- Username
- getwellsoon
- Date posted
- 4y ago
God I’m so sorry to hear that :( listen, even if your sister is tired she has no right to say that to you. are you currently in any sort of therapy?
oh hi to u again!! still dealing with the current thought about my boyfriend ): and i guess she does it’s been 3 months of her hearing me like this over constant thoughts ): and sadly i can’t do therapy right now. don’t have the money for it on my own or anything and my parents don’t believe in mental health
@getwellsoon hello!! :D nice to see you again, I’m sorry to hear you’re still dealing with the thought but again remember that if it’s causing you this much guilt it’s most likely not true. ☺️ But oh no D: I’m sorry that sucks
@getwellsoon there’s some good ocd videos on YouTube if you want to check them out, one of my faves is Ocd illustrated atm
@saltedcrabs it’s just if i lose him because of this i will never forgive myself and my family makes me feel worse because when i get like this they try to shove religion down my throat. i can’t even tell them about my boyfriend because they would be against him ): it breaks my heart i never want to become like them ever
Hey.. i know it can be really hard going through a bad time with ocd.. can you try actually answering questions and try to find the roots? Try to face your fears more.. like if you are scared of losing someone that u love try answering thr thought like: Yeahhh i will kill em all.. it may look fake but its better than reacting with fear... And things will get better for you... Just dont stop trying even if u feel u are stuck in it forever... Keep pushing and reach the goal... If you want any help or have any questions i am more than happy to help you if im able too ;D stay strong ocd warrior
is reacting that way what helps you? cause that just sounds more scary to me
@getwellsoon honestly I think it’ll be good erp, it is scary at first but the more you say things like that the easier it gets
@saltedcrabs TW for this just in case but I struggle with pocd and pure ocd, and because of that I mentally wished to both be a bad person and a pedophile for erp and I did feel a bit scared at first but eventually forgot all about it. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts no matter how scary they are :-)
@saltedcrabs ngl just reading this still gives me anxiety lol but it’ll soon pass
@saltedcrabs that was my first serious theme ): it’s what caused all this. basically the starting thought. don’t know if i’m brave enough to do that ): it feels like my thoughts jump into more and more thoughts. they aren’t as intense now but they still pop up but the point is that sounds intense. you’re so strong
@getwellsoon man that’s horrible :( ocd is the worse, honestly I don’t think anyone’s ready to do erp but that’s exactly why you should do it. You don’t have to say something as intense as me this early on but just wishing for something bad in general could be a good exposure n then you can work your way up from what gives you the least anxiety to the most. That’s an exposure my therapist taught me :-) also tysm!! you are too don’t give up
@saltedcrabs also I’m sorry if I stop responding in about to head to bed in a second
@saltedcrabs i just want to get through this one ): i’ve been trying to not worry about it as much ): i don’t know if that’s making it worse or what ):
@saltedcrabs and it’s okay i completely understand
@getwellsoon Im sry if it looks scary but it truly do help... U need alot of courage to start it but its going to help for sure;
You claim your sister is the only person you can talk to freely, but it doesn’t sound like your sister wants to have that role. While she may not be going about things the right way, it sounds like she’s trying to set a boundary with you and I think it’s important to listen. She feels overwhelmed and unable to help. And that’s fair. She’s not a professional mental health care worker, and a professional is the more appropriate person for you to unload freely on. It can be quite scary, frustrating, and depressing for our support systems when we try to lean on them for things they simply aren’t capable of providing us. I’m not saying you can’t still talk with and have a close relationship with her. But it sounds like the relationship may be veering into codependency and that you’d both benefit from you adding a professional into your life who can listen to you and offer qualified advice on a regular basis. If you can’t afford to see an OCD specialist (id highly recommend at least calling a few to see if they offer a sliding scale fee option), a low cost support group would also be a better outlet. That way you’re talking to people who are also seeking treatment and you’re having those group discussions being facilitated by a professional still.
I need a space to breathe and rant and get stuff off my chest so this is what I’m using this for now. I hate being angry. I hate it so much cause I always feel like I have less control over my thoughts and feelings and it makes me feel like I have no control over possible actions etc. which makes it really hard with harm ocd. But it feels like an endless loop, because my ocd is so frustrating it makes me angry, and that makes me feel less in control, so the circle continues. It sucks feeling like if anyone knew what it looked like sometimes inside your head, maybe they wouldn’t love you and they wouldn’t see you the same way. I feel so lonely and hollow that days. I have so many “friends” but they all make me feel more lonely, cause everything is so superficial and pointless and sitting with them just makes me feel like I need to withdraw deeper into myself because they don’t get it and they don’t really want to get it or care. I want to scream and cry cause I can’t control anything. I can’t stop the people I love from dying one day, I cant stop time, and I can’t keep things the same forever. I’m so tired of doubting everything about myself. Am I a pedophile? Am I a danger to my loved ones? Am I psychotic? Ya da ya da ya da. This endless anxiety I have it feels like it’s slowly killing me and it’s making me depressed. I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept for two nights and I mean like at all. I forget to eat I get so anxious and either way I sometimes feel so nauseous I don’t want to eat. My family doesn’t really get it, to them ocd is always just an excuse, or it’s for drama. I have tried to ease myself into the idea that maybe everything is chaos. Bad things happen to good people everything has an end, etc. it’s much easier said than done. If life is an ever changing stormy sea of waves than I’m barely clinging onto anything.
i can’t stop having these thoughts it’s been taking over the past few days and i think i’m having an anxiety attack right now i have these thoughts “what if i don’t make this through this is like an everyday thing”, “what if i hurt myself or what if i want to do it” or it’s like “what if i go grab a knife and do something” and it scares me and it gives me anxiety and i’m scared i just want this to go away i have my thoughts telling me all of this my dad was saying to take me to the hospital if they get worse i didn’t go today because i didn’t want to but it’s 8 pm here and i think i might ask if i could go tomorrow i’m just so tired i want a therapist to talk to right now but my parents are low on money until they get paid on friday and my dad was gonna see if we go to the hospital because they can just get billed it’s like if i get reassurance nothing helps and even if i have a distraction nothing helps it’s like my thoughts continue and it makes me forget things
everyday i’m convinced that i’m going to hurt the people i love most. i wake up thankful it didn’t happen but then i get scared thinking about “what if today is that day you go through with it”. but then i ask myself go through with what? i don’t any intention to kill or a plan to do so. so why? why do i keep getting scared that i’m secretly wanting to do it? i’m so afraid right now, like my mind is going to rationalize it. i don’t want to hurt my family, so why does it feel this way? i’m so tired of this
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