Anon4
- Date posted
- 4y
EperkeEperke
- Date posted
- 4y
I have Retrospective Jealousy OCD. It started around 30 years ago when I met my now wife. I struggled with the thoughts about her past not knowing what was happening and when they first came on the pain was unbearable and I tried to kill myself. I then had years of going to therapists that were useless as they failed to realise it was OCD. Four years ago I finally was diagnosed and with the help of a great psychotherapist I have been doing ERP and at last things have improved. Before that I was totally at its mercy and I would get so angry and upset with my wife it was awful. Luckily we are still together. I would like to connect with others with this type of OCD to hopefully provide some support and understanding whether you have not yet been diagnosed or you are or are due to begin ERP . ERP was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. If years ago I had known other people with this OCD who knew what the diagnosis is and how to treat it it would have saved years of pain and suffering.
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 4y
I relate to this so so much
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 4y
Jealousy based relationship ocd has been by far the most distressing shit I have ever been through in my entire life. I can’t shake it. I can get other rel ocd thoughts like doubts about the rel and my feelings towards my bf, but it doesn’t shake me in my core like the jealousy based obsessions do. It makes me feel suicidal and I cant function at all but other ocd themes don’t do this to me at all. And it feels real bc jealousy of x y or Z can be real or they are real and I know they are and I obsess about it being fact (ex if my bf directly tells me something then it’s fact or if something actually happened or has been said that I can’t get out of my head ) and that kills me more than the ones that might just be in my head. My other themes don’t do this to me.
AnxiousaddieAnxiousaddie
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes! Experiencinf this now. One theme feels different and it makes ne think it is real
Anon4Anon4
- Date posted
- 4y
Right. It makes you feel like it can’t be OCD and while OCD still feels threatening, this feels like a legitimate threat.
AnxiousaddieAnxiousaddie
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@MegB Exactly! Struggling with this today!
EperkeEperke
- Date posted
- 4y
Hi have you been through ERP and has it helped. My isssue was that I thought I had OCD but none of the books or later when there was internet (!) no mention of this type of intrusive thought so you start thinking it is just jealousy and you start trying to rationalise and focus which is the worst thing to do. Once it is diagnosed it is obviously a mental illness and needs to be treated as such.
Ocd_istheworstOcd_istheworst
- Date posted
- 4y
ERP helped me a lot with this theme. I went through the nine weeks of NOCD erp therapy on this app and it helped me into remission for seven months. Now the remission has ended (yay...) and I’m triggered a lot again. So I know what I have to do but I keep putting it off and I shouldn’t. I’ll try to make some more scripts today and start exposing myself again bc I know if I got into remission once I can do it again and ERP is so effective so it gives me hope. How are yoj holding up ? It’s so hard with themes that are less known. It really is the worst feeling like ur alone or when therapists never heard this type of ocd before but that’s what makes NOCD so great and I’m glad I found this app. Although I wish it took my insurance so I can go back again but I do have the tools I need to do it myself but I miss that emotional support as well and challenges from a therapist .
OCDeezyFosheezyOCDeezyFosheezy
- Date posted
- 4y
I'm a little confused but I think I get what you're saying. For example I've had SOCD at times but it doesn't bother me cuz I'm not against the idea of being anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. On the other hand I definitely have other intrusive thoughts that can be debilitating. I dunno if that's what you're talking about but yeah, lol that's me at times.
Anon4Anon4
- Date posted
- 4y
Not exactly? I mean I totally get what you’re saying, but I meant do certain themes feel more real to you. Like when I was struggling really hard with sexually intrusive thoughts, part of me knew it was OCD, so while I still had to do compulsions because I was uncomfortable, I was just kinda like “this is obnoxious and horrible, but it’s just my ocd being obnoxious and horrible”. But with other themes (like what I’m dealing with right now), I am constantly questioning if it’s ocd or not, because it feels different somehow. If I’m still not making sense, I get it 😂
OCDeezyFosheezyOCDeezyFosheezy
- Date posted
- 4y
@MegB Ah ok gotcha. I definitely have experienced that at times between the feeling of "is this really"or "is it my OCD" always teeters between my different OCD obsessions.
Related posts
Conquering_OCD
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
Knowing the difference
Does anyone have any advice for how to know the difference between ocd and real feelings/thoughts? Sometimes an intrusive thought will come in and I immediately know it’s ridiculous and I can just leave it alone and it won’t bother me but other times I really really don’t know. It’s when ocd hijacks and twists my real feelings and thoughts and tries to manipulate me into believing they’re something they’re not or something that doesn’t align with my true morals or intentions. But since it’s twisting and mixing with real feelings I get so confused and scared. Everything gets jumbled and I feel like I can’t trust myself or my own mind. Yet other times and other topics I can laugh off and push away just fine. Make it make sense. And then I start to think well maybe I don’t have ocd at all and I’m just in denial because I don’t want to accept that these scary/concerning things are true about myself. Or maybe that’s just the ocd talking.
alex l
- Date posted
- 24w
feeling like my thoughts are too unique
for the past few years i have been struggling with a certain theme of ocd as well as most of the other themes. but this one i have not figured out a good way to do my own form of erp or non-engaging responses. basically i will be daydreaming or thinking and have a very random thought. i wouldn’t call these thoughts intrusive thoughts because it’s not necessarily fear of the thoughts coming true, its just fear that my thoughts are too unique. my ocd will latch on to random or weird thoughts and may also add in that i was doing something weird while doing the thought. let’s say for example i thought of something random while i was rubbing my feet. then my ocd would be like “why are u having such a unique thought while doing something weird? nobody has ever thought about that specific thought while rubbing their feet before” (just an example). but basically it’s like my ocd bullies me for having thoughts that are too random and things i’ve never heard people talk about before if that makes sense. i am just trying to see if anyone relates even a little and how i can accept that everyone has unique thoughts.
Cody Fournier
- User type
- Therapist
- Date posted
- 23w
OCD switches themes
I was just thinking about how OCD tries to be tricky and switches themes on us!! The amount of times I have said to myself in the past, IF ONLY I HAD THE OLDER THEME I USE TO WORRY ABOUT BECAUSE THIS NEW ONE IS SO MUCH WORSE!!! Has anyone ever experienced this before? Once I started ERP therapy, I began to really start understanding what mental/physical compulsions I was doing to really keep my OCD alive! While I did this, I would also tap into my self-compassion bucket, even when it felt like it was dry at times, because it was SO easy to judge myself for because of the sheer presence of my thoughts. I would also have the most self-compassion for myself for those taboo intrusive thoughts that really felt so strong, ego-dystonic and real!!! My OCD would hop around from theme to theme and just when I thought I figured it out (compulsion) it would hop again and make me discouraged! I noticed for me that once I really understood my compulsions, it didn't matter when the theme switched as I could tackle it at its core. If I was able to stay steadfast and resist compulsions the best I could, I started to notice that my CONFIDENCE increased in the long run! I also noticed that some of the core fears were the same for different OCD subtypes. OCD treatment is hard BUT living with OCD is harder. I have experienced subtypes including Harm OCD, ROCD, Moral Scrupulosity, Sensorimotor, Contamination, Perfectionism/Just Right, Hit and Run, Magical Thinking, Real Event/False Memory. ERP therapy allowed me to really work on stopping these compulsions and switching from theme to theme. I was fed up with what OCD took from me and I needed to do something about it. I talked to an ERP therapist and it was one of the best decisions of my life. If you are struggling, keep pushing and get the help you deserve!! You got this!!!
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