- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Yeah i was just talking about this with a peer consultant and it's perfectly normal for us to mourn the loss of what could have been. I'm so sad, angry, and resentful at times for all that OCD stole from me. A normal teenage experience. A normal development into sexual maturity. Milestones of a regular person. jealousy over those who did not have to face these issues. Anger towards those who unknowingly triggered me. It's sad to feel this way, but it's normal and OKAY! Eventually we will come out the other side stronger because of it all. Like they say, "no use crying over spilled milk."
- Date posted
- 5y
This makes sense. I do struggle with that last phrase. I have found with my Ocd and depression Its hard for me to get over things going wrong or not how I wanted. Its hard not to feel like a brat because that’s how I feel it looks to other people. Its almost as if im so confused and disengahed from a situation once it starts to go south. Do you have any suggestions of how to deal with this depressed feeling when simple things go wrong?
- Date posted
- 5y
@spf420 I struggle a lot with it as well. I dwell in the past and i think "i wish i wasn't there at that time and maybe i never would have had ocd" but, the truth is, we can't change the past. But we have absolute control over the future. I don't know exactly how it is i get over things, it's a mix of everything. I start to feel better about myself, i talk to my mom (i get great support from her) and i talk to my therapist. I try to distract myself with things that make me happy. But, when i'm depressed, even that can't do it. Honestly it's about gradually building up your strength to fight it back with positive thoughts.
- Date posted
- 5y
Yes it can be a tough pill to swallow and I am confident that most people who suffer from OCD have thought about this in the same way you have (myself included). And even though I think it is harsh, the reality is that we are stuck with the brains that we do have - we can’t change these facts. So the options we have are to spend time wishing things were different, or accept the facts about our OCD reality. I tell myself that even if my life would be objectively better without OCD (it might, it might now), I can’t change that part about me. So I have to choose to make the best life I can with OCD, even if it is not as good as a life I think I could have without it. The same would be said for a parent who recently lost a child, someone who is blind, etc. these people also probably think something along the lines of “if only “x” hadn’t happened, things would be okay.” All of us in these scenarios have a decision to make, will we spend any amount of time wondering how much better things could be, or will we accept reality for what it is and make the best of things as they are? Btw I am not saying you are wrong for thinking this (we all have at times and I do empathize with you), just don’t get too caught up in it, because it is a fantasy. Wishing you the best!
- Date posted
- 5y
Thank you! It does help to know I’m not the only one who has thought this
- Date posted
- 5y
We can also not be satisfied with a life with OCD. I understand that it’s always going to be a reality for me, but my hope is for it to be as minimized as I can.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
I'm really struggling to figure out where my OCD ends and where I begin. I’m scared of most things—not in a panicky way, but in a deep, cautious, worst-case-scenario kind of way. Example: I haaaaaaaaate my spectacles. I’d love to do Lasik, or even just wear contacts, but the idea terrifies me. I’ve heard about the tiniest risk of blindness or infection, and once that thought is in my head, it takes over. I picture the worst, and then I don’t act. TRIGGER Also Lasik involves cutting TRIGGER which petrifies me. I’m stuck between wanting change and being too afraid to make it. The same goes with wanting to travel but being scared I'll be trafficked or someone will plant something in my bag & I'll get arrested overseas. No amount of praying will fix it. Does anyone else feel like their OCD makes them freeze in everyday decisions? Like you can’t tell if you're just being practical or if it's the OCD gripping the steering wheel again? Maybe it's just me. Maybe it's not OCD but my personality, that's what I'm trying to figure out.
- Date posted
- 13w
This is gonna be a long one: So a little over a month and a half ago, my OCD started to spiral again. I’ve had ups and downs with it in the past, my main themes often changing. When I was younger it as afraid I’d run away, in middle school it was germs. But as I got older I started having intrusive thoughts of the meaning of life, suicide, and dying, with those fears being my common themes now I’ve gotten a lot better since it started back up, but lately have been panicking because I’ve had intrusive thoughts that my methods of trying to heal are wrong. I’m 21, and for the last 3 years have lacked ambition and haven’t pursued my dreams or things I want to do. I just sleep, work, eat junk food, and play games or watch YouTube on my time off. Things I still love, but after years of living this way, I’ve hit a breaking point and want to start doing more with my life and the people in it Yet, almost EVERY new thing I’ve been trying to do or start, I’ve been having thoughts that they’re wrong or won’t help. Here’s some examples: I’ve started trying to eat a bit healthier, and my brain is telling me it’s not gonna fix me and I’m just avoiding food I like (junk I know makes me tired and sad). Then the moment I indulge in even one unhealthy food item, it tells me I’m failing at taking better care of myself and that junk food just numbs the feelings Same with video games. I tell myself it’s okay to play them as long as it’s not to avoid anything or they don’t take up my life like they have been. The second I do I feel guilty, say it’s cheap dopamine and hindering me from being productive and that I’m numbing my feelings again Same story for everything. Trying to walk and go outside more. Head tells me I’m avoiding being home because it makes me anxious. Then when I stay home it tells me I’m wasting time I could be spending outside or with people I love I’ll wanna spend time with my family or friends because I’ve been a hermit for years and miss spending time with them. When I try to, head tells me I can’t because then I’m avoiding the issues I have and seeking reassurance, and that I need to learn to tolerate this alone. But then when I stay home too long, I get anxious and sad because it does make me happy being around them even if I’m not seeking reassurance, and they genuinely do help me feel better (for example I saw my grandparents last night and talked about my feelings and desire to actually go out and live life, and they helped me understand uncertainty is part of life and I should do things I want anyways and even helped come up with things I may like to try doing. Now my brain tells me it’s bad to get help or open up about my pain) I’ll have racing thoughts in my head and I’ll be arguing with myself over rather it’s better to face them head on, ignore them, or let them run their course. It feels like no matter what I do, I’m feeling guilty and shame for it. As if any attempt at feeling pleasure or doing something that makes me happy is “avoiding the problem”, like I HAVE to focus on my intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and sadness 24/7 otherwise I’m “avoiding/burying it again” I know not to avoid these things and it’s best to confront them (if they’re real problems I have like relationship issues and insecurities and loneliness) and learn to tolerate the anxiety and uncertainty of life and OCD, but my attempts at “helping myself” are quite literally what I feel is currently keeping me so miserable. They’re sucking whatever joy I have in life out, telling me it’s bad, and that I have to feel this way all the time so I can “learn to tolerate it” I’m just so scared of doing all of this wrong, and I think my OCD I knows that and is currently using that to toy with me. I want to be healthier and happier, but then I feel guilt and fear for not being healthy 24/7 and indulging in not healthy things like video games and the occasional junk food. Anybody else ever felt this way?
- Date posted
- 13w
I am newly diagnosed with OCD as a 33 year old female I was fat oses with bipolar at 15 and never really identified with it much and totally relate to ocd. I wish i would have known long ago so I could have gotten treatment earlier. Now that I know and am aware and can see what’s off and what are compulsions and my insatiable need for reassurance it’s so overwhelming- it feels like my mind is a prison and attacks me with a new pure o quest as soon as I wake up I’m optimistic I’ll be able to get better but it just feels like it’s time sucking and joy stealing disorder I know I’m not alone here I feel like a crazy person replaying and replaying things I want to know if you can relate or if you have been at this for a while and actually feel like you are breaking free from this Thanks for the read
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