interrupt, but I've been reading your conversation and I relate so much to you. Lately I've been feeling like I'm developing feelings for my best friend, and it's awful. I know that this could be OCD because I've been there before with another girl, but with therapy and ERP I overcome that obsession and now I know that it was actually false. But now it feels so real again. EXTREMELY REAL. Deep down I know I'm not in love with her, but OCD tells me I am, and it's like I have many "proofs" of it. I just need an advice. This is so intense.
@Lucy1907 Oh I totally get that. I’m having that right now with Ariana grande. I feel like vomiting. It’s ocd, and I know it. But it sucks. I don’t think people who get crushes feel such overwhelming dread and feel sick, safe to say we’re okay
@Yikes1000X Exactly. Today I wanted to throw up with this thoughts, I had an awful panic attack. I don't think that somebody that is having a crush on someone would have these reactions. And it's really weird because I obviously love her and miss her bc she's my bff, but I don't love her in a romantic/sexual way. So it's really confusing.
@Lucy1907 I get it. It’ll attack anything
That's it. Having real feelings for someone doesn't feel this way. I see my (straight) friends that go as far as saying they could kiss their girl crushes. I'm always blown away by that, because for me to say that would be admitting something. And the thing is that I don't even want to kiss a woman at all (except when I feel pushed to do so, when I get triggered by ocd, but that just feels horrible). And then it sends me in a loop thinking it's because I just don't "set myself free" or something lol
Yeah it's like some straight women don't care much about it. I've had straight female friends that would make out with girls with no problem (especially when they are drunk) or even have sex, but they say that they would never be in a romantic relationship with a woman. It's like they don't worry about it. Sadly this is not my case and here I am coping with my HOCD lol.
I have an alarm set on my phone for my birth control so maybe you should do the same. That would probably help you. The only form of ocd I have is HOCD so I really hope that trying an SSRI helps. I just have to get to making an appointment
My themes change a lot it’s helped all of them pretty much
@Immorethanocd Congratulations on your engagement though! And don’t worry you’ll get through this
Thank you! At the same time I'm saddened that people struggle with the same thing I do, it's a relief to know I'm not alone. None of you are either. I'll try to stop watching porm, even when anxiety kicks in. Be strong, you two!
Hey girls, how are you? Sorry to bother you on an old post but you were so helpful, I knew I'd end up coming back here at some point. I'm having an absolutely awful time. In fact, I'm feeling suicidal right now. I know I said I would stop with the porn thing, but if I don't watch it when the thought pops in my head, I get extremely anxious until I do. And I did, and now I feel so so bad. And as I was having trouble in getting it over with, I started to think things and I'm so scared that my ocd isn't real. That maybe this is true. I'd prefer to die over being with a woman, but what if this is just denial? I don't want it to be true. When I get turned on by men it's never like this, I never feel so much dread. I have a friend and we are very much alike, I like her very much. So last year, my ocd latched onto her. Even as I'm writing this I'm thinking I'm sounding like denial. This thought came back to me tonight when I wasn't getting there while watching porn and I felt like I had to be creative, and.. I want to die. I don't want to be with her, never, ever. But what was this then? Why the hell my pms has always to be like this? I'm so scared. Maybe it's all true. I want to cry. I feel like my hormones are going crazy right now and leaving me the mess that I am now. I'm hopeless, completely unmotivated to do anything.
Hey, it’s going to be okay❤️ I feel upset when I’m aroused by women too and I am terrified of having to be with a woman. But, it’s so important to work on saying “even if”. “Even if” this is true, you can still be with men, you can live a fulfilling life, you can do what you want. I know this sucks, I’ve had so many issues with this. I don’t want to be gay but I’ve been trying so hard to say even if. We can beat this. Please hang on❤️
@Yikes1000X "Even if" is very scary. I'm a bit calmer right now, but it's very hard to deal with. It's weird how hocd can really get a grip of me sometimes. It sometimes doesn't even feel like ocd, it's just pure terror. I get truly depressed really quickly when things get ugly. I'll try to keep "even if" in mind though. All my dreams of having a family revolves around a loving man, and this is something that makes me feel calm and expectant about life. Ocd just mess up all these things and makes me doubt the validity of these dreams. I hope everything is alright with you, if you need to talk don't hesitate in sending a message here!
@Lavander I promise it’ll be okay. Honestly, not doing so hot right now myself.
I got triggered because someone was talking about a really explicit Howard stern skit and I panicked and I’m afraid I was turned on. I’m also disgusted with myself because I get really turned on by situations where women are demeaned by men and that’s totally against my values
Does anybody have Sexuality OCD? Because I am pretty sure that I am straight but then suddenly about a week ago I stopped going guys attractive and it really scared me. I was convinced I was gay! I tried to like a girl but my brain was telling me that it was wrong. That was when I thought ‘OMG I DONT HAVE A SEXUALITY’ and I got really scared. Then yesterday I thought a girl was really cute but then saw a guy and thought he was gorgeous! And then I was like no I have to be straight!!!!! What do I do? Does anybody have this problem?
