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- 4y
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- 4y
Hey, I’ve felt like this for the past month now. I got covid in November and all of a sudden when I wasn’t well my mind decided that I might not be straight. I have a boyfriend who I love so much and we’ve spoken about starting a family together soon and then thoughts that came up made me doubt our relationship, made me not feel good enough for him. It has been the worst month of my life, the overthinking, shaking and not being able to eat or sleep due to the thoughts. I can’t watch tv becuase I see a girl on the screen and think I could be attracted to her when I’m not. I don’t want to go out or look through social media anymore. Have you spoken to a therapist about how you are feeling? I’ve just been referred to one and I’m starting it in two weeks. I also start anti depressants today. I hope you are well.
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- 4y
I think so yeah. I’ve been referred to Cbt as well I’m on the waiting list for it now. I’m also starting anti depressants today for it and I’m hoping they help. It makes you feel like everything’s real and that you’re just in denial about your sexuality. I’ve never experienced anything like it. The thoughts are so real and it tries to make you think about past experiences too.
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- 4y
No im really not good at the moment i feel like there is an attraction to men but im not sure if its reality or not when i think about being with a man it upsets me the thought of being gay. I have started cbt and have been refered to the mental health team. When you say therapist do you mean psycharist?
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- 4y
Yeah man, I get that same shit. It’s the rumination. I worry that the continued rumination is conditioning us too, but it is so hard to stop when it feels so real.
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- 4y
Ive got a horrible feeling in my stomach its making me feel sick 😞
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- 4y
Yeah I get that. It makes me not want to eat or do anything. Tell yourself you are ok. This isn’t you it’s the ocd. Does anyone close to you know you’re going through this?
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- 4y
Yeah my gf but she doesnt know the extent of my thoughts. I cryed all the way back from the school run today it was horrible saying why me i dont want to be gay 😥
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- 4y
You might not want to but if she knows some of it maybe talk to her about it. I told my boyfriend but I kept it from him when the thoughts came back into my head and when I told him everything I was feeling and thinking it made me feel better. He’s there now anytime I panic to make sure I’m ok. Or maybe if not your girlfriend someone else you can talk to about it. I can’t calm myself down, I need someone with me to tell me to breathe for some reason. I go back to work next week and I’m scared I’m going to melt down there.
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- 4y
Your be fine stay strong you have your boyfreind and im sure he will support you👍. My mind keeps telling me i want to be with a man i keep saying things in my head. Like i will get my man and i want a boyfreind etc. Then im like maybe i am gay and the feeling in my stomach gets worse. Im scared shitless 😞
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- 4y
Have you ever had an interest in men or did it only come about with the intrusive thoughts. The guy I spoke to on the phone said it’s normal even for straight people to sometimes see someone of the same sex and find them attractive, they then could think hmm maybe I’m gay and then push that to the back of their mind but people with ocd just obsess off that one thought and it sets them spiralling. Did you get offered any anti depressants or are you on any already?
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- 4y
So i never had 1 gay thought before the age of 22. Im on flouxetine have been on them for 16 years i came off them for 3 months but im back on them now
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- 4y
16 years wow. I’ve never and I’m still not interested in sleeping with or doing anything else with a woman but my mind still tries to convince me that I’m into them. I don’t know why. I’ve only ever kissed a woman before and it never did anything for me but my mind goes back to me doing that and thinks becuase I did that I’m not straight. Our minds are crazy things and it’s horrible what we’re going through. My mum and boyfriend know the full extent of it but they’re the only two. I don’t know why but I’d feel like people will think I’m lying about it if I tell them.
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- 4y
Yeah i can understand that. Im just watching the build up to football and there was a guy on there and i said in my head thats what i want. But i could feel the anxiety building and i know when you have anxiety it can make you say things i think ? 🤷♂️
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- 4y
Yeah it’ll be the anxiety. You feel your heart beating faster and you start to shake and feel sick and you instantly know it’s becuase your about to overthink. When you start to get anxious no matter how hard it is you need to try and tell yourself you’re ok. I know it’s hard I’m struggling to do it myself but it’s what I’ve been trying to do recently. I wake up in the morning and instantly feel sick and shaky because I know that’s when I feel my worst.
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- 4y
I just get the feeling in my chest and stomach. But then im on medication. I find myself just going through men in my mind and i comment 😞
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- 4y
Even though it’s hard youve just got to try and talk yourself out of it, or maybe just accept it and say yeah sure whatever I like men and maybe that’ll help. Maybe speaking to your doctor too to see if you can get some different anti depressants that’ll help more.
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- 4y
Yeah im seeing the mental health team tuesday .. well over the phone. I dont think my tablets are doing what they used to im not sure. But i think im going to try something else
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- 4y
Seems like a good idea. If you ever need someone to talk to about the thoughts just message on here ☺️ hope your call goes well on Tuesday.
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- 4y
Ok you off ?
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- 4y
Yeah I’m going to try and relax for a bit and stay off social media for tonight. It seems to help me calm down. Social media is a horrible thing these days but if your feeling low or wanna talk just reply on here and I’ll message you back
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- 4y
Your a good person. I appreciate your kindness 👍
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- 4y
i know this is a bit personal. But do you think of womens bits when you get thoughts aswel ?
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- 4y
No I don’t think of that. My mind tries to think of me sleeping with women tho but it doesn’t do anything for me. I know I couldn’t go any further with women but kissing. I wouldn’t worry too much about it though. You’ll just be overthinking.
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- 4y
Now i feel like i need to look at porn to check. But my mind will be like hes got a nice one etc i dont want to think about it but i cant stop 😥
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- 4y
Don’t check!!!!
