I said something stupid and insensitive earlier. I didn’t mean to offend but realized it came off that way. Now I’m feeling guilty and ashamed of myself. I’m sorry.

You're just as human as everyone else. I sometimes feel guilty for standing up for myself in order to build self confidence. If there is truth to what you said to that person, apologize for the way you said it and stay by your opinion. Be honest and don't stay away from potential disagreements. It's uncomfortable but it's natural and happens between everyone

Practice welcoming the negative feelings and sitting with them until they pass. And see if there’s anything you want to learn (with love, not guilt or self-criticism) from this experience. If we don’t make what we consider to be mistakes, we have nothing to learn from. So yay, welcome the learning opportunity. You have the chance to become the person you want to be. This is what I’m practicing. And writing this has been a good reminder to me. So thank you for that. :)

Guilt or fear of feeling guilty has ruled my ocd and I am really feelin ya cat lady. No matter how many scenarios I run thru in my head to minimize negative affects on others, I can’t always control every variable to get that perfect result. And if I fail or know there is a chance of failure then I spin very hard with guilt. One ERP I’m working on with my therapist is to intentionally write a text message that can be misconstrued and potentially make someone offended. I am still leading up to this by writing texts that have grammatical errors or by not compulsively re-reading or editing my posts when I get to that stage of checking and re-checking in fear of the “what if they read this the wrong way” “what if they think I’m an asshole or disrespectful”. It’s hard but logically I know most folks do this all the time and don’t hold an irrational guilt complex. But even revealing that guilt, you (and I) are addressing it and not practicing avoidance. Baby steps! And what I try to tell myself is to be as kind and considerate to myself as I am hyper conscious to do with everyone else.

Everyone is good and bad. Whatever you've been taught about what good and bad is. Take your time and rip that guilt tripping system apart to build a new one by coming into contact with everyday life. That sounds way too meta but I found help in it. And don't expect yourself to be a saint. Humans instinctively want to survive which means we all desire to gain something. You can think that that's bad and selfish or that its totally legit. The best would probably be to not see it as only black and white.

Totally, totally understand. And you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way or being sensitive at all. I’ve always thought of myself as a very nice person. Recently I’ve realized that I’m often overly nice because I want people to like me, and that I’m often not genuine because I go out of my way to do things (or not do things) because of other people. Now, I’m consciously trying to change that. Sometimes that means I realize I’m not be as “nice” all the time, and I’ve become okay with that because I feel genuine and truer to myself. Kinder to myself. And other times, when I am very “nice”, it’s because I actually want to be that way because that’s the person I want to be, not because I’m seeking approval. And that makes me feel like a good person, because I realize I actually do care and want to be that way.

If I'd tell you it's okay, I'd reassure you, fueling the compulsion. Give yourself time. It happened, don't assess it by guilt tripping yourself.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel like I don’t deserve them. I’ll try to use this opportunity to learn from. The exposure sounds really hard. I’m a pretty sensitive person and the smallest thing would offend me. I know I can’t be the only one. I’m already weak from all of my illnesses and exhaustion caused by them. What if I’m really a bad person behind my good person facade? When I do good/nice things am I doing them because I want to and I care or just so I look good? Maybe that’s why I say offensive things and not realize until I’m called out?

Thank you. It was a post that I did on here and I read someone’s comment and I deleted right away. I was a coward. I didn’t get to say I’m sorry.

I understand. But I feel like a failure. I’ve been taught to think before you speak which is hard. But I thought I was improving with writing things out since there are plenty of times to check. But it didn’t come to me to think it sounded ignorant. Especially if someone said something about my fear in such a way. You see I have skin picking ocd. But I wrote that I enjoy the sound that my skin makes when I peel with tweezers. Someone told me it was a trigger because of his/her HOCD. I really shouldn’t have said that since no one here enjoys their compulsions. But I guess I was just trying to see the “bright side” because I’ve been having meltdowns every morning and night. I don’t know if this makes sense.

Thank you for responding. I’m scared that if I let myself be that my real colors will come out. That I’m a liar. That I’m a hypocrite. That I’m nasty. That I’m fake. When I meet nice people and feel “connection” I want to be super nice. But when it comes to mean people I give attitude. People say maybe they’re having a hard time too but I can’t think beyond myself right now. I’m so selfish. And I’m always mean and give attitude to this one person who has been taking care of of me. But it’s when my anxiety takes over. I hate being judged yet I judge others. I hate murderers but yet wonder why they don’t go after animal abusers. I’m a vegan but I enjoy cooking shows. My father was a chef so I know how tasty meat can be and I crave but I can’t consciously eat...but what if this was all a lie? What if I’m tying to control or suppress the real me? I understand ocd and substance abuse are both addiction but deep inside I feel anger and resentment that it’s not fair to label us together. Substance abusers chose to use drugs etc. we didn’t. I thought about drinking alcohol. I’ve thought about taking drugs hoping it may lessen my anxiety but I was far too scared of the side effects, the fear of not working and worse off, heightening my anxiety. I say do t compare yourself and your problems to others because everyone has their own pain and suffering yet when people complain about minute things I get mad. Are these really normal? My ex once asked me if someone did something bad and permanent what I would do. I said I’ll get revenge. He told me that’s not right. I love animals and I’m an advocate for them. Signing petitions and all expose me to horrible stories and make me lose hope in humanity. But I also start imagining and playing the story in my head. How that animal must have felt. Then I see myself in both the animal and the person abusing the animal. I can feel the pain and scare that the animal was feeling but I can’t fathom why the person is torturing an innocent animal. But why am I visioning this in the first place? Do I secretly like it? There’s so much more. @raphael I know I’m far from perfect and I don’t expect to be a saint but it’s hard not to see as black and white. But what if my guilt is putting the real me in check. Under control. Holding me accountable? @breeze I’m happy you are kinder to yourself. Did you always question whether what you do or say have ulterior motives? Like I feel like when I do nice things or say nice things I feel like what if I’m doing that to get the same kindness back or something in return. And not because of my generosity. I feel that way especially when I donate to animal rescue groups. I question why I’m doing it and the answer would be something like, I want to look good. Even though I care about animals. Sorry for the rant. :(