my infuriated thoughts are getting much intenser. my therapist told me not to reassurance but i can’t help this. i want to believe these are not my actual thoughts and i still have myself, but i don’t know anymore. i’m getting too used to have these thoughts and i’m scared. am i really like this? is this ocd? i wish i could just reset all the memories that i have and restart everything.

take a few deep breaths before reading the rest of my paragraph. u got this! you are not your thoughts. just cause you think something, does not make it any more likely to happen. & just cause you think it does not mean that it's real. your thoughts are just that, thoughts. they mean nothing about you. i know it may seem like it can't get better right now, but it can. it really can. so many people have gotten better so it's entirely possible! although i'm not diagnosed with ocd, what helped me the most with my intrusive thoughts (i have bad anxiety around them) was imagining them as clouds passing by, and everything else in your brain is the blue sky. when we pay extra attention to the clouds then we start to notice those clouds more, and the blue sky may seem to go away. the blue sky is always there though. when we pay less attention to the clouds (intrusive thoughts) then they go by without a need to go deep into why we're thinking these things or what they mean about us (they mean nothing about us btw). if you just let your thoughts go by and sit with the anxiety/uncertainty that they give you, then there will be less and less intrusive thoughts that come. and then when you do get an intrusive thought because everyone gets them, you won't feel the need to pay extra attention to it

Of course you’re gonna get used to them, they’re intrusive and they cause you so many problems. It is OCD, you want to know why? You’re asking about it. The “am I, is this, what if” questions are all of your doubts and fears from OCD coming through. Of course it will be scary, and ERP can make your thoughts way more intense because you can’t run away from them like you’re so used to doing. Accepting them and allowing them there voluntarily creates its own aspect of thoughts and doubt from your OCD. Do not ruminate on them, which is what it seems like you’re doing. You’re trying to solve or answer a question, rumination. Don’t engage when it gets scary. You have to get used to being scared

intrusive thoughts *