- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
It does make sense actually. OCD does this. It looks for "proof" you're what you fear. It makes sense it will look at your real life and seek validation from that. It's all the same bullshit, it's all still OCD. No matter what theme, memory, idea, thought, image, vision, auditory thought its all the same.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m just really tired of it.. I keep feeling like I deserve punishment. Like I need to confess. I’m trapped in a cycle and I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
@Mars I have this all the time, I understand. At my worst I used to punish myself, scratch myself, starve myself. It does nothing, infact it just makes the OCD SO much worse. I know it's hard, but try to live your life as if intrusive thoughts are just playing on a laptop or radio or something in the back. "You're evil! Remember when?! This means...what iff??? This makes you such a bad person. What if you've done something wrong though? How can you Be SuReeeeee??" Let all that play in the back ground like a song you hate, meanwhile carrying on with daily life the best you can. Shower with that song, workout with that song playing, talk to family with it playing, eat, sleep, laugh, dance with it playing and eventually your life will drown out the shitty music ❤
- Date posted
- 5y
@MJocd I did that for two days so far and I did pretty ok with it. But then I got reminded how bad it was and so I’m spiraling again. I’ll keep trying because I want to recover but sometimes I wonder if I even deserve it. I keep wanting to confess too. I hate it.
- Date posted
- 5y
In the same boat. I just live everyday despite the stupid thoughts and images and “proof”. Eventually the thoughts will fade as time goes on.
- Date posted
- 5y
Your post actually does make total sense to me. I suffer from something essentially the same and the same themes and with the pocd strain and it’s terrifying. Pretty constantly going over in my mind and terrified I could have ruined someone’s life. The confess thing is a thing for me too! I think the one of the good things that we can do is try and see what reads as OCD traits and of course that’s tough cause it’s like what if it’s not but if we can try and see that whether real or not what we speak of is apparently classic signs of OCD. It’s not easy but also know you’re not alone
- Date posted
- 5y
I hate how I’ve been doing well the last couple days but it’s spiked up again and I’m just like agggghhh I wanna confesss soo bad. I’m glad I’m not alone but man I am tired :((
- Date posted
- 5y
By doing well that’s great progress and sadly it seems it spiking back up seems an inevitable part of the process too. It’s hard if you’ve been doing well and then it comes flying up again however the fact that you were doing well before this spike means that you can be doing well again in the future. Sounds corny but think ocd suffers like us all have to keep up the fight so to say but I get you on the exhaustion also!
- Date posted
- 5y
I'm dealing with this as well It's hard Affects so much my self esteem because you feel that you're terrible and don't deserve to recover But we need to remember that os ocd exaggerating again and trying to punish us.
- Date posted
- 5y
The OCD stories podcast did an awesome post about Real Event OCD the other day and it refers to POCD a bit with this theme, too! Id highly suggest a listen.
- Date posted
- 5y
Thanks for that suggestion, just looked that up and found it, many thanks!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I feel like a really terrible person right now, I keep replaying this, and no matter what I can’t remember what happened, it’s like my brain is purposely not letting me think about it. Without wasting any more time, I’ll get into it. Basically, I was at Walmart, and looking at cards with My Dad, I saw anime ones, took pictures of them for my sister, even ones that were anime kids, because I did my best to ignore it, so I looked at a Hunter x Hunter card, I stared at the black haired kid, being all like “ I’m glad I’m not having any thoughts about this, I’m glad I’m having normal thoughts and not thinking anything” I felt happy, then as soon as I looked at killua (white haired kid), everything collapsed. I don’t know what happened, my brain won’t let me remember. But I’ll give bits and pieces. I think that I had false attraction, and something in my head, said “oh, I wouldn’t mind being attracted.” “He is attractive, and I’m attracted to him.” “I remember a girl thinking he is attractive and he is” “ It’s not wrong to be attracted” “ I don’t care about his age” .. something along the lines of that, and now I’m panicking super hard, because I’m worried if I said those things, I feel like I ruined my life that I’m a pe//do and deserve nothing, idk what to do, I feel terrible… I remember when I was having the intrusive thoughts, I was panicking and was worrying, but it kept playing out, and I kept hearing things talk, it was drawn out too long, that now I feel convinced that I was saying those things, I tested it too, and I can confirm that I didn’t say that, but why am I still not convinced? I know I wouldn’t say those things, I was hoping the complete opposite would happen. My brain kept making me feel like it wasn’t wrong and it was okay. Maybe that’s why I’m so convinced I did that. I’m just spiraling super bad right now, I don’t know what to do or what to think, I don’t know if I said that or not… even if I did test it, I genuinely just feel like I said it, and I wanted it, because I still feel uncertain, I still feel like I said it, part of me just wants to be like oh I did and so I can move on, not because I agree with it, I just don’t know what else to do… I’m really scared.
- Date posted
- 20w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young 🫠 I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 18w
Tmi warning I was being intimate with my bf and I kept getting the name of someone else pop up, but I didn’t feel anxious. Afterwards, as much as I tried to delay confessing, I couldn’t help it. I confessed. My bf was fine he said I probably didn’t feel anxious because I’ve gotten used to the anxiety and it’s okay, it doesn’t define me any more than it would if I was anxious. A few minutes later, he got upset and said that the confession kinda ruined a blissful moment. I’m so upset that my head feels so turbulent I didn’t even notice it was a blissful moment for him and could’ve been for me. I feel so awful. I haven’t slept in a day, I can’t stop crying. My bf is afraid that because this specific name keeps popping up, it might mean something and he feels less than sometimes because of it. I know I shouldn’t have confessed but I felt so safe that it was like a dam broke loose. I feel so awful. What’s worse is that I’m still scared it means something, I’m scared that my boyfriend’s fear is right. He’s very understanding of OCD and how it manifests in me and everything, I think I just kinda messed up a sacred moment and I feel so much guilt and confusion and just horrendous. I’m not even fully anxious. I don’t know what to do. I apologized a lot but I feel like I don’t deserve him and so selfish
- Young adults with OCD
- Older adults with OCD
- Harm OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Relationship OCD
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Religion & Spirituality OCD
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond