Does anyone feel like whenever they see an attractive person of the same sex they need to continuously look at the person. And then I start questioning if it was ocd or if I was actually checking that person out cause I’m interested or something. This is so stressful. I wish I can have a healthy mind again and go back to not even questioning this stuff.

THIS! I never ever ever looked at woman’s butts before this all started. Now, if a girl has a nice butt I’m paralyzed with fear

@Immorethanocd See like even before HOCD I’d be able to notice a girl had a big butt and jt was no problem. Cause girls do that often times. Like I remember being with my friends and if we noticed a girl had a big butt or boobs we’d be like “omg do you see how big that girls butt is” or something like that. Like I would never look at it in a sexual way. Now even sometimes I notice it and get a sexual intrusive thought. It’s madeness. Something I get tons of anxiety but sometimes I don’t get a lot of anxiety but I just ruminate a ton and obsess. I’ve had HOCD for over a year now so my anxiety isn’t as bad as it use to be but sometimes it does spike a lot. My biggest thing now is general obsessing and ruminating, and i trusive thoufhts

@becca123 I get it. I can be having a great day and as soon as I see a girl with a good body or something I literally change to having an awful day

@Immorethanocd Yeh it’s so tough. It’s just crazy I went from not even questioning my sexuality always knowing I was straight and having boyfriends and all, to now this. And I have a boyfriend rn and my HOCD can really interfere with my feelings for him like I’m always wondering like what if this isn’t real and I’m a hypocrite and a liar about liking him. Or that it’s just a front because I don’t wanna come out or something. Then other times that goes down and I know that I do like him a lot and kinda even love him. We just started getting serious and calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend so I get so scared that I don’t really like him

@Immorethanocd And I had two boyfriends before him and never had this problem until HOCD.

@becca123 I’m getting married and I’m terrified I’m a hypocrite and tricking my fiancé. I feel the exact same.

@becca123 I liked and had crushes on boys my entire life until suddenly when I started dating and felt happy with my current boyfriend. Then I got HOCD and started fearing I was gay

@Immorethanocd Don’t worry! You’re going to be okay! I’ve literally had so many day dreams of marrying this boy and we get a long so well and I feel like I can really have a future with him. But when my HOCD kick in it completely numbs those feelings I have for him it’s so weird. My therapist really recommends trying an SSRI and I know someone else that went on and she said it helped her tremendously. So maybe speak to a therapist about that

@becca123 I’m on an SSRI right now! I have had trouble taking it each day and that’s been tough

@Immorethanocd When did you start taking it? I keep pushing it off starting it. But my friend I know who’s in it said it literally helps so much like she doesn’t even have ocd anymore. But if she stops it then it kicks back up. I’m on birth control so I think that if I start it I’ll jsut take it the same time I take my birth control everyday

@becca123 I’ve been on it on and off for years. When I take it, I have no problems. I am able to get over my fears and enjoy my relationship. But, I have a lot of trouble consistently taking it

My HOCD has really clung to this one too. When I was a kid, I used to masturbate to naked women. This fact has haunted me and completely destroyed my entire outlook on my relationship. I can’t get off to naked men and this whole thing has made HOCD really stick!

@Immorethanocd My HOCD started when I was having a really bad high and got the thought “does the fact that I like lesbian porn mean I’m an actual lesbian”. Mind you lesbian porn and fantasizes while masterbating is like the biggest form of porn for straight girls cause it’s so taboo for us. And I always knew it was so common and it never bothered me. Like I know other straight girls that use it too. But ofc it latched onto me and completely diminished me. My HOCD isn’t as bad as it use to be. When I first got it I wasn’t eating, or going out with friends, and I was getting panic attacks. Finally I pushed myself to go out again and stuff and it’s gotten better like I’m able to cope with it better but certain times during the month it can pick up a little more like for instance this is the week before my period and I feel like it’s kicked in more. I notice it also gets worse in times when my hormones just makes me feel horny over weird stuff. Don’t worry you will get past this, you should really try making it a task to take your medicine everyday

@becca123 I know. Fantasies mean nothing and I know we know that. We are going to get past it. Doing dumb shit as a curious kid suddenly became so huge to me with ocd but I know I’ll be okay. And you’ll be okay too! I’m going to really try to get past it and be responsible with my meds

@Immorethanocd Yes you’ll be okay. Just remember that HOCD has gone away for you

@becca123 You’ll be okay, too❤️ stay strong❤️

I worried about this a lot too. I was scared for a long time about not having a physical response to a male body. I was worried that I could be turned on by a woman’s body. And I was incredibly afraid that I could love a man but not have a good sex life with him. And guess what: the biggest barrier to sex with my boyfriend is my ocd

Hey girl! First off quit porn. Before HOCD I used to watch lesbian porn to get off by myself but when I was with my boyfriend I never needed it. My boyfriend always got me turned on naturally. I simply just used it for taboo reasons when I was by myself. Once I got the thought that triggered my HOCD I immediately gave up porn and haven’t looked at it since because it scared me so much. First off you should know that lesbian porn is like the most common form of porn for girls (specifally straight girls) because it’s taboo, hot and steamy, weird, forbidden, or whatever you wanna call it. I know other straight girls who have watched it to but sadly it still doesnt make HOCD just go away. Don’t worry you will be okay but first step is I would get rid of porn and see a therapist. I still deal with HOCD but it’s not as bad as it was when it first started for me

@becca123 My boyfriend turns me on too but I can’t orgasm with him. And that’s been upsetting me too

