When practising exposure with HOCD, is it normal to experience groinal response or does this mean I’m enjoying it?

You are the only one who can answer if you're enjoying it. You're probably not, since you're calling it HOCD and sound worried about it.

People don't fight their nature, they naturally enjoy it. You are clearly bothered by the idea of being gay. So, do you think someone who is gay would feel that way? I don't believe people can be in denial about their sexuality, maybe oblivious about it. It just comes naturally. Do you see yourself making love to a woman or a man?

There’s some arousal and attachment stuff that can going on with tension and relaxation as well as ideal/rejected self.

Aka just do the ERP

It's totally possible for groinal response to be just a physical thing that happens in response to certain stimulus, independent of personal feelings. For example, I have a friend who reads a lot of fanfic, but doesn't enjoy the porny stuff, even skips those parts when they come up if there's no actual plot involved, but when she *does* read those parts, finds herself having a Physical Response, even while not particularly enjoying and/or being somewhat grossed out by what she's reading. Tldr brains are weird and wires get crossed sometimes and having a physical response to something doesn't necessarily mean you have the same mental/emotional response.

@deputydean it’s not a nice feeling but I’m sure you’ll meet a woman very soon, you’re a legend of a guy and just need to find the right woman to realise that! Better waiting for the right one

@deputydean, my brother hadn’t made love to a woman in years and every time he tried he couldn’t and caused his HOCD to get really bad, so much so that he was really depressed. That’s where mine came from I think cause I’ve OCD the same as him. He’s since met a lovely girl and is back in business and all his HOCD has cleared for now! So you just gotta find the right person! There’s someone out there for everyone I really believe it

Me too, you’re a top man!

I don’t know, I don’t enjoy it but feel as though that shows I’m in denial

@deputydean I think you’re right but my last therapist told me that I was repressing my gay thoughts and although you can have sex with women, once you realise you’re gay you can’t go back. This is also really scaring me. I have always seen myself making love to a woman but now I’m scared I won’t be able to.

@dollarmustache I’m hoping this is the case as to think any different really freaks me out.

@payeehay I don’t enjoy the groinal response it makes me really anxious but feel that this is just me in denial about my true self... still even now have never actually fancied a man

@sherlock97 please find a therapist who knows how to treat OCD. Your current therapist sounds Freudian and Freud came way before anyone was aware of OCD. I don't think someone can repress their true identity because it simply comes naturally and you don't fight it or fear it. Also, having sex does not imply you are making love. And making love is not the same as getting off. Any person can have sex with the same sex, but it would be just to get off. When you make love, it's more about how fulfilling it is, the emotions you feel for your partner, rather than the f*cking.

@deputydean I am in the process of looking for another psychologist at the moment to help me with my OCD. I also agree with what comes naturally to you is your nature but he seemed to disagree. I’ve made love many times with a woman yet somehow I’m “repressing my gayness” which is honestly the heart of where my HOCD lies, it has fucked me up big time that a professional has given me that advice. Has really put my head all over the place. Thank you for the wise words, each one teach one as the saying goes.

Look for a new therapist. Period. I don't think one can suppress their true identity. I can't see myself with a man. I'd rather never have sex. I was curious once, but that's it. Some other guys on here even experimented with the same sex (actual sexual activity) and they're still sure they're straight but are having those thoughts. I'm still having these thoughts and I've never experimented with the same sex and have only wanted a relationship - romantic and physical - with women.

@deputydean I’d have to agree with you, Nothing against gay people but just not for me. Never kissed a guy or even looked at a guy and the therapist said “I’ve never met anyone who thinks they’re gay and isn’t” I’m exactly the same I only want to be with women. If I fancied a dude in real life then I’d consider it but never have, don’t think I ever will neither but I think it’s just a fantasy created by the porn. One of my biggest fears after what the therapist said to me is that I won’t be able to make love to women anymore and that is probably my primary fear. Even though it’s been one of my favourite things to do all my life growing up.

I felt that too. I was morbid over the idea that I'll never get to make love to a woman. Unfortunately I've never had sex ?

I hope you're right mate. I've been through hell since HOCD kicked in for good. The ED and incredibly low sex drive doesn't help... ? Thank you for the kind words though!

Thank you so much for telling me that. You made me feel a whole lot better. I do believe that there's someone out there for everyone too. I hope I'll get to meet her real soon ?