So I am a married woman to my wonderful husband m. I deal w it h HOCD and ROCD & a bucket list of other things. I will randomly start to worry and wonder “oh god what if I’m gay?” “Am I gay?” And so on and so forth. I have been doing therapy and I don’t have many images any more. But I still get these stupid intrusive thoughts. I feel like such a shi$&y wife because I can sit here and tell you 100% I’m not gay at any point. But it’s like a fear or doubt that I could be in denial. I was raised with a strict upbringing and my sister is gay. The 1st time I had these thoughts was 3 years ago right after we got engaged and I could have ripped my heart out I felt so horrible. I feel that if you were in denial then you would know. Mine is I’ll be looking out a window and it’s like a bomb explodes in my brain. Anyone else deal with this? Also my OCD has started to pick on me about having a baby. My husband and I have been married 2 years and together for 5. “How do you know that you’re ready? What if you can’t have kids? What if you do have kids and it dies? What if it pulls you and him apart?” I mean OCD you’re a real SOB.

Cake

Date posted: 5y

I struggle with this too. Right before my first relationship, HOCD hit me. I was so worried I wouldn’t like how sex felt, I worried I was lying about being attracted emotionally. We broke up two years ago and now I am scared I will never find anyone or being attracted again. I also obsessively look through my past for signs I was gay. And it scares me bc I have watched lesbian porn and been aroused but never questioned my sexuality bc of it until these obsessions began, I also am worried I had crushes to the same sex that I am in denial about and that the real crushes I had were fake. Ugh it’s so stressful

El5986

Date posted: 5y

I hope someone gives u a tip with this because I kinda have the same thing and am lost as well

AJB87

Date posted: 5y

I know how you feel. I’m a married man to my amazing wife. We got married in March of this year. Have been in therapy since July after having an episode in late June where it felt as if I wasn’t going to make it and we weren’t going to make it. I’d been in a better state of mind in recovery for the last couple weeks. However, last Thursday and Friday sucked in terms of OCD. Today also sucked. However, I was just reminded of the character trait of perseverance that Navy Seals (Soldiers) focus on in their training. They are taught to “embrace the suck”. Basically those who have made it successfully through the training are those who learned to keep fighting and moving forward in the face of pain. OCD sucks and is painful. ERP sucks and is painful. But it’ll be worth it if we don’t quit and keep going, despite the lies and BS that OCD tells us.

pacient 0

Date posted: 5y

Logic : 1. if you were gay you wouldn't develope the attraction to opposite sex emotionaly and sexualy , 2. If you were gay you wouldn't have homosexual hocd , 3. The anxiety and thinking that you are in denial is prety common on hocd

screwuOCD

Date posted: 5y

It’s a hell of a thing. And at no point am I looking for reassurance so thank you very much. Mentally it gets very exhausting. So most times I literally cuss my OCD out. Side note- a drank a few days in a row. Come to find out drinking makes my OCD wayyyy worse the next day. 😔

screwuOCD

Date posted: 5y

The thank you was NOT supposed to sound so rude! Whoops!

pacient 0

Date posted: 5y

@screwuOCD No thats nothing when I didn't know what I had , I was so stressfull with too many thoughts that I didn't know where they came from till I discovered that I had simular symptoms of hocd and a week later hocd kinda developed saying that it can't actually be hocd , so with this everybody with hocd should know that more you know about sexualities the smarter and tricky hocd gets

screwuOCD

Date posted: 5y

Well, we are all in the same boat and we can all do this. While we don’t need reassurance because we kiss butt and will tell OCD who is in control. Let’s all sit in the pain and learn! Thank you everyone!

Anonymous

Date posted: 5y

In a similar boat happily married and ocd attacks my relationship not with the same thoughts but I always fear what if I cheated or what if he’s not the one etc etc. my relationship ocd has improved over the years as I realized that it’s ocd and it’s ocd ocd ocd ocd. That helps. Ocd has attacked me wanting to have a baby too, That one I still struggle with.

screwuOCD

Date posted: 5y

Mine attacks my relationship with those thoughts and my self with HOCD. My therapist to told me to sit down and write out what would happen if I were gay. And it all came down to losing my husband. His parents are divorced and mine are not. It’s been my biggest fear that I will lose him in some kind of way. HOCD & ROCD honestly will knock me down to the point of sickness but I know I can fight it. I just have to act like I know nothing and that’s okay!

Animallover065

Date posted: 24w

How do I get past this last bump with my OCD?

I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?

yaya_zz

Date posted: 22w

Sexual ocd

Hey guys so I have been suffering with sexual ocd due to the fact that I don’t feel that romantic spark with him anymore, I love him and I know I do but I get to much in my thoughts thinking about why can’t I feel that anymore what has changed what if I don’t wanna be with anymore I’ve been with him for 4 years and at first I think it was ROCD but now I started thinking what if I’m into girls now I’ve always been the type to say oh a girl is so pretty or I like this about her but now I feel like every time I see a girl I’m like do I see myself in a relationship with her oh she’s pretty oh I like her voice do I find it attractive and sometimes I do !!! Which is killing me I feel disgust thinking about because what if I secretly am no shame to people who are my sister herself is but I just feel wierd because I wanna be with my husband and feel happy there not with a girl and feel like a man because I see myself in the mirrior and I’m like do I myself being a man do I look lesbian? Do I act lesbian or bi? What if secretly I wanna be a man or I imagine myself being a man in a relationship with a pretty girl and idk what to think

Sexual Orientation OCD

anonymouscookie

Date posted: 17w

so ocd and bisexuality

Hello everyone, I just wanted to share a part of my journey that I’m struggling with right now. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd and while this is not my first subtype, ROCD and so ocd have definitely been the ones I’ve been struggling with the most. For context I have a boyfriend who I love very much and am terrified of loosing. That’s probably what ocd latched onto. The so-ocd especially is tricky because I’ve come to acknowledge that I am bisexual. Don’t worry I didn’t “discover” this through ocd, I’ve always known and it’s been in the back of my mind way before ocd, I had just never really directly acknowledged it because romantically I just always leaned towards men. The thing my ocd latched onto is “what if you are actually a lesbian and don’t know it yet and will have to leave your partner or are lying to your partner or end up leading him on” The thing is, I don’t have much experience with women except kissing my female best friend once, which didn’t feel special or made me have romantic feelings for her. I’ve always seeked men more actively than women and didn’t feel like I was gonna miss out if I get into a serious relationship with a man before having had more experience. I just know that I can be sexually attracted to women as well. But now that I’m in this beautiful relationship I’m terrified of getting it wrong or having missed something about myself or being scared that I’m actually a lesbian and have been lying to myself all along. I’m not seeking reassurance, just wanting to share and maybe someone else is going through something similar? If so I’d be so grateful to know I’m not alone. I love my boyfriend dearly and i really hope we will work out in the long run.

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