@becca123 Do you get turned on by the female body or just lesbian porn

@Immorethanocd Well before HOCD I only got turned on by lesbian porn not by a woman’s body. But having HOCD ad made me suddenly think I’m attracted to the female body but I think that’s just bc of the ocd ya know cause I never have before. But my therapist has told me that some women do get aroused by the female body

@becca123 That’s what scares me. I don’t watch lesbian porn, but when I was younger I would be turned on by breasts and I’m turned on by descriptions of the female body now. I’m really terrified that that’s what I’m into not men, because I don’t get the same reaction from a man’s body

@Immorethanocd Like descriptions in erotica

@becca123 I’m really really afraid of never having good sex with my fiancé

@Immorethanocd I mean I don’t look at a guy when I’m out that has a nice body and get turned on. I was never like that. I use to love my ex boyfriends body but I don’t remember if it like turned me on or not but I remember looking at him and thinking it was so hot. But girls are different than guys most girls don’t just look at a guy and start getting really horny. Not like how guys get with girls

@Immorethanocd Have you guys had good sex before? Bc maybe it could jsut be the hocd that’s effecting it. That happens often with ppl with HOCD like with my current boyfriend he can make me orgasm and everything but there are times during sex that I get really frustrating bc I’ll be getting a lot of intrusive thoughts trying to compare if I would rather be with him or a girl or something in that moment but it’s just the ocd talking

@Immorethanocd Because I know before HOCD I absolute never had that problem. I always had great sex with my boyfriends

@becca123 So I’ve had HOCD since we started being together and it’s never been great, because of anxiety and just a lack of experience. So that makes me even more afraid. We used to have a lot of fun fooling around and I’m scared that sex will never work for us

@Immorethanocd Don’t worry just keep up with your meds I’m sure it will help you

@Immorethanocd That’s what makes this so much stronger, because it’s always been a little off but I’ve been dealing with this the entire time

@becca123 Thanks for talking to me, it’s so easy to get back into panic for me. My biggest fear is just bad sex forever when I want it so bad with the man I love. Thank you for your time

@Immorethanocd Maybe he just need to learn your body a little more

@becca123 It could be a lack of experience, my anxiety, all sorts of things. Rationally, I know that. But ocd really wants me to think otherwise

See in the past I have been turned on by naked women but I have absolutely no desire to be with one or act on it. All my thoughts about sex have been about being with men and this almost makes it sounds like I have to be lesbian then

@Yikes1000X Does anyone on this thread have input on this? I’m very terrified now that I am gay and all my evidence I’ve gathered in my head is real

@Yikes1000X Yeah, same thing happens to me too. I have zero interest in women in real life, but this thing with pornography just messes up my mind so much. I would never do that with a woman, but my mind tells me that I would. It feels like proof. That being said, ocd will tell us that having been turned on by these things means something, but it doesn't have to. I think ocd is just you endlessly battling against concepts alien to you. Some people fear they are murders or pedophiles, and in the end they may actually be the sweetest people ever. I don't know why this happens, but it does. In my case, because this gets stronger in pms, I'm suspecting that it has something with my estrogen and serotonin levels. I'll talk about that with a doctor after quarantine ends.

@Lavander SAME HERE. Ugh so glad to relate to someone❤️❤️ this is so bizarre

@Yikes1000X Hi there. Sorry to interrupt, but I've been reading your conversation and I relate so much to you. Lately I've been feeling like I'm developing feelings for my best friend, and it's awful. I know that this could be OCD because I've been there before with another girl, but with therapy and ERP I overcome that obsession and now I know that it was actually false. But now it feels so real again. EXTREMELY REAL. Deep down I know I'm not in love with her, but OCD tells me I am, and it's like I have many "proofs" of it. I just need an advice. This is so intense.

@Lucy1907 Oh I totally get that. I’m having that right now with Ariana grande. I feel like vomiting. It’s ocd, and I know it. But it sucks. I don’t think people who get crushes feel such overwhelming dread and feel sick, safe to say we’re okay

@Yikes1000X Exactly. Today I wanted to throw up with this thoughts, I had an awful panic attack. I don't think that somebody that is having a crush on someone would have these reactions. And it's really weird because I obviously love her and miss her bc she's my bff, but I don't love her in a romantic/sexual way. So it's really confusing.

@Lucy1907 I get it. It’ll attack anything

Yeah it's like some straight women don't care much about it. I've had straight female friends that would make out with girls with no problem (especially when they are drunk) or even have sex, but they say that they would never be in a romantic relationship with a woman. It's like they don't worry about it. Sadly this is not my case and here I am coping with my HOCD lol.

My themes change a lot it’s helped all of them pretty much

@Immorethanocd Congratulations on your engagement though! And don’t worry you’ll get through this

Hey, it’s going to be okay❤️ I feel upset when I’m aroused by women too and I am terrified of having to be with a woman. But, it’s so important to work on saying “even if”. “Even if” this is true, you can still be with men, you can live a fulfilling life, you can do what you want. I know this sucks, I’ve had so many issues with this. I don’t want to be gay but I’ve been trying so hard to say even if. We can beat this. Please hang on❤️

@Yikes1000X "Even if" is very scary. I'm a bit calmer right now, but it's very hard to deal with. It's weird how hocd can really get a grip of me sometimes. It sometimes doesn't even feel like ocd, it's just pure terror. I get truly depressed really quickly when things get ugly. I'll try to keep "even if" in mind though. All my dreams of having a family revolves around a loving man, and this is something that makes me feel calm and expectant about life. Ocd just mess up all these things and makes me doubt the validity of these dreams. I hope everything is alright with you, if you need to talk don't hesitate in sending a message here!

@Lavander I promise it’ll be okay. Honestly, not doing so hot right now myself.