Does anyone with ROCD, POCD and Sexual Orientation OCD (HOCD) ever fear they will never be in a stable marriage or a relationship in general due to their fears or because their OCD may ruin it? My biggest fear is that I will never be in a stable, committed or a normal relationship due to this horrible disorder.

@OCDGal25 Thanks heaps for your support and your incredible comment, much appreciated :) I haven't been in a relationship for so long due to the severe fear that OCD has induced within me. The problem is i don't know if it is genuine fear or OCD induced fear... I've had the same thoughts for years... "you're never going to get married because you're gay and you'll ruin your partners life" "you're in denial, you're lying to yourself, just come out and end all this" "you wanna get married to a person of the opposite sex when you're hiding your true identity" And on and on and on. No matter how many times I refute these thoughts, they come back stronger and they feel more real before.

Yes I have told my therapist and he told me to try rationalising the thoughts, and we constantly discuss the worries. I don't even know how to tell the difference between genuine concern and OCD thoughts anymore! It's so scary and exhausting.

I have had this. But to be honest you can’t outthink anxiety you just have to ride it out. Also - persons with OCD expect swift results. The brain needs time to heal and to slowly break back into the experience just like a physical would. Also if you are a porn user - stop. My porn use was always mild tastes and never got abusive or gang bangs etc. That’s not sex to me! But there are things I would find repulsive 20 years ago that I quite like now (ejaculating on partner’s breasts for example). Despite that being a highly anxious person you can get seriously anxious about it very quickly and compare even when you don’t know it. It will and does fuck up your expectations. Invite the anxiety in saying you’d like to have it and expect it to affect your erection. Same with homo thoughts, and accept you cannot stop it. And that you will focus on what you can control which is to be sensual, intimate and loving, giving gentle pleasure. And yes OCD will go ‘what what what’ all the time but give it time. I’ve been there. And despite no problems for a long timethe obsession can still be there because anxiety is about potential FUTURE catastrophe and embarrassment.

Yes. I have that exact same fear.

Have u told this whole situation to anyone... To ur doctor as well.... @ahmed

@OCDgal25 Again, I really appreciate the time you have taken to respond, thank you so much. Wow, brilliant strategies that I will definitely attempt to implement. I have been in ERP based therapy for over six months, the thoughts have definitely decreased however I get those days where I break down due to the extreme doubt and fear OCD induces within me. The issue is now that alot of the Anxiety and thoughts have decreased, I feel quite numb to the feelings however the doubt over my sexuality is still alive, I don't feel the same attraction to the opposite gender as I used to. The irony is, after the thoughts strike, I literally tell myself "I don't care, I don't need to answer these thoughts" but they just keep coming back lol, seriously what a miserable disorder. When I'm in a rational state of mind, I accept the uncertainty and live in the present. Inspiring words again, thanks heaps. :)

@horrible life Yes, it truly has effected our life in every way, so disappointing, we deserve to be content and live our lives the way we want to. Yes, I am on medication, my psychiatrist prescribed be Lexapro around 5 months ago, it's really helped with the anxiety, can't do without it.

I have the exact same fears as you. I always dreamt of falling in love with a woman I'd like, dating her, being intimate with her, marrying her and having children with her. I would think about this and simile, because I couldn't wait. HOCD has taken so much away and added so much fear. You see, along with the OCD part, my sex drive is completely down to zero and I can't even get aroused anymore. Granted, it's because of OCD and depression, but my OCD keeps telling me that if I can't get it up, what I fear is true. It's a vicious cycle.

@OCDGal25 I’m so sorry. Child abuse is fast becoming one of the primary onsets for OCD. Many here refuge it, but that is just not turning out to be the case. If the brain has a trauma it wants to know it will be safe from that again - bullying is the primary one but if you have been victimised and experienced learned helplessness before, then you are set up for that. In that sense it’s not really any wonder that the brain gets on to this stuff. It wants you to have sex but doesn’t want you to have the wrong sex, but just goes about informing you in a terrible way due to the primitive nature of the alarm system. Our abusers are the ultimate scum of the earth. To weaponise intimacy with a child is, for me, the VERY worst thing a human being can do. Absolutely despicable behaviour. We are stronger and better than those fuckers.

We understand. The brains we have for whatever reasons are glitching, and they need brutal therapy to readjust.

It's my biggest fear too.... How to survive with this shit

Yes.. I know... How badly it effects our life... Our career... Our personality... Our confidence.... Our health... Our family... It's like... U know u r straight but one mind is horrible... Telling the nonsense.... It is the worst case of ocd... What I m facing.... I can't even explain.... Have u on medication?

Yes@...Ahmed... Medication helps to reduce anxiety.... It's like all our previous relationship are lie... The same feeling... Attraction toward opposite sex faded... Sumtyms the most horrible thing... I thought... One day I will accept the fact and I will be converted... How to distinguish its true or not?

@OCDGal25 that is actually a great bit of advice. How have you tackled ERP for sexual ocd? I did proper hardcore erp for images and it sort of worked but.......the content is just fucking brutal and it really goes against my values. So I honestly think I replace one problem with another. It also replicates sexual abuse I suffered and invokes that abuse being re enacted either by me or someone else and I’m forced to watch so.........yeah I think I need something like DBT OR the like as it feels like trauma displaced into repetitive thoughts(the original abuse doesn’t affect me now which is why it’s.......weird).

@Soniclen made a very good point about porn. Many people get HOCD because of porn. Read some stories online, many of the posters started with regular stuff and then moved into rape, gang bang and even into gay - yes gay - porn.

The process becomes about craving not sexuality. The problem is the reward circuitry hijacks the subconscious which drives your behaviour - without your conscious knowledge. It’s the same with OCD I think. We ‘fall’ into OCD when it becomes about violence, sex, religion or things that could incorporate those themes. But the truth is the engine is powering up loooong before an actual ‘attack’. Again you do not know it until the themes get really pernicious and now you are consciously aware of it. Almost like a defence mechanism from the new cortex saying ‘look this is ridiculous now’. I’m applying the hard core ERP thought of ‘some part of my brain is exploring the idea of <sex with someone outside the relationship/sex act with a minor/improving sexual performance/being more responsible for future catastrophes>’ and is curious on some level. ‘Now: how do I rewire to eliminate that curiosity?’ Ask a smart question, get a smart answer

Most people have a passing curiosity about sex with the same sex, but it usually takes place during development/puberty. People even experiment. I think the answer to the question in this case is that: You're a different person and you need to accept the past and move on.

Whatever be going friends... It's very killing.... How can u really perform well in ur career and relationships.... With this 2 minds shit... That we can't even imagine.... How... Not to think about... How to accept the uncertainty when we never wanted that... How not to focus... How to tell others that what the shit we r facing.... No one understands

All these r rubbish... I hate ocd... This hocd.. This term... In deep anger... Deep anger