- Username
- spf420
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Yeah i was just talking about this with a peer consultant and it's perfectly normal for us to mourn the loss of what could have been. I'm so sad, angry, and resentful at times for all that OCD stole from me. A normal teenage experience. A normal development into sexual maturity. Milestones of a regular person. jealousy over those who did not have to face these issues. Anger towards those who unknowingly triggered me. It's sad to feel this way, but it's normal and OKAY! Eventually we will come out the other side stronger because of it all. Like they say, "no use crying over spilled milk."
This makes sense. I do struggle with that last phrase. I have found with my Ocd and depression Its hard for me to get over things going wrong or not how I wanted. Its hard not to feel like a brat because that’s how I feel it looks to other people. Its almost as if im so confused and disengahed from a situation once it starts to go south. Do you have any suggestions of how to deal with this depressed feeling when simple things go wrong?
@spf420 I struggle a lot with it as well. I dwell in the past and i think "i wish i wasn't there at that time and maybe i never would have had ocd" but, the truth is, we can't change the past. But we have absolute control over the future. I don't know exactly how it is i get over things, it's a mix of everything. I start to feel better about myself, i talk to my mom (i get great support from her) and i talk to my therapist. I try to distract myself with things that make me happy. But, when i'm depressed, even that can't do it. Honestly it's about gradually building up your strength to fight it back with positive thoughts.
Yes it can be a tough pill to swallow and I am confident that most people who suffer from OCD have thought about this in the same way you have (myself included). And even though I think it is harsh, the reality is that we are stuck with the brains that we do have - we can’t change these facts. So the options we have are to spend time wishing things were different, or accept the facts about our OCD reality. I tell myself that even if my life would be objectively better without OCD (it might, it might now), I can’t change that part about me. So I have to choose to make the best life I can with OCD, even if it is not as good as a life I think I could have without it. The same would be said for a parent who recently lost a child, someone who is blind, etc. these people also probably think something along the lines of “if only “x” hadn’t happened, things would be okay.” All of us in these scenarios have a decision to make, will we spend any amount of time wondering how much better things could be, or will we accept reality for what it is and make the best of things as they are? Btw I am not saying you are wrong for thinking this (we all have at times and I do empathize with you), just don’t get too caught up in it, because it is a fantasy. Wishing you the best!
Thank you! It does help to know I’m not the only one who has thought this
We can also not be satisfied with a life with OCD. I understand that it’s always going to be a reality for me, but my hope is for it to be as minimized as I can.
When I look at pictures of myself, I see a young woman who deserves a fulfilling life that is not dictated by OCD and anxiety. I feel sad that so much of my time, my energy, and my choices have been consumed by OCD. I spend so much time in my head, ruminating and worrying and trying so damn hard to figure out that one thing that my OCD urgently presses me to solve. Sometimes I don't enjoy things that I want to because I'm overwhelmed with my compulsions. I've struggled with this for years, and lately OCD has been telling me that the struggle will never end--that I'll never feel in control of my life. I know that this isn't true, but I'm so scared that it could be. My faith doesn't feel bigger than my fear right now. How do I change that? I don't want to live like this anymore. As I'm writing this, my OCD is telling me that I'm incapable of recovery, but I know I can recover. I deserve to recover. I'm in therapy with an OCD specialist outside of this app and I'm going to increase the frequency of my sessions from once a month to once a week because I deserve an amazing, fulfilling life. And to whoever is reading this, you do, too.
Hey everyone. This is my first post here and it’s probably going to be a long one because I guess I feel comfortable enough to be open here. I need help. When I first got diagnosed with OCD, I figured it only impacted a small part of my life. I thought I was only affected with compulsions and obsessions that dealt with contamination, tangible perfectionism and the obvious intrusive thoughts and that’s it. Well, I’ve come to realize that most of my thinking has been impacted by OCD. At this point the only way to describe how it feels to me is a forest of thorny vines growing in place of my mind or maybe through and around my brain constantly growing every-time I give into this type of thinking (which is basically all the time because I wasn’t aware this was OCD). I’ve definitely felt it more recently, but I know it’s always been there from what I recall from past memories. I got diagnosed not so long ago with OCD and I was happy to because it explained this thing I knew was wrong with me but I didn’t know how much it will and has impacted me in the past. So, I think I’ve created a matrix in my mind or strengthened the OCD thought patterns because now I feel like my OCD impacts everything I do. And I guess I’m saying I need help here because maybe you guys will be able to see it, maybe validate me and point me where I can get help. I’ve been telling the people around me, I think my thinking is disordered and I need help but I don’t think they really understand the amount it’s affecting me or grasp what I meant when I say “I Need Help”. I did have a therapist before but because of a insurance change, she can’t work with me anymore and I’m not sure when I’ll get another (just to clarify). Back to the matter, the past couple of months I’ve been in my head just thinking and thinking. About everything. To the point where my head starts to hurt or until I feel sick of thinking about it but I can’t. I find that’s my obsessions and compulsions (other than the need for order [which can also be mental]) are very mentally based and I find myself ashamed of them so I hide them so maybe that’s why the people around me don’t feel my need for getting help as much as I do. Anyways, examples of this have been, -constantly thinking about what’s the purpose of all of life and the hidden messages in life -feeling like if I don’t do everything perfectly then what the point or being very mad at myself -being obsessed with how I present to the rest of the world sometimes even in close relationships -having calculated movements and actions (having to move my body a certain way or it doesn’t feel right) -obsessing over an absolute truth -questioning friendships and other relationships - obsessing over achievements or failures -obsessing over people -obsessing over decisions and outcomes because I want to make the perfect decisions I could go on and on but basically it’s just a lot of thinking and ruminating and obsessing to the point where people tell me I look like I’m some where else all the time. And I’ve started to feel like I find comfort in it now. I’m also diagnosed with depression and anxiety and I feel like it’s all just OCD. And same goes for my dissociation. I feel like they all root from my OCD. I’m so tired of feeling like this all the time and without my therapist I feel like I’m stuck here. I can’t make decisions, I’m never present, I can’t make or keep friendships/ relationships, everything impacts me deeply because I create a emotional obsession to it, I can’t just be without questioning everything and I’m constantly in my head. I’ve also started getting high all the time because I feel like it’s the only way to escape my brain but I’ve felt like it’s getting out of hand. I’m starting to lose in any type of hope of getting better. Does anyone have an advice for working on OCD by yourself or identifying when it’s OCD (especially mental obsessions and compulsions) so I can start to chip at this boulder that’s weighing down my life and energy?
Or feel like if they allow themselves to recover from OCD then bad things will happen? Any answers or feedback will be greatly apprecaited So I ask this question as I have struggled really bad with OCD for almost 4 years now. So bad that I haven't worked in that time and I have spent all of my savings as I have had to live off it. I am 36 now and up until 4 years ago I had always worked and had a nice amount of money saved for a house deposit. The really frustrating thing is that I feel that I know exactly what it is I need to start doing in order to get a grip of my mental health and this horrific OCD but because I don't feel worthy of being happy and free of ocd and because I've told myself that if I do then something really bad will happen it stops me from allowing myself to get better. I've had over 150 hours of councelling in the past few years aswell as some ERP but because but because off these feelings I can't seem to get better
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond