- Date posted
- 4y ago
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It does make sense actually. OCD does this. It looks for "proof" you're what you fear. It makes sense it will look at your real life and seek validation from that. It's all the same bullshit, it's all still OCD. No matter what theme, memory, idea, thought, image, vision, auditory thought its all the same.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m just really tired of it.. I keep feeling like I deserve punishment. Like I need to confess. I’m trapped in a cycle and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Mars I have this all the time, I understand. At my worst I used to punish myself, scratch myself, starve myself. It does nothing, infact it just makes the OCD SO much worse. I know it's hard, but try to live your life as if intrusive thoughts are just playing on a laptop or radio or something in the back. "You're evil! Remember when?! This means...what iff??? This makes you such a bad person. What if you've done something wrong though? How can you Be SuReeeeee??" Let all that play in the back ground like a song you hate, meanwhile carrying on with daily life the best you can. Shower with that song, workout with that song playing, talk to family with it playing, eat, sleep, laugh, dance with it playing and eventually your life will drown out the shitty music ❤
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@MJocd I did that for two days so far and I did pretty ok with it. But then I got reminded how bad it was and so I’m spiraling again. I’ll keep trying because I want to recover but sometimes I wonder if I even deserve it. I keep wanting to confess too. I hate it.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
In the same boat. I just live everyday despite the stupid thoughts and images and “proof”. Eventually the thoughts will fade as time goes on.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Your post actually does make total sense to me. I suffer from something essentially the same and the same themes and with the pocd strain and it’s terrifying. Pretty constantly going over in my mind and terrified I could have ruined someone’s life. The confess thing is a thing for me too! I think the one of the good things that we can do is try and see what reads as OCD traits and of course that’s tough cause it’s like what if it’s not but if we can try and see that whether real or not what we speak of is apparently classic signs of OCD. It’s not easy but also know you’re not alone
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I hate how I’ve been doing well the last couple days but it’s spiked up again and I’m just like agggghhh I wanna confesss soo bad. I’m glad I’m not alone but man I am tired :((
- Date posted
- 4y ago
By doing well that’s great progress and sadly it seems it spiking back up seems an inevitable part of the process too. It’s hard if you’ve been doing well and then it comes flying up again however the fact that you were doing well before this spike means that you can be doing well again in the future. Sounds corny but think ocd suffers like us all have to keep up the fight so to say but I get you on the exhaustion also!
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm dealing with this as well It's hard Affects so much my self esteem because you feel that you're terrible and don't deserve to recover But we need to remember that os ocd exaggerating again and trying to punish us.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The OCD stories podcast did an awesome post about Real Event OCD the other day and it refers to POCD a bit with this theme, too! Id highly suggest a listen.
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thanks for that suggestion, just looked that up and found it, many thanks!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’m sharing this bc I need advice or even support from anyone who can relate. If you can’t relate and don’t think you’ll say anything helpful or kind pls don’t comment anything… I’ve been struggling with somethings that’s making me question myself. There has been moments while self pleasuring when I get intrusive thoughts, in those moments it feels like I’m enjoying or even self pleasuring myself bc of the thought. Right after I immediately have an anxiety attack and my HEART drops bc it feels terrible I feel like a disgusting monster :( ppl have told me I haven’t done a bad bc of how intense my guilt and panic are but I keep thinking that MAYBE I made a horrible decision in the moment and the guilt is just realising that it’s just wrong this doesn’t make sense to me because I’ve always told myself that I would never act on this in 1 million years and I’ve been known that these things are wrong so I’m just like constantly questioning myself these feelings and exact same situation has happened two times already I even promised myself that I wouldn’t act on anything beforehand and yeah, I still felt like I did act on my thought during my alone time I’m genuinely convinced that I’m a horrible and it’s even got into the point where I don’t wanna be here anymore and I don’t even think this is my OCD :( tbh
- Date posted
- 12w ago
I want to go do something I enjoy so badly but I feel like I don’t deserve it. I’m full of guilt, shame, and anxiety. I wish I felt okay like I did a few days ago. I feel so awful right now. I hate OCD. I HATE pocd. I hate all of it. I wish this was easier. Sometimes I have the thought that I wish I was the things my OCD makes me afraid I am out of desperation to stop the anxiety, but then that thought makes me panic bc I don’t actually mean that or want that I just want the anxiety and urgency in the compulsions to stop. I’m so tired
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- Date posted
- 12w ago
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
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