The thing I struggle with in my HOCD recovery is the acceptance part. I’ve seen people say that a key part of their recovery was accepting their attraction to the same sex, but knowing they can still choose to be with a person of the opposite sex. But the whole concept of my ocd is this NEED to know that I’m not attracted to the same sex. For example, for someone with POCD, surely their recovery wouldn’t include accepting their attraction to children but knowing they can choose not to act on their intrusive thoughts, the whole concept is fear of this attraction. Would love if anyone knows more about this!

lms2000

Date posted: 4y ago

ultimately i think the point of this is that sexuality exists on a spectrum. you can find people of the same sex attractive and occasionally have sexual feelings towards them but choose to be with someone of the opposite sex and be very attracted to them. even people who have never had same sex attraction their entire lives and have been happily married to people of the opposite sex can become attracted to someone of the same sex later in life. ocd is trying to make us safe and trying to get rid of all the unwanted feelings so that we’ll never have to deal with them again, but there is no such thing as “safe.” we just have to exist and accept whatever comes our way, and sometimes that may be some attraction to the same sex but it doesn’t have to change everything about who we are. but of course that’s way easier said than done and i still struggle a ton ?

Gainz32

Date posted: 4y ago

I mentioned this to someone else, but there is a clear difference between physical admiration and sexual/romantic attraction. I am a guy and never had a problem with HOCD, until my late 20’s when my anxiety flared up. So just thinking about that rationally helped me. Then it clicked to me that I could think someone is attractive/good looking without there being a sexual/romantic component to it. Just like I can think a dog is a good looking dog without there being some deeper meaning.

js94

Date posted: 4y ago

How long did you suffer with it for ?

hateocd123

Date posted: 4y ago

It's not that easy once you start getting groinal responses and it makes you think it IS sexual attraction.

Gainz32

Date posted: 4y ago

@hateocd123 Yes but you have be able to sit with the groins response and realize that it is not a true arousal and only happening because you are checking on it and hyper focused there, but until you sit with the uncomfortable sensation you will never know and will live in your head. I had it for about 6 months, then I decided to say fuck it and confront it because life was miserable. I’d rather be gay and happy than be stuck in my head an miserable. It’s really just an awareness thing that once it gets into your head it gets stuck there. Like prior to those thoughts I never had any concern about being gay. I was always into women and always masturbated thinking about women and doing sexual things with women, then all of a sudden these thoughts appear and enter my awareness, but what’s changed? Nothing just that I became aware of some troubling thoughts that I didn’t agree with. So I sat with the anxiety and challenged it. I challenged myself to pick out attractive dudes and sit with the thoughts, then over time my brain calmed down and realized that admiring someone physically is not the same as wanting to have sexual or romantic relationships. I remember when I was younger i used to read body building magazines and admire the physiques and I’d go to the gym and workout to try and get a similar physique. 6 pack abs, nice pecs, etc... I NEVER ONCE THOUGHT IT WAS GAY, I would admire the physiques not in a sexual way but because I used it as motivation so that I would become more attractive to WOMEN. So that is proof that you can look at someone and like something about them, their hair, their smile, their body, etc without it meaning you are gay/bi.

js94

Date posted: 4y ago

@Gainz32 How old r u boss

Estrid

Date posted: 4y ago

Unset theme or content of the thoughts, all of us with OCD has to learn to accept uncertainty. We lean into "maybe maybe not", the more you accept uncertainty the more you will see that the thoughts are just thoughts, nothing more than that.

Elliesmith

Date posted: 13w ago

Is this a symptom of soocd

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Mt2019

Date posted: 11w ago

Question about HOCD

Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please

Anonymous

Date posted: 10w ago

Will groinals go away with acceptance

I keep getting these groinal responses when I think about kids or see one and it's really distressing, I only just learned that OCD can make you feel that and it's not actually attraction but it's so hard to remember that and I've seen people talking about accepting uncertainty but I'm so scared to think "maybe it's attraction maybe it's not" instead of "no it's not attraction that's disgusting" and idk what to do

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