I’m going crazy right now and need help, is it possible I have Pure - O. Now a few years ago I remember I was home alone (my mom works a lot.) and I was having a bag of chips. I took a chip in my mouth and it didn’t taste right. It tasted like... plastic! I felt like I was choking, I called 911 and explained how I felt like there was plastic in my throat, they asked if I needed an ambulance and I said no because I was supposed to go with my aunt somewhere soon, I hung up and soon after I experienced something I NEVER had before. I had a panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing fast, it felt like the room was spinning and getting smaller, it lasted for about 2 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. Soon after she came to get me and throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was going to die. Then for the next month or 2 I was convinced I was going to die. I couldn’t be alone, I refused / avoided eating Incase I choked on a piece of food and died, I was afraid of sleeping alone. I didn’t want to go to school Incase I died, I couldn’t go over to friends houses because I was afraid (I still do that to this day :((...) if I wasn’t near my mom I was panicking and even when I was with her I was panicking. Whenever I got a panic attack or whenever I felt a sensation (heart skipped a beat, got a tingle in my arm, etc) I immediately thought “IM GOING TO DIE.” So I quickly looked up symptoms of how I was feeling on google and came up with all these diseases / illnesses I was convinced I had. My mom took me to therapy for it and I originally went there for this but somehow we got on these other subjects? Like how I am in school, how I am in social situations, how my home life was. And I guess it helped but I still get like that to this day sometimes. With what I’m really hoping and praying for is HOCD because I experienced this last summer AND this summer. I experience some of the same symptoms, can’t be alone, afraid to be near female friends, more like any friend in general now. I’m avoiding some of the activities I used to enjoy incase I got a groinal response / thought I was attracted to the females. (Just typing that I wanted to type out males instead because that’s what I was attracted to before all of this.) I can’t even sleep in my own bed because I’m terrified. I’m only the room above my mom but I just can’t be alone. Sometimes I have this strange/uncomfortable urge to come out and I didn’t feel like that before besides last summer and this summer and it scared me. Last summer when I had the episode I told my mom and she said she’d love me no matter what but I didn’t feel better at all. When I went back to school I was scared but then I started developing crushes on boys again. (I even wanted to go to school to see this guy and I hate going to school!) I even believe I had my first love, this guy named Aiden. I did whatever I could to make myself seem cool to him. We have similar interests, he has an amazing personality and he ain’t so bad looking either lol. Whenever he called me cute or gave me any compliment I got these butterflies in my tummy. I’d want to stay up ALL NIGHT to talk to him. At first we were internet friends and then we met and I couldn’t stop being nervous, but a good nervous. When he hugged me I didn’t want to let go. I was so tempted to just brush my hand up against his and hold it. I tried to dress up my best (with what I could) to make myself look nice. I put on tons and tons of perfumes to smell nice. I felt great. Now with this it feels like I never felt that way or how my past crushes were lies. I remember when I was younger (before I understood what family was) I found my cousin attractive, I found cartoon characters (male) attractive. Even last year when I was in culinary (cooking) some of the guys, the way they wore their uniforms were attractive. This one guy named Michael was VERYYY attractive, he had the looks and he had a nice personality. I’m not the girliest girl and my perfect romantic night was staying in and playing video games and eating snacks with my boyfriend, not a big fancy dinner. ( I come from a poor background so my mind is quantity over quality) so like why spend so much money on one fancy dinner when you can get like SOOO much more at McDonald’s or something??? So maybe that stems from that but it’s just so annoying. I wanted to be with this boy (my crush) before all this started and now it’s so hard. He knows about my situation and he helps me relax and before I felt so happy he cared, I felt so loved but now it feels like a drag. Everything now feels like a drag. Is this pure - O? Am I crazy?

Hi, I’m new here!! I’m praying I don’t get judged for this. But, back in late May of 2022 ( literally right before I graduated high school), I added this one random girl from my school on Snapchat. She posted something about a graduation party , so I swiped up on her story basically saying how I can’t believe we’re almost graduated. She replied and we had a really short and simple conversation. The next day ( i believe) , we started talking a lot , and I just so happened to see her at the highschool when we were grabbing our graduation outfits and doing the rehearsal. When I saw her irl, I kinda got turned off ( I heard she was kinda crazy) , and on top of that , she was a little ugly irl. I remember seeing her Snapchat bio , and she was close friends with my female cousin ( a year younger than me) , who I happened to experiment sexually with when I was 10-11 years old. I remember going to work later that day and having sort of a lightbulb flick thought ( it wasn’t a good thought though) , what if my cousin told her about what happened when we were younger? So I started to kind of panic and immediately distanced myself from that girl. I also experimented sexually with one of my female friends when I was 10-11 , and from that day onwards, I’ve been pretty much living in paranoia and a little bit of guilt about someone finding out and my life being ruined . On top of that, It’s gotten worse to now sometimes I wonder if a girl I added off of quick add ( Snapchat) is underage even if they told me they were 18+ or had 18 and above in their bio, and I get so much guilt and anxiety about that. I even had a quick thought last February on what if I did something inappropriate with my younger cousin when I was 15-16 but I just can’t exactly remember when it happened , and it still eats me alive when I think about it, because I don’t know if it happened or not. I’m sorry for the long vent, I just wish I felt normal again. No matter how much I try to do things that old me used to do, life always feels “ off”. I always kept the top part about when I was younger a secret up until early (ish ) 2024, then I vented to one of my best friends and he told me that that’s a normal thing to do at a young age. Since then, I have told multiple friends and they all say they did similar stuff, but my brain just can’t accept that. Please help me, I quite literally overthink everything nowadays. 2021 was the last full year that I felt normal ( coincidentally, the best year of my life so far) . It’s not just about sexual related things either, sometimes I’ll wonder if I messed up something at work or hit a car while driving/hit someone and drove off. I just wanna live my life how I was supposed to live it after highschool ( carefree and happy) before whatever it is ( I think it’s ocd) hit me unexpectedly. Thanks to anyone who read this , I just needed to pour it out regardless of how negative I felt typing this, I hope someone can relate , because I feel so alone in my head at times.

I’m 25 and never ever thought this before my soocd relapse. I have a bf of 5 years. Never been a high libido kinda girl. Don’t get me wrong I do get turned on by my bf but not like every day you know? - That had always been in the back of my head, is this normal and ok? But my ocd has latched onto the most scariest what if EVER. My brain is now saying How do you know you won’t prefer to sleep and kiss girls if you haven’t tried it: and it’s that unknown that is scaring the shit out of me. I DONT AND NEVER HAVE wanted to sleep / kiss a girl. But now my intrusive thoughts is all I think about!!! I don’t want I don’t want I don’t want??? So why does my brain think BUT WHAT IF??? I know ocd thrives off uncertainty which is why I think this is happening? But I don’t wanna find out or work it out because all I want is to be with my bf and marry him!! Is this just the epitome of OCD?

Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?