- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey, Kerry! I've had OCD for most of my life now and I was wondering if you had any tips for being compassionate towards ourselves when we mess up and give into a compulsion, but also continuing to recover from this disorder? Thanks in advance.
- Date posted
- 5y
Such a great question! I think this often gets overlooked and is so essential in recovery. Here’s the thing - you’re going to live with OCD forever - it won’t always be intense, there will be periods you forget you have it, and there are periods where you are so strong for months to a year at a time and then get hit with anxiety or a new life change and notice you’ve subconsciously started to perform some protective compulsions. Many times people freak out at this point like “oh no my ocd is back full force all that work for nothing.” Not the case at all. Every single hour of every day you have opportunities to move forward. You physically can’t go backward. You’ll have skip ups, weak days, weak weeks and it’s normal to get down on yourself during these times. Keep in mind you’ll never be perfect, and expect and accept the mentality that this is a lifestyle and that you work towards it all the time. It’s a good thing to initially be hard on yourself because it shows you know what you’re doing is wrong in terms of getting better with ocd so you’re already a step ahead. Recognize your compulsions when you make them - don’t bag on yourself - accept it and know in your heart you’ll do better next time or you can go out of your way to expose another thing on purpose to sort of feel like you recognized you slipped but you’re still willing to put in the work. Does that make sense? Also - if you are doing any sort of ERP, or using tools your OCD therapist has taught you or you’ve learned before, just merely trying to get to recovery every day IS recovery in itself. It’s not stagnant, but ebbs and flows and that’s okay as long as you recognize that!
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you so much for the answer. I've only done ERP for past contamination-related obsessions/compulsions with one of my old OCD therapists, but I'm planning on dIscussing my relationship and sexual orientation-related obsessions/compulsions with my new one this week. I desperately want to get better for my partner.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Anonymous This sounds great - definitely bring this up as a forefront with your new OCD Therapist. You’ve got this I believe in you 100%
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Jerry Do you have any tips on hocd? Or socd? Depends on how you want to call it. I'm so scared ill never feel straight again. My whole life looks a bit bleak now, I don't want to be with a woman but I feel like my head has convinced me I'm sexually attracted to the same sex. I've lost all attraction to the opposite sex and now have sexual dysfunction and performance anxiety with the opposite sex. So much so that's its made me end two good relationships out of fear that I could be lesbian. I can't stress enough how much I don't want to be gay. I love how men make me feel and I can't imagine my life with someone of the same sex. My question is, how can I get to place of recovery where my attraction comes back and get a normal sex life back and tbh just feel straight again? I'm so desperate for help and I can't see a way out of this hell. I should add I'm by no means homophobic, I have plenty of gay friends and love that as a generation we can love who we wanna love. But being lesbian just makes me feel so anxious and it's not what I want yet it feels so real. Thank you x
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi!! Okay thanks for sharing all that because there are SO many people who honestly feel the same way. Sexual OCD is extremely difficult to navigate - I completely understand. It will make you feel like you are not the person you wish to be. OCD is known to target our personal morals and values because obviously those are the things that matter most to us I.e. relationships etc., and it can absolutely destroy them I’ve experienced this myself. And looking back, seeing how I ALLOWED OCD to be a third member of my relationship, makes me sick. So here’s the thing - I know this situation you described sounds so complex and like it will never get better but my friend it doesn’t matter what theme, subtype or fear focused OCD you have when it comes to ERP. It works with everyone if you know what you’re doing. To know what you’re doing - you have to talk to an OCD specialist. They are qualified and make you understand this so much more in depth and will Allieviate so much of this pain and confusion. Thinking, dwelling and talking around and around trying to pinpoint it like you have in your question (which I know you may not know better) is a never ending cycle and you will never get your answers by just trying to solve it in your brain or by talking to others to get reassurance even if you don’t intend to. What I do know is the question does not come down to how you get your normal self back and feel a certain way again - the question is “how do I get my sexual themed OCD under control for the long term so I can enjoy my life again.” Can you tell me about your experiences with talking to an OCD Therapist?