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- 4y
I have been stuck in a porn checking loop more than 4 times a day for the past week and it is tearing me apart. Don’t do it. It will only make it worse. Trust me.
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- 4y
Definitely don’t check. I’ve heard a lot of people do it and it’s a bad idea. I’ve seen gay porn before and got turned on by it. This was years ago but it’s aparently normal to do straight or not.
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- 4y
@elisha124 Really i didnt know that
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- 4y
@Ihateocd83 I’m not too sure about men watching men on men porn being considered normal but girls watching lesbian porn is aparently normal becuase it’s more intimate. I honestly don’t think you should worry about it anyway. Even if you do enjoy it so what. I know it’s hard with the anxiety and the intrusive thoughts but I would definitely not recommend watching porn to try and reassure yourself. One of the issues is that we try and reassure ourselves when we don’t even need to have 100% reassurance of our sexual orientation. It’s the ocd.
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- 4y
Bro, whatever you do, do not check. If you can’t listen to yourself, listen to me. I will be your voice of reason.
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- 4y
Cheers mate. Im not going to. So im watching football and my mind said wonder what his penis is like bet his got a nice one etc. Im cringing writing that fml
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- 4y
Yeah man, my mind does that too when watching football. It will see a dude with his arms out or something and be like, you like that don’t you. Makes me want to curl up into a ball and die.
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- 4y
You get the penis thing aswel dont you?. Makes me think that i actually like penis 🙈
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- 4y
Yeah man definitely. I’m at the point where it makes me feel like I’m attracted to my own penis. It’s very confusing. It tells me all this horrible shit.
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- 4y
Mate did you say you was diagnosed ?
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- 4y
Yeah, twice by two different OCD specialists. I definitely have OCD, but I always doubt the HOCD. It feels so real and my head makes me think that is what I want.
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- 4y
Thats one of the main symptoms tho isnt it ?. Ive woke up this morning thinking i want to be with a man again. This is the main problem at the moment. I cant even yawn without an image of a penis going in my mouth its horrible
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- 4y
Yeah man, I get that too. It feels so real and that’s what keeps on drawing me in. I woke up with the same thing this morning.
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- 4y
@nGfloat How old are you mate ?
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- 4y
@nGfloat I got told by my therapist that homosexuality can lay doormant. And i was like fuck. I keep saying to myself i might be bisexual
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- 4y
@Ihateocd83 21 man. Was this an OCD specialist? From what I have heard, that is a load of bullshit. I think you would have been less attracted to women before all of this if that were the case.
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- 4y
You mean like in puberty?. This really feels real and i keep thinking of peoples reactions if i was to come out. Im really struggling because it feels like reality
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- 4y
Yeah, in puberty and late adolescence. This hit me first when I was 15. I know man, it does for me too. Woke up this morning feeling like I wanted to be with a friend. Just sit with it. Acknowledge the presence but don’t analyze. You’ve got this.
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- 4y
@nGfloat Cheers mate. So have you stay strong
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- 4y
@nGfloat This all started at 22 but just recently the loss of attraction has got really bad. But im worried it faded after time 😥
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- 4y
@nGfloat You there mate ?
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- 4y
@Ihateocd83 Yeah.
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- 4y
Did you see my post ?
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- 4y
Which one?
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- 4y
Fourth one up mate 👍
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- 4y
Yeah, it has gotten me too. I really do think it is just a crazy game that OCD plays on your head. It doesn’t even make sense how real it feels. I keep on testing myself and my head makes it feel like I wouldn’t mind touching another dude’s privates even though it makes me very uncomfortable and gets me soft immediately. You have to stop paying so much attention to it and it will eventually go away.
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- 4y
@nGfloat I hope so mate i really do i cant live like this
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- 4y
@Ihateocd83 You said you were hanging out with some pals the other night. Did it feel like you had a crush on them. I am freaking out atm because it feels so real, and I was with my gf, and my head said you would rather be hanging out with him.
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- 4y
Yeah i get a similar thing. When im with a freind or something. My mind will be like this feels right. Its really odd because im not even thinking that
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- 4y
I get stuff like that too, but the feeling hits me harder and it feels so real.
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- 4y
I was looking at harry kane even he looks good looking wtf lol
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- 4y
I don’t know who that is, but I was getting the same shit with the guy from Hell’s Kitchen lol.
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- 4y
Mate it really feels like im attracted to men when i think about doing anything with them it grosses me out. But then im like is that because im in denial. I just want to be excited by women again 😞
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 11w
I really dont know if it is ocd anymore I dont want certain sexual things with my bf anymore that i used to like When i envision it with a girl it is so easy to envision and it feels like i want that , that will give me the satisfaction This feeling is making me really question if i am still into men , desire men sexually Is this still ocd , i really dont know anymore , as it is a feeling it is too real
- Date posted
- 9w
I struggle with HOCD or SOOCD. I’m a married young woman to an amazing husband. I’ve had this since I was 16 but it only came in flair ups. However this round started in October, and it’s been really rough and I would just break down all the time. I went up on my medication and I actually noticed a difference! My thoughts were still very present but I wasn’t really paying attention to them or giving them power. HOWEVER right when I thought I was getting better, my brain started feeling and saying to myself that I just know I am bi but you want to make excuses for it like “oh it’s normal to find someone hot since we as a society have an interpretation of what that looks like” or “I see the girl as myself and that’s what ‘turns’ me on” or “well I mean that girl looks kind of like a man” and it’s it’s making me spiral. I won’t ever come out as Bi as deep in my soul I don’t feel I am. I have always wanted to be with men sexually and romantically and that has not changed but my brain is making me believe I am and I just don’t want to admit it. Please help me, what has helped you?
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