- Username
- zeep
- Date posted
- 4y ago
Me to!! I keep remembering things from my past it’s so awful. Your not alone sis
OCD is always gonna find reasons to convince u, I have a technique when I start feeling like that I tend to ignore my feelings because Ik that they are somehow convinced to OCD at that moment stay strong you're not weird, you're not what your mind thinks I love u
Like when it’s trying to find “new proof”? U ignore that?
@El5986 well when it is trying to find new proof I kinda act different, but i also remember that, it was in the past I didn't feel like that at that time, now is present and it is all OCD stuff, OCD is always trying to convince us finding "new evidence or proofs".
Hi — I recommend you read my comment on your other post for more full thoughts. But I do have this to say about “proof”: A lot of people on TikTok are trying to find community. They make jokes like, “If you wear this, you’re X” or “If you do this, you’re Y”. It’s just them seeking community and making jokes. It’s not necessarily proof that you’re a certain sexuality. I’m a little old for TikTok to be fully relevant to me but when I was around your age, the Internet definitely made my OCD worse. Maybe take a break from it? Stop watching things that could trigger you. Look at kittens or puppies! Do some school work! I know I sound super old with that, but it’s true and might be worth a shot. You’ll be okay, I promise!
but my proof is actual proof i think, i used to watch tiktok and see videos of bi girls and one video i watched was a girl talking about how she came to terms w her sexuality, and i think i remember relating to that omg idk tho and another bi girl was talking about being bi and i think i remember being like same lol, but idk if i really thought that. and also, i even if i did i didn’t really think about me actually being bi because i didn’t feel any attractions to furs so idk but i’m rly stressed
Remember that memory has a reconstructive nature which means that it tends to change what you remember based on your current situation. That's why ocd can find proof from past even if it was never there. You look at the memory from your currend fear induced perspective, giving the memory meaning based on your current fears. What I tend to do is to try and not think about my past because I believe anyone can find proof about anything when we look for long enough and that doesn't necessarily mean this or that :)
I can’t anymore. I really can’t. The what if I am attracted to them. The “why does it have to be a man with a woman” (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesn’t matter how much I try to accept it, it doesn’t go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. It’s like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they won’t accept me. When I don’t even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and it’s telling me I have.
things keep popping up in my mind that are “evidence” that i’m gay. things i saw, felt, and did when i was young. like REALLY young. i don’t choose to have these thoughts,, i feel like my brain is bringing them up and telling me that because of these things and me doing these things, i’m gay. i don’t know how to handle this.
Geez, I seem to just be getting worse. I keep thinking what if I’ve been lesbian all my life but never payed attention to it. I mean it feels right to be with a man and have a boyfriend I want that. But why do I keep doubting it I just want this to end. I’ve never been a girly girly. I like cute clothes but I hate how it looks on me I feel so insecure. Same with make up. And I keep thinking maybe that’s evidence I could be lesbian. This all sounds ridiculous but why can’t I just accept the fact that I’m straight. I actually like being with boys and kissing them. I get aroused when I kiss them. So why is this happening?
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