- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
He doesn’t have Snapchat. And I asked him if he did it and he says he didn’t. The worries are that he may be using it to talk to other women and he’s hiding it from me
- Date posted
- 6y
I know. And I know my ocd sees everything as evidence. And it wants answers to all the weird stuff.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hey Ashley! I have the same types of thoughts as you!
- Date posted
- 6y
I don’t have advice for you, as I’m still very much in the thick of it myself. But I will say, I have been very wrong about all my accusations of my husband that were in that category. He is more trustworthy than I am, and yet I come up with these elaborate schemes that he has never even thought of. And it’s not just his word I’m taking for the truth, I’ve actually had moments where the truth has presented itself and I’ve realized how far-fetched and off my thoughts were.
- Date posted
- 6y
@nOCD my third reply is a technique not reassurance.
- Date posted
- 6y
Honestly, I’m not doing that well. I have since started walking with a friend in the mornings and decided to rally against, only to find myself swallowed up even more in checking than I did before. They say that it’s hard when you decide to fight it. I need to do something drastic for my marriage because he’s so close to just giving up
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh, I’m so so sorry... That is such a hard position to be in. My marriage is in a terrible place as well. My husband has almost divorced me many times and each time he gets closer and closer to not coming back. The whole reason I got this app is because he is leaving me for certain now if I can’t change this about myself drastically and soon. It is veeery uncomfortable to stop, but the checking in part is what keeps OCD going strong. Something that has helped me is to take out my phone when I’m circling in my mind about a topic and to write down in the notes app the question or topic I need to know about. And I tell myself I’ll ask about it later. It makes me feel like that topic will be taken care of and allows my mind to let go of it for now. I’ve also learned to only ask my husband about a topic when I’m ready to receive his answer, meaning I am ready to accept what he says as truth. Because otherwise, it’s pointless for me to even ask if I’m not going to believe him.
- Date posted
- 6y
Gosh. Breeze we sound like the same person ?
- Date posted
- 6y
I know lol (Twilight Zone music) I’m guessing we’re about the same age since you put 85 in your name. I’m ‘86
- Date posted
- 6y
may b ur husband used snapchat on his mother's phone. So whats the issue with that ?
- Date posted
- 6y
people who are older...many times they dont remember if they used or downloaded something in there phone... and may b other people also used her phone.. so u never know who downloaded it or who used it. & I was ur husband and I have to chat with another women - - i will not use my mother's phone. - every who's on snapchat they r on fb too, so i will not download another app & highlight a suspicious activity. & if i used snapchat on mom's phone, I will delete the app after use. & the reaction ur husband is giving shows he is not lying. if he had to lie about it then he will do it wisely. he will say something like - - yes, I used snapchat on mom's phone bcos I had to talk with bob...or something... so i think u r all ok. just forget the whole thing.
- Date posted
- 6y
Ashley, how are you doing now? Has anything resolved for you with this?
- Date posted
- 6y
Very great ideas breeze. Is your ocd revolves around him doing something bad?
- Date posted
- 6y
Yes. Many other topics too, though.
- Date posted
- 6y
How long have you been married? For us it’s 12 years this june
- Date posted
- 6y
We’ve been together 13 years. Married for 6. I was afraid to commit so kept pushing the marriage off :/
- Date posted
- 6y
Has your husband ever done anything to trigger this for you? Mine had a long-standing habit of lying about a certain topic and I became more and more obsessed with needing to find out when he being truthful.
- Date posted
- 6y
Breeze he’s looked at things online and lied about that. but nothing to warrant me going off the deep end like this.
- Date posted
- 6y
What did your spouse lie to you about?
- Date posted
- 6y
Same, actually.
- Date posted
- 6y
You got it! Do you have children?! Gosh I wish there was a way to talk privately on this thing!
- Date posted
- 6y
I was just thinking that last night! Yes I have one daughter. How about you?