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you so much for your detailed response. Its nice to know that what I'm experiencing is normal I have seen two cbt therapists and they said that I just need to accept the thoughts. Didn't necessarily make an erp scale.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Summer98 Also I'm from the UK
- Date posted
- 5y
Hello jelly, So I think I’m suffering from ocd it’s just I don’t know. The thoughts I get feel intrusive, they disgust me they range from sexual to other horrible thoughts. I think I suffer from HOCD although I can’t say I do as I haven’t been officially diagnosed. So I have intrusive thoughts and I have the “if you don’t (eg) put your hand under the hot tap for 20 seconds ur gay) idk what that means but I have them all the time. My thoughts feel so so real and that’s why I’m questioning whether it’s ocd or not. Any advice on my situation and how to get better?
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey ?? so where to go from here is pretty straightforward as I see it. You need to get a proper diagnostic evaluation where you can confirm the diagnosis, themes and subtypes. You can easily do this in your first 90 minute session with a nOCD therapist (for only $50!!!!) Talking about this and really trying to figure it out and going around and around only makes you sink deeper into OCD sinking sand. I promise you this. Will you allow yourself to start by getting a proper diagnosis?
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn I don’t live in us and haven’t told my family and have no money so that’s not possible ?
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn The prices are now $123 per session, $50 dollar promotional just ended. Just got off the call today with them
- Date posted
- 5y
Hey Kerry! How does one stop constantly ruining a relationship everytime there is another ocd slip up, and how not to go back to old obsessions in a relationship (it’s not just rocd doubts , but obsessive jealousy/comparison triggers) I will be “better” from an obsession and three years later I’ll bring it up again or obsess about it and we are back to being miserable for weeks or months again. This happens so often, doesnt matter if it’s months later, years, weeks later, etc. I fear that doing erp will help a certain obsession but after all that hard work there’s another obsession I need to do erp with and idk if it’s possible to even control myself from starting arguments or doing reassurance again. Does erp make other NEW obsessions feel less anxiety provoking over time?? Or will new obsessions in the future always feel just as severe??
- Date posted
- 5y
So ERP isn’t just about facing the individual fears - by facing them, you will start to see how OCD works and deceives you no matter what it’s about. OCD is a life long disorder and you will always have times in your life where you may get hit out of nowhere and need to really dig into your OCD toolbox. But the issue is never what the new obsession is about because it doesn’t matter - ERP tactics once you really learn how it works can take care of any obsession, ever. I believe that. Once you really lean in with ERP and start to break the foundation of OCD, you will learn the process and how your anxiety spikes and ALWAYS comes back down. No matter the thought. So overtime, it becomes your choice whether you’re going to allow it to become just as “severe” or if you’re going to bust out your armor and know exactly how to handle the situation. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but we do in fact have control over these thoughts and how badly they can affect us. We can’t stop the thoughts, but the way we get better is truly changing and turning the tables on HOW we react to them.
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you Kerry!
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- 5y
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- 5y
Understand this will always be part of the process and be okay with that. You will always have times in life with Or without OCD where you come off the rails and feel bad again. Recognize that and just get back up and keep trying even if it feels off and you feel awful. There is no failing with OCD Recovery, there is only moving forward and you need to build the confidence that you have the power to gain this confidence over time and not be so hard on yourself.
- Date posted
- 5y
Hi Kerry, Personally, I have POCD and a very intense fear that I will want to do something inappropriate with my child when I have one. For me this presents as a fear that it is GOING to happen even though logically I know its unlikely since there’s no evidence of me acting violently, impulsively, criminally, etc. I’m unsure from how to move through this with ERP. Nothing can expose me to this particular fear until I have a child myself in like 10 years, but I’m too scared to have children because of this unsolved OCD. Do you have any advice? Thanks ?
