When you get the urge to confess your thoughts because it makes you feel bad, should you,

I struggled with this significantly for a few years in my teens. I felt like every thought I was having I needed to confess to my mum. It was horrendous and I felt out of control. It’s a long hard battle. Your brain is essentially telling you that you need this person’s reassurance or affirmation that you’re not bad. You don’t. This is OCD. Normal guilt does not come with the compulsion to confess everything. People without OCD can feel guilt without confessing, they can feel guilt and function. OCD is essentially like a child having a tantrum. It will shout and scream and use all manner of methods to get your attention. If you keep giving that behaviour positive reinforcement, if you keep confessing those thoughts, if you keep giving in to that child’s incessant demands, the behaviour loop will continue. However hard it is (and I know how hard it is, I know it’s agony, and it feels like you’re going against everything in your body not to confess) , don’t. Deal with that anxiety, with those anxious thoughts by breathing, simply breathing, meditating, doing something nice for yourself, even if you really really don’t feel like it, even if your thoughts are bursting out of your head , giving OCD a minute of attention is like signing yourself up to spam, it’s just going to keep coming and coming and the more you do it the more it’s going to come, I’m not saying it’s easy, it really isn’t , and it really helped me to journal down all my thoughts instead of telling others, so at least they’re getting put down in some way, but try to really keep strong with it. That’s all I can say really. You’re not alone and you’re not crazy. The question of whether you have bad thoughts or not, well... so what? You and the rest of the world. Thoughts are thoughts. No one needs to know anything you’re thinking. Unless you give them direct permission to. If you DO something bad, or you’re about to hurt yourself, then yes open up to someone, but that shouldn’t feel like a compulsion, that should feel like a cry for help. Compulsions are like dread - anxiety - knee jerk reactions. Asking for help or admitting a problem is entirely different. In fact most people hate to do so. It takes time but you will get there and you will notice a difference between those thoughts

I’m curious what people have to say on this topic, I’m wondering this as well; how many thoughts, especially dark or unwanted ones, should be kept to yourself?

Philippians It probably is for me too cause it relieves my anxiety. Thing is my ex thought if I did not confess the unfaithful thoughts or just the bad thoughts to them it would feel like I’m going behind their back. :-( sometimes they tell me though not to give much importance to it if its not true, then it doesn’t matter

Thank you so much g.eri I recently had lost my partner of three years because of my OCD. I kept getting bad thoughts about them and our relationship and always felt the need to confess. Whenever I did not, I felt bothered and guilt. I could not talk to them without feeling some kind of panic or guilt or just being restless. The things I confessed weren’t also “light” for them. It took a toll on them and while they did try to understand I just dont think they fully grasped the severity of my state right now and so I had to let go. Can I just ask how you managed it? I tried to get it out by other things. Confessing it to my mom instead, but it only ever seem to want my partner. Writing it down made it worse for me because it was like materializing it and I just had the urge to send it more to my partner. It wasn’t really like I needed their reassurance too that it was fine or I wasn’t bad. The thoughts were more on like ROCD (thoughts of cheating, thoughts about other people (sexual or just romantically in a relationship), bad thoughts about my partner like calling them mean names, doubting my feelings for my partner even though I knew I loved them so much). It was just like I had to get them out. Sometimes even if they were mad at me or upset at me, of course I was sad but I felt a relieved I got it out. Of course, I still worry I jeopardized the relationship. My reassurance was usually them telling me “it’s fine” and they have said that some times but not all the time. Or was confessing and them staying after the confession was my reassurance? I honestly don’t know. I want them back so bad but I broke it off because of the thoughts. I could not keep hurting them anymore. I had asked them if it was better I just not tell the thoughts because it was not true but they said it felt like I was going to go behind their back if I did not. I just don’t think they fully understand I cannot control these thoughts (I think) but they did tell me they do not blame me for my thoughts as well.

I do that. But I am aware that that is a form of compulsion ?

The issue with OCD is that it attacks the very things we find important. The reason I got these thoughts was because I was struggling with my sexuality and I felt like my mum would reject me if I didn’t confess every different thought I was having. It was a really traumatic and embarrassing time for me. The thing you have to remember is that other people DONT have these OCD thoughts , so if your ex partner were to talk about an issue with you, it would be because he felt there was something wrong in the relationship, so he will assume when you attempt to discuss issues (such as for instance , you saw a guy who was good looking, or you talked to a guy, or whatever trivial stuff ) , a rational mind would think, that’s ok, I’m allowed to have human thoughts and feelings. OCD brain goes on high alert, saying “panic ! Panic! Somethings wrong!” When there’s really nothing wrong. It’s like all rationality goes out the window. Suddenly everything you think, or do , becomes something you need to confess to a partner. If you’re feeling anxiety and like you can’t settle without reassurance, that’s OCD, it’s not a problem in your relationship. If you’re feeling an overwhelming urge to purge everything that you’re thinking, it’s OCD. Relationship problems are things that build over time. For instance , if you resent your partner for something, and it builds up, that will be something you need to discuss. But you won’t feel an overwhelming urge to do it. So a way of telling the two apart is to question : what am I feeling right now? If it’s panic , anxiety, dread, guilt, nausea, it’s OCD and it’s attacking something you love. You don’t need to do anything about this. Sit with the feeling. Accept that you’re feeling this way because of anxiety attributed with the OCD, It really is a horrific illness. A way of starting small is to take 5 minutes before asking for reassurance, then 10 minutes , and see how long you can go without getting reassurance . You’re going to feel like sh*t. You will feel like it’s going against everything inside you. But do it, keep going , keep spacing the time between doing it. Say to yourself , “ok, I have a compulsion to confess, I will confess in ten minutes “ try something like reading or watching tv or cooking, when that 10 minute passes , say “ok, I will confess in half an hour” , and take it bit by bit, almost like you’re putting the OCD thoughts on a back burner for now. Leaving them alone . And then just keep doing that. Keep going and spacing the times out. That’s one way I can think of, I’ve had OCD for over 15 years so I have developed ways of coping. If you’d like to talk more , my what’s app is 07966834918 I’m happy to try and help