loola
- Date posted
- 5y
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
Well it's not exactly something he can help. Acting on it would be hurtful and disloyal. I wonder if you're a bit of a perfectionist and hold yourself to a very high moral standard? Perhaps you feel that it would be disloyal and hurtful of you if you were attracted to any other men, so you switch off that part of yourself or turn immediately away from any thoughts of that kind? As often that sort of thing can end up directed at others too, when really all you both need is a bit of compassion and space to be flawed or just human. He's a whole entire person, not everything about him can be captured within the bounds of your relationship, and there needs to be tolerance. There's almost certainly nobody on the planet who genuinely is never attracted to people other than their current partner. It would be bizarre if they were.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
For me anyway when I used to hold myself to an unreasonably high standard and judge myself easily, I felt the same about other people, and their flaws or mistakes would really piss me off.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
@Scoggy Actually I've got some remnants of it still.
FathomableFathomable
- Date posted
- 5y
He was attracted to people before he met you and there's no reason it would arbitrarily change now. It's not personal, in fact it's possibly the least personal thing I can imagine. In the sense of being related to or directed towards you or a reflection on you. For him, it is indeed personal. And private. He deserves to get to have that boundary. Our inner thoughts are our own.
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
I think it defo interlinks to wanting to be perfect
user2user2
- Date posted
- 5y
I feel the same way having a girlfriend. Extremely difficult
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
It’s the worst isn’t it. What triggers your thoughts most?
sillybilly sillybilly
- Date posted
- 5y
I guess you just gonna have to accept that your boyfriend will find other girls attractive sometimes. And that he’s with you and not them:)
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks guys you have really helped me here, I needed to hear this stuff
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m in the same boat. Actually it was the main reason I went on meds years ago. I kept thinking he finds his friends GFs more attractive than me, hotter than me, better than me. I was bullied as ugly all my life, so the that’s where the insecurities came from. I recognize that but it doesn’t take the obsessions away. what I hate the most is nudity in shows or movies I literally go crazy. It’s so hard to control. I’m currently doing an ERP script on this subject :/
loolaloola
- Date posted
- 5y
I can really relate to this. What’s an ERP script and are you any better?
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 5y
@loola ERP is Exposure and response prevention. It’s exposure therapy where you are exposed to your obsessions, feel the anxiety, while not engaging in any compulsions. So for this for example you can write a script of your worst fear/worse case scenario of ur obsession and u record yourself reading it . You listen to the script repeatedly daily (for me I listen to mine for 30 mins a day) and it’s supposed to help you sit with the discomfort that arises. In time the distress goes down the more you expsose yourself to said-obsession. I haven’t done one for more than a few weeks so I need to stick with it more to see better results. but it has helped in the past and is said to be the only proven way for recovery as your obsessions start to feel less and less urgent and distressing as time goes on.
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- Date posted
- 21w
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- Date posted
- 21w
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