- Username
- Mars
- Date posted
- 4y ago
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- Username
- MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
It does make sense actually. OCD does this. It looks for "proof" you're what you fear. It makes sense it will look at your real life and seek validation from that. It's all the same bullshit, it's all still OCD. No matter what theme, memory, idea, thought, image, vision, auditory thought its all the same.
- Username
- MarsMars
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I’m just really tired of it.. I keep feeling like I deserve punishment. Like I need to confess. I’m trapped in a cycle and I hate it.
- Username
- MJocdMJocd
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@Mars I have this all the time, I understand. At my worst I used to punish myself, scratch myself, starve myself. It does nothing, infact it just makes the OCD SO much worse. I know it's hard, but try to live your life as if intrusive thoughts are just playing on a laptop or radio or something in the back. "You're evil! Remember when?! This means...what iff??? This makes you such a bad person. What if you've done something wrong though? How can you Be SuReeeeee??" Let all that play in the back ground like a song you hate, meanwhile carrying on with daily life the best you can. Shower with that song, workout with that song playing, talk to family with it playing, eat, sleep, laugh, dance with it playing and eventually your life will drown out the shitty music ❤
- Username
- MarsMars
- Date posted
- 4y ago
@MJocd I did that for two days so far and I did pretty ok with it. But then I got reminded how bad it was and so I’m spiraling again. I’ll keep trying because I want to recover but sometimes I wonder if I even deserve it. I keep wanting to confess too. I hate it.
- Username
- LinkLink
- Date posted
- 4y ago
In the same boat. I just live everyday despite the stupid thoughts and images and “proof”. Eventually the thoughts will fade as time goes on.
- Username
- hopetogetabitbetterandhelphopetogetabi...
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Your post actually does make total sense to me. I suffer from something essentially the same and the same themes and with the pocd strain and it’s terrifying. Pretty constantly going over in my mind and terrified I could have ruined someone’s life. The confess thing is a thing for me too! I think the one of the good things that we can do is try and see what reads as OCD traits and of course that’s tough cause it’s like what if it’s not but if we can try and see that whether real or not what we speak of is apparently classic signs of OCD. It’s not easy but also know you’re not alone
- Username
- MarsMars
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I hate how I’ve been doing well the last couple days but it’s spiked up again and I’m just like agggghhh I wanna confesss soo bad. I’m glad I’m not alone but man I am tired :((
- Username
- hopetogetabitbetterandhelphopetogetabi...
- Date posted
- 4y ago
By doing well that’s great progress and sadly it seems it spiking back up seems an inevitable part of the process too. It’s hard if you’ve been doing well and then it comes flying up again however the fact that you were doing well before this spike means that you can be doing well again in the future. Sounds corny but think ocd suffers like us all have to keep up the fight so to say but I get you on the exhaustion also!
- Username
- DiegoDiego
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I'm dealing with this as well It's hard Affects so much my self esteem because you feel that you're terrible and don't deserve to recover But we need to remember that os ocd exaggerating again and trying to punish us.
- Username
- Anónima Anónima
- Date posted
- 4y ago
The OCD stories podcast did an awesome post about Real Event OCD the other day and it refers to POCD a bit with this theme, too! Id highly suggest a listen.
- Username
- hopetogetabitbetterandhelphopetogetabi...
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Thanks for that suggestion, just looked that up and found it, many thanks!
Related posts
- Username
- jelly
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Hey so I’m an 18 year old college student I’ve had ocd for a long time but I never wanted to admit this aspect of it as part of it and I still don’t. That’s why I won’t say it cause I’ll just end up crying again. I don’t even want to post about it cause this would just make the problem real. I know I’m not sexually attracted to them but my mind wants to trick me and I end up getting confused on which is rlly me, like the other aspects of my ocd. It spiked ig when someone sent me a meme and it was fine but at the end of it it showed a child being shown in a sexual way which was suppose to I guess be funny but it wasn’t rlly funny to me at all and got uncomfortable and the pocd thoughts came in hard and I had such a bad panic attack and then I felt the need to go back and check to see what I was feeling and went to the video the next day after avoiding it to see which after reading the threads here is I guess a big no no? I know I’m not sexually attracted but my mind is playing these games and confuses me and I’m so scared to even talk to my therapist about it or ask people for help cause what if they think I’m a pedophile? Children genuinely make me happy and I have a motherly instinct to care for them but my mind turns it into something darker and I know I don’t think of these kids sexually but it’s like I have the power to?And that freaks me out so much and it won’t leave me alone I don’t know what to do I know I’m not one but my mind is tricking me and it’s freaking me out and if my mind says it could be what if other people think I am no one I trust will even understand idk what to do I just needed to put this somewhere to vent
- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Guys... I didn't know I would post again so soon. I'm extremely sorry but I can't stop crying and I think I'll explode from whatever I'm feeling. I thought I was a bit better especially with the kind help I received from my last post, which, again, I'm really thankful for. I was ready to go to bed when a memory from last summer resurfaced. It has always been at the back of my mind but I've always tried to ignore it by telling myself that I didn't do anything bad, but now it has resurfaced with full power. I don't think I'm ready to share it here because it's so disgusting but it's related to POCD. I think I will need to confess it to my therapist tomorrow when I see her but I'm so scared. I'm scared she will have me sent to jail. I'm not asking for advice. I just wanted to talk to someone because I feel so, so lonely. (But then, at the same time, I feel like I don't want to talk to anyone because of how bad it is; I'm sorry, I'm so weird.) I'm sorry, I don't know what to say anymore. And I know I sound so dramatic but I promise that's not my intention.
- Username
- cmim2077
- Date posted
- 1y ago
Real Event spiral (currently in hell)
I can’t remember what triggered this theme this time, but it’s been almost a week and I’m in hell. I just cannot accept the person I was as a teenager and the things I’ve done. It feels like I don’t even know who that person is anymore but I know that it’s myself and it’s so hard to accept I’ve done such heinous things. I want to kill myself but I don’t want to die… I want to go back in time and change these things but the very fact that I can’t leaves me with no other choice except suicide. I simply cannot understand how people move past their mistakes. I feel so unstable rn I can’t stop crying, I can’t eat, sleep… haven’t left my bed except for work. I’m struggling so bad rn but my OCD tells me I deserve it. Maybe I do, I don’t know anymore my whole life is tainted and so are those for whom I’ve hurt.
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