- Username
- Anon4
- Date posted
- 4y ago
I have Retrospective Jealousy OCD. It started around 30 years ago when I met my now wife. I struggled with the thoughts about her past not knowing what was happening and when they first came on the pain was unbearable and I tried to kill myself. I then had years of going to therapists that were useless as they failed to realise it was OCD. Four years ago I finally was diagnosed and with the help of a great psychotherapist I have been doing ERP and at last things have improved. Before that I was totally at its mercy and I would get so angry and upset with my wife it was awful. Luckily we are still together. I would like to connect with others with this type of OCD to hopefully provide some support and understanding whether you have not yet been diagnosed or you are or are due to begin ERP . ERP was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. If years ago I had known other people with this OCD who knew what the diagnosis is and how to treat it it would have saved years of pain and suffering.
I relate to this so so much
Jealousy based relationship ocd has been by far the most distressing shit I have ever been through in my entire life. I can’t shake it. I can get other rel ocd thoughts like doubts about the rel and my feelings towards my bf, but it doesn’t shake me in my core like the jealousy based obsessions do. It makes me feel suicidal and I cant function at all but other ocd themes don’t do this to me at all. And it feels real bc jealousy of x y or Z can be real or they are real and I know they are and I obsess about it being fact (ex if my bf directly tells me something then it’s fact or if something actually happened or has been said that I can’t get out of my head ) and that kills me more than the ones that might just be in my head. My other themes don’t do this to me.
Yes! Experiencinf this now. One theme feels different and it makes ne think it is real
Right. It makes you feel like it can’t be OCD and while OCD still feels threatening, this feels like a legitimate threat.
@MegB Exactly! Struggling with this today!
Hi have you been through ERP and has it helped. My isssue was that I thought I had OCD but none of the books or later when there was internet (!) no mention of this type of intrusive thought so you start thinking it is just jealousy and you start trying to rationalise and focus which is the worst thing to do. Once it is diagnosed it is obviously a mental illness and needs to be treated as such.
ERP helped me a lot with this theme. I went through the nine weeks of NOCD erp therapy on this app and it helped me into remission for seven months. Now the remission has ended (yay...) and I’m triggered a lot again. So I know what I have to do but I keep putting it off and I shouldn’t. I’ll try to make some more scripts today and start exposing myself again bc I know if I got into remission once I can do it again and ERP is so effective so it gives me hope. How are yoj holding up ? It’s so hard with themes that are less known. It really is the worst feeling like ur alone or when therapists never heard this type of ocd before but that’s what makes NOCD so great and I’m glad I found this app. Although I wish it took my insurance so I can go back again but I do have the tools I need to do it myself but I miss that emotional support as well and challenges from a therapist .
I'm a little confused but I think I get what you're saying. For example I've had SOCD at times but it doesn't bother me cuz I'm not against the idea of being anywhere on the LGBTQ+ spectrum. On the other hand I definitely have other intrusive thoughts that can be debilitating. I dunno if that's what you're talking about but yeah, lol that's me at times.
Not exactly? I mean I totally get what you’re saying, but I meant do certain themes feel more real to you. Like when I was struggling really hard with sexually intrusive thoughts, part of me knew it was OCD, so while I still had to do compulsions because I was uncomfortable, I was just kinda like “this is obnoxious and horrible, but it’s just my ocd being obnoxious and horrible”. But with other themes (like what I’m dealing with right now), I am constantly questioning if it’s ocd or not, because it feels different somehow. If I’m still not making sense, I get it 😂
@MegB Ah ok gotcha. I definitely have experienced that at times between the feeling of "is this really"or "is it my OCD" always teeters between my different OCD obsessions.
How have you guys dealt with your stickiest / most long lasting theme? For me this is HOCD; I had other themes popping up in the last few months but I was able to get past them quite quickly with acceptance and a sort of shrugging manner, like ‘the probability of this happening isn’t enough for me to waste my time obsessing over’. However HOCD has always been different, it was what started my ocd and what I obsessed over for a year before discovering I had this disorder, and it often feels like when I decide not to obsess over it, I’m just sweeping the issue under the rug and not thinking about it. I’m better with a lot of the triggers but the big ones, like ‘comphet’ and my relationship nerves, are so hard to ignore. A part of me is always saying ‘you’re just ignoring this, you shouldn’t be!’. This is always been the theme where I find it so hard to distance myself from the content and look at it from an ocd perspective because when something relates to your identity say, I find it harder to ignore than obsessions about health or existentialism for example.
I’ve had the same themes of ocd on and off for years. I have a new theme i’ve never had before now. Has that happened to anyone else?
Hi all! I have had a variety of OCD themes such as Relationship OCD, Homosexual OCD, Transgender OCD, etc. I have a few experiences that I'm wondering if anyone has been through/can shed light on as well: -I feel as if I have a constant feeling that I need to analyze whether or not I'm 100% happy at any given moment. For example I think: "Am I truly happy? Am I experiencing life the right way? If I look around am I experiencing life with 100% clarity?" -One of my themes is stronger/more persistent than the others. And as such it makes me more fearful that it must be true. My Homosexual OCD was the first to manifest and as such I feel like it has ultimate power over me. I also used to experiment with Gay Porn when I was younger but I never felt it was "serious" nor have relationships with men interested me in real life. But I feel as if I am hyperaware of when I find another male attractive yet the thought of sexual intercourse with them doesn't appeal to me. (I'm in a very lucky and lovely relationship with my Fiancé btw). And I find myself analyzing moments of emotion with her. When I cry over something out of joy with her I feel like a fraud, like I am forcing myself to do so. But I've had genuine moments when I imagine our wedding day together alone in my car, I cry because I'm overcome with joy. -How to properly do ERP exercises. I usually attempt to let my thoughts flow like a stream and try not to attach meaning to them. I also try to force myself to imagine scenarios that are incredibly fearful in an effort to desensitize myself which only makes me feel as if I'm actually starting to like the thoughts and then they become an overwhelming, confusing wave. Thanks so much for reading! I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts and I sincerely love and appreciate your time. I hope we can all be in this together! :)
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