- Username
- KerryAlayne
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Hey, Kerry! I've had OCD for most of my life now and I was wondering if you had any tips for being compassionate towards ourselves when we mess up and give into a compulsion, but also continuing to recover from this disorder? Thanks in advance.
Such a great question! I think this often gets overlooked and is so essential in recovery. Here’s the thing - you’re going to live with OCD forever - it won’t always be intense, there will be periods you forget you have it, and there are periods where you are so strong for months to a year at a time and then get hit with anxiety or a new life change and notice you’ve subconsciously started to perform some protective compulsions. Many times people freak out at this point like “oh no my ocd is back full force all that work for nothing.” Not the case at all. Every single hour of every day you have opportunities to move forward. You physically can’t go backward. You’ll have skip ups, weak days, weak weeks and it’s normal to get down on yourself during these times. Keep in mind you’ll never be perfect, and expect and accept the mentality that this is a lifestyle and that you work towards it all the time. It’s a good thing to initially be hard on yourself because it shows you know what you’re doing is wrong in terms of getting better with ocd so you’re already a step ahead. Recognize your compulsions when you make them - don’t bag on yourself - accept it and know in your heart you’ll do better next time or you can go out of your way to expose another thing on purpose to sort of feel like you recognized you slipped but you’re still willing to put in the work. Does that make sense? Also - if you are doing any sort of ERP, or using tools your OCD therapist has taught you or you’ve learned before, just merely trying to get to recovery every day IS recovery in itself. It’s not stagnant, but ebbs and flows and that’s okay as long as you recognize that!
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you so much for the answer. I've only done ERP for past contamination-related obsessions/compulsions with one of my old OCD therapists, but I'm planning on dIscussing my relationship and sexual orientation-related obsessions/compulsions with my new one this week. I desperately want to get better for my partner.
@Anonymous This sounds great - definitely bring this up as a forefront with your new OCD Therapist. You’ve got this I believe in you 100%
Hi Jerry Do you have any tips on hocd? Or socd? Depends on how you want to call it. I'm so scared ill never feel straight again. My whole life looks a bit bleak now, I don't want to be with a woman but I feel like my head has convinced me I'm sexually attracted to the same sex. I've lost all attraction to the opposite sex and now have sexual dysfunction and performance anxiety with the opposite sex. So much so that's its made me end two good relationships out of fear that I could be lesbian. I can't stress enough how much I don't want to be gay. I love how men make me feel and I can't imagine my life with someone of the same sex. My question is, how can I get to place of recovery where my attraction comes back and get a normal sex life back and tbh just feel straight again? I'm so desperate for help and I can't see a way out of this hell. I should add I'm by no means homophobic, I have plenty of gay friends and love that as a generation we can love who we wanna love. But being lesbian just makes me feel so anxious and it's not what I want yet it feels so real. Thank you x
Hi!! Okay thanks for sharing all that because there are SO many people who honestly feel the same way. Sexual OCD is extremely difficult to navigate - I completely understand. It will make you feel like you are not the person you wish to be. OCD is known to target our personal morals and values because obviously those are the things that matter most to us I.e. relationships etc., and it can absolutely destroy them I’ve experienced this myself. And looking back, seeing how I ALLOWED OCD to be a third member of my relationship, makes me sick. So here’s the thing - I know this situation you described sounds so complex and like it will never get better but my friend it doesn’t matter what theme, subtype or fear focused OCD you have when it comes to ERP. It works with everyone if you know what you’re doing. To know what you’re doing - you have to talk to an OCD specialist. They are qualified and make you understand this so much more in depth and will Allieviate so much of this pain and confusion. Thinking, dwelling and talking around and around trying to pinpoint it like you have in your question (which I know you may not know better) is a never ending cycle and you will never get your answers by just trying to solve it in your brain or by talking to others to get reassurance even if you don’t intend to. What I do know is the question does not come down to how you get your normal self back and feel a certain way again - the question is “how do I get my sexual themed OCD under control for the long term so I can enjoy my life again.” Can you tell me about your experiences with talking to an OCD Therapist?
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you so much for your detailed response. Its nice to know that what I'm experiencing is normal I have seen two cbt therapists and they said that I just need to accept the thoughts. Didn't necessarily make an erp scale.
@Summer98 Also I'm from the UK
Hello jelly, So I think I’m suffering from ocd it’s just I don’t know. The thoughts I get feel intrusive, they disgust me they range from sexual to other horrible thoughts. I think I suffer from HOCD although I can’t say I do as I haven’t been officially diagnosed. So I have intrusive thoughts and I have the “if you don’t (eg) put your hand under the hot tap for 20 seconds ur gay) idk what that means but I have them all the time. My thoughts feel so so real and that’s why I’m questioning whether it’s ocd or not. Any advice on my situation and how to get better?
Hey ?? so where to go from here is pretty straightforward as I see it. You need to get a proper diagnostic evaluation where you can confirm the diagnosis, themes and subtypes. You can easily do this in your first 90 minute session with a nOCD therapist (for only $50!!!!) Talking about this and really trying to figure it out and going around and around only makes you sink deeper into OCD sinking sand. I promise you this. Will you allow yourself to start by getting a proper diagnosis?
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn I don’t live in us and haven’t told my family and have no money so that’s not possible ?
