- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I struggle with this too. Right before my first relationship, HOCD hit me. I was so worried I wouldn’t like how sex felt, I worried I was lying about being attracted emotionally. We broke up two years ago and now I am scared I will never find anyone or being attracted again. I also obsessively look through my past for signs I was gay. And it scares me bc I have watched lesbian porn and been aroused but never questioned my sexuality bc of it until these obsessions began, I also am worried I had crushes to the same sex that I am in denial about and that the real crushes I had were fake. Ugh it’s so stressful
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- 4y
I hope someone gives u a tip with this because I kinda have the same thing and am lost as well
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- 4y
I know how you feel. I’m a married man to my amazing wife. We got married in March of this year. Have been in therapy since July after having an episode in late June where it felt as if I wasn’t going to make it and we weren’t going to make it. I’d been in a better state of mind in recovery for the last couple weeks. However, last Thursday and Friday sucked in terms of OCD. Today also sucked. However, I was just reminded of the character trait of perseverance that Navy Seals (Soldiers) focus on in their training. They are taught to “embrace the suck”. Basically those who have made it successfully through the training are those who learned to keep fighting and moving forward in the face of pain. OCD sucks and is painful. ERP sucks and is painful. But it’ll be worth it if we don’t quit and keep going, despite the lies and BS that OCD tells us.
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- 4y
Logic : 1. if you were gay you wouldn't develope the attraction to opposite sex emotionaly and sexualy , 2. If you were gay you wouldn't have homosexual hocd , 3. The anxiety and thinking that you are in denial is prety common on hocd
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- 4y
It’s a hell of a thing. And at no point am I looking for reassurance so thank you very much. Mentally it gets very exhausting. So most times I literally cuss my OCD out. Side note- a drank a few days in a row. Come to find out drinking makes my OCD wayyyy worse the next day. 😔
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- 4y
The thank you was NOT supposed to sound so rude! Whoops!
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- 4y
@screwuOCD No thats nothing when I didn't know what I had , I was so stressfull with too many thoughts that I didn't know where they came from till I discovered that I had simular symptoms of hocd and a week later hocd kinda developed saying that it can't actually be hocd , so with this everybody with hocd should know that more you know about sexualities the smarter and tricky hocd gets
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- 4y
Well, we are all in the same boat and we can all do this. While we don’t need reassurance because we kiss butt and will tell OCD who is in control. Let’s all sit in the pain and learn! Thank you everyone!
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- 4y
In a similar boat happily married and ocd attacks my relationship not with the same thoughts but I always fear what if I cheated or what if he’s not the one etc etc. my relationship ocd has improved over the years as I realized that it’s ocd and it’s ocd ocd ocd ocd. That helps. Ocd has attacked me wanting to have a baby too, That one I still struggle with.
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- 4y
Mine attacks my relationship with those thoughts and my self with HOCD. My therapist to told me to sit down and write out what would happen if I were gay. And it all came down to losing my husband. His parents are divorced and mine are not. It’s been my biggest fear that I will lose him in some kind of way. HOCD & ROCD honestly will knock me down to the point of sickness but I know I can fight it. I just have to act like I know nothing and that’s okay!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I feel awful that I keep coming on here whenever I’m down bad but oh my gosh OCD is the most painful shit that I have EVER experienced in my life and I have a physical chronic illness…. I hate to say it but I hate living right now it’s too painful… im crying as I type to the point where my stomach is hurting, I have pretty severe ocd I do have generalized anxiety and idk if that is connected with ocd but because of that I have most of the subtypes REAL EVENT OCD,POCD,ZOCD,ROCD,SOCD HARM OCD, you name it and I got it!!! a lot of also why I have have those theme is trauma growing up and involving those things^ as of right now i’m 25 and a women with the most loving boyfriend in the entire world before my ocd hit me I NEVER questioned my love and care and attraction with the love of my life I always knew I was going to marry and be with this person the rest of my life! Now with ocd it confuses me soooo much and now I think I’m gay and didn’t realize or indenial and listen I get it “don’t look for reassurance!” “It’s not the thing ocd is attacking that is the problem ocd is the actual problem!” Here’s the thing with that if I’m in a relationship and I’m gay that would mean I would have to leave that said relationship and to say that “oh yeah that stuff happens and you’ll move on” is absolutely devastating to me this is THE LOVE OF MY LIFE and your telling me that iv been lying to myself this whole time or that I didn’t realize?!?!? And that sexuality can change (even though some say it can’t google says otherwise and some people have said it can’t idek anymore) and all this other BULLSHIT I can’t take it WHY?!?! why does this have to happen why can’t I just be with my love the rest of my life?!? and yes before anyone says anything I have been attracted to girls more so when I was younger watching lesbian porn liking the body’s and fantazing them sexually it stopped when I got older but I still don’t get disgusted with women who are pretty it just makes me uncomfortable because I’m with the love of my life and before I remember talking to my partner and discussing certain childhood things I experienced and we discussed that we both could be a little bi and for certain I’m (demi sexual so I don’t even really care about looks) and I truly didn’t care!! NOW I do care even with being bi because again I don’t like thinking about anyone else but my partner but I do also know my parents are homophobic and I do think about if I am gay they wouldn’t be okay with that and I also dont want to deal with that so now I sound like in indenial right?!???? I didn’t even care about labels before my ocd it just didn’t matter but now it’s effected my sex life and it’s hard for me to enjoy sex with being so confused I’m so confused I googled everything can you still have sexual fantasies with same gender but still be straight? Can you fantasize about same gender or imagine marrying them all of it !!! And non of that disgusts me it just makes me uncomfortable AGIAN only bc I just love the partner I’m with right now!!! I’m so fucking confused do I have to leave my partner and accept that I’m gay is that going to happen in the future if I get better with ocd and find out it’s been true all along?!???
- Date posted
- 19w
Im a 21 year old female in a straight relationship with the best guy a girl could ever ask for. About 2 months ago, I went to get coffee with a friend and as I dropped her off, I got a “weird” vibe from her and the look she gave me which lead to the thought of “should I kiss her”….Ive never had a thought like that before and I never have ever wanted to kiss another girl. I have also never had a desire to be with another girl (sexually or romantically). Now though, I have had one other experience of being with a different friend going to get lunch and it felt weird. Ever since then I have been on google non stop with hundreds of different searches, questioning if im lying to myself of my boyfriend, wondering about my past relationships even though Ive only dated boys, been attracted to boys, crushed on boys, etc… boy crazy! Reading on other forums has been a big thing too or doing quizzes. I believe its SO-OCD but im so scared that what if its not. I am in therapy and actually had two weeks of not even thinking about it or googling it until yesterday. I dont know what to do.
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- 11w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
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