- Date posted
- 6y
I have three. 2 girls and a boy.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
I don’t know where to begin, this is going to be very long. But whoever responds I appreciate you dearly. I’m 20 years old, I’ve dealt with a lot in my childhood with abandonment and insecurity issues from my family. Aswell of not having a role model of a healthy relationship shown to me as a child. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years, my first healthy relationship. Last year I discovered OCD (I am diagnosed but I ignored my mental health as a teenager like anybody would) I started to get these feelings that I don’t love my partner/he’s not attractive enough/ etc etc. I’ve discovered that it’s ROCD. I made threads on Reddit asking for advice googling for reassurance, all the things as one would do with ocd (as I’m doing now!) One day I woke up and that theme was gone, I felt normal in my relationship for about 4 months with no terrible thoughts. As of about 2-3 months ago, my theme switched. Now I have a fear he doesn’t love me, he’s cheating, he doesn’t want to marry me. It has utterly consumed me (just like my last theme!) I check his phone an unhealthy amount (guess what I never find anything!) He always lets me go through his phone, but as anyone would he gets annoyed and frustrated. I always am searching for signs if he’s acting weird, will get into arguments 24/7 because my brain keeps telling me he’s cheating, I get fake scenarios in my brain, hell I even bought Snapchat+ to stalk his snap score. But ever single time I find nothing. A lot of things trigger me and I over analyze everything, phone calls who his texting. When I do search his phone I check his EMAIL because of how paranoid I am. When I see things on social media about people cheating I SPIRALLLL But what really triggered me was this scenario, his family loves to joke around with me and mess with him at the same time, especially with our relationship, saying I have a leash on him etc etc making jokes (which I can take but when I’m in an ocd spiral and they have no idea something’s are triggering) anyways, we were out to lunch and his mother texts him “are u at some girls house” he told me straight away then responded “why would u say that” then she proceeded to say she’s messing around with him. And sent a picture of me and said I’m with Hailey at lunch, then they had a normal conversation after. Obviously this sent me into a spiral, it still bothers me. I was so upset and anxious, when we got back to his house I went through that man’s phone like it was my only job in the world. And I search EVERYTHING not one thing goes untouched. (I sound insane) anyways we went back to his place, then he called his mom to come in his room and asked why she said that, she felt guilty and said she was messing around she had her hands in her head (mind you she’s been drinking probably just messing around with him when she texted that) she told me not to worry ever about that kind of stuff because her son is not that type of man, she proceeded to leave the room then texted me about how sorry she was and didn’t mean to freak me out and felt like shit about it. Ever since then she’s been acting kind of weird towards me (not really) maybe she’s uncomfortable or there’s another women idk LOL. Anyways yea what the hell do I do I literally can’t function properly.
- Date posted
- 17w
My husband told me recently he was going to hang out with a local friend he often goes to see. It got very late and I heard nothing from him. Tried calling and texting. Stayed up all night thinking maybe he was dead or injured. Logged into our cell phone account to see if I could find any recent location and discovered he had talked to someone on the phone that night but he was like 2 hours away from home at that time. And also saw a phone number he was spending hours on the phone with every day. I had been confronting him about his secrecy prior to that and he kept telling me it was this friend or that friend, or he was just taking the dog on a long walk or having a fire out back. He finally called me back in the morning and I yelled at him. He told me he was randomly with two friends from longer ago and had gotten drunk and passed out, and hadn't told me about these plans because I had a heart surgery a few weeks prior and health concerns and he didn't want to stress me out. He told me the phone number was a girl that he related to on trauma factors and that he views like a little sister. He said he didn't tell me because he was caught up in his trauma spilling of events he didn't share with a single person since they occurred to him 35 years ago, due to feelings of shame and anger, and that he thought I would view it as emotional cheating. I told him it really could be viewed as emotional cheating and in principle, honesty shouldn't be dependent upon the outcome... lying isn't justified because I would be upset by the truth. Since then, he's been more open with me and tells me when that girl is calling, talks to me about their conversations, answers her calls when I'm present. I talked to him about boundaries and things I'm uncomfortable with or bothered by and he changes those things. Especially because I have trauma from an emotionally abusive ex, having him lie to me when I directly questioned him about what I was perceiving or experiencing and telling me those experiences weren't real, when they actually WERE real, has really messed me up. Now when he wants to hang out with a friend, I don't trust it. But I'm handling these feelings in destructive OCD ways. I spend literally the entire time he's gone thinking and thinking and thinking about what if he's lying or what he might be doing instead of what he said. I call and text him intermittently and feel like all of my obsessive thoughts are confirmed if he doesn't answer right away. I'm always checking the phone history. The driving toll history. Scrutinizing everything. I cannot get out of this mindset. It's like this horrible mixture of emotional flashbacks and OCD. I don't want to live like this. I want to work on my relationship in productive ways. I want to be able to use my own time while my husband is gone. Even if he lied to me and is somewhere other than he said, I don't want to lie in bed just thinking and thinking and thinking for entire days and nights. I'm not sure what I'm really asking here. This is just the only place where I feel like I can share this without people thinking "wow she's crazy".
- Date posted
- 12w
Hi everyone, I’ve already been diagnosed with OCD, and I strongly suspect that I’ve developed a ROCD pattern. I wanted to share a specific situation that just won’t leave me alone – even though it’s objectively been cleared up. I’m in a relationship with a man who is, by nature, a very transparent, honest, and loyal person. Rationally, I know I can trust him. Recently, he got a phone call while I was with him. I asked him to check who it was. He hesitated briefly and then checked kind of slowly – the number wasn’t saved. To me, the whole thing just felt a bit strange. It didn’t seem like “open behavior,” even though he told me afterward that he simply didn’t have the energy to deal with it, since he had generally had a bad day. The problem is: Even after this explanation – which makes sense – the thoughts won’t go away. I keep replaying the situation in my head, analyzing his reaction, wondering if that hesitation meant something – even though I know he didn’t do anything wrong. I feel like I need to bring it up again to feel at ease. But I also know that would only bring temporary relief, and then the cycle would start all over again. It feels just like other OCD loops – only this time, it’s centered around my relationship. Have any of you experienced something like this? How do you stop yourself from falling into the reassurance trap over and over again? I don’t want to overwhelm or hurt my partner unnecessarily – I just want to learn how to manage this inner tension better. did it sound like ocd?? Rocd?? Thanks for reading. It really helps to know I’m not alone. (edited)
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