Does hocd make you think of men in general and make you think of scenarios in your head like i keep picturing myself with a man. I cant even think of women anymore. But when i see them out and about i go shes nice. But then my mind is like your forceing it 😞

Hey, I’ve felt like this for the past month now. I got covid in November and all of a sudden when I wasn’t well my mind decided that I might not be straight. I have a boyfriend who I love so much and we’ve spoken about starting a family together soon and then thoughts that came up made me doubt our relationship, made me not feel good enough for him. It has been the worst month of my life, the overthinking, shaking and not being able to eat or sleep due to the thoughts. I can’t watch tv becuase I see a girl on the screen and think I could be attracted to her when I’m not. I don’t want to go out or look through social media anymore. Have you spoken to a therapist about how you are feeling? I’ve just been referred to one and I’m starting it in two weeks. I also start anti depressants today. I hope you are well.

I think so yeah. I’ve been referred to Cbt as well I’m on the waiting list for it now. I’m also starting anti depressants today for it and I’m hoping they help. It makes you feel like everything’s real and that you’re just in denial about your sexuality. I’ve never experienced anything like it. The thoughts are so real and it tries to make you think about past experiences too.

No im really not good at the moment i feel like there is an attraction to men but im not sure if its reality or not when i think about being with a man it upsets me the thought of being gay. I have started cbt and have been refered to the mental health team. When you say therapist do you mean psycharist?

Yeah man, I get that same shit. It’s the rumination. I worry that the continued rumination is conditioning us too, but it is so hard to stop when it feels so real.

Ive got a horrible feeling in my stomach its making me feel sick 😞

Yeah my gf but she doesnt know the extent of my thoughts. I cryed all the way back from the school run today it was horrible saying why me i dont want to be gay 😥

You might not want to but if she knows some of it maybe talk to her about it. I told my boyfriend but I kept it from him when the thoughts came back into my head and when I told him everything I was feeling and thinking it made me feel better. He’s there now anytime I panic to make sure I’m ok. Or maybe if not your girlfriend someone else you can talk to about it. I can’t calm myself down, I need someone with me to tell me to breathe for some reason. I go back to work next week and I’m scared I’m going to melt down there.

Your be fine stay strong you have your boyfreind and im sure he will support you👍. My mind keeps telling me i want to be with a man i keep saying things in my head. Like i will get my man and i want a boyfreind etc. Then im like maybe i am gay and the feeling in my stomach gets worse. Im scared shitless 😞

Have you ever had an interest in men or did it only come about with the intrusive thoughts. The guy I spoke to on the phone said it’s normal even for straight people to sometimes see someone of the same sex and find them attractive, they then could think hmm maybe I’m gay and then push that to the back of their mind but people with ocd just obsess off that one thought and it sets them spiralling. Did you get offered any anti depressants or are you on any already?

So i never had 1 gay thought before the age of 22. Im on flouxetine have been on them for 16 years i came off them for 3 months but im back on them now

16 years wow. I’ve never and I’m still not interested in sleeping with or doing anything else with a woman but my mind still tries to convince me that I’m into them. I don’t know why. I’ve only ever kissed a woman before and it never did anything for me but my mind goes back to me doing that and thinks becuase I did that I’m not straight. Our minds are crazy things and it’s horrible what we’re going through. My mum and boyfriend know the full extent of it but they’re the only two. I don’t know why but I’d feel like people will think I’m lying about it if I tell them.

Yeah i can understand that. Im just watching the build up to football and there was a guy on there and i said in my head thats what i want. But i could feel the anxiety building and i know when you have anxiety it can make you say things i think ? 🤷‍♂️

Yeah it’ll be the anxiety. You feel your heart beating faster and you start to shake and feel sick and you instantly know it’s becuase your about to overthink. When you start to get anxious no matter how hard it is you need to try and tell yourself you’re ok. I know it’s hard I’m struggling to do it myself but it’s what I’ve been trying to do recently. I wake up in the morning and instantly feel sick and shaky because I know that’s when I feel my worst.

I just get the feeling in my chest and stomach. But then im on medication. I find myself just going through men in my mind and i comment 😞

Yeah im seeing the mental health team tuesday .. well over the phone. I dont think my tablets are doing what they used to im not sure. But i think im going to try something else

Seems like a good idea. If you ever need someone to talk to about the thoughts just message on here ☺️ hope your call goes well on Tuesday.

Ok you off ?

Yeah I’m going to try and relax for a bit and stay off social media for tonight. It seems to help me calm down. Social media is a horrible thing these days but if your feeling low or wanna talk just reply on here and I’ll message you back

Your a good person. I appreciate your kindness 👍

i know this is a bit personal. But do you think of womens bits when you get thoughts aswel ?

No I don’t think of that. My mind tries to think of me sleeping with women tho but it doesn’t do anything for me. I know I couldn’t go any further with women but kissing. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. You’ll just be overthinking.

Now i feel like i need to look at porn to check. But my mind will be like hes got a nice one etc i dont want to think about it but i cant stop 😥

Bro, whatever you do, do not check. If you can’t listen to yourself, listen to me. I will be your voice of reason.

Cheers mate. Im not going to. So im watching football and my mind said wonder what his penis is like bet his got a nice one etc. Im cringing writing that fml

Yeah man, my mind does that too when watching football. It will see a dude with his arms out or something and be like, you like that don’t you. Makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.

You get the penis thing aswel dont you?. Makes me think that i actually like penis 🙈

Mate did you say you was diagnosed ?

Thats one of the main symptoms tho isnt it ?. Ive woke up this morning thinking i want to be with a man again. This is the main problem at the moment. I cant even yawn without an image of a penis going in my mouth its horrible

You mean like in puberty?. This really feels real and i keep thinking of peoples reactions if i was to come out. Im really struggling because it feels like reality

Did you see my post ?

Which one?

Fourth one up mate 👍

Yeah i get a similar thing. When im with a freind or something. My mind will be like this feels right. Its really odd because im not even thinking that

I was looking at harry kane even he looks good looking wtf lol

I don’t know who that is, but I was getting the same shit with the guy from Hell’s Kitchen lol.

Mate it really feels like im attracted to men when i think about doing anything with them it grosses me out. But then im like is that because im in denial. I just want to be excited by women again 😞