I’m scared that I want to be a boy! I’ve been diagnosed with Harm OCD about 5 weeks ago and all of a sudden my thoughts have changed into me wanting to be a boy! I’m a 14 year old girl who’s never thought or wanted to be a boy before. I would rather the thoughts just go but sometimes the thoughts make me imagine life as a boy and it doesn’t seem that bad which then gives me anxiety because it makes me think that I might want to become a boy! I’ve always been a girly girl and loved dresses and makeup but ever since I’ve got the thought (which came out of no where) I’ve been avoiding makeup and avoiding seeing my friends! I get so scared that I might turn transgender and that I want to be a boy. Help. Is it ocd or am I trans?

I’m exactly the same! OCD feels so unbelievably real. But if you fear it, you don’t desire it. It’s not what you want, and your OCD knows that, so it’s latching onto it. And of course there will be times when you experience no anxiety towards the idea of it, but don’t mistake that for WANTING it. You probably just think about it so much that your brain doesn’t question it. Have you stated therapy?

OMG I HAVE THIS EXACT THING TOO!

Well I got Harm OCD in December 2018 and then the thought of wanting to be a boy popped up into my head randomly one day and then basically took over. I don’t really get Harm thoughts any more as I constantly think about “what if I’m a boy” or “what if I want to be a boy” or “what if one day I actually become a boy” and stuff like that and it’s gotten really bad the last 2 days!

Sorry I’ve been out all weekend and have only just been able to reply to this now! This obsession started for me a few days before Christmas and it was awful for the first week. My Christmas sucked because the intrusive thoughts were so bad. And my harm OCD has also somehow just vanished which of course I am thankful for, but I miss having my identify. I deffo had very vague thoughts before that about being a guy (but I think that was slightly linked to POCD as I feared that being a man would make me more dangerous etc). This trans OCD does suck though and it’s hard because there’s soo much doubt involved.

It’s just so hard to deal with! Sometimes I feel fine and I’ve got in under control but then like 2 minutes later I have all these doubts and thoughts. It’s just horrible and scary. I just want it to go!

Yeah it’s crazy how quickly our brains just go from happy and stable to anxious and stressed. Unfortunately wishing it would go away does nothing (as much as I’d love it to!). You are at the stage that I 100% was at when this all started but I can hereby PROMISE you that the anxiety will die down a lot in these next couple weeks (or even days, we’re all different!). Once you start to let the thoughts sit and stop trying to fight them off with the usual ‘no but I am a girl, I love girly things’ etc, they lose their grip. It’s so horrible and so scary and I know that, but it’s also just a thought and an idea. It knows you don’t like it, so it’s just trying to piss you off! Pay minimum attention to it.

I have some good days and some bad days, how about you

If you feel distressed about it, I’d imagine it’s most likely OCD. Why’d you stop wearing makeup?

I get bad anxiety when putting on makeup because it’s like my minds telling me it’s wrong

It started with harm OCD for me, about 5 weeks prior (ironic) and I’m a teenager too. I was watching a film and then the intrusive thoughts hit me. For the first few weeks I was so distressed and worried until I found another person on this app going through it. And it’s been about a month now, but I’m glad I’ve found you too! We can help each other out with it :)

Wait so you have thoughts about being a boy as well?

I hate it. I feel like I’ve lost myself

Yeah I always say how I don’t want to be a guy but then all these thoughts in my head give me all the reasons as to why I do want to be a guy and that being a guy wouldn’t be so bad then I get anxious cause It makes me think I want to be one! I’ve never ever questioned my gender before this so it’s just so confusing and I’m scared that one day I’ll actually listen to them.

It’s so cool to finally talk to people who get exactly the same thoughts as me lmao. Literally everything you’re saying I can relate to. But we’ve gotta remember that OCD is allllll about doubt. Doubting love for people, doubting whether or not you could hurt people, doubting gender, sexuality evvvveeeeyytthiiinngg. And of course it’s scary and sucks (and feels insanely real ALL the time) but at the end of the day, it’s all lies. All of it. There is no truth backing up anything that we think, they are simply just dumb intrusive thoughts. Mine hit me bad in the morning and at weird times at school and stuff, but I try my best to just let em pass. They don’t mean anything! Just bare that in mind ?

Yeah but I realised that I was reassuring myself and that’s a compulsion so I stopped. Obvi I still do it from time to time, but a lot less!

When did this obsession start for you?

Okay thank you for the advice, I really appreciate it!?

Aw you’re welcome, and thank you as well for making me feel less alone! And if you ever get a crazy amount of anxiety because of it or have a really bad OCD day, don’t hesitate to just comment on this post and I’ll reply :)

Okay thank you so much

Hey, just checking how you’re doing. Do you feel less anxious these days or not so much?

Mines gone a bit weird again but I’m trying my best to let the thoughts pass without anxiety ://

Hey, how’s your ocd going? The last month has been really good for me and then all of a sudden I went to another therapy session for the first time in a months and it spiked everything and now I’m back at square one:/

I’m doing okay! I still get affected from time to time but I’m definitely getting over it. That’s not to say it won’t affect me again in the future, but if it does, so be it. I guess for me, when I first got this theme, I didn’t realise it was a common part of OCD. And then when I found out other people suffer from TOCD too, I felt better because I wasn’t alone. But anyways. Don’t lose hope! You may feel like you’re back at square one, but don’t forget all the progress you’ve made this last month. Therapy can definitely be triggering at times, but what was it that made you stop? The fact that you felt better? Just wondering!

It just feels so real though, I constantly have anxiety in my stomach and feel low because it’s always on my mind. It’s trying to trick me saying that it’s not ocd and it’s what I want! Ughhh I need this shit to leaveeee

The more you push it away, the worse it’ll be, trust me.

https://medium.com/@jemima.s/tocd-why-we-re-seeing-transgender-themes-in-cases-of-obsessive-compulsive-disorder-bf4b869a3817

I’m very nervous that it’s not that though, I’m scared that I want to actually be a boy

Yeah I’m doing therapy but it doesn’t seem to be working! My thoughts make me believe that I actually want to be a boy but the thing is I’m not in happy being a girl. I just want the thoughts to go!

Unhappy**

Yep. Unfortunately the only way to make the thoughts go is to just accept them. Not necessarily saying ‘ah okay I’m a boy them’ but just accepting that you do not know. It’s weird and it feels odd but it’s been proven to work with OCD. I’m still trying hard to accept the uncertainty. I just hate the idea of being a guy because I like being a girl and stuff. And then I doubt myself and ask if I even like being a girl. Ugh it’s just annoying but we’ll be okay!

then*

Do you ever sometimes actually believe that it’s true and then you manage to talk yourself out of it or try calm yourself down?

Hey, it’s completely up to you, but there’s another girl on this app that I’ve talked to suffering from TOCD and we decided to chat on snapchat instead as it’s just slightly easier. If you want, maybe we could make a group chat? Just let me know! I won’t be offended if you don’t want to, I get it haha

Yeah! Sure

What’s your username?

I think I added you?

@garden @cato4 hey, I’m 16 and a girl and I have been suffering from what I believe is TOCD. I don’t want to be a boy, and I never have, but I’m getting so much anxiety with all of these intrusive thoughts. One that is lingering is “what if when I’m older I get a boyfriend or start a family and then realise that I am actually transgender and that I have to transition”. I honestly don’t know what’s real and what’s not. I hope you guys see this and I hope you have over come this theme, maybe you could give me some tips?