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for being so upfront and writing this out. That’s a good step forward of which many people cannot do. This is something to work with an OCD therapist on actively working up to having children. One of the things you can do is accept these thoughts and fears of the unknown because that’s you’re only real choice to live a more peaceful life. OCD robs our lives of many, many things in this quality of life - do everything in your power to not let it rob you of having children.
- Date posted
- 5y
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Yeah, I’ve talked with my psychologist about my goals for the future so that’s a good first step. I’ll do everything I can to live the life I want despite ocd. Thank you for taking the time to reply ❤️
- Date posted
- 5y
@199903 Absolutely. Honored to know you!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 17w
I haven’t done a Q&A in over a year (my bad) but I used to do these at least once a month. Work is slow today, so please send me any questions you have about OCD and I’ll answer them as best as I can. A little about me: I’ve been subclinical/recovered for going on 5 years and I’ve been on this app volunteering since 2019 in an unofficial capacity—I’m not connected to the NOCD team, so I don’t have any badges. I did ERP treatment with my therapist in-person while I was also being treated for PTSD. I have OCD, PTSD, ADHD, depression, GAD, social anxiety, driving anxiety, and a few speech impediments.
- Date posted
- 10w
Wanted to talk.. Just some ocd discussion not for the reassurance But know more about it... Hope someone will.. Thanks!🙏😇 (Been recovering from so ocd)..! So just wanted to educate myself..
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- NOCD Therapy Alumni
- Young adults with OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 8w
Hi NOCD community, I wanted to share my story of my journey so far with OCD to provide perspective to anyone who needs it. I can't believe how far I have come with a huge part because of my NOCD treatment and utilizing ERP. For reference I am a 24-year old male, so for anyone who is like me and on the fence with treatment, trust me it is worth it. If you ever want to talk about OCD and are not sure where to start or need guidance please do not hesitate to reach out to me. I am now almost 2-years into treatment and working on recovery to this day. Sending my support to all. My OCD Story Adolescence Growing up, I didn’t know what mental health was—or even much about who I was. I was somewhat consciously aware, but something always felt off. My life seemed surrounded by reacting to fear instead of exploring or discovering like a regular kid. It felt like there was a switch in my brain that never let me settle in. My earliest compulsions were more physical than mental. One example that likely went unnoticed was how I would obsessively organize and align my toys in a certain way. It may have seemed like I was just being finicky, but now I recognize this as an early sign of OCD. The key is understanding that anything can become a compulsion—it’s not about what you do, but why you do it. In my case, it was always to avoid a bad outcome or neutralize a feeling. Another moment that stands out was in preschool during a performance. I was reciting something I can’t remember in front of an audience—a common childhood fear—but the way I coped was by repeatedly hitting myself in the head with my fist. I wasn’t aware I was doing it, but it calmed me, even though inflicting pain had no logical connection to the fear itself. Looking back, this was clearly a physical tic. My dreams were disturbing too. I’d experience that terrifying space between sleep and consciousness. My parents once had to put my limbs in ice just to fully wake me. And even the process of going to sleep became ritualistic. I had to jump into bed using my left foot, pray a specific way (including naming everyone I didn’t want to be affected by harm), rotate clockwise, shake my pillow four times, and do various actions around my room—cleaning, checking the door, and more. All to prevent the visions in my mind from becoming real. Teenage Years Though my childhood was tough, things really escalated in high school. My family life was chaotic—divorce, shifting homes, and being the older sibling trying to hold it together. I was smart and creative, and I found joy in creative writing, fantasy books, cartoons, video production, and drawing. But the storm really hit freshman year of high school. I was bullied relentlessly—for being shorter, having low self-esteem, and dealing with an undiagnosed mental illness. One night while trying to fall asleep, I noticed my heart beating fast. I panicked, convinced something was wrong. My dad said it was heartburn and gave me soda (caffeine), which only made things worse. I slept maybe an hour, and we went to the ER the next morning. After a full workup and an EKG, the doctor concluded I was physically fine and gave me anti-anxiety