Unlike the most common types of OCD, my fears always come true. Let's take the easy example of turning off the stove 10 times just to be sure, it's all about the obession and compulsion. However my fear is to feel depersonalizated (i think i have this, not sure, for me it justfeels like being stabbed by 1000 knifes every second for weeks on end) so i try to avoid things that will make it happen. However, it keeps happening and it's devastating every single time, so much that i can't bear it at all. Your house catching fire likely won't come true, but me suffering intensely once i am triggered does, almost every single time, unless i somehow magically convince myself i just triggered myself and dp won't happen unless i let it by reacting strongly to the trigger. But it only worked like 5-6 times in my 4 years of suffering. I am still looking for a therapist to help me deal with this, but if anyone has any ideas as to what i could try or do i'd be grateful. Exposure doesn't work because the thing i am scared of comes true every time and i lose all control and cant think straight / really need guidance when it happens.

Username: EstridEstrid

Date posted: 4y ago

I get that you have a hard time with this! But I dont agree. Our obsessions can come true. For example I have found my stove on three times...but there were no fire... But the most important is that the treatment is the same. You have to learn to accept these emotions, it doesnt matter if you say they come true or not. I think a therapist can help you to find underlying fears also.

Username: WaaahmoWaaahmo

Date posted: 4y ago

I'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that obsessions don't come true, it was just a specific example that the chance in the stove case is very small. I also know the goal of ocd is accepting the uncertainity instead of believing nothing will happen! Thanks for your insight, i also think i need to learn to accept the fears and my response to them coming true.

Username: FathomableFathomable

Date posted: 4y ago

I've gone through periods of depersonalisation and the one thing which kept it going was being nervous of it happening. Increases anxiety which causes me to overthink and leads to it, so I can understand why that sort of exposures tend to make it happen. The first priority would be to cut out ruminating about it, which is that middle step where the anxiety leads you to choose to worry. Believe it or not, worrying is a choice, it's actually a mental compulsion, so when you feel that you want to worry because something has triggered the fear of it happening, refuse to scratch that itch. Notice that you want to dwell on it, and full on distract yourself with something else. At this point, worrying about depersonalisation is much more of a rumination compulsion than an effective exposure. Instead a good exposure would be to expose yourself to the kinds of things and situations which usually TRIGGER you to start worrying about depersonalisation, and when you feel that anxiety, instead of starting to think (ruminate) about it, do something else which takes your full attention. It'll be difficult to do because you're feeling the triggered anxiety, but you can get through it without dwelling on any thoughts that may pop up about depersonalisation. Notice that the thought happened, sure, but don't follow it down its rabbit hole. That's proper response prevention. It may also help to make some adjustments to how you see depersonalisation. It is weird, but not dangerous. Personally I like it now, it's a little bit psychadelic to suddenly see things from a different angle, it's an opportunity to think about interesting philosophical questions like the nature of self. That stuff doesn't need to be at all scary- I find it very freeing.

Username: WaaahmoWaaahmo

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi, thank you a lot for your comment! I think you are right with exposure and and changing the response to DP. I think my case of DP (if it is DP) is different from the most common types, i hear from a lot of people having existential anxiety, but for me it's complete paralysis, and i can't find a way to enjoy it...however i'm trying to find ways to accept it and stop rejecting it so much. I can't lie but it's extremely difficult haha! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts.

Username: ocdillustratedocdillustrated

Date posted: 4y ago

I would approach this as similar to panic disorder, only instead of panic attacks, you're experiencing depersonalization. Like panic attacks, the depersonalization is intensely distressing sensation. However, not everyone who has panic attacks has panic disorder. Panic disorder is when someone becomes so afraid of having a panic attack that they avoid places they think the attacks might happen. Invariably, the attacks continue, so they avoid even more places and their world constricts around them. Avoiding triggers creates more triggers, in panic disorder, in PTSD, in OCD, etc. The treatment for panic disorder is learning to interpret the sensation in a less scary way. The sensations stay unpleasant, but when the narrative around them changes and avoidance stops, functioning improves and habituation can occur

Username: WaaahmoWaaahmo

Date posted: 4y ago

Hi Katie, thank you a lot for your comment. What you write makes a lot of sense, i start to avoid anything that makes me scared to feel depersonalizated which creates more and more triggers, but i have no safety net in life, so i often think "i can't afford to get depersonalizated now, if i do, i'll be useless for who knows how long and noone will do the important tasks (like finding a therapist) for me." But depersonalization happens even when i don't feel scared, but i think my subconscious might be always on alert. It really helped to get some insight from other people, i'll try to work with this information and continue to look for professional help!

