I’ve been dating my boyfriend for just under 3 years and we are so happy, BUT he has had a really rough gonof things in life, his entire family is abusive and he lives with his abusive family, his mom is severely depressed and he has to take care of her. He hasn’t been able to keep a job while we’ve been dating because of it. He tried but he ended up having severe panic attacks and quitting because of everything going on, his uncle died and his grandma is dying and he has started drinking. He is getting help, from therapy, doctors etc, he lives off of ODSP at the moment and is getting an apartment so he can get out of the abusive situation. I understand all of this as I’ve lived through it with him and I think he is so strong. And I can really see that he’s trying. But my mother isn’t. All she every talks about is how he’s a nice guy. But he’s shit and I should dump him. That’s not how I feel AT ALL but any time she says that stuff it sends me into a spiral. I obsess over it and I hate it. He’s doing so well and he’s trying so hard, he wants to get a job and go to achool for photography, and I LOVE HIM I’m so proud of him for taking care of his mother even though she is so awful. I just wish my mother saw what I did

I totally get where you are coming from and all like loving a lost soul and what not but try to see where your mom is coming from, she loves you and probably sees so much potential in you and here you are head over heals for this guy who has no job and Has a lot of issues that are not caused by any faults of his own. Just a shitty upbringing that he has been unfortunate enough to have to experience. But don’t forget you are not on this earth to help and love and give your whole being to someone that got the shitty end of the stick called life. You are here to prosper and shine and find your true purpose. I’m sorry for sounding like kinda negative or maybe like your mom lol but I spent a lot of my life giving my all for people who I thought I loved and who I thought loved me just to realize I wasted so much time trying to fix someone or trying to find someone else’s purpose in my life or in just life in general instead of focussing on my purpose and my happiness. I understand that you feel bad for your boyfriend and accept that he doesn’t have a job and you accept that he has depression because he lives in an abusive house hold but he is not the first and certainly won’t be the last. My boyfriend grew up smoking crack with his schizophrenic mother and abusive step dad . They lived in roach infested houses. My boyfriend spent majority of his adult hood in Rikers and gratersford. Two of the most violent jails in America. He is 26. I was molested and raped my entire child hood. I started doing heroin at 14. I dropped out of school. Ran away to south Florida and was pimped out by Haitian drug dealers to support my heroin habit. I have been to over ten rehabs . I have ruined my family’s lives by stealing and causing massive amounts of stress. I’m 23 and now have 2 years sober. My boyfriend has six years sober . We just bought a condo in center city Philadelphia. I run a cleaning business and he owns the business I run. We have a cat we love dearly. We have a brand new car . I get my nails done once a week. I’m not a materialistic person but I love my life and I love that fact that me and my boyfriend have came from nothing and now we have come so far. I’m so attracted to my boyfriend primarily based on the fact that he works hard. He never complains. He never blames his past. We have truly overcome our difficulties and beaten our odds that have always been against us! That wAs a whole lot that I just said but I just want you to maybe see where your mom is coming from when she says he is not as good a guy as you may feel. Never settle for less than. Just because someone can’t help themselves doesnt mean you have to lower your standards, hopes and dreams just so you can focus all of your energy into somebody else’s problems

Yeah it’s just more like that I would understand more if I was putting all this energy into helping him you know? But I just do my thing I do my school work and he pushes me to do my best, and he gets help from therapists and doctors etc, obviously I’m there for him emotionally but I dont financially support him, or anything like that you know? We are separate people and he never expects me to drop everything to help him because he helps himself. It’s more like he’s going through his things and getting help and I’m just doing my own thing along side him.

Like I don’t accept that he doesn’t have a job, I want him to have a job more than anything! It’s just that he is ACTUALLY trying to get better so he can get one