Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
c444tmommyc444tmommy
- Date posted
- 5y
i did the same mistake when i had hocd. i would compare my experience with experiences of lesbians even though i identified as bi. that’s a huge mistake we can sometimes make. regardless of the sexuality, comparing ur experience with others is not fruitful at all. just because something like that happened with them doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to you. u cant just become a lesbian, sexuality doesn’t work like that. just keep trying to tell ur brain “maybe i am a lesbian. so what?” and it’ll lose its importance
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah I said that and immediately had a mini epiphany. Idk why but my brain likes to compare myself to other lesbians coming out. I feel like every realization I have about my strong attraction for guys is like a compulsion and that I need to be anxious about my hocd all the time for ERP
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
What is scarying you ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
That I might possibly turn out to become gay. That thought doesn't sit right or feel right at all. Like am I faking my OCD? If I am thats going to mean I had always been in denial which scares me. I don't want to nor have I ever liked a female. It hurts me to know that I could be gay or that I might like girls. I don't think I'll survive another day if I turn out to become gay
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
But I'm trying to calm down and accept the maybe and maybe not. And just thinking this out more rationally though it hurts me soo much.
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile So this girl and her sayings triggered the fear to have an unexpected orientation ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Yes, because I don't want it but it feels like it might happen
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile You need to realize that what a person says doesn't automatically works for you too. Besides, what she's saying is literally impossible. Try not to pay too much attention to what random people say.
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile You can also analyze the intrusive thought. Why does the idea of being gay makes you so uncomfortable? What is the worse that could happen if it was the case ? And so on.
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile Well, do YOU pretend to like boys? Do you feel any romantic and/or sexual attraction towards them ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Analization is a compulsion. I know I don't like it since I've been kissed by bi girls and I never felt anything, got asked out by multiple girls, never had any remorse or guilt rejecting them. I've always been attracted to guys, enjoyed sexual and rksmntic thoughts of them (still do) and it's stomach churning when I have to think about a woman
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex No I don't. Most of my feelings for them have been natural. I also imagine the naturally in a sexual and romantic way. Like I never feel awkward talking about them. On the contrary it makes me excited and giddy
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile Then it's pretty obvious you like boys. The problem seems to be more related to you being doubt-triggered by people's sayings than by your behaviour.
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile By the way, in the context of ERP, analization is not a compulsion. Rumination is though.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Yes, now that I think of it it is. But still doesn't rule out the possibililty (or at least that's what ERP says) but I also know that I'll probably end up with a man in the near future deep down so I'm just trying to stay super calm
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Well isn't ruminating and analization almost the same?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex But regardless I still do analyze and I have made hierarchies to let myself do ERP :)
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile No, it's not. Rumination is thinking again and again about an intrusive thought until it distorts reality, because you end up thinking it's true. Analizing it in a healthy way is looking at the thought objectively and realizing it's unrealistic.
AlexAlex
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile Good luck on having successful ERP. It's tiring at first sometimes but it works.
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Oh thank you so much. I just analyzed for a bit and I just had a mini epiphany and realization that how irrational my thoughts are. I was ruminating a little at the point where I started crying believing it's actually happening ?
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@Alex Yeah I've been doing it for two months now, it's going pretty good but there are some days where I ball my eyes out because I can't deal with a specific thought
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
It's worth thinking hard about the role posts like this are playing in your illness or recovery
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
Because writing a post on the topic while you're distressed is not acceptance at all
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie Well I write it because I was extremely overwhelmed to the point I wasn't able to accept
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie And it isn't like I'm a whole expert at reovery like you, I sometimes need to get my emotions out or at least talk about this. It isn't like I can bottle up this shit all the time
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile It's a learning process. It's ok to make mistakes and learn from them. I still am. Let's try to think of a way you could express yourself without creating opportunities for people to reassure you, even if you didn't directly ask them to
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Katie I'm not asking them to reassure me I just wanted some words of support. Is that too much to ask for? Wow...
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
You're right, you didn't say "please reassure me". That's good. But nevertheless, the information you provided led people to provide reassurance. Think of your OCD like a dog on a weightloss plan. You don't want to give it treats. Telling people after they've given the dog a treat "hey, don't give my dog a treat" doesn't remove the treat from your dogs belly. In an ideal world here, as a community, no one would give reassurance. However, that's not the reality. Unfortunately, it's on you to protect yourself. Giving the nitty gritty details of your thoughts is like handing them dog treats as they enter your house, and then hoping that they won't feed them to the dog
AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 5y
Oh okay I get it now. But I still sometimes need to just speak what I'm feeling since no body else to talk. Ill try not to give in so much but I just sometimes need to speak out since I'm doing my own therapy and ERP
ocdillustratedocdillustrated
- Date posted
- 5y
@chamomile Would writing in a journal maybe be a middle ground?
Related posts
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 15w
Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
vaiiolyn
- Date posted
- 15w
feeling helpless
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
anonymous1348
- Date posted
- 12w
soocd
just crying cause i feel like im never going to recover and just have to be lesbian, even tho i love my boyfriend so much. thoughts don’t even give me anxiety anymore idk what to do, im just so done, feel like it’s all real and that i want it(when i dont). any tips or anything, idk how to keep going
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