After being sexually assaulted I developed a fear of sex and as a protection my OCD became obsessed with STDs and I’ve been tested a million times for everything they will test me for (they strongly recommended against testing me for herpes because everyone has it in some form and if you’re not showing symptoms and using protection it is near impossible to pass on so it doesn’t matter until you want to settle down and there is a big stigma) I’ve always come back clean, even for the random shit I googled like mycoplasma that I begged to be to be tested for. I still freak out. And now since I am starting to believe I am ok I don’t want to have sex with someone else Incase they infect me (even though if we use condoms and they get the routine test for HIV, Hep, Syphillis, Gonnorhea , and Chlymidia) the odds are slim. What do I do!!! And I agonize over whether I should disclose I have HPV even though my gyno says no because everyone has it (literally the CDC says that) and it goes away on its own almost always and dude to the lack of education it would do more harm than good. I think I am just finding reasons to avoid intimacy at this point and my OCD is making me intensely fearful about my sexual health in a very painful way to distract me, and I can’t deal. I’d rather just confront my issues.

As someone who had abuse and sexual anxieties themselves that they have had to overcome (and come back from time to time), my heart bleeds for you? My fears revolves around being permanently dirty (contamination) or being perverted due to it (bad sexual acts and even committing sexual abuse). I’m now married with two boys, live sex (although I’m recovering from a recent bout of sexual anxiety - told you it comes back), and don’t let it kill my sexual self. It’s my fucking eighth dammit! Fighting the fear is the only way. It will feel like hell at first and it won’t happen straight away but it will happen. Imagine seeing your son, a family member or someone else while having it off. Makes you feel like a disgusting pervert and is SO painful. The most painful thing in my life as I adore my family. Happy to talk of that helps. Start small, and maybe challenge one of these things. Start a hierarchy and worn you way back to freedom

You can disclose you have irrational fears of Sti’s while also saying you DONT! As you have been tested. You can admit them but frame then as part of trauma related OCD. Which it is. Which is mine. Post traumatic. I’d love to slit the throat of the bastard that stole your peace. What a risible set of twats sex offenders are?

With time, effort and hard work. The best thing to do is work with a therapist and develop a goal orientated view point to all this. Set weekly goals such as: Getting active on a dating app Practice self stimulation to deal with triggers. Promise that the next time someone flirts with you, you will engage and the journal what went right and what went wrong. It can feel unfair that you have to do this, but lots of people do this kind of thing anyway just to get in the dating game. Also perform daily ERP and do imaginal exposure. That means - imagining you DO have the worst illnesses, and that you struggle with STI’s. It will be hell at first, but eventually, the brain will normalise. Trauma is rooted in fear, and that fear is being driven by the amygdala. That has absolutely no logical capacity and your thinking brain has no communication based brain connections to it. The behaviour that alters it is exposure and meditative breathing. And the system is built so reacts very easily and interacts very slowly. That system set up kept us alive to today, but is not so hot for 21st century living or problems. Also take up meditation, and really dedicate to it. It will be scary at first but your practice will allow those feelings to surface, be processed and allow you to start living life again. Best of luck to yiu

I do have HPV but literally everyone does, still makes me feel tainted because I got it from him ( I was a virgin). I end on a little sexscapade after to try and reclaim control but it only made it worse and then when the trauma hit I went mental on this regard. My gyno basically told me she didn’t want to see my vagina again until my annual check up! I of course went back anyway thinking I had warts that were skin tags from friction/messing and she told me to leave it alone and what did I do? Pick them off! Then I started going around to all the clincs to have them check me out and test me. I think deep down I thought I deserved to have something for having casual sex, and because I felt dirty after the assault. The obsession also kept me away from sex. I’m basically a brick wall when people flirt with me. I’m young, I want to live a normal healthy sex life. How did you guys get over the painful panic associated with it? (I mean it took ages to have a day without panicking about STDs). I’d rather just feel the pain of the assault. How did you then move on to have sex again??

