Anybody with HOCD/ROCD that can relate? Sometimes when I’m around my girlfriend I get really irritable and anxious cuz I’m so in my head and I feel bad because all I want to do is be away from her in those moments when she doesn’t really understand what’s going on. I have a tendency to focus on her negative attributes and they get so loud in my head that I just can’t function around her sometimes. What can I do? I feel like I can’t escape these thoughts anywhere I go.

I feel horrible. I feel like I treat my boyfriend as if I don't care for him or our relationship, like its something new and foreign as if we haven't been together for 3+ years. I walk past a guy and pick up on his looks then feel like a cheater. And when I consider my own boyfriend, I try to rationalize my thoughts, reassure myself of my feelings for my boyfriend, all the while feeling completely and utterly disconnected not only from him and our relationship but from myself. I feel like the voice and thoughts and feelings I have a lot of times aren't me. I feel like I'm trying to fit in wherever I go. I feel stuck, tired, and drained. I'm depressed and then I'm anxious, always low with a few highs and not the good kind. My head hurts, my body hurts, everything hurts, but especially the guilty I carry for feeling like I'm wasting my own time and life and my partners time. I feel like I'm convincing myself that I like him, that I care for him, but somehow my mind always tells me he's my forever and I want him to be but it doesn't FEEL like that inside me and it's so hard dealing with 2 opposing thoughts of that level. I am so lost. I don't know what to do. Every day, I feel the much more like I'm out of touch from our relationship. It's been years and I'm still like this, and it makes me wonder whether this ocd shit is all in my head and really I'm just running from something I don't want to accept. But I don't want it to be like that, but it just doesn't make any sense. Even saying that the ocd is making me second guess myself feels like a lie. I am so fucking lost.

i second guess my feeling for him basically 22 hours of the day and my intrusive thoughts are so aggressive too, like “you dont love him, you think hes ugly, you think he smells bad” stuff like that and they arent even “what if” thoughts anymore and i feel so guilty. I am basically at the point where I’ve convinced myself that im forcing myself to be in this relationship because i dont want to uproot my life and that i hate him, but every time i think about breaking up i start crying and i hate the idea and these thoughts give me SO much anxiety. To the point where i feel like i cant even eat sometimes, and i dont want to feel like this everyday because i want to be sure that i love my partner, and the small moments that im not spiraling, i feel so sure and so clear that i want to spend the rest of my life with him and i hate it because why is it that one moment i can be so sure that i love him and the one moment i feel like im lying to myself and i need to ruminate on that feeling. im so tired of myself.

Thing is that i'm OBSESSED with a girl, i think about her all day and i hate this, i love My boyfriend, but she appears everywere and un everything, Even in unrelated things, She's a classmate and it's the third time i have an HOCD obsession with her, it makes me think and tried to make me believe im really in love with her, to also make me think i'm gay and makes me feel as if i don't want to be with my bf anymore, when i really love him and this actually started when i was scared of my bf falling in love with her.. i don't know what to do anymore, because Even if i Say i don't like her, it feels as if i'm lying, and also feels that i don't like My bf anymore which makes it Even MORE real, is this OCD? It feels like denial, but after the first 2 OCD obsessions with her i kept going with my normal life and loved My bf normally (Even tho i still had HOCD), pls answer:( i'm not gay, also, it came back because she cut her hair and now uses glasses, which i thought she looked cute or good in, but was scared of my boyfriend liking her, then it turned into, what if i liked her to directly thinking i'm in love with her (which i'm not and saying that made me anxious)..PLD READ I NEED ANSWERD :(