I’m going crazy right now and need help, is it possible I have Pure - O. Now a few years ago I remember I was home alone (my mom works a lot.) and I was having a bag of chips. I took a chip in my mouth and it didn’t taste right. It tasted like... plastic! I felt like I was choking, I called 911 and explained how I felt like there was plastic in my throat, they asked if I needed an ambulance and I said no because I was supposed to go with my aunt somewhere soon, I hung up and soon after I experienced something I NEVER had before. I had a panic attack. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was racing fast, it felt like the room was spinning and getting smaller, it lasted for about 2 minutes but it felt like it lasted forever. Soon after she came to get me and throughout the rest of the day I felt like I was going to die. Then for the next month or 2 I was convinced I was going to die. I couldn’t be alone, I refused / avoided eating Incase I choked on a piece of food and died, I was afraid of sleeping alone. I didn’t want to go to school Incase I died, I couldn’t go over to friends houses because I was afraid (I still do that to this day :((...) if I wasn’t near my mom I was panicking and even when I was with her I was panicking. Whenever I got a panic attack or whenever I felt a sensation (heart skipped a beat, got a tingle in my arm, etc) I immediately thought “IM GOING TO DIE.” So I quickly looked up symptoms of how I was feeling on google and came up with all these diseases / illnesses I was convinced I had. My mom took me to therapy for it and I originally went there for this but somehow we got on these other subjects? Like how I am in school, how I am in social situations, how my home life was. And I guess it helped but I still get like that to this day sometimes. With what I’m really hoping and praying for is HOCD because I experienced this last summer AND this summer. I experience some of the same symptoms, can’t be alone, afraid to be near female friends, more like any friend in general now. I’m avoiding some of the activities I used to enjoy incase I got a groinal response / thought I was attracted to the females. (Just typing that I wanted to type out males instead because that’s what I was attracted to before all of this.) I can’t even sleep in my own bed because I’m terrified. I’m only the room above my mom but I just can’t be alone. Sometimes I have this strange/uncomfortable urge to come out and I didn’t feel like that before besides last summer and this summer and it scared me. Last summer when I had the episode I told my mom and she said she’d love me no matter what but I didn’t feel better at all. When I went back to school I was scared but then I started developing crushes on boys again. (I even wanted to go to school to see this guy and I hate going to school!) I even believe I had my first love, this guy named Aiden. I did whatever I could to make myself seem cool to him. We have similar interests, he has an amazing personality and he ain’t so bad looking either lol. Whenever he called me cute or gave me any compliment I got these butterflies in my tummy. I’d want to stay up ALL NIGHT to talk to him. At first we were internet friends and then we met and I couldn’t stop being nervous, but a good nervous. When he hugged me I didn’t want to let go. I was so tempted to just brush my hand up against his and hold it. I tried to dress up my best (with what I could) to make myself look nice. I put on tons and tons of perfumes to smell nice. I felt great. Now with this it feels like I never felt that way or how my past crushes were lies. I remember when I was younger (before I understood what family was) I found my cousin attractive, I found cartoon characters (male) attractive. Even last year when I was in culinary (cooking) some of the guys, the way they wore their uniforms were attractive. This one guy named Michael was VERYYY attractive, he had the looks and he had a nice personality. I’m not the girliest girl and my perfect romantic night was staying in and playing video games and eating snacks with my boyfriend, not a big fancy dinner. ( I come from a poor background so my mind is quantity over quality) so like why spend so much money on one fancy dinner when you can get like SOOO much more at McDonald’s or something??? So maybe that stems from that but it’s just so annoying. I wanted to be with this boy (my crush) before all this started and now it’s so hard. He knows about my situation and he helps me relax and before I felt so happy he cared, I felt so loved but now it feels like a drag. Everything now feels like a drag. Is this pure - O? Am I crazy?