Does anyone else have the compulsion to confess? Even if I haven’t actually done anything my OCD will give me reasons that whatever I’ve done has either hurt someone or will cause people to dislike me. Is that just me?

OMG. I am so sorry that you had to go through that too. But it is good to know that we aren't alone. It is definitely nice that we can talk to others going through the same problems here. I also get nightmares of having to explain myself. It can be pretty messed up. I am trying to work on thinking through my actual involvement in situations where I feel guilty. Although it is still hard to not confess each time, it at least gives me a little insight as to my actual role in the issue.

@gitoutmeswamp Yep doing that and getting insight really has helped me. I still feel extremely awful about part when I genuinely have contributed to harm or have done something wrong but I try to have self compassion for those and understand the reasons for my actions as if I'm thinking kindly about another person. I want to be able to see myself as someone who has been in pain and made mistakes like anyone else in life. And yes going over those messy ones despite the guilt has given me a much clearer idea of my genuine part in it and I'm much better at identifying where I have taken too much blame or responsibility. I also need to work on black and white thinking, I suspect. Like the fact I have made mistakes or hurt or upset others doesn't make me an intolerable human, I don't need to have always been perfect.

@Scoggy I am soooooo bad with black and white thinking. It is hard for me to make sense of "grey areas" which is like 90% of life. ?

@gitoutmeswamp But my god those dreams and the fear of being questioned and doubted and hated are just the worst thing ever. I literally get scared to do anything with my life because I don't want anyone to notice I exist and the dreams become a reality??

@Scoggy @Scoggy I always have had crazy and vivid dreams. I remember dreams I had in middle school. I used to have what I called "chronical dreams" because much like a book they would pick up where they had left off the night before. It is very hard sometimes to find the line between dreams and reality, especially if your dreams are hyperreal. But I always try to remind myself that what I dream at night isn't going to necessarily dictate what happens during the day. It can be a struggle sometimes though, especially when dreams seem like they already happened in real life.

@Scoggy That part takes time. During your fundamental years you are taught that you weren't worth anything and that you were a mess up. Now you have to retrain yourself with love and compassion. "You did the best you could with what you had" Is helpful for depressive rumination.

@gitoutmeswamp It's become a genuine obsession of mine though :( I know that going back and explaining my confessions to people that it's OCD is a compulsion which just stirs up old things which are already left for dead. I need to try to live with the idea that people could talk about me and hate me for all the wrong reasons (as I've made plenty of real mistakes) and that I can still get on with my life. But I suppose I fear building a good life or positive reputation and then it all being taken away. Especially due to confessing stuff I think would be technically a crime even though I took it back at the time when I recognised it didn't make sense. I'm also nervous to potentially do the same thing in the future when I feel the stupid guilt and I never know what it might be about next, like if I get a good career (I'm considering social work as it relates to my degree) and there is some issue that I had some small role in, I could take excessive responsibility and get myself fired and lose my whole career. It's just so difficult to make a move at all. UGH

@Scoggy I’m going interesting social work too!

@Scoggy Yeah... That can be really tough. Like someone saod above, it will take time to heal. I know that isn't what any of us really want to hear, but it is what we kind of have to keep reminding ourselves of.

@bella koepp Into not interested

@Scoggy Scoggy, we started out rough but I'm pretty sure we are twin OCDers on this platform. ?

@christinejg94 Oh no, was I mean to you at first? ? See what I mean, I ain't perfect!! MUST NOT BE TRIGGERED Yep you me and mjocd and even mars have a ton in common. And now swampy! What is this fresh hell

@Scoggy OMG swampy is the best nickname I've gotten. ??❤❤

@gitoutmeswamp Ogres are like onions!!

@christinejg94 Hey also I think we are the same age lol I was born Jan 94

@Scoggy They have LAYERS. Why not say parfaits? Everybody loves parfaits!

@Scoggy Hahaha we got into a whole fight about POCD and you said my therapist was horrible or a liar and yes girl, I was TRIGGERED. But hey, that's a good thing in ERP, right? ? I avoided this app for 3 days to stop getting notifications for that thread because I was so triggered and went into spiral thinking, "does my therapist lie to me, is all the progress I made a lie, omg, omg, I need to call her and find out, this is all a lie which means I actually AM bad and all the things I've done are probably horrible and she LIED to make me feel better.? Omg, so let me think of those things, right now!!" But eventually I got over it and told myself we can both be right, or maybe I'm wrong but I don't need to catastrophize. Yeah, everything you say, I'm like, I'm have that, do that. We have the same major compulsions and possibly obsessions. Especially after just reading your obsession about things being legal, that's a big one for me too.

@Scoggy September '94. What state do you live in?

@gitoutmeswamp ACT therapy is really great at helping with black and white thinking and makes your mind more "flexible."

@christinejg94 Thank you!! I will look into that. I hadn't heard of it before.

You will get through this!! ❤❤

Yeah totally! I go back a lot and try and analyze my motives for thing in the past

@bella koepp AAARGH ME TOO. Like, stuff where I know it was perfectly innocent/genuine when I did or said the thing but I make up a story where my motivations were awful and it doesn't make logical sense but it FEELS so real.

@bella koepp Always. I don't want to give examples because I'll trigger myself but yes, all the freakin' time. My most recent obsession was, "did I do this action because it needed to be done or because I wanted to feel better? How much of each was it? Cause if it was a compulsion that makes it very very wrong but if it was because it needed to be done then I'm innocent. Also, I should tell my husband incase it was do to a compulsion and I'm a horrible person. He deserves to know how horrible I am."?