Can ocd make you not feel right even when your feeling normal? Like I felt semi normal today and I started to think what If this means I want to do these bad things that I’m thinking about and get I get all anxious, I also have headaches all the time now and I just wanna sleep now. I can’t stand these thoughts and now I feel like I’m a schizophrenic and on top of that I have had harm ocd too. Sometimes I question if I even have ocd and what if these is like another mental illness, my harm theme makes me feel so fucked up and I find myself always saying “no no no I don’t wanna do those things” or “ why would I even think that I love my mom so much”. I don’t even feel like myself anymore and I’m just so tired now.

I had harm OCD for over a decade. Spectacularly, every friend and loved one has survived. I’m not sure how! I’ve thought of everything you can think of. Tossing kids in microwaves. Mass shootings where I’m the shooter. Rape. Being a serial killer. If it’s deprived and morally repugnant, it’s bounced around my gray matter a time or two. What I can say is ERP is profoundly helpful. Life-changing, really. I can enjoy things I used to (like true crime documentaries, cooking with knives, being alone with my kids without being terrified). I never would’ve thought it’s possible, but it is. I hardly ever have any harm thoughts. If you’re not in treatment, get started!

I had this struggle with harm ocd as well. The best way I could describe it is that I was so fearful of watching the Joker movie. He goes crazy and gets violent. That was my biggest fear and my harm ocd latched onto that a lot. The best thing you can do is do some erp and don’t fight the thoughts. Trust me. You will want to fight the thoughts, but doing so tells your brain there is something to fight. It is just ocd. Don’t pay any attention to it. Seriously. Oh so you want to kill a hamster? Ok. Oh well, it’s just OCD being silly. Ocd, you’re crazy you know that? Now move on with your day. I highly recommend you listen to Ali Greymond and her podcast “OCD help” or YouTube some ocd videos.

I’m with you. I hear you!! I have the same “I don’t want to do that” impulse!!