- Date posted
- 5y
- Date posted
- 5y
I had harm OCD for over a decade. Spectacularly, every friend and loved one has survived. I’m not sure how! I’ve thought of everything you can think of. Tossing kids in microwaves. Mass shootings where I’m the shooter. Rape. Being a serial killer. If it’s deprived and morally repugnant, it’s bounced around my gray matter a time or two. What I can say is ERP is profoundly helpful. Life-changing, really. I can enjoy things I used to (like true crime documentaries, cooking with knives, being alone with my kids without being terrified). I never would’ve thought it’s possible, but it is. I hardly ever have any harm thoughts. If you’re not in treatment, get started!
- Date posted
- 5y
You give me hope!
- Date posted
- 3y
Did you ever feel numb to your intrusive thoughts ? That feeling is enough to convince me or make me doubt if I would actually ever act on. Deep down I feel like I might one day act on it and I’m destined for which makes me super depressed. Is this common? Am I crazy?
- Date posted
- 5y
I had this struggle with harm ocd as well. The best way I could describe it is that I was so fearful of watching the Joker movie. He goes crazy and gets violent. That was my biggest fear and my harm ocd latched onto that a lot. The best thing you can do is do some erp and don’t fight the thoughts. Trust me. You will want to fight the thoughts, but doing so tells your brain there is something to fight. It is just ocd. Don’t pay any attention to it. Seriously. Oh so you want to kill a hamster? Ok. Oh well, it’s just OCD being silly. Ocd, you’re crazy you know that? Now move on with your day. I highly recommend you listen to Ali Greymond and her podcast “OCD help” or YouTube some ocd videos.
- Date posted
- 5y
Sorry if that triggered you.. in reality, you should expose yourself to healthy triggers. One by one it will become easier to ignore the thoughts
- Date posted
- 5y
@boilerup It didn’t trigger me your good! I want to fight them so bad because they’re so annoying. I’m just so sick of this
- Date posted
- 5y
I’m with you. I hear you!! I have the same “I don’t want to do that” impulse!!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t even know where to start because there’s so much going on in my head and it feels like there’s so much evidence for every thought. Like my ocd feels like it doesn’t just have one specific theme it’s honestly every theme and it just switches throughout the day depending on the thoughts I have. This started all about a month ago, this whole ocd flare up. I’ve been diagnosed with ocd for about 3 years now and looking back on my childhood, I feel like I’ve had it for probably my entire life. My grandpa just recently died back in February and I feel like this whole ocd spiral is a result of dealing with grief especially because it didn’t even hit me for the whole month of April for some reason and things felt “normal”. But since this ocd flare up has started I’ve been constantly reviewing and revisiting my past, all my childhood memories and so many of them are terrifying which is weird because I never had a traumatic event hppen to me as a child. I feel like it’s always been “self-inflicted” trauma if that makes sense? My mind is telling me so many things related to so many topics like maybe I liked my family member as a kid and have just hid it to fit in with society? That my anxiety as a kid has caught up with me and I’m turning into a psychopath? That I’ve always been a creep and enjoyed looking at peoples privates or chests, etc but just ignored or allowed the thought this whole time. Also before this whole flare up I remember always feeling on autopilot and not really alive like everything I did I just felt numb about it. Which aids my ocd to tell me that these feelings are real and the thoughts are true and that I’m “waking up” or realizing or something. I haven’t felt such intense anxiety and distress since I was a kid and I didn’t even understand my own thoughts. It’s like I’m either hyper aware or totally unaware of what’s going on around me and it gets me thinking about my existence, personality, what my role in life is and like genuinely what I’m even doing in the moment like what’s the reason behind everything. I’m constantly questioning my intentions because I don’t know if they’re true or not and it’s like my ocd doesn’t even allow me to consider the thought it just jumps to conclusion. Like telling me I’m guilty before proven innocent. It honestly feels like so much at once to even simply call it ocd or anxiety because it feels like a crisis and any moment I could spiral and breakdown completely. Going to school everyday feeling like anytbing could trigger a panic attack at any moment makes me feel like I can’t be left alone with my thoughts. And like overall since I got down this rabbit hole, my first obsession was harm to myself, then it was harm to others specifically my family, then it was being a pervert or pedo, or being attracted or someone or something I shouldn’t be, which then makes me question my existence and who I am along with also being hyper aware of my facial movements like my eyebrows, nose, etc. Like why does ocd have to involve itself in every aspect of my life? It feels like there’s always something wrong that I need to fix.
- Date posted
- 23w
i’m trying to not let the thoughts bother me but it’s just so stressful. even me typing that feels like i’m lying when i know i’m not. i’m scared because even my therapist tells me that it’s just ocd, but in the back of my mind i slightly don’t believe her, and its making me scared that i AM like those people and im gonna act on something. sometimes in social moments i get a quick thought of me being an outcast because im like those people who are sick in the head and act on that stuff, and it just makes me feel like i truly am gonna eventually act on something. another thing that bothered me is earlier my mom yelled at me for not doing school work (it was well deserved im really slacking on it) and i had like no reaction to her screaming. it had me thinking what if i have no empathy etc etc, and what if i get mad that she yelled at me and i do something involving those thoughts. how do i TRULY know it’s ocd? like i try to remind myself and be like “dude, your therapist said it’s ocd, she isn’t wrong” but the back of my mind is like “she is wrong, it’s not ocd and she just happened to misdiagnose you. you are gonna act on those thoughts and it’s your fate”. please someone respond if you read all of this, im really struggling
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