medication. But that wasn’t the end. I had more episodes. I became obsessed with the idea that something was wrong with my body. I had blood drawn thinking I had a thyroid issue. I panicked at doctor’s visits, which spiked my blood pressure, fueling more health fears. I was also in an advanced biology class, learning about diseases and cancers—which triggered me to the point I felt like I was going to pass out. Motion sickness and vertigo became a daily fear, and I became terrified it would never go away. That became a core theme in my health-related OCD and deeply affected my quality of life. It was also during this time I developed HOCD (Homosexual OCD). Intrusive thoughts about my male friends consumed me. I couldn’t relax around them or enjoy hanging out. I compulsively told myself I was straight, watched porn to “test” my reaction, and mentally analyzed everything I thought or felt. It was exhausting. It chipped away at my confidence, especially with women, though I know other external factors played a role in that too. Still, I had no education around mental health and assumed this chaos in my mind was normal—or that anyone seeking help had to be “crazy.” I couldn’t have been more wrong. Adulthood Despite all that, I managed to graduate high school with good marks—even finishing at a new school I attended for just eight weeks after moving in with my mom. College was a major turning point. For the first time, I experienced independence and the ability to sit with my thoughts. I still didn’t know what I was dealing with, but being away from a broken home and forging my own identity was incredibly freeing. Freshman year felt like a fresh start…until the pandemic hit. Like many others, I was forced to return home. For someone with OCD, the sudden lack of control and isolation was devastating. I was trapped in my room, stuck in my head, with nothing but virtual classes and uncertainty. Still, I eventually got back to campus, focused on my career in the sports and entertainment industry, and was accepted into a prestigious program while working multiple internships and completing challenging coursework. But with roommates and stress came new obsessions—and still, no diagnosis. I eventually sought therapy for anxiety, realizing my mental state was unsustainable. That’s when two of my most distressing OCD subtypes emerged: Staring OCD and POCD. They worked together in the worst way—fears of inappropriately staring at people, especially children. It felt like I couldn’t exist in public without fearing I’d harm someone just by looking at them. It shattered my self-worth. I couldn’t enjoy life, couldn’t even look in the mirror. The guilt and shame consumed me. I turned to talk therapy, where I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression. While sessions brought momentary relief, it quickly became clear I wasn’t getting better. In fact, the act of confessing my thoughts—seeking reassurance—was fueling the OCD. Still, I didn’t have the language for it. After doing my own research (a compulsion in itself), I discovered POCD and Staring OCD. For the first time, I read stories that sounded exactly like mine. I brought this to my therapist, but they dismissed it. Unfortunately, OCD is still widely misunderstood—even among professionals. Because I didn’t fit the “cleaning and checking” stereotype, I wasn’t taken seriously. In 2023—just two years ago—I found NOCD, a teletherapy platform specializing in OCD. I scheduled a free consultation, thinking “Why not?” I was miserable and desperate for relief. The therapist who evaluated me confirmed: I had OCD. She administered the DSM-5 criteria and said I was a textbook case. This was the turning point. Through NOCD, I finally received proper treatment with Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP). I learned how OCD functions, how to track and reduce compulsions, and how to sit with discomfort instead of running from it. It took time—5 to 6 months before I noticed true change—but for the first time in my life, I felt heard. I wasn't alone. NOCD gave me a judgment-free space to unpack the most disturbing thoughts and to not be defined by them. I won’t sugarcoat it—this journey has been painful, frustrating, and nonlinear. I still live with OCD every day. But now I have tools. I’ve continued treatment with multiple NOCD therapists, joined support groups, and practiced exposures: scripting, imaginal scenarios, response prevention, you name it. I’ve learned to live with uncertainty instead of trying to solve the unsolvable. The biggest lesson? Stop trying to figure it out. OCD is emotional, not logical. The moment I stopped trying to outthink it and changed my relationship with it, everything shifted. Today, I’m not “cured,” but I’m grounded. I’m more myself than I’ve ever been. And now, I want to give back. I want to share my story so others know that they’re not alone—and that OCD doesn’t have to rule your life. Whether you're 14, 24, or 44—there is help, and there is hope.
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