- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It does make sense actually. OCD does this. It looks for "proof" you're what you fear. It makes sense it will look at your real life and seek validation from that. It's all the same bullshit, it's all still OCD. No matter what theme, memory, idea, thought, image, vision, auditory thought its all the same.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m just really tired of it.. I keep feeling like I deserve punishment. Like I need to confess. I’m trapped in a cycle and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars I have this all the time, I understand. At my worst I used to punish myself, scratch myself, starve myself. It does nothing, infact it just makes the OCD SO much worse. I know it's hard, but try to live your life as if intrusive thoughts are just playing on a laptop or radio or something in the back. "You're evil! Remember when?! This means...what iff??? This makes you such a bad person. What if you've done something wrong though? How can you Be SuReeeeee??" Let all that play in the back ground like a song you hate, meanwhile carrying on with daily life the best you can. Shower with that song, workout with that song playing, talk to family with it playing, eat, sleep, laugh, dance with it playing and eventually your life will drown out the shitty music ❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd I did that for two days so far and I did pretty ok with it. But then I got reminded how bad it was and so I’m spiraling again. I’ll keep trying because I want to recover but sometimes I wonder if I even deserve it. I keep wanting to confess too. I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
In the same boat. I just live everyday despite the stupid thoughts and images and “proof”. Eventually the thoughts will fade as time goes on.
- Date posted
- 5y
Your post actually does make total sense to me. I suffer from something essentially the same and the same themes and with the pocd strain and it’s terrifying. Pretty constantly going over in my mind and terrified I could have ruined someone’s life. The confess thing is a thing for me too! I think the one of the good things that we can do is try and see what reads as OCD traits and of course that’s tough cause it’s like what if it’s not but if we can try and see that whether real or not what we speak of is apparently classic signs of OCD. It’s not easy but also know you’re not alone
- Date posted
- 5y
I hate how I’ve been doing well the last couple days but it’s spiked up again and I’m just like agggghhh I wanna confesss soo bad. I’m glad I’m not alone but man I am tired :((
- Date posted
- 5y
By doing well that’s great progress and sadly it seems it spiking back up seems an inevitable part of the process too. It’s hard if you’ve been doing well and then it comes flying up again however the fact that you were doing well before this spike means that you can be doing well again in the future. Sounds corny but think ocd suffers like us all have to keep up the fight so to say but I get you on the exhaustion also!
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm dealing with this as well It's hard Affects so much my self esteem because you feel that you're terrible and don't deserve to recover But we need to remember that os ocd exaggerating again and trying to punish us.
- Date posted
- 5y
The OCD stories podcast did an awesome post about Real Event OCD the other day and it refers to POCD a bit with this theme, too! Id highly suggest a listen.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for that suggestion, just looked that up and found it, many thanks!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
i’ve just been feeling so off lately. i’m okay right now, but a couple hours ago i was in this mood where i felt anxiety creeping up. like i will feel like there’s danger when there isn’t. i just get this really uncomfortable feeling that something feels wrong even when it isn’t. and i’ve been feeling derealization/depersonalization. just really disconnected from myself and the world. i’ve also been unmotivated to where there are times when the thought of doing things upsets me. and i’ve been having existential thoughts that do not mesh well with harm ocd. i get the thought “if people aren’t real then it’s okay to hurt them”. it sucks because there are times where i just don’t even care to ruminate and find reassurance that that’s not the case. furthermore, i’ve just been really aware of my existence. i will get moments where i’m so aware of my existence and it freaks me out. like the fact that i’m a living human being is crazy to me. then there are times when i’m not even anxious about anything which then has me questioning and ruminating on that because i ALWAYS have something i’m worrying about. i’ve also been feeling really nostalgic and bittersweet of the good memories from the past. i keep thinking about good times i’ve had and really wishing i could relive it. for example, last summer was a pretty good summer even with my ocd. and i just wish i could relive some of those moments, but i obviously can’t. and it’s been upsetting me because this month has been shitty with my anxiety. as for an update with my room change to those of you curious, i still have anxiety over it and my mom is taking it as me being ungrateful with what i have when it’s my ocd making a huge deal of it. that upsets me especially since i’ve told her what’s been going on and she was really understanding of it. anyways, life has just been a bit much and i’ve been dealing with more to my anxiety that i don’t appreciate. while worrying about constantly throwing up with my contamination ocd is incredibly exhausting, it’s so normal to me that i’m used to it. but when my harm ocd kicks in along with other themes that aren’t usually common for me, i freak out and feel like i’m going insane. i genuinely wonder how people have dealt with taboo topics of ocd without treatment for years on end. i’ve had harm intrusive thoughts since i was little, but it didn’t get to any extreme until 2023. i feel like i’m drowning in it when it decides to hit me and the thought of having to deal with it for the rest of my life?? i’m scared something in me will flip and i’ll become what my thoughts are telling me i am. i apologize for the mixed thoughts that are all over the place but i feel safe posting on here about it and want to hear how y’all are doing
- Date posted
- 18w
Due to real event ocd and past mistakes? I’ve been actively trying to work on this and try to accept and not pay too much attention to it but the confession thing has been bugging me but I’m also trying to accept that I don’t need to confess every single mistake I’ve made and we’ve all made mistakes Recently I’ve been wanting to work on myself and be more positive but because of my real events in childhood, I feel like I can’t live a normal life or deserve a normal life.
