MY OCD STORY I’d like to tell you guys my ocd story because why it happened is still a mystery to me. I have never dealt with ocd for my life. I only dealt with some thoughts recently that I would worry about and obsess about but...most of my ocd thoughts would be something that my ex boyfriend would say. For example. My ex boyfriend would say things like, “I’d fuck her” about a random girl. Now I get those thoughts and deal with sexual ocd trying to repress those thoughts. Another thing is my ex used to say weird things about girls younger than him. Way younger, and talk about their body and how they’ve changed so much since the last time they’ve he’s seen them. This caused me to struggle with pocd. Anybody have any thoughts about this? I am not trying to blame him but just wonder if someone else had this experience or can explain what more this experience means for me. My therapist calls these traumatic memories, which I then obsess about.

I’ve always had OCD, and for most of my life it was little things that seemed manageable at the time or something that would phase out of my head within a couple days/weeks/months. But, the older I got the more severe it became, I’d find myself collapsing deeper and deeper within my own head trying to out think the thoughts that bothered me. About a year ago I had a thought that rattled me to my core. My brothers and I were watching a movie in our mother’s room when my youngest brother turned to me to say something. His close proximity to me triggered a fleeting sexually explicit image in my head and that thought caused me to spiral. Asking questions like, “are you attracted to your minor brother? Are you attracted to minors? Are you gay? Etc.” a couple days went by and my mental stability continued to crumble until I broke down to my mother, she was understanding and we found a a psychiatrist. I got on medication and for a while everything was slowly but surely trending in a positive direction. The thoughts would still pop into my head but they were becoming more manageable. As we all know OCD and mental illness comes in waves. Currently my OCD has been pretty severe. I feel those intrusive thoughts latching on in my head and it’s been very hard to kick them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself being uncomfortable being in close proximity with my little brother because I feel as though I am capable of harming him in any way. And the more uncomfortable I become being around him the more I find myself lashing out in anger towards the people I care about the most. Those moments of anger cause me to spiral even farther as my head fills with ideas like “what if you are capable of hurting someone or even murdering them?” There’s times where these thoughts rattle me so much that I feel like it would be better to be in prison where I couldn’t harm someone or that even being dead would be a better solution than possibly running the risk of hurting someone in my life I care about. This is about the jist of it, a majority of the OCD I have is centered around the idea that I am capable of harming my little brother physically, mentally, sexually. It’s been exhausting and it feels like there is no end in sight.

Hello everyone I need some advice. I’ve struggled with what I think and hope is ocd for a long time. It started when I was 14 I had a concussion and my brain convinced myself for 9 months that I had this concussion. Then I had a gf at 15 before we were official I did a terrible thing im regretful of it for sure. I kissed another girl. I told my now ex girlfriend about it and I started to overthink the situation and think maybe I slept with the girl or maybe we did more than kiss. In reality we didn’t. when I turned 16 I started having thoughts of maybe I cheated on her with other girls at our school. It would be false memories of me sleeping or doing things with 4 or 5 other girls. That eventually went away as I would ask reassurance like a crazy person. Then one day what I believe was either Christmas time or new years around that time I had this thought “what if I SA’d my ex little sister?” This thought tormented me for so long I couldn’t believe it. As she was so young it would be impossible for me to do that without someone noticing plus that’s absolutely horrifying and disgusting and I’ve never ever ever ever been alone with her or desired to. Then what I knew would happen came along with me thinking I SA’d my little sister or my baby brother at the time. It was a horrible experience. Then it went to me thinking I was a pedo without the false memories. Then it went to my other siblings thinking I did something to them in their sleep, I did something to the pets, etc. As I got older I realized what ocd was and what I was going through and it eventually all went away. But as time goes on I’m now almost 24 I have spiraled back into thinking I SA my ex little sister. It’s crazy because I’ve never had that desire or anything at all it would absolutely break me if that was true. With something like this saying maybe not maybe it did is crazy because it’s a serious thing. I’m getting therapy on Monday and am just wanting my life back. I just recently got engaged to my beautiful fiancé and I want to be regular again. Anyone have any advice or even have gone through the same scenarios? It’s just so tough.

Hi I’ve never posted before but I need to talk with other people that have this too because it’s hard to explain to other people without ocd. I was in a relationship for awhile and we started dating before either of us knew I had ocd. Anyway I have a really bad episode of it that led me to go get on medication and got into therapy. My ocd can have some really taboo themes and thoughts which I have learned is just what comes with the illness. The problem though is when I was really struggling one of my compulsions was confessing and reassurance seeking specifically to the guy I was dating because I trusted him. We both knew at this point that I had ocd and it affected many parts of our relationship particularly our intimacy which he made me feel bad about. He started calling me crazy, just joking, but still. Eventually I start feeling better and we start being intimate again and the day after he breaks up with me. About a month later after I hear he went on a date with another girl (we live together) he tells me he couldn’t be intimate with me because of my intrusive thoughts. We still live together with 2 other roommates so I still see him everyday. We try to be cordial with each other. I still have my moments though I’m still dealing with my ocd and a breakup seemingly caused by it and I cry a lot. Some months go by and he’s dating this other girl and I end up making out with one of my other roommates. I have no idea if my ex knew but the next day when it was only me in the house he starts screaming “THOSE MOTHER FUCKERS” and starts slamming shit. I tell my roommate about this and he and I are both kind of scared of him. He started acting really cold to us after. Then the night before my graduation my two roommates moved out so it’s just me and my ex in the house. In the middle of the night he comes downstairs and in front of my door calls me a horrible name relating to my intrusive thoughts. I open the door and say fuck you and he says you took my fucking friends. I said I didn’t take shit from you and he says yeah and goes upstairs and screams BINGO for some reason. He did it in the middle of the night when we were alone and I had no one to talk to or go to. He blames me because a lot of our friends sided with me in the breakup because they knew what I was going through. He had told me that I could never speak if my intrusive thoughts to anyone including my therapist (I did don’t worry) but he had made me feel so ashamed more than I was already. Also the next day he left a mess for me to clean up since I was the last one to move out. I’m coming to terms with the fact that on top of this awful experience with ocd that I may have been emotionally abused as well.