I think this is my religion/existential OCD? I think I’m having an identity crisis because I feel like I know who I am. What I mean is that I place my identity in my values, and my passions. But I feel so incredibly guilty about that. Because everyone says to live through Christ. I’m having lots of doubts. Maybe I’ve made everything up. If I want to be a real Christian then I need to place my identity in only Christ, and to me I suppose that means to make religion the most important part of life. If I’m honest, I don’t think I can put God first. My passions and purpose seem to go before Him, even though I know that’s wrong. Or is it. I don’t know. I’m having an existential crisis at 17 because I’ve been through the ringer. I’m just so confused. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to put my worth in Christ. And I feel like an awful person for that.

OCD has decided to latch onto my religion (Christianity) and I find myself doubting my belief in Jesus Christ. Yet when I research, I even find myself doubting the atheistic and agnostic approach as well. I’ve been a Christian since I was 13, growing up in a non-Christian in truth but nominally Christian household. This is rough. Any advice?

So I’m not sure how many/if any of you are Christians, but I’m assuming this can still make sense to some of you. This morning has been rough. I’m constantly thinking, “am I saved? Have I never been saved and I’m tricking myself into thinking I am? When I’m listening to Christian music am I doing for the right reasons? Is it too late for me?”. Things I know the truthful answers to but yet I still think these thoughts. I don’t understand why. Why do I constantly think about these “what if”’s? My heart always feels so heavy and I feel as if I need to talk to God right then and there to make it stop and go away. But then am I talking to the Lord for the wrong reasons? And the cycle repeats. Thankfully, day one of my therapy is tonight and I’m hoping to find at least a little clarity on this stuff. I’ve had OCD for 7 years and I don’t even know how it works. Any advice?

Recently, I have been obsessing big time over being the best girlfriend I can be and being the best Christian I can be at the same time. Its rough since I always have these lingering thoughts that I’m leading me and my boyfriend down a path of sin by being more passionate to the point of having lustful intrusive thoughts when with him sometimes despite the fact that we’re both not wanting to go past pretty passionate kissing. For some extra context here, I’ve grown up in a Christian household my whole life and over the past few years, have been getting progressively more interested in my faith after temporarily abandoning it. It’s been tricky knowing what’s okay and what’s not okay to do, especially since I don’t view it as a religion necessarily but more like me wanting to get to know my creator better, show how thankful I am to be here/have everyone who is in my life and show said thankfulness by being as devoted as possible while still being who I am to my core. As for my relationship, I have been with my bf for almost 6 months now and he’s made me the happiest girl in the world, constant hugs, kisses, sweet little gestures that make my heart melt, caring comfort, the purest of love in my opinion and I’m so blessed to have him as my partner. Unfortunately though, I’m always worrying about him and our future together and how this will work since he himself isn’t a Christian. A lot of people who aren’t Christian’s won’t understand this logic but my brain always goes to 2 places. 1 is possible disagreements we may have about how we want our lives to go since I don’t want to hold him back from what he truly desires. That though, may not always align with what I have in place for my life. 2, quite frankly the worst one, is worrying about my bf not going to a good place after he dies. Now, this is not because of him as a person (he’s the best, very kind, sweet, supportive and loyal) but rather, because of rejecting God from coming into his life, and that scares me more than anything. Basically, I was taught that going to heaven is accepting God into your life and having your sins forgiven, and if you don’t, your rejecting the one thing that can take away all your imperfections and make you whole once more, which leads you to not fully making the mark despite me practically begging on my knees that it wasn’t this way for the sake of others who may not view things the same as me (no disrespect towards others btw, I love and respect people no matter what the believe or do). Does that make me sound judgmental? Yea, it probably does, but I swear, I wish it wasn’t this way. Based on what I’ve come to understand as a believer in God and Jesus, it’s not that simple. Knowing that, there’s 2 things that I mainly worry about due to the context and concerns I have. I worry about being a bad influence and Christian as a whole because of how much I struggle with my mental health and how much I fall to my own imperfections. I try and I try but I never feel like I’m good enough, that I’m probably a lukewarm Christian (iykyk) and that even I won’t go to heaven because of my own doubts and mistakes. I pray constantly for reassurance and for peace so I can be with my bf and even by myself and not feel this overwhelming weight crushing my shoulders constantly. It’s scary, not knowing what to do, how to feel, if what I’m feeling is okay or not, etc. Idk if anyone else is in my shoes, whether they are worried about being a not good enough person, not strong enough in your beliefs, or even loving someone and worrying for them and their future to such an extreme extent. If there’s anyone out there who might have some advice to make the fear fade away, even if it’s a little bit, I would be forever grateful. Before I end this, I just want to say your are loved and appreciated for who you are and nothing will change that fact, even if you may not feel that way, I’ve been coming to accept that the more the years go by and I wish for everyone to know this. Anyways, God bless and hope everyone has an amazing day/night. ❤️