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn The prices are now $123 per session, $50 dollar promotional just ended. Just got off the call today with them
Hey Kerry! How does one stop constantly ruining a relationship everytime there is another ocd slip up, and how not to go back to old obsessions in a relationship (it’s not just rocd doubts , but obsessive jealousy/comparison triggers) I will be “better” from an obsession and three years later I’ll bring it up again or obsess about it and we are back to being miserable for weeks or months again. This happens so often, doesnt matter if it’s months later, years, weeks later, etc. I fear that doing erp will help a certain obsession but after all that hard work there’s another obsession I need to do erp with and idk if it’s possible to even control myself from starting arguments or doing reassurance again. Does erp make other NEW obsessions feel less anxiety provoking over time?? Or will new obsessions in the future always feel just as severe??
So ERP isn’t just about facing the individual fears - by facing them, you will start to see how OCD works and deceives you no matter what it’s about. OCD is a life long disorder and you will always have times in your life where you may get hit out of nowhere and need to really dig into your OCD toolbox. But the issue is never what the new obsession is about because it doesn’t matter - ERP tactics once you really learn how it works can take care of any obsession, ever. I believe that. Once you really lean in with ERP and start to break the foundation of OCD, you will learn the process and how your anxiety spikes and ALWAYS comes back down. No matter the thought. So overtime, it becomes your choice whether you’re going to allow it to become just as “severe” or if you’re going to bust out your armor and know exactly how to handle the situation. I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but we do in fact have control over these thoughts and how badly they can affect us. We can’t stop the thoughts, but the way we get better is truly changing and turning the tables on HOW we react to them.
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Thank you Kerry!
Hi Kerry, Personally, I have POCD and a very intense fear that I will want to do something inappropriate with my child when I have one. For me this presents as a fear that it is GOING to happen even though logically I know its unlikely since there’s no evidence of me acting violently, impulsively, criminally, etc. I’m unsure from how to move through this with ERP. Nothing can expose me to this particular fear until I have a child myself in like 10 years, but I’m too scared to have children because of this unsolved OCD. Do you have any advice? Thanks ?
Thanks for being so upfront and writing this out. That’s a good step forward of which many people cannot do. This is something to work with an OCD therapist on actively working up to having children. One of the things you can do is accept these thoughts and fears of the unknown because that’s you’re only real choice to live a more peaceful life. OCD robs our lives of many, many things in this quality of life - do everything in your power to not let it rob you of having children.
@NOCD Advocate - Kerry Osborn Yeah, I’ve talked with my psychologist about my goals for the future so that’s a good first step. I’ll do everything I can to live the life I want despite ocd. Thank you for taking the time to reply ❤️
@199903 Absolutely. Honored to know you!
As some of you guys probably know, if I’ve been leaving annoyingly chirpy comments on your posts (?) I’m a huge believer in ERP. It works consistently with my OCD when nothing else has, its pulled me out of some dark places, etc etc. But I also see a lot of posts asking a heap of different questions about it. I totally get your frustrations and confusion. It was easier for me, in a way, because I was so hopeless when I discovered it I went, “if this doesn’t work, I’m just gonna give up an end it.” It was my last resort so I guess that helped in a way, but it did work. It really did. So where I’m going with this is, If anyone has any questions about ERP, dump them here in the comments and I’ll answer them as soon as I can. All questions, any questions, throw them at me. I want to help, I know what you’re going through and as an obsessively good researcher (even before my OCD kicked in) I have a tonne of different explanations on how it works, why it works, how it feels, and so on and so on and so on. Honestly, I just wanna be useful. I wanna help. Being able to help people through this stuff makes my OCD a teensy bit worthwhile. Give me your best shot :)
*Q + A* Hi Everyone! My name is Kerry and I have suffered from severe OCD since 2008. It came on after a bad car accident and I had shown no signs prior to that. I was 17 and now I’m 28. I saw many therapists untrained in OCD, and it wasn’t until I met an OCD Specialist and went through weeks of intensive therapy using ERP that I started to really question the connection between my obsessions and the effect I had on my reality by performing my compulsions which were totally random (anything you can think of!) I mainly suffer from magical thinking OCD which is basically like “superstition on steroids” - it follows along and targets with my everyday anxieties and my obsessions try and tell me if I perform certain, ever changing compulsions, that I can make or prevent things from happening. This has morphed into multiple themes of OCD, but also follows along with my real life which is hard. BUT I can honestly say I am in a state of ongoing recovery from OCD because I truly understand it’s sick game now and I am able to stop it in it’s tracks before performing compulsions. I’m not perfect and will always have OCD, but I wanted to open up a Q + A session today for you all to ask any questions you may have for me. To give you all some hope, I just published my OCD memoir “The Obsessive Outsider” and I’m so thankful to have added a resource to our world from a sufferer’s perspective. My goal is to eventually help you all get to a point where you can share your stories like I have because it’s so empowering. Hit me with your questions, friends!
Hi everyone! Having gone through NOCD therapy to now working here full-time, I feel like I’ve had the pleasure of not only finally getting appropriate care, but seeing the entire process of treatment here from both sides. That being said, I remember how absolutely terrified I was when I first started. Is there something holding you back? Want to check in with someone who has done this first before taking that step? Ask me your questions below, I would love to do what I can to help you feel confident taking this incredible step towards overcoming your battle with OCD.💗
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