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi all it’s been a bit since I’ve posted. I’ve been doing ok ish Today has been weird, idk if it’s cuz I upped my vyvanse to 20mg and it’s making me anxious or if everything is just colliding rn It feels like idk myself anymore. I’ve been flipping between ROCD, soocd and tocd the last couple of days/weeks. Rn I just feel horrible and idk why but I’ve been on my period for 11 days now. My period usually lasts 7. When I’m not on birth control. I’ve been on birth control since October of last year and hadn’t had a period till coming home end of April/early may and now it’s back again. I’ve been ranting to chat gpt (Ik it’s bad, I just didn’t know who to turn to) Rn I’m just really in my head about my gender and I’m anxious and crying and I just don’t feel good. Context for tonight’s thought I was doing my skincare, I’ve been trying to develop a routine cuz I’m bothered by the texture on my face and how it makes my makeup look. I’ve always felt less pretty than other girls tbh. Anywyas. As I was doing my skincare I had this thought just happen across my mind of “what if I dislike my skin and face so much cuz I’m trans? What if the reason I’ve been depressed lately is cuz I’m slowly becoming dysphoric and hating myself?” When in fact I think the issue is: I haven’t seen my bf in a month and a bjt. I’ve been bleeding for 11 days. I’m in summer classes and stressed about the comjng semester and how much work I have to do to catch up cuz I’m in pre med and I’ve been fucking slacking lately and I truly hate myself for it. I miss being hugged by my bf. I’ll admit I need a good dicking down tbh. My brother is a whole other story while I’m home. I just feel. Gross and bad. And I’m worried I’m trans. I’m worried I’m a lesbian or smthn. I’m worried I don’t love my bf deeply enough and it’s all just circling in my head a lot and I just feel like curling into a ball. I’ve always been a tomboy, I mostly hung out with boys cuz the girls never liked me. I was weird. I loved dragons. I had imaginary friends. At one point as a kid I tried a different name, I think it just didn’t fit and I grew out of that and just went back to my normal name. But now I’m worried I just repressed that. But I see a lot of girls who also went through the same thing and are also just women. But I’m so scared that I’m “not letting the TV glow” like that trend (that shit made me so anxious. I have trans friends and I love them but im scared of it for myself) I feel still sorta tomboyish but dress feminine, once in a blue moon ill dress semi masculine and now I’m worried that means im either trans or a lesbian who wants to be masc. but I’m not. I don’t think I am Idk who I am anymore. Idk if it’s just ocd or if im actually discovering smthn Im just anxious as hell tbh. So I don’t think that’s the case. I’m just sitting here. Looping in my head. My typical “drown out the noise” tv shows won’t load properly cuz of our new wifi and it’s really irritating me. What if I’ve been lying every time I try to do a “are you trans/genderfluid/non binary?” quiz. What if I’ve been lying to my bf. My friends? My family? I keep thinking to myself, if I wasn’t with my bf would I dress the same? Yes I would. I’d still wear my cardigans. My sweaters. My dresses. I’d try out new styles like I want to rn with him. I’m just worried that teying smthn would make me realize smthn about myself but I don’t think it would. Idk. I’m just in all these irrational thoughts. Jumping to conclusions Any advice would be appreciated. I mostly just needed to vent about this.
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