I have the same issues with stds, I have never been diagnosed with hpv. But my ex got diagnosed with it like almost 6 years ago. She told me it cleared up, but I have this compulsive urge to tell people I’ve been with that I had it or at least been exposed to it or else they are all gonna get cervical cancer. I been to a urologist who told me not to worry so much about it bc everyone has it and I don’t have to tell people. But my OCD makes me so anxious about it.

I feel you one time I had a flashback of my ex going down me with what might have been a cold sore and I freaked thinking I needed to disclose to everyone! But my gyno reassured me that no outbreak means no problem. Especially given the amount of stress I’ve been under. But then I remember this tome I had two bumps and freaked out and clawed at them and wonder what if they were herpes! But I described them to my gyno and she said I was fine (wish I would have gotten them tested but I was withrawling from canes at the time and a shit show). Since I had type one (cold sores) as a kid I would be positive in a blood test anyway for type one so there is no way to know unless I have an outbreak. And my doc says it’s nearly impossible to spread with protection while there is no outbreak so no need to worry. I still felt like I needed to disclose this entire history to any future partner but my therapist laughed and said if people had to go into that much detail about their past possibilities no one would have sex and kept reassuring me that there was no objective evidence that I have herpes so I do no need to say anything. I still freak out though!!! Like what if I’m a carrier? But she said anyone could be. So just use protection until we want to stop using condoms and then we can get tested (which is kinda faulty, and only shows exposure) and go from there with full knowledge about each other. But like I worry I have type two in my mouth because I was a mouth whore after the assault trying to reclaim my sex life. But that’s uncommon. But it would still show up as being exposed and what if the partner doesn’t want me after that! I mean by that point we’d be committed and there are medications but oh my god these worries. And google only makes it worse!! My gyno said I would know if I had herpes and my doctors said the same but those two bumps were painful but they laugh and say that’s because I clawed and that herpes presents itself as blisters that are v painful and last ages the first time. But the internet says it can be mistaken for a yeast infection (which I always think I have) or ingrown hairs or whatever, but my gyno says that’s just them covering their ass because t can happen. Like she said it’s unlikely to happen outside the membrane but the internet says otherwise (I guess if there are cuts?) but then I used to shave before sex! It’s a never ending spiral and going to the doctor or calling them only gives temporary relief.

I also got a mouth ulcer or two and freak that it is herpes, but have no evidence, and my dentist said one was probably good trauma, and again no outbreak no problem?? But people don’t use condoms for oral sex ahhhh

Why can’t I just listen to the professionals who say I’m fine

Because the behavioural and neural cycle is well worn so it’s a loop. Breaking that loop is what is important. Very hard to do, but not impossible.

Yeah I feel you , after going to my primary then the urologist and being told I’ll be fine and that Everyone has hpv I still scared to have sex. I almost always use a condom, but there have been some mistakes here and there I can’t stop myself from thinking what if they get cancer. I have to tell them about my ex having hpv 6 years ago. I promised myself I only will tell serious partners about it , and I did tell my most recent ex and turns out she always had hpv before. To be clear these have been the cancer causing strains I believe , not the warts. Anyway I used a condom every time with my recent ex, but then I’m like what if I give girls hpv orally and i just go in an endless cycle. I just want to confess to these girls but my therapist says that it’s a compulsion. Shit even my urologist said I don’t have to say anything bc everyone most likely has it and that he can’t diagnose me with it.

But I’m also really sorry to hear that u were sexually assaulted.

I can’t stop thinking about those two spots that scabbed over after I clawed them (showed up after sex but after I’d freaked and started aggressively shaving), or replaying in my head any possible bump or risky behaviour. I try and rationalize that if it’s not there now (especially warts) it doesn’t matter w/ protection. And I’ve been told I’m fine 1000 times but like I just keep replaying in my head. It’s more frequent than the assaults flashbacks. It’s panic attack inducing. And I compulsively google which provides no relief and only makes it worse. Doctors help for a bit. I haven’t had sex in nearly 6 months but have been examined/tested nearly a dozen times since then. I just can’t chill

K I’m having a panic attack again

Have you tried medication ? Or therapy? Try focusing your attention and resources more on managing your OCD than trying to reassure yourself with tests. It will help you much better in the long run.