I had to nap because I had a meltdown. I woke up to a nightmare about the man I love (my ex/but supports and cares for me). In my dream he told me he was getting treated by two nurses. And one wore something a bit revealing. He came back and I saw the video of his treatment (don’t know why-dreams don’t make sense just like ocd I guess) and I instantly got angry and jealous. I have body issues. I’ve been dumped over my body parts and it didn’t bother me at the time, it does now. I pointed out about the nurse with cleavage showing clothes and he said “yea, she has an amazing body. I love her!” That triggered me. I jumped on him and a little silly but I was biting and scratching his face. I thought if I can’t have him no one will and got off of him to go stab this nurse. That’s when I woke up with tears. I’m scared what if I do it in real life. If he meets someone and I get really mad and jealous because I’m not the one he wants to be with? You hear so many stories about deranged jealous exes killing. Last night I thought I saw he was talking to one of his ex and that alone really made me anxious. I’m really jealous of his exes and any woman he talks to. I tell him I wish he were gay. I had so many nausea, panic attacks and melt down I really thought I was losing it. That I was going insane. For a while I was just looking up at the ceiling and I don’t know why but I started to sing twinkle twinkle little star.

I sing Death of A Bachelor whenever I have a panic attack so don’t worry. Also don’t worry about the intrusive thoughts, I had a dream just last night when I was getting a drink that if I murdered my parents nobody would know because if I burned the bones there would be no evidence. That is how dark it got. But don’t worry, just resist and also whenever you see a knife and you have recently had intrusive thoughts don’t pick it up... I once did and didn’t release that I was walking towards my Mum’s room and I caught a look of myself in the mirror and I looked psychotic. But don’t stress!!! Try meditation, it can really help you to relax your mind! If you need to chat I’m always here and so are the rest of us!!!!

I have murdered my husband’s ex in my dreams multiple times ? and as much as I hate her (I know hate is a strong word, but its a long story), I would never do that to her or to anybody

@tqh lol dream revenge. This made me think of Freddy lol do you like horror movies like Halloween, Friday the 13th? And have you listened to Backstreet Boys? If you like both of them you should listen to “I want to kill you that way” by slashstreet boys on YouTube. It’s HILARIOUS!!

I love scary movies (when my ocd lets me enjoy them ?) and I LOVE Backstreet Boys haha so I’m gonna watch the video ??

@Tqh let me know what you think. It’s really amazing.

@Tqh yay!! Finally I get to share this video with someone. Lol

I loved it! It’s hilarious! they have really good voices though ??

@crystalwolf1053 it’s scary isn’t it? I’ve attacked my ex three times because of my bpd, afraid that I would lose him to someone else and I felt if I can’t gave him then no one should. But he understands me. I didn’t go through with it because I started picturing his mother crying. He loves his mother and I love that about him. I know if I was a mother and had a caring son who was just trying to help his ex to get better and that ex killed my son I would be beyond heartbroken. I’ve also had thoughts of killing my parents. I even drew pictures of them but it’s so crazy! So these things make me scared. At times when it was really hard I wanted to die but I realized I’m too coward so let nature take its course. I even thought maybe if I hurt my ex then the police would shoot me to death. But that’s only when my ocd is so severe I’m just a bowl of emotions. So what if I acted on those emotions. I don’t know. I’m sorry I’m probably not making any sense. Thank you for listening, rather reading lol this.

@Tqh I’m happy you loved it. I watch it everyday. It’s really soothing (their voices lol). I love Michael and Jason’s voices, I love Jason’s dance, I love when Michael puts his hand on some girl’s face, I think leatherface has a funny part. What’s your favorite part? I’ve listened to this so much I forgot the original lyrics lol