- Date posted
- 7y
- Date posted
- 7y
Vika I think something that helps me with ROCD is slowing down and letting life happen. Why does it help? By slowing down and accepting life- that may or may not work out like you think- you accept the uncertainty behind the thoughts more in your head. For example, imagine if you said: “I’m not sure what’s going to happen in my relationship, but I’ll accept that there is a lot of uncertainty and in the time being focus on choosing the right grad school for me.”
- Date posted
- 7y
@P: If you weren’t in a relationship, do you think your OCD would take a different form from ROCD? As in, if you didn’t have these fears, it would just latch onto something else?
- Date posted
- 7y
@pineapple - my therapist said that happens. I remember her mentioning it. For the quiet times, it becomes a double edged sword. I’m peaceful being alone, but terribly lonely and miss the closeness of a relationship. I’d rather be with my bf than be free of the ocd but I honestly have to remind myself of that often. I’ve even tried breaking it off with him b/c I can’t deal with the ROCD uncertainty and am utterly convinced he’s cheating but those moments are becoming less frequent and when they do happen I am getting better at talking myself off that ledge. But it’s incredibly hard. A daily struggle.
- Date posted
- 7y
Thank you for the advice, I do need to work on acceptance.
- Date posted
- 7y
Hi Vika, I struggle with the same questions - my ROCD would be quiet and life would be easier if I weren’t in a relationship, of course. I struggle with this almost daily. But when confronted with actually breaking up, I can never bring myself to do it. I remind myself that I love my boyfriend and being a slave to my ocd thoughts would not make me happy, but my boyfriend does.
- Date posted
- 7y
Gotcha, was just curious. I have obsessions that have stayed pretty consistent from the time my OCD first started, but I also have had obsessions that have come and gone during the time I’ve had OCD... maybe when my main obsessions weren’t as strong. I’m not sure to be honest.
- Date posted
- 7y
@Pineapple: I’ve had years where I’ve not been in a relationship and it doesn’t really “latch onto” anything else - I have a heavy dose of perfectionism that makes music/art tough for me but the ocd is strictly limited to ROCD (for better or worse)...
- Date posted
- 7y
That’s awesome!! I know the struggle, sometimes I get so fed up and resentful because of it but I know my relationship is worth it. My OCD wasn’t originally around my relationship but it morphed into it and now it’s my worst obsession
- Date posted
- 7y
@Vika - my therapist (I love and hate her sometimes) once called me on my shit (or, rather - called my ocd on its shit) and said “ok if you are really convinced he’s cheating on you and you have the proof you need and you don’t want to date someone who’s cheating on you, pick up the phone RIGHT NOW and break up with him!” Haha I couldn’t do it. That’s how I knew/know it’s ocd. When faced with the hard reality, I think it’s often if not always possible to tell the difference.
- Date posted
- 7y
Do you see therapy for ocd?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 13w
My brain keeps comparing how I felt then with the same thoughts to now and how it is diff now to prove it had changed. I’m feeling like I know it isn’t right and that maybe I’d pair better and I want to be with someone who is good for me but I also don’t want to break up and can’t tell if that’s the ocd using his faults against me. I feel like if I were to tell someone I have no feelings at all for him anymore I’d know I’d be lying and doesn’t feel right but when I say the opposite it doesn’t feel right either. I’m also worried that this time it is real and it’s the guilt of not telling him that’s making the ocd worse not that it’s just ROCD. My thoughts are also saying so many diff things I’m confused. It feels like I can’t connect to him anymore or like I don’t have empathy which scares me cause I know I did before and I felt it but is it just that I’m frustrated w some of the issues? But it’s upsetting it feels like I don’t have the endearing feelings and love I felt and I want it to come back but then I also think I don’t cause then it will prevent be from seeing what else is out there And the thing is looking back on how it was I feel like I could def see how that was ocd but this is different… and like I at least felt I knew I loved him or wanted to be with him and i had thoughts of wanting to be with someone who this or someone who this but I didn’t actually want it and now it feels like this time I rly do mean it like I want to find better qualities but I still don’t wanna move on from him and my brain is like wel that’s how everyone feels when they breakup regardless…it rly doesn’t feel like ocd anymore 😭 and my thoughts keep saying if you don’t you don’t like this or that and it most likely won’t change cause you have been with him so long why are you with him and then I feel guilty like I need to tell him
- Date posted
- 12w
Lately I’ve been having moments where I want to be single and explore other possibilities, like new relationships or flings. Sometimes I even feel like I do not want to marry my partner. Those moments honestly scare me. In the last two days alone, I almost broke up with my boyfriend three different times. I love him, and I want to love him without these moments/urges to leave. I’ve been feeling especially numb and distant this past month, and while my OCD has been quieter, my connection to the relationship feels like it’s slipping. I feel like I might be glorifying the idea of being single, like the freedom and exploration seem so idealized. I’ve been looking for posts that sound similar to what I’m going through (yes, I know that’s a compulsion), and I’ve found a few that made me wonder if maybe OCD is more involved in this than I initially thought. I just really don’t understand how. Could it be a mix of my numbness and OCD? Could the urge to explore or the emotional flatness around the relationship be OCD showing up in a different way? One other thing I’ve noticed: whenever my boyfriend is sweet or romantic, I feel this deep guilt or just nothing. Like I cannot say “I love you” back without feeling like I’m lying. It makes me feel like a bad partner. I just want to understand how OCD might be playing a role in all of this.
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- BIPOC with OCD
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- Mid-life adults with OCD
- Date posted
- 9w
Ocd sucks. I’m at a stay away multiple days long event for school rn and ran into someone I used to talk with. We had a will they won’t they kind of thing for years and knew each other all growing up. I knew when we were really young that he had a crush on me for a while. And then when we got older there were times I had a crush on him but I don’t think he liked me anymore at that point. I never fully knew where he stood because he often was in a relationship or living somewhere else. Because we never dated or kissed or anything, only hung out on ambiguous date-like occasions, there has always been that what if sitting there for me and I hadn’t seen or spoken to him since before I met my current partner years ago. Well they happen to be at this place I’m staying at, where we are in the same places everyday, and I ran into them, said hi and caught up for a bit. It has totally triggered my ROCD in a way I’ve never experienced. I feel guilt and shame and keep having intrusive thoughts that are so extreme and catastrophic like what if I leave my partner of 8 years for him, what if I find him more attractive than my partner, what if I cross a line while I’m interacting with him this week, what if I’m a terrible girlfriend to my partner and a fraud??
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