- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It does make sense actually. OCD does this. It looks for "proof" you're what you fear. It makes sense it will look at your real life and seek validation from that. It's all the same bullshit, it's all still OCD. No matter what theme, memory, idea, thought, image, vision, auditory thought its all the same.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m just really tired of it.. I keep feeling like I deserve punishment. Like I need to confess. I’m trapped in a cycle and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars I have this all the time, I understand. At my worst I used to punish myself, scratch myself, starve myself. It does nothing, infact it just makes the OCD SO much worse. I know it's hard, but try to live your life as if intrusive thoughts are just playing on a laptop or radio or something in the back. "You're evil! Remember when?! This means...what iff??? This makes you such a bad person. What if you've done something wrong though? How can you Be SuReeeeee??" Let all that play in the back ground like a song you hate, meanwhile carrying on with daily life the best you can. Shower with that song, workout with that song playing, talk to family with it playing, eat, sleep, laugh, dance with it playing and eventually your life will drown out the shitty music ❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd I did that for two days so far and I did pretty ok with it. But then I got reminded how bad it was and so I’m spiraling again. I’ll keep trying because I want to recover but sometimes I wonder if I even deserve it. I keep wanting to confess too. I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
In the same boat. I just live everyday despite the stupid thoughts and images and “proof”. Eventually the thoughts will fade as time goes on.
- Date posted
- 5y
Your post actually does make total sense to me. I suffer from something essentially the same and the same themes and with the pocd strain and it’s terrifying. Pretty constantly going over in my mind and terrified I could have ruined someone’s life. The confess thing is a thing for me too! I think the one of the good things that we can do is try and see what reads as OCD traits and of course that’s tough cause it’s like what if it’s not but if we can try and see that whether real or not what we speak of is apparently classic signs of OCD. It’s not easy but also know you’re not alone
- Date posted
- 5y
I hate how I’ve been doing well the last couple days but it’s spiked up again and I’m just like agggghhh I wanna confesss soo bad. I’m glad I’m not alone but man I am tired :((
- Date posted
- 5y
By doing well that’s great progress and sadly it seems it spiking back up seems an inevitable part of the process too. It’s hard if you’ve been doing well and then it comes flying up again however the fact that you were doing well before this spike means that you can be doing well again in the future. Sounds corny but think ocd suffers like us all have to keep up the fight so to say but I get you on the exhaustion also!
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm dealing with this as well It's hard Affects so much my self esteem because you feel that you're terrible and don't deserve to recover But we need to remember that os ocd exaggerating again and trying to punish us.
- Date posted
- 5y
The OCD stories podcast did an awesome post about Real Event OCD the other day and it refers to POCD a bit with this theme, too! Id highly suggest a listen.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for that suggestion, just looked that up and found it, many thanks!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Never feels like I can fully put my mind to rest. The problem with OCD for me is once I'm over one worry there's another buried deep into my mind that I'm not fully over. The two events I'm not completely over is when I tried to help a 17 year old with POCD when I was 19 and the topics unfortunately were detailed and even then I explained to them I wasn't comfortable with talking to them. I guess I just had a hard time saying no to someone needing help but it eventually made me so uncomfortable that I stopped talking with them altogether at some point. Then the other thing is being so worried that I committed a crime because my elbow touched someone's behind when I didn't want that to happen at all. I didn't want to listen to my OCD by saying move my arm or something horrible is going to happen so I didn't and then something bad actually did happen. I thought it would just be a light touch while zipping a bag up but then it was worse than I ever wanted it to be and it was so awkward and I hated it. I feel like I just won't be able to get back to the way I was before OCD started all of this. Aside from that I've just had extreme health anxiety but am too afraid to reach out to a PCP even though I need to. Something deep down is telling me I should do this but I'm just so anxious and embarrassed about sharing things to them. I can't even enjoy the things I used to do because this is constantly just messing up my life. I'm hoping I get a start of positivity next time I see my therapist. This just sucks. Feels like others around me are doing so much better than I am and I'm just kind of stuck on these same problems and feeling absolute shame and guilt from the past over and over again. I'm just so sick of dealing with this every single day so I just use escape whenever I can. Even that doesn't really work. I just wish I could go back in time.
- Date posted
- 20w
Hello 😭, so uhm I’m kind of in the point of my POCD where I’m just tired. I just need to get it all out and get some sort of instruction of how to just idk live? So for me my childhood is pretty blurry. I have a few real event blended with false memory events there but other than that I’m a csa victim. And the way I tried to cope? By fetishising nyself, making CP of myself, seeing my life goal as being used, raped and a prostitue. Self destructive behaviour through talking to pedophiles and seeing my only worth as if I was sexually attractive. Which made me kind of numb to CP as a coping mechanism I guess. And heres’s where my main event of REOCD/false memory ocd comes in. I have a few events in my life when I’ve accidentally stumbled across CP ish mangas or just plan abuse and not had a big reaction. Some of them I even liked the story. And my ocd LOVES playing with it, making me truly believe I enjoy and get of from CP. I’ve also had quite a few dreams. A few days ago I had a dream about me getting triggered by something I did in the dream. Which I now can’t figure out if it actually was a dream. But also moments overall where I’ve unintentionally touched my private part while my siblings are in the room or when I found a guy 2 years younger than me pretty in 4th grade. Or a few of my only friends who turned out to be younger than me, and I had talked about sexual things (like fan fictions, my trauma ect) with them. AHSHB I absolutely hate ruminating and I’m tired so so so so so so tried 😭 idk help me? Please TT
- Date posted
- 15w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
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