loola
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Well it's not exactly something he can help. Acting on it would be hurtful and disloyal. I wonder if you're a bit of a perfectionist and hold yourself to a very high moral standard? Perhaps you feel that it would be disloyal and hurtful of you if you were attracted to any other men, so you switch off that part of yourself or turn immediately away from any thoughts of that kind? As often that sort of thing can end up directed at others too, when really all you both need is a bit of compassion and space to be flawed or just human. He's a whole entire person, not everything about him can be captured within the bounds of your relationship, and there needs to be tolerance. There's almost certainly nobody on the planet who genuinely is never attracted to people other than their current partner. It would be bizarre if they were.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
For me anyway when I used to hold myself to an unreasonably high standard and judge myself easily, I felt the same about other people, and their flaws or mistakes would really piss me off.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Actually I've got some remnants of it still.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
He was attracted to people before he met you and there's no reason it would arbitrarily change now. It's not personal, in fact it's possibly the least personal thing I can imagine. In the sense of being related to or directed towards you or a reflection on you. For him, it is indeed personal. And private. He deserves to get to have that boundary. Our inner thoughts are our own.
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
I think it defo interlinks to wanting to be perfect
user2user2
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel the same way having a girlfriend. Extremely difficult
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s the worst isn’t it. What triggers your thoughts most?
sillybilly sillybilly
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess you just gonna have to accept that your boyfriend will find other girls attractive sometimes. And that he’s with you and not them:)
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks guys you have really helped me here, I needed to hear this stuff
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m in the same boat. Actually it was the main reason I went on meds years ago. I kept thinking he finds his friends GFs more attractive than me, hotter than me, better than me. I was bullied as ugly all my life, so the that’s where the insecurities came from. I recognize that but it doesn’t take the obsessions away. what I hate the most is nudity in shows or movies I literally go crazy. It’s so hard to control. I’m currently doing an ERP script on this subject :/
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
I can really relate to this. What’s an ERP script and are you any better?
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 5y
@loola ERP is Exposure and response prevention. It’s exposure therapy where you are exposed to your obsessions, feel the anxiety, while not engaging in any compulsions. So for this for example you can write a script of your worst fear/worse case scenario of ur obsession and u record yourself reading it . You listen to the script repeatedly daily (for me I listen to mine for 30 mins a day) and it’s supposed to help you sit with the discomfort that arises. In time the distress goes down the more you expsose yourself to said-obsession. I haven’t done one for more than a few weeks so I need to stick with it more to see better results. but it has helped in the past and is said to be the only proven way for recovery as your obsessions start to feel less and less urgent and distressing as time goes on.
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issphra 🫶🏻
- Date posted
- 21w
I feel like a cheater, please help :(
I’ve been struggling with something that’s been really overwhelming, and I’m hoping to get some perspective from others here. I feel a lot of guilt about it, and I’m not sure if I’m alone in this experience. Lately, I’ve found myself daydreaming about romantic situations or getting caught up in ‘what if’ scenarios—where I wonder if I could develop feelings for someone else, or if someone develops feelings for me. The thing is, I’m in a relationship that I love, and I don’t want to act on these thoughts at all. What makes it even harder is that these thoughts often hyperfixate on one specific friend, and sometimes they feel entertaining or give me a dopamine rush. But then, of course, I feel even more guilty because it makes me feel like I’m betraying my boyfriend. These thoughts usually happen when I’m upset and looking for comfort, but then they morph into romantic scenarios, which makes me feel so disloyal. I’m constantly going back and forth between feeling curious or entertained by the thoughts and then feeling horrible for even allowing them to happen in the first place. I keep confessing these thoughts to my boyfriend, and he tries to be understanding. He’s just never been the type to daydream, so he doesn’t know if this is something other people experience or if it’s just me. I feel like such an awful girlfriend. Has anyone else dealt with something like this?
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ljlutes
- Date posted
- 17w
Insight into my feelings
Can anyone validate my feelings/felt the same way. I overthink a lot about my relationship, but I especially worry my boyfriend will randomly change behaviors and become toxic. He’s never had toxic behaviors but I worry at some point in our relationship he could possibly change, and it consumes me sometimes.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 14w
HELP PLS I NEED ADVICE
Ii spoke w my bf this weekend and he mentioned that he has thoughts just like me, but his don't bother him like me. I then felt a lot better and he tried dissecting one of his thoughts like I usually do and realized it felt more real for him after. That made me realize that none of my thoughts were ever true and I blew them up. However, yesterday I had a thought ab “wait wut if you liked that one guy? How dare you bc youre supposed to love your bf and not secretly like someone else” and treated it as I usually did bc I accidentally wanted to see if it was true but didn't rlly but I would check to see if it was there and now that thought feels so so so real now and I feel really bad how do Ik it's not real? I feel so bad and guilty bc lividly this makes 0 sense but it feels so prominent. It felt pretty real when it happened yesterday too. And now I feel awful bc how is it possible after my clarity the other day? Why does it feel so prominent 😞😞😞
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