Seeing a psychiatrist for the first time on the 30th and now that it's getting closer to the day the more nervous I am. I 100% want help. I need help. I feel like my mind has pulled me back from so much in my life whether it's being around my family, friends and just getting the motivation to do anything I love to do because I feel like I don't deserve love or happiness. My parents know everything that's going on with me thanks to the constant reassurance I need to get by which now turned into regret because I hate that I brought them into this when they don't even believe I could possibly have OCD. I would much rather it be all in my head rather than mean something about me or be real. I don't want it to be real. I'm afraid all the time of my thoughts and feelings I feel like I'm going to take it out on myself because I really do hate myself so much. And it's funny because if it was anyone else in the world I would do whatever it took for them to know how much they matter and that it's not their fault but I can't help but feel like it's all my fault. That I did this to myself. I've struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time I just want my life back. I want to be properly diagnosed but I'm probably going to hold back some details until I know for sure the psychiatrist is understanding of ocd and the symptoms of every version of it. My heart goes out to any struggling this time of year or even this year at all. Let's go into 2021 with much positivity and love. Let's get through this together 🙏🏻

My name is Abbey and I’m a 14 year old girl struggling with OCD, I don’t like to say my OCD is severe but it’s the truth. I haven’t been officially diagnosed but I’m still being treated for it kinda via medication by my doctor. The reason I’m nervous about starting my therapy journey is I’m worried the therapist won’t understand what im saying or take it the wrong way and think I’m a bad person even though I know I’m a good hearted person. If you have any tips to overcome my fear of therapy please share! ✌️🧡

I finally found the courage to seek a psychiatrist last week, when I got there I was nervous for obvious reasons and felt a bit guilty. I met the doctor and don’t get me wrong he was very nice and knowledgeable in the bigger scope of mental health. Asked me questions of depression, anxiety, if I see things others don’t etc.. However, while we went through the assessment I did not receive a formal “diagnosis” and seemed as though he came to the determination what I have is general anxiety disorder. I don’t disagree, I know I have anxiety! However, when it came to the point where we were wrapping it up I had a “BUT WAIT” moment. I explained I was a part of an OCD community where I had previously been doing therapy to manage OCD. He asked “well why OCD?” I replied, “I have constant thoughts very repetitive thoughts that follow a theme and they are extremely persistent.” It was then I knew I couldn’t let down the walls and go into depth, as I knew he wouldn’t understand. To validate what I already knew, I said “I have constant fears and worries about my children, myself, and religion. I think about these things all day long. In order to free myself from the feeling I have to say a specific phrase or word in my head.” He said “well yea that’s normal to have worries and fears about your family, your religion” and so forth. The feeling of disappointment is an under statement, this is more than just “anxiety” this is something that I struggle with daily and to have a professional discredit my daily fight was off putting. Not his fault, it demonstrates the lack of knowledge for OCD and treatment many of us have to face. Sorry for the rant, sometimes we just have to advocate for ourselves.. 🌸

I’m on track to getting my diagnosis and i’m already questioning it. Pocd feels so real, and even though i once saw someone say “it has to feel real or you wouldn’t worry” which is like god level reassurance honestly, it hurts. I can’t look at children, they deserve better. My usual attraction seems to be gone and i can not think about anything else. At the same time i don’t really feel anxiety. I’m scared i don’t feel bad enough, if i just smiled maybe i honestly wouldn’t feel bad? I don’t have many other ocd symptoms either, except for some stuff when i was a kid and like questioning everything about myself. I’m clinging to the hope that this is Pocd instead of me being a Monster and at the same time i’m so sad that i have to go trough this. I don’t like myself but i’m sorry for my younger self. I just want to be held and be told that everything will be okay but how can i know? Even then i feel like comfort of that kind only really applies to others who are struggling and aren’t horrible like me. In so many ways i sm convinced i am a monster even though it might be a bit irrational. Maybe i’m a monster after all and then i should really get away from everyone i love. They deserve better :( After a lifetime of struggles (nothing super serious) i’m just getting started with therapy and i’m so.. scared. What if it won’t help? What if it turns out i’m the bad person i fear to be. Is there any way i can prepare or some tips or literally anything else? I would appreciate any wise words