Username: Rodrigo Gier

Date posted: 2y ago

OCD is so sneaky - Need help with ERP

Finally, after 2 months,after a long tak with my therapist this morning, I identified my true demon. I was hitting the scarecrow all along. Now I need help identifying the compulsions in ERP. I'm that dude you probably have seen around here complaining about sleep. I am constantly afraid I wont get to sleep at night. Now, I didnt really understand why I have that fear. I mean, I'd be totally fine If a doctor said ''ok, you should stay awake for 3 days for an experiment. The real problem for me is the uncertainty about my sleep, in which I never know if I'll be able to sleep or not. I thought it was just sleep anxiety. However, I used to work night shift a couple of years ago, and sometimes I would skip a day of sleep on purpose, to have more free time to enjoy ( I used to sleep from 6 am to 3 pm). I never felt scared at all. Even when I would try to sleep and failed, I would feel frustrated, but not terrified as I find myself nowadays when I have a sleepless night. So I started questioning: What happened lately that made me so concerned about that? Why do I have to be 100% sure I will get to sleep every single night, and why do I get terrified when I don't? So I remembered that last year I was reading about Familiar Fatal Insomnia. I learned that there is a very rare similar disease in which a person may develop Sporadic Fatal Insomnia, without the need to have a genetic link to FFI. It is extremely rare - only 24 cases registered so far. Now I dont know whether I really believe I have it, or may develop it. I'm more afraid of having this fear at night and fail to sleep, thus ''confirming'' my diagnosis. That's why I feel so terrified when I don't sleep. The thing is, never changed. The fear is the same as I had all these weeks: Failing to sleep the next night. Regardless of what condition is causing it.Anxiety, OCD, or fatal insomnia.. This fear of Fatal Insomnia had already popped up other times through these weeks, but never got my attention for too long. Somehow I realized this is a never ending cycle, in which I'll never know how my next night will be. I don't know how to practice ERP here. What should I expose myself to? How can I practice ERP with a fear that can kind of come true ? (Not necessarily developing such condition, but failing to sleep and thus believing so). I'm sorry for the long post, but I really dont know what to do:(

Username: Dussaultalex

Date posted: 1y ago

I can barely leave the house

I have horrible checking intrusive thoughts where if I don’t check something before leaving the room/apartment/building, I’m convinced the worst will happen. I believe the .1% is more likely than the 99.9%. I’m worried if I don’t check the stove there will be a gas leak or fire, if I don’t check the outlets there will be an electrical fire, if I don’t check the faucets there will be flooding. It’s like my brain doesn’t believe me. I check hundreds of times before leaving and still I don’t feel secure in everything being good and end up rechecking. I take pictures and it’s like I don’t believe the pictures. I’ll go to my girlfriends but have to Uber back just to check something that is most likely okay and it’s Eating up my life. It is ruining my life and I have no idea how I can be an adult or hold down a job with this. I’m terrified of causing some horrible thing cause I didn’t check. I feel hopeless

Username: CB1992

Date posted: 1y ago

Stuck in an OCD loop

Have any of you been stuck in what feels like an OCD loop? It’s like being held hostage by OCD. It’s like everything becomes a trigger. Like there isn’t a part of the day where I’m not having intrusive thoughts because it’s the only thing my brain can think about. So every conversation I’m thinking of horrible things I could say, every time I pet my dog think of things I could do to hurt her, anytime I drive I think of hitting pedestrians, every time I’m alone I think of ways I could hurt myself. It honestly feels like my brains on fire I’m starting to think I might have some kind of destructive brain tumour because I can’t comprehend how this can all be mental illness. It’s the ‘urge’ I can’t deal with it feels so real. I’ve had mental illness and likely OCD my whole life but nothing has ever made me feel as scared and hopeless as this. I’ve been having horrible migraine attacks daily for months and I think the trigger is the stress and anxiety these thoughts cause. I feel like I can never rest. It’s like my head is caught in a vice and my eye sight is constant flashes and static. Blood tests normal and two eye tests back normal. I can barely work as my whole job is computer based. I don’t even know how I would begin to do ERP because it feels like I’d have to tackle EVERYTHING about being alive! I also don’t think I have any compulsions. If I do none of them provide any relief so it’s basically just me feeling like I’m going insane every single day since October. It’s impossible to relax when my brain thinks we’re either going to die of a brain tumour or going insane and hurting myself against my will or doing something to someone else that would mean I would have to kill myself. My brain honestly believes it’s inevitable I won’t be along for much longer and it’s petrifying. I don’t know how to get better until I can reset my body to get out of this cycle. How am I supposed to move forward when my brain and body is in constant fight and flight? Does anybody relate? My brain doesn’t even believe this is OCD anymore… I guess this is reassurance but I’m having such a terrible time.

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