I'm not sure where to confide to talk about this as this is a current stressor. I've been dealing with constant worrying and intrusive thoughts for months, rumination, checking, etc now.The current one started to gradually develop in the past few weeks, where I fear checking out other guys. I'm in a relationship with an amazing and beautiful guy, and both of us are very loyal. He's very big on loyalty and checking out people, and I never did at all, and I still don't. However it became a constant worry of "do I check people out? What if I check someone out?? Will I do that?" And I notice it begin to actively obsessively tru and avoid something I already don't do to make sure I don't it. So now i began to get the intrusive thought question of "does that guy look good, I bet you find him attractive and you don't want to admit it, I bet you think he looks better, what if I look even though I know I won't cause I have no interest". I begin to feel nauseous or uncomfortable with even acknowledging a random guy's presence, and even if I glance at them as I often do with strangers (not out of attractiveness, just observing people) I get this rush of fear as I worry of "did I just check this person out??" It was mild at first, then I noticed because I started having the thought and fear so much my brain was already used to it where I could look at a guy and my brain auto registered the intrusive thought for it without it no longer showing up. So I now get the rush of anxiety and nauseous feeling. I blocked a friend I knew since middle school cause he posted shirtless pics and I never been attracted to them or found them hot (still don't, my brain just messes with me) but for the sake of not triggering my anxiety I blocked him. It got worse this week, where I stare at a guy that triggered that anxious response out of making sure I don't find them attractive. I feel the impulse to look at them after I look away in fear of never confirming that I wasn't attracted to them, cause I'm afraid to be left with the "was I? Why did I look? Am I checking people out? Am I horrible??" Looking leaves me distressed and sick. School started and this happening a bit more, and in general with guys too. For example I wouldn't bat an eye to the guys I knew from last year or a celeb, but now I'm forcing myself to stare at them and analyze them to make sure I don't find them attractive, even though I never did. I cry a lot cause of it, feel unwell, sad, guilty as if I do this with the intent to legit check them out even though I don't. It branched out into random small anxiety about "what if I am being unloyal now?? Does my boyfriend look good??" But this type of one doesn't get the chance to worry me like the reast cause it quickly goes away cause I'm immediately reminded with how beautiful he is inside and out. haven't mentioned this intrusive thought to my boyfriend compared to others I've shared as I don't know how to word it best to not worry him yet. I love him, and I hate when I get the intrusive question of "does he look better, you're getting anxious to answer that means your prefer the other person". It feels pretty up there with second in line with my brief POCD being first. I don't want the guys to think at school I'm checking them out or I have a thing for them, or for people to think I'm trying to chest on my bf. It's hard to explain the auto repsonse I get of anxiety and checking by looking at them. But I know it's just my brain and anxiety trying to mess with me, but can't help but worry often especially cause something like this means a lot to me and him. I used to be able to say "oh looks decent/not bad" when I saw a celeb, or friend, or once in a blue moon any strangers. I didn't think much about this way, since my boyfriend said in a way he does the same (not in a "oh he's hot/attractive" way but a "you don't look bad, but you can't be considered good because my boyfriend immediately takes that spot". Even typing this I get the intrusive worry of "what if I'm lying what if I'm not being honest what if I'm forcing myself", even though my boyfriend is the most glorious guy to ever lay eyes on. I stared at his photos in awe and taking in how gorgeous he is to me all the time (one point I went through my entire photo album of him in amazement- I still do this, I did this today seeing him). I notice I can only effortlessly do this without worry when I'm in a good mood. I know I haven't lost attraction to him one bit, but this intrusive has been bothering me for some weeks as it quite distressing to acknowledge another guy forcefully out of anxiety. As with other random intrusive thoughts I have, they die out eventually but probably will come back. I love my boyfriend, when my friends talk about how other guys are, I don't respond as it's not in me to do that and still isn't. Out of anxiety it's just never been a thing for me. In anxiety, it became so stressful to deal with.
I'm stuck in a cycle of checking and I can't stop. I've checked porn, Google images, listened to gay people talk, gay people with makeup I've looked at everything trying to tell what I am but I can't get a conclusion except anxiety and more confusion I also get groinal movements from checking sexual things but apparently that can happen from anything sexual? Im so confused I can't tell if I'm bisexual in denial or just straight with OCD anymore it's so stressful I spend everynight repeating the same thing which is researching trying to find an answer good enough to stop this suffering I just want a girlfriend and my life back to normal bit I'm scared to get in another relationship due to them having to go through me having these doubts and loss of attraction at times :( I need help I don't want to live this life I want this to all go away and back to how it was
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