The thing I struggle with in my HOCD recovery is the acceptance part. I’ve seen people say that a key part of their recovery was accepting their attraction to the same sex, but knowing they can still choose to be with a person of the opposite sex. But the whole concept of my ocd is this NEED to know that I’m not attracted to the same sex. For example, for someone with POCD, surely their recovery wouldn’t include accepting their attraction to children but knowing they can choose not to act on their intrusive thoughts, the whole concept is fear of this attraction. Would love if anyone knows more about this!

lms2000

Date posted: 5y

ultimately i think the point of this is that sexuality exists on a spectrum. you can find people of the same sex attractive and occasionally have sexual feelings towards them but choose to be with someone of the opposite sex and be very attracted to them. even people who have never had same sex attraction their entire lives and have been happily married to people of the opposite sex can become attracted to someone of the same sex later in life. ocd is trying to make us safe and trying to get rid of all the unwanted feelings so that we’ll never have to deal with them again, but there is no such thing as “safe.” we just have to exist and accept whatever comes our way, and sometimes that may be some attraction to the same sex but it doesn’t have to change everything about who we are. but of course that’s way easier said than done and i still struggle a ton ?

Gainz32

Date posted: 5y

I mentioned this to someone else, but there is a clear difference between physical admiration and sexual/romantic attraction. I am a guy and never had a problem with HOCD, until my late 20’s when my anxiety flared up. So just thinking about that rationally helped me. Then it clicked to me that I could think someone is attractive/good looking without there being a sexual/romantic component to it. Just like I can think a dog is a good looking dog without there being some deeper meaning.

js94

Date posted: 5y

How long did you suffer with it for ?

hateocd123

Date posted: 5y

It's not that easy once you start getting groinal responses and it makes you think it IS sexual attraction.

Gainz32

Date posted: 5y

@hateocd123 Yes but you have be able to sit with the groins response and realize that it is not a true arousal and only happening because you are checking on it and hyper focused there, but until you sit with the uncomfortable sensation you will never know and will live in your head. I had it for about 6 months, then I decided to say fuck it and confront it because life was miserable. I’d rather be gay and happy than be stuck in my head an miserable. It’s really just an awareness thing that once it gets into your head it gets stuck there. Like prior to those thoughts I never had any concern about being gay. I was always into women and always masturbated thinking about women and doing sexual things with women, then all of a sudden these thoughts appear and enter my awareness, but what’s changed? Nothing just that I became aware of some troubling thoughts that I didn’t agree with. So I sat with the anxiety and challenged it. I challenged myself to pick out attractive dudes and sit with the thoughts, then over time my brain calmed down and realized that admiring someone physically is not the same as wanting to have sexual or romantic relationships. I remember when I was younger i used to read body building magazines and admire the physiques and I’d go to the gym and workout to try and get a similar physique. 6 pack abs, nice pecs, etc... I NEVER ONCE THOUGHT IT WAS GAY, I would admire the physiques not in a sexual way but because I used it as motivation so that I would become more attractive to WOMEN. So that is proof that you can look at someone and like something about them, their hair, their smile, their body, etc without it meaning you are gay/bi.

js94

Date posted: 5y

@Gainz32 How old r u boss

Estrid

Date posted: 5y

Unset theme or content of the thoughts, all of us with OCD has to learn to accept uncertainty. We lean into "maybe maybe not", the more you accept uncertainty the more you will see that the thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more than that.

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