I'd like to ask for your advice about how to react to people with SOOCD when they're saying really extreme things? Don't get me wrong, I know that SOOCD and internalized homophibia are very different things, I'm only talking about the few cases where the two seem to coexist together? I'm always open to changing my perspective, I'm just trying to find the right thing to do, because I want to help people and don't want to make them more stressed when they already are, but how can I hold my tongue when they're saying they'd rather be dead than gay? Or talking about it with such disgust as if it's some perversion. I'm bi and lucky to live in a kind environment but other people aren't so lucky, some people actually commit suicide because they aren't accepted, so how am I supposed to react to this kind of thing? I'm keeping an open mind and not trying to attack anyone, just wondering where we draw the line?

Oh btw quick terminology thing since I see there may have been some confusion in the discussion above: Internalized homophobia is when a gay/bi/pan person believes homophobic things about themselves. I think what you’re referring to might be “implicit bias” or “implicit homophobia,” which is when a straight person holds homophobic beliefs without realizing they do. When you say, “it’s possible to have internalized homophobia and soocd,” I think what you might be referring to is that it’s possible to have implicit bias/homophobia and soocd at the same time. I see this mistake all the time so don’t worry about it. 😊

@Nikki1809 Oh wow now I feel like a prat lmao thank you so much for correcting me on that, that explains why what I was saying didn't make much sense! I really appreciate the reply anyway, it's nice to hear that you understand what I'm saying. And that's some good advice! I think I'll do what you're suggesting, call them out in a non-aggressive way

@rosejane13 I think it’s a common mistake, especially since “implicit” and “internalized” both start with an “i.” The world needs to get better at naming things lol. I’m glad to help. :)

As a person who’s recovering from SO-OCD, I definitely see the homophobia that comes from some sufferers. I’m not trying to excuse their words bc it’s inexcusable, but based on experience, them saying that they’d rather die than being gay or something along the lines comes from a place of self anger and pain rather than true hate. I’ve been guilty of that at some point in my life and I realized the mistake that I’ve made. I support the lgbtq community 100% and I would never do anything to harm members in that community. However, I believe that because of our heteronormative society, everyone including myself, has got a little bit of internal homophobia that they have to unlearn. The people who are homophobic on this app arent at that stage yet but steering them in the right direction can help them get there.

@Esosa this is what i meant- sometimes people say the wrong things because of the pain and confusion they are expirencing, and that doesn’t mean it’s ok, but the best way to combat this is to respectfully remind people who said something offensive to be thoughtful and kind. i think that most people on this app would be ashamed and upset at themselves if their words hurt someone else, and i know that if someone told me something i said was homophobic, i would take it to heart and never say it again- i think most people here aren’t trying to hurt anyone and their words are coming from ignorance, so educating is the best way to stop people from being homophobic. i understand how triggering it could be to hear homophobic statements here, so i’ll try my best to correct people when they say something offensive as well :)

@zeep Yea even though both are unacceptable, I do believe that there's a difference between homophobia born from hate and homophobia that comes from the awful confusion of SOOCD. It's always best to educate with empathy! But it's definitely necessary for people to unlearn their internal homophobia, it's quite a common problem here and I want this community to be a safe space for everyone

@Esosa No I absolutely agree, my experience is that 90% of the time when people on this app make comments like that they don’t realize they’re being homophobic, and many are willing to fess up to the mistake when it’s pointed out. There’s been exceptions to that for sure, but I haven’t seen that often. And honestly if you can recognize your biases when they’re pointed out and work to change them, that’s what I’m really going for. Everyone has a little bit of implicit bias (like I said above the technical word in social psychology is implicit bias or implicit homophobia but it’s ok I got what you meant 😊), and I’m really glad your at a point where you can recognize that in yourself. And your right not everyone is at the point where they can recognize that, and I really think calling people out is important to help them. I think this is an important discussion to have. Like because as much as it comes from a place of hurt when people say things like that, it can also be triggering and hurtful to read things like that. And I imagine for someone figuring out their sexuality and experiencing internalized homophobia, it’s really harmful to them. These discussions aren’t always going to be comfortable but they’re important. I’ll admit, though, there definitely was a period of time when I first learned about soocd where I was really confused and hurt by the idea that all these straight people were so terrified of being like me. I’m definitely getting better at understanding though. I still think it’s really important to call out homophobia when we see it on here. It’s the only way people can learn and grow, and honestly when I see someone make a post like that and then I look at the comments and not one person called it out, that hurts.

@Nikki1809 It really is an important discussion to have! It was the silence on the matter that bothered me the most, to be honest. (And I once again said "internal" instead of "implicit" in my last comment, I really need to get that out of my head)

@rosejane13 I should maybe clarify I’m not an expert on terminology and could also totally be getting the language wrong. Mostly I just wanted to make a distinction so that someone with soocd didn’t come in and read this and think, “oh no I have internalized homophobia,” when really were talking about implicit bias. But I wouldn’t worry too much about messing up the language. I’m glad we opened up this discussion. I think a lot of people probably feel this way—they’re hurt by homophobic comments but not sure how to approach someone with soocd when they make them because they don’t want to make it worse. Like and I definitely want people with soocd to have a place where they can talk about these things, but this also needs to be a safe place for the lgbtq+ community. And sometimes it can be hard to strike that balence.

i think a lot of the time people with soocd are confused about what they are feeling and they might say something that makes it seems like they don’t have soocd. i like to give everyone the benefit of the doubt because i can’t judge someone else’s sexual orientation, only they can. we all found this app because we are struggling, and it could be incredibly triggering to someone with soocd to hear they are expirenceing internalized homophobia. i can understand how confusing this theme could be to someone who doesn’t have soocd, so i understand where you are coming from, but soocd is incredibly confusing, and a lot of the time people don’t even know what they feel about anything. if someone says something offensive, by all means, please remind them to be thoughtful and correct them, but if someone says something you think soocd isn’t, give them the benefit of the doubt and don’t comment telling them they don’t have soocd.

so you think someone can have soocd and internalized homophobia at the same time? like theyre having ocd but they’re actually gay or bi?