nervous and anxious for tomorrow. still trying to sit with the uncertainty. my brain is telling me terrible things and i’m scared so scared of losing my person. also everyone is tired of me. my sister yelled at me and basically i’m told me i’m too much for to handle and i understand she’s younger than me yet the only one i can talk to freely. she blames this all on me and so do they and i don’t even know what to believe anymore. even when i try its like things go wrong. i just want to feel close to myself again ): i want to feel like i have control over my mind. i don’t want to feel like i’m at risk at losing everything just because these stupid thoughts jump into my head and torture the hell out of me. i was trying to be stronger but at this point i think i’m losing my strength and there’s no purpose. and tomorrow’s another day. i wish i could just sleep for the rest of my life.

oh hi to u again!! still dealing with the current thought about my boyfriend ): and i guess she does it’s been 3 months of her hearing me like this over constant thoughts ): and sadly i can’t do therapy right now. don’t have the money for it on my own or anything and my parents don’t believe in mental health

@getwellsoon hello!! :D nice to see you again, I’m sorry to hear you’re still dealing with the thought but again remember that if it’s causing you this much guilt it’s most likely not true. ☺️ But oh no D: I’m sorry that sucks

@getwellsoon there’s some good ocd videos on YouTube if you want to check them out, one of my faves is Ocd illustrated atm

@saltedcrabs it’s just if i lose him because of this i will never forgive myself and my family makes me feel worse because when i get like this they try to shove religion down my throat. i can’t even tell them about my boyfriend because they would be against him ): it breaks my heart i never want to become like them ever

is reacting that way what helps you? cause that just sounds more scary to me

@getwellsoon honestly I think it’ll be good erp, it is scary at first but the more you say things like that the easier it gets

@saltedcrabs TW for this just in case but I struggle with pocd and pure ocd, and because of that I mentally wished to both be a bad person and a pedophile for erp and I did feel a bit scared at first but eventually forgot all about it. Remember that thoughts are just thoughts no matter how scary they are :-)

@saltedcrabs ngl just reading this still gives me anxiety lol but it’ll soon pass

@saltedcrabs that was my first serious theme ): it’s what caused all this. basically the starting thought. don’t know if i’m brave enough to do that ): it feels like my thoughts jump into more and more thoughts. they aren’t as intense now but they still pop up but the point is that sounds intense. you’re so strong

@getwellsoon man that’s horrible :( ocd is the worse, honestly I don’t think anyone’s ready to do erp but that’s exactly why you should do it. You don’t have to say something as intense as me this early on but just wishing for something bad in general could be a good exposure n then you can work your way up from what gives you the least anxiety to the most. That’s an exposure my therapist taught me :-) also tysm!! you are too don’t give up

@saltedcrabs also I’m sorry if I stop responding in about to head to bed in a second

@saltedcrabs i just want to get through this one ): i’ve been trying to not worry about it as much ): i don’t know if that’s making it worse or what ):

@saltedcrabs and it’s okay i completely understand

@getwellsoon Im sry if it looks scary but it truly do help... U need alot of courage to start it but its going to help for sure;