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- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I struggle with this too. Right before my first relationship, HOCD hit me. I was so worried I wouldn’t like how sex felt, I worried I was lying about being attracted emotionally. We broke up two years ago and now I am scared I will never find anyone or being attracted again. I also obsessively look through my past for signs I was gay. And it scares me bc I have watched lesbian porn and been aroused but never questioned my sexuality bc of it until these obsessions began, I also am worried I had crushes to the same sex that I am in denial about and that the real crushes I had were fake. Ugh it’s so stressful
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- 4y
I hope someone gives u a tip with this because I kinda have the same thing and am lost as well
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- 4y
I know how you feel. I’m a married man to my amazing wife. We got married in March of this year. Have been in therapy since July after having an episode in late June where it felt as if I wasn’t going to make it and we weren’t going to make it. I’d been in a better state of mind in recovery for the last couple weeks. However, last Thursday and Friday sucked in terms of OCD. Today also sucked. However, I was just reminded of the character trait of perseverance that Navy Seals (Soldiers) focus on in their training. They are taught to “embrace the suck”. Basically those who have made it successfully through the training are those who learned to keep fighting and moving forward in the face of pain. OCD sucks and is painful. ERP sucks and is painful. But it’ll be worth it if we don’t quit and keep going, despite the lies and BS that OCD tells us.
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- 4y
Logic : 1. if you were gay you wouldn't develope the attraction to opposite sex emotionaly and sexualy , 2. If you were gay you wouldn't have homosexual hocd , 3. The anxiety and thinking that you are in denial is prety common on hocd
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- 4y
It’s a hell of a thing. And at no point am I looking for reassurance so thank you very much. Mentally it gets very exhausting. So most times I literally cuss my OCD out. Side note- a drank a few days in a row. Come to find out drinking makes my OCD wayyyy worse the next day. 😔
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- 4y
The thank you was NOT supposed to sound so rude! Whoops!
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- 4y
@screwuOCD No thats nothing when I didn't know what I had , I was so stressfull with too many thoughts that I didn't know where they came from till I discovered that I had simular symptoms of hocd and a week later hocd kinda developed saying that it can't actually be hocd , so with this everybody with hocd should know that more you know about sexualities the smarter and tricky hocd gets
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- 4y
Well, we are all in the same boat and we can all do this. While we don’t need reassurance because we kiss butt and will tell OCD who is in control. Let’s all sit in the pain and learn! Thank you everyone!
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- 4y
In a similar boat happily married and ocd attacks my relationship not with the same thoughts but I always fear what if I cheated or what if he’s not the one etc etc. my relationship ocd has improved over the years as I realized that it’s ocd and it’s ocd ocd ocd ocd. That helps. Ocd has attacked me wanting to have a baby too, That one I still struggle with.
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- 4y
Mine attacks my relationship with those thoughts and my self with HOCD. My therapist to told me to sit down and write out what would happen if I were gay. And it all came down to losing my husband. His parents are divorced and mine are not. It’s been my biggest fear that I will lose him in some kind of way. HOCD & ROCD honestly will knock me down to the point of sickness but I know I can fight it. I just have to act like I know nothing and that’s okay!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?
- Mid-life adults with OCD
- "Pure" OCD
- OCD newbies
- Students with OCD
- Relationship OCD
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 12w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 6w
TW: SO-OCD. I have been a part of the NOCD community for around 4 years now. I am seeing more and more posts, but I am very rarely seeing people actually commenting, reposting and engaging back. I think I have always had obsessive thoughts, but never knew it was a thing until around 5 years ago. I believe my first theme was Harm OCD, when my little brother was first born in 2007. I used to scream at night as I was so worried he was going to be kidnapped, or he may d*e. I would avoid sleeping at friends house's, my dad's (as my parents had split) as I thought if I wasn't there to protect him then something bad would happen. My mum said she would wake up and I would be asleep net to his cot in the morning (I was only 10 at the time). Fast forward to 2017, where me and my high school boyfriend split up, I convinced myself I may be gay as I no longer wanted to have sex with him (almost found it a chore). I was 16/17. We split up and I lived my 'single' life. Spent my time dating males etc and then myself and my ex got back together in 2018. My intrusive thoughts took a turn for the worst in lockdown, when again may libido decreased significantly, and I didn't feel and ;urge' with my boyfriend sStill current partner). I remember one day, bursting into tears, had a panic attack and cried for hours with the most excruciating anxiety chest pains. I told him and my mum about my thoughts. They are both incredibly supportive and my mu actually told me that she had these thoughts too when she was round 19 and still does now (I also didn't know that COD can be inherited). After about 18 months of the worst mental health, significant weight loss, social thoughts and almost ending my relationship, I started to see light at the end of the tunnel. 2022, things started to get better. My partner and I were in the best place we could have EVER been! Sex life was AMAZING (quality of quantity I mean) and I honestly thought, this was the end. March 2024 I fell pregnant. Again, I had a great pregnancy, sec life was great, was so excited for our future. I have never been one to be bothered about marriage, but kept having this lovely vision of us getting married and our little girl walking down the aisle. Baby girls born in November 2024 and BAM, SO-OCD and ROCD have kicked in. I am now questioning my sexuality again, if I am in the right relationship, am I just 'settling'?, does he deserve me?, am I in denial?, what if we get married and then it turns out I am gay?, I don't want him to propose as I am scared etc. Just relentless every single day. I even question, if any of the conversations I have had with family and friends where they have related to me, were even real or if I made them up for my own comfort, so that I do't feel alone?! I am constantly reviewing past events, as I worry that I wanted to explore my sexuality in university, as I remember having an amazing friendship with a lesbian (who was, I am not afraid to admit, very 'handsome'), and we did flirt, as she did with everyone!! But we never took it any further, it never crossed my mind! I almost don't even get the 'anxiety/'sick' feeling anymore because I am SO used to the thoughts. I don't have an urge to act on my thoughts, but they are also no longer debilitating for me. I just feel exhausted with them. They are ALWAYS there. I have gone down the rabbit hole of avoiding meeting new women friends incase 'I find them attractive', if there is a same sex couple on a program I watch, I automatically avoid. I compare my relationship to others. I saw an insta reel yesterday of a women in her 30's that said 'when you're lay in bed with your husband, searching 'Am I Gay' questionnaires and you decide to divorce and follow your heart' and it was a page dedicated to her helping other mid life adults cope with coming out as gay! It really really really triggered me. I am just exhausted. If anybody else wants to share there story, comment below. It doesn't have to be the same sub types, but just an opportunity to vent!
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