Unlike the most common types of OCD, my fears always come true. Let's take the easy example of turning off the stove 10 times just to be sure, it's all about the obession and compulsion. However my fear is to feel depersonalizated (i think i have this, not sure, for me it justfeels like being stabbed by 1000 knifes every second for weeks on end) so i try to avoid things that will make it happen. However, it keeps happening and it's devastating every single time, so much that i can't bear it at all. Your house catching fire likely won't come true, but me suffering intensely once i am triggered does, almost every single time, unless i somehow magically convince myself i just triggered myself and dp won't happen unless i let it by reacting strongly to the trigger. But it only worked like 5-6 times in my 4 years of suffering. I am still looking for a therapist to help me deal with this, but if anyone has any ideas as to what i could try or do i'd be grateful. Exposure doesn't work because the thing i am scared of comes true every time and i lose all control and cant think straight / really need guidance when it happens.

Estrid

Date posted: 5y

I get that you have a hard time with this! But I dont agree. Our obsessions can come true. For example I have found my stove on three times...but there were no fire... But the most important is that the treatment is the same. You have to learn to accept these emotions, it doesnt matter if you say they come true or not. I think a therapist can help you to find underlying fears also.

Waaahmo

Date posted: 5y

I'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that obsessions don't come true, it was just a specific example that the chance in the stove case is very small. I also know the goal of ocd is accepting the uncertainity instead of believing nothing will happen! Thanks for your insight, i also think i need to learn to accept the fears and my response to them coming true.

Fathomable

Date posted: 5y

I've gone through periods of depersonalisation and the one thing which kept it going was being nervous of it happening. Increases anxiety which causes me to overthink and leads to it, so I can understand why that sort of exposures tend to make it happen. The first priority would be to cut out ruminating about it, which is that middle step where the anxiety leads you to choose to worry. Believe it or not, worrying is a choice, it's actually a mental compulsion, so when you feel that you want to worry because something has triggered the fear of it happening, refuse to scratch that itch. Notice that you want to dwell on it, and full on distract yourself with something else. At this point, worrying about depersonalisation is much more of a rumination compulsion than an effective exposure. Instead a good exposure would be to expose yourself to the kinds of things and situations which usually TRIGGER you to start worrying about depersonalisation, and when you feel that anxiety, instead of starting to think (ruminate) about it, do something else which takes your full attention. It'll be difficult to do because you're feeling the triggered anxiety, but you can get through it without dwelling on any thoughts that may pop up about depersonalisation. Notice that the thought happened, sure, but don't follow it down its rabbit hole. That's proper response prevention. It may also help to make some adjustments to how you see depersonalisation. It is weird, but not dangerous. Personally I like it now, it's a little bit psychadelic to suddenly see things from a different angle, it's an opportunity to think about interesting philosophical questions like the nature of self. That stuff doesn't need to be at all scary- I find it very freeing.

Waaahmo

Date posted: 5y

Hi, thank you a lot for your comment! I think you are right with exposure and and changing the response to DP. I think my case of DP (if it is DP) is different from the most common types, i hear from a lot of people having existential anxiety, but for me it's complete paralysis, and i can't find a way to enjoy it...however i'm trying to find ways to accept it and stop rejecting it so much. I can't lie but it's extremely difficult haha! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

ocdillustrated

Date posted: 5y

I would approach this as similar to panic disorder, only instead of panic attacks, you're experiencing depersonalization. Like panic attacks, the depersonalization is intensely distressing sensation. However, not everyone who has panic attacks has panic disorder. Panic disorder is when someone becomes so afraid of having a panic attack that they avoid places they think the attacks might happen. Invariably, the attacks continue, so they avoid even more places and their world constricts around them. Avoiding triggers creates more triggers, in panic disorder, in PTSD, in OCD, etc. The treatment for panic disorder is learning to interpret the sensation in a less scary way. The sensations stay unpleasant, but when the narrative around them changes and avoidance stops, functioning improves and habituation can occur

Waaahmo

Date posted: 5y

Hi Katie, thank you a lot for your comment. What you write makes a lot of sense, i start to avoid anything that makes me scared to feel depersonalizated which creates more and more triggers, but i have no safety net in life, so i often think "i can't afford to get depersonalizated now, if i do, i'll be useless for who knows how long and noone will do the important tasks (like finding a therapist) for me." But depersonalization happens even when i don't feel scared, but i think my subconscious might be always on alert. It really helped to get some insight from other people, i'll try to work with this information and continue to look for professional help!

ConstantPain

Date posted: 23w

Dealing with a lot. Need support and company.

My last and almost life long theme/sub-theme largely subsided recently and my ocd felt like it wasn’t even an issue. Then I went on winter break from uni and being alone made my mind come up with a whole new topic to obsess over. TLDR on my fears, my advisor wouldn’t email me back for a while about signing up for classes so my mind started to worry “what if he doesn’t in time and you can’t enroll this semester and you lose this whole life you just built and all these new friends” So when that issue was resolved my mind found other scarier ways I could be uprooted from my current life and friends that I’ve grown so attached to. Then my mind remembered back when I was struggling with false memories and scrupulosity and I essentially made a post on a forum 2 and a half years ago saying I did something or was convinced I did something that I never actually did. Now I’ve been spiraling about someone finding it reporting me and I either get seen as a horrible person or arrested or something over something I never actually did but “admitted” to out of fear of going to hell. My mind won’t let it go and keeps finding new reasons for it to be “valid” “logical” or even inevitable. I feel like it’s just hanging over my head and I can never rest easy. Especially when I try to focus on my daily tasks or plan for the future I get this horrible flair up of “why plan for the future when this could come back in that future and you get uprooted from all of it” my mind won’t rest without certainty being uprooted won’t happen but certainty doesn’t exist, at least not with ocd. This sucks and I miss being care free.

strawberryjax

Date posted: 23w

hey. i have contamination ocd and this is my life.

back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.

cows12465

Date posted: 18w

suic. ocd i’m panicking

Does anyone else get fixated on one “topic” with their ocd?? like for me trains and guns are mine. like i’m scared of trains and im scared to be around guns because that’s what triggers my ocd and makes me convince me that that is the way to go. i literally worry myself into thinking im going to sh*t myself when i don’t even have a gun but my ocd convinces me. idk if im explaining it good, but its a real struggle. just need some tips & advice

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