- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I think sometimes what keeps us in our ‘locked’ state is wanting and searching so badly to get out of that state? I’ve read a lot about the benefits of acceptance not only of your thoughts and doubts, but of your current state itself, and by just saying to yourself ‘ok, imma be unsure about my sexuality, but I can still choose to love my boyfriend and know that that’s enough to be able to stay with him! Maybe in the future I’ll not worry about my sexuality, but for now, this is my lot.’ I’m still struggling with HOCD myself and that core fear of sexuality changing (hopefully working on it), but I found that when I said to myself ‘I’m just gonna accept that for know I can’t truly be sure, oh well I’m just gonna get on’ and I found myself still living as a straight woman and daydreaming about guys and getting less and less intrusive thoughts about women.
- Date posted
- 5y
I am 100% going to try this!! Thank you so much for your input
- Date posted
- 5y
With practice and proper training, you will be able to be in a place where this thought doesn't even come up, or comes up and passes much quicker. When you engage in compulsions you feed your thoughts and they last much much longer! I would recommend stopping that phrase (unless your couselor has recommended it) and starving the thought instead. Meaning, don't talk back to it. Acknowledge the intense whirlwind of brain chatter in your mind and the crazy sensations it's causing in your body and then set a timer for 5 minutes and just let it be. Everytime you try to tell yourself something, "maybe, I am, maybe I'm not, omg, what if I am? I don't want this, ect." Tell yourself "No" outloud to break the compulsion and recenter. Try this for 5 minutes and see if your anxiety slowly goes down.
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m definitely going to try this!! I guess in those 5 minutes you’re trying to repeat that same thought to yourself or just try to breathe and stuff?
- Date posted
- 5y
Also thank you so much this was really helpful
- Date posted
- 5y
@takingmylifeback Well I'm guessing with the severity of your thoughts they are pretty common throughout the day? I don't think you have to repeat anything, the repeating is just to get you triggered which you already are. So your job is to notice when you're going down that rabbit role, go sit yourself down, set a timer for 5 minutes and resist the urge to talk to yourself or analyze anything. Just sit there. Just feel. And breathe. And sit.
- Date posted
- 5y
I relate ? I just want actual answers too instead of forcing myself to be okay with uncertainty. Because in reality, IM NOT OKAY WITH UNCERTAINTY. Sometimes we can’t possibly know answers and we just gotta do our best. We’re strong and gotta learn to trust ourselves!
- Date posted
- 5y
THAT IS WHAT IM SAYING like I’m not okay with it and stuff but you stay strong too
- Date posted
- 5y
I understand how you feel. I personally don't like the stance of "accept uncertainty" because it doesn't make any sense to me. I in no way am willing to accept that I might murder my family or sexually harm a child. Nope. Not ever going to be okay with that. A lot of people practice being okay with the uncertainty and that's great if it helps them but just know there are other methods out there. These different CBT techniques are tools to pull out of a toolbox. Not every tool works on every job, and not every person wields each tool equally well.
- Date posted
- 5y
@christinejg94 Side note though, ERP is teaching me to be okay with the feelings that uncertainty brings. And I feel like that's where the magic happens.
- Date posted
- 5y
@christinejg94 Yea I completely agree with this. I usually compare what I have to POCD for some reason and I think that I would not be okay with saying “maybe I will maybe I won’t” on doing anything to a child like that is just a lot
- Date posted
- 5y
@christinejg94 Yea for sure
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I keep having this weird feeling none stop that it’s most likely not HOCD and most my feelings. Like I’ve suffered none stop distress and unwanted thoughts the past few days. But those thoughts after a bit just feel weird not the kind of discomfort but are just their and stale. When I look at a guy I don’t feel anything but my thoughts sometimes compliment his looks or personality which makes me doubt my sexuality. I’ve never felt this weirded out. Because I’ve always been straight and still believe I am but I’ve never even had an emotional connection to someone of the opposite gender in fact. My view of the female body has been ruined with none stop pornography addictions. I don’t believe I’m gay but I feel like it may just be denial instead of HOCD but all my symptoms are literally HOCD. I don’t hate the idea of gay people but I can’t imagine or see my heart going off to like someone of the same sex. I haven’t really had any meaningful real life friends besides online but that also ended a few months ago. My only friend ever online that was my friend for the longest of time was a queer but I never really cared about what he liked. Like yes at some point I did try to challenge him with his own feelings but that didn’t last long I just accepted what he liked and moved on. I’ve never even touched let alone held a long conversation with a female. I’ve always been timid and shy around them but I can just say that towards male as well. The gay feelings feel so real. The thoughts feel a bit natural to me but I don’t want this. But I hate how I can’t just move on and be myself and love women when those thoughts demand attention and an answer. It won’t quit it. If I try to do a compulsion it calms down but it quickly becomes a problem again. I’m lonely I don’t have any friends or past relationships I can even think of helping me with the emotions. I still believe I’m straight and I just can’t see myself with a guy. It just doesn’t feel right for me despite my lack of experiences. I just wanna go back to how I was happy and loving girls and not having to question if it was a real feeling or just my natural timid nature. Everytime I think these distressing thoughts I always just wanna sit down and close my eyes and sleep. Because that’s where I can have peace of self. It sucks but I’m so exhausted of having to deal with emotional distress and I can’t even focus on my job as much. I want to meet new people discover my love for women again but I’m scared in the process I may discover I may be gay. Because deep down I know I wouldn’t ever be happy with myself if my greatest fears where confirmed. My dream of always being a father with a loving women and kids would be torn away by something I never asked for. Yes I’m religious, yes I come from a place that homosexuals are usually seen in a bad light. I just hate feeling this emotion that I may not be what I thought and having my dreams torn apart maybe true. I’ve read MUTIPLE articles about HOCD and seen MUTIPLE videos. I’ve come to the realization that I most likely have it. But it’s still hard when the feelings of maybe being gay maybe true you know? I hope I get better I hope I don’t suffer. I just wanna be happy with myself and loving females and I don’t wanna hate myself for feeling an emotion that never occurred to me more then a few times.
- Date posted
- 22w
As a lesbian with SO-OCD, I feel so helpless. It's truly exhausting because no one I know understands what I'm going through. The first response is always, "You're just confused" or "You don't have to know yet." But that's not the issue, I do know. I just never see any lesbians with SO-OCD so I feel so invalidated. These thoughts flood my brain constantly, forcing me to analyze my reactions to every man I see. I feel trapped in an endless cycle of "testing" myself, trying to prove that I don't like them. But my brain fights back, telling me I do want to love a man, making it feel real even though don't want it. It's terrifying. At this point, it's hard to even hold onto my identity as a lesbian because I'm so overwhelmed. I don't know if this is what real attraction is supposed to feel like, and that fear eats away at me. The truth is, when I think about being with a man, all I feel is disgust and fear-but my brain twists that into doubt. I hate it. I'm at the point where I'm scared I'm going to have to accept something I don't want because I don't know if this will ever go away. I miss who I was before all this.
- Date posted
- 15w
I don’t know what to do with this bs anymore. I’m crying again and again and again and again. I cannot describe how painful this is. I’ve recovered from every single OCD subtype expect this one. HOCD is so scary and it’s so incredibly scary how it feels so real. The issue with this subtype is how intertwined it is with feelings and sensations. I hate how it keeps latching onto the past and uses the past as proof. I don’t want it to be the truth. I don’t want to accept any possibility.
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