- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Well it's not exactly something he can help. Acting on it would be hurtful and disloyal. I wonder if you're a bit of a perfectionist and hold yourself to a very high moral standard? Perhaps you feel that it would be disloyal and hurtful of you if you were attracted to any other men, so you switch off that part of yourself or turn immediately away from any thoughts of that kind? As often that sort of thing can end up directed at others too, when really all you both need is a bit of compassion and space to be flawed or just human. He's a whole entire person, not everything about him can be captured within the bounds of your relationship, and there needs to be tolerance. There's almost certainly nobody on the planet who genuinely is never attracted to people other than their current partner. It would be bizarre if they were.
- Date posted
- 5y
For me anyway when I used to hold myself to an unreasonably high standard and judge myself easily, I felt the same about other people, and their flaws or mistakes would really piss me off.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Actually I've got some remnants of it still.
- Date posted
- 5y
He was attracted to people before he met you and there's no reason it would arbitrarily change now. It's not personal, in fact it's possibly the least personal thing I can imagine. In the sense of being related to or directed towards you or a reflection on you. For him, it is indeed personal. And private. He deserves to get to have that boundary. Our inner thoughts are our own.
- Date posted
- 5y
I think it defo interlinks to wanting to be perfect
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel the same way having a girlfriend. Extremely difficult
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s the worst isn’t it. What triggers your thoughts most?
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess you just gonna have to accept that your boyfriend will find other girls attractive sometimes. And that he’s with you and not them:)
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks guys you have really helped me here, I needed to hear this stuff
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m in the same boat. Actually it was the main reason I went on meds years ago. I kept thinking he finds his friends GFs more attractive than me, hotter than me, better than me. I was bullied as ugly all my life, so the that’s where the insecurities came from. I recognize that but it doesn’t take the obsessions away. what I hate the most is nudity in shows or movies I literally go crazy. It’s so hard to control. I’m currently doing an ERP script on this subject :/
- Date posted
- 5y
I can really relate to this. What’s an ERP script and are you any better?
- Date posted
- 5y
@loola ERP is Exposure and response prevention. It’s exposure therapy where you are exposed to your obsessions, feel the anxiety, while not engaging in any compulsions. So for this for example you can write a script of your worst fear/worse case scenario of ur obsession and u record yourself reading it . You listen to the script repeatedly daily (for me I listen to mine for 30 mins a day) and it’s supposed to help you sit with the discomfort that arises. In time the distress goes down the more you expsose yourself to said-obsession. I haven’t done one for more than a few weeks so I need to stick with it more to see better results. but it has helped in the past and is said to be the only proven way for recovery as your obsessions start to feel less and less urgent and distressing as time goes on.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
For about a month now I’ve been really obsessed with the idea that my girlfriend has feelings for this guy we know if he has feelings for her. We’ve only known him for about a month and we’re not that close to him. The stuff that makes me worried is completely normal for friends to do or are things that aren’t real. . They respond to each other on group chats . They hangout in groups when I’m not there . She finds him funny and smiles when she’s around him . I just have a bad feeling It’s become such a thing in my mind and it’s deteriorating our relationship. Every time I see him and her talk I feel mad and sick and anxious. And now I’m starting to hate him. I feel like I’m being so unfair because she hasn’t actually done anything, and I keep accusing her and treating her like she has. She says she feels like all I see is the worst in her and like she’s a bad person. I’ve brought this up to her many times and every time she tells me she would never cheat on me and that he’s some random guy and that she doesn’t want him she wants me. I just can’t get the idea out of my head, I can’t stop unconsciously looking for signs of romantic feelings between them. I analyse her body language or how she looks at him, I check if there online at the same time to see if their texting or something. It’s really bad. It’s gotten to the point where it’s not about the idea that they have feeings anymore it’s more just I want to get the idea out my head. I want to stop seeing this. Because she would have said something by now. And I know this is coming from a place of fear and insecurity about myself and the way she feels about me, because he’s no different to any of her other friends I just chose him to be the one I worry about. I want to get past this because our relationship needs to move past this and I want to be able to enjoy the time I spend with my friends instead of relating it to this and the idea of hanging out in this group with her where he is, and if causing instant anxiety. She’s not like this, she’s a good person. It’s not necessarily the idea she’ll actually cheat it’s the idea she’ll develop feeling or he will and will make her catch feelings too. It’s all just a “bad feeling” I have and an obsession with this idea. I can’t stand to be around them in a group cuz all I can see is that “she’s in love with him” or “he would make her or does make her happier”
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 12w
I stated dating my boyfriend about 3 months ago. This is my first boyfriend ever. He’s been in 2 serious relationships in the past and multiple sexual partners. I’ve had neither. When we first started dating/ at one point were just friends, he told me a lot about the last girl he was in a relationship including their sex life. Fast forward to us dating for about a month and I found out he had been texting her. We almost broke up. But also for context she broke up with him because she figured out she was a lesbian. But still… anyways we moved past it. And now… I’m sure we can all see this coming… I have this theme! I think about his ex gf all the time. I stalk her on social media and try to find hints and clues about their relationship. I compare myself to her. It really impacts my relationship because I’ll get mad at him for no reason. For example we went thrifting recently and he picked out stuff that completely wasn’t my style, but was hers. Which made me spiral. Is he purposely dressing me like her? Does he want me to be someone else, someone like her? The whole texting her thing was put in the past. I’ve forgiven him. But I can’t help but have resentment towards him and think/ visualize all these thoughts about them together and how I’ll never measure up to that. It makes me think I shouldn’t have got into a relationship. That maybe I’m better off by myself. But like all of us. I wish I didn’t have these thoughts. I wish I could believe he liked me for me. But sometimes it’s really hard.
- Date posted
- 12w
My mind won’t let me trust that my boyfriend loves me and it’s the most frustrating thing ever. Honestly idk if this is rocd but recently we’ve been really great and our relationship has been strengthening so much. He gives me no reason to fear him leaving or anything or even cheating. He’s very loyal and has shown that he loves me. But my brain keeps pushing me away and at the smallest things he does I think maybe he doesn’t and I’m scared to fully put my all into him bc I think I’ll get hurt, every time i notice a small thing I don’t like abt him, it worries me and makes the thoughts worse. Basically to sum it up I won’t let myself just trust that he loves me and that we’ll be okay, I keep focusing on the future and what ifs like if we break up or something happens and it’s like I’m trying to protect myself from the future. It’s so stressful and annoying, I can’t predict the future so I just wish my mind would be calm and let me live my mind. No matter what I do I can’t shake off the fear.
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