I have a question about an ERP exercise: It‘s a podcast about a coming-out story with a woman my age, to who I probably will relate and identify with a lot. This stresses me out so much and before even listening to it I know I want to get answers and I am expecting answers and relief to my sorrows. So how do I listen to it as an erp-exercise? How do I make listening to it not a compulsion?

Thank you a lot for sharing your experiences. From what I know this sounds like a good way to do it. It‘s such a thin line between just sitting with a thought, accepting it and doing a compulsion in your head... Do you feel like ERP is helping you, in generel?

@mere123 Yes, I've heard that with Pure O you can also do ERP by practicing the response/reaction when a thought comes up as with Pure O your actually exposed to your fears all the time and get triggered by so many daily things anyway. That's how I do it now and I think I've made a great progress as the thoughts about sexual orientation just have ceased to be such a big part of my daily mental life :) but at the beginning when you feel really bad and helpless I think it is right to start with these on purpose exposures like you are doing now as you practice and learn that you can bear the worst triggers without there having to be any consequence. I did it for almost a year before I decided to take a different approach as I started to feel that it doesn't really bring me forward anymore and just keeps feeding the thoughts while they actually didn't play such a huge part in my daily life anymore. I always worry though that I am doing ERP wrong as I didn't work with a therapist and that the fact that I feel so much better now just means that I am avoiding my fears. But that's ocd about ocd recovery I think. I don't avoid uncomfortable content, I still watch or read stuff related to sexual orientation when it comes up or when it is part of a show or book I would consume anyway and sit with the feelings they trigger. I just don't purposely seek out coming out stories anymore as there is really no end to them and they will probably always be scary for me to hear, when I expect tolisten to them until they don't scare me anymore at all I will still be listening in 60 years instead of living my life :) are you working with a therapist or in your own?

@Shoeshifter I‘m working with a therapist and she diagnosed OCD and knows the ERP techniques but sometimes I have a feeling it‘s even better to work alone and more importantly: To fully understand it for myself because asking her stuff always seems like seeking reassurance which she sometimes gives into. I‘m not really consistent with practicing but I always feel like I‘m doing it all day long in my thoughts. They come up, I feel bad, I try not to ruminate, I remember it‘s ocd, I try to let them just sit there and I really used to panick soo much more about them so I guess it helped. But the fact that they are still there constantly, evey single minute, not letting me life a „normal“ life with my boyfriend is just killing me.. That‘s why I wanted to try the on purpose ERP practices again.

@mere123 It sounds like your doing great! I think in the end we need to give ourselves time whether we are working with a therapist or by ourselves. It takes a lot time and practice until you really understand mechanisms of your own thinking pattern and further to not reinforce them by your reaction. I mean we probably developed this dysfunctional way of reacting to fear over years so we cannot expect to unlearn it in a few weeks/months. I know how it feels to be stressed over the fact that the thoughts are still there but I guess this is normal. Since I have accepted that I probably will always have some uncertainty about my sexual orientation and that the thoughts will probably always be a part of me it has gotten much better. The thoughts are not the problem in the end but our reaction to them. If we treat them like a problem we need to get rid of they will stick and feel like threat. If we manage to let them be and accept that they are there they will go away. For me it depends on the time of the month also and whether I am under pressure if the thoughts are harder to accept or not. But since I accepted that just is the way my brain works the breaks between those harder periods have become longer and also the episodes are much easier to work through! Keep going with what you are doing and don't put too much pressure on your progress, it will get easier!

Me too!!!

@Shoeshifter Hey guys I‘m from Germany to! Can‘t believe I found someone German with these obsessions!!

@Heleni Haha me neither, wow I genuinely thought I was the only one in Germany who knows that she has this!!

@mere123 Same 😂 unfortunately there seems to be not so much knowledge about these kind of obsessions in Germany...I talked to two therapists who told me that it sounds like ocd/intrusive thoughts but that they never had a person with this theme 🙄 it feueled my doubts about whether I even have it or whether the thoughts are true. But honestly I think a lot of people are dealing with this, there's just so much shame and fear that we don't talk about it and then there is the fear that even therapists will not believe us...Luckily there is a lot of self help content in English for this!

@Shoeshifter :) Same with my therapist but at least she acknowledges it and never gave me the feeling it‘s not a thing, but the fact that there are no information on german websites drove me crazy in the beginning thinking it can‘t be OCD.

@mere123 Yeah Germany is really behind when it comes to ocd treatment in general! I‘m in therapy for over a year now and my therapist only now accepted that we could probably do erp and I feel like she has no clue about mental compulsions at all! It’s frustrating to feel like you have more knowledge about the disorder then the professionals here 🙄 And I totally realte, I also thought I was the only person in Germany who knew she had it 😂 Do you know the book „Alles nur im Meinem Kopf“ ? The women in there had rocd and SO OCD and she is German :) wow it made my day that I found you guys on here honestly, I often feel so isolated because I feel like everyone who can relate is so far away

@mere123 Sadly both therapists couldn't offer me a vacant spot even though they suggested to do ERP. Since I have gotten so much better through self help I don't want to start the ordeal again of looking for a therapist but I always worry that me not having been to therapy will make me fall back sooner or later.. like ocd making me doubt my own recovery progress because I didn't go to therapy 😅

@Heleni I didn‘t feel comfortable with writing that I‘ from Germany because I‘m kind of paranoid with everything I type about SOCD in my phone but now I‘m really happy I did it. Thanks for the recommendation I will read it. „Tyrannen in meinem Kopf“ is also very good, not from german writers but translated.

@Heleni I have read that book 😂 one of the only German sources for SO OCD and ROCD! Yeah also the fact that therapists seem to have so little knowledge of it has kept me from continuing to look for a therapist when in the end I will have to do all the work and reading myself anyway 🤨 but I am saving money for when things should get bad again so I can just afford a private therapist who specialises in OCD and who will hopefully have some more knowledge about it..

@mere123 Omg same! I always was reluctant to share that I was from Germany and am also scared about my data or that someone I know will find out what I wrote here 🙈🙈 I even created a new email for this app so that it isn't connected to my other social media accounts! But it helps so much to connect to people going through the same thing even in the same country so I am glad I finally reached out :)

@Shoeshifter Yes but let me tell you.. I have a therapist and I still always doubt she believes me and sometimes I‘m 100% sure she is lying to my face and as soon as I leave the room she thinks I‘m a lesbian and is just pretending it‘s OCD so that I feel better... This shit finds its way! You seem to do great. Let‘s just hang in there somehow.

@mere123 And I also read that book 😂 but what has helped me most was the mindfulness workbook for ocd as it also provides exercises for meditation and ERP and it has a whole section about hocd and also ROCD. The Podcasts Fearcast, OCD&Anxiety Podcast and Ali Greymond have also helped me a lot!

@mere123 I think I heard about that one, I will definitely look it up :) @shoeshifter totally get that, but I think you can be really proud of yourself for coming so far on your own that’s totally amazing! Also I wanted to also you two if you would be comfortable to stay in touch somehow? I think having someone you can talk to in your mother language ( of course not for reassurance! More for supporting eachother and giving advice) would be a gamechanger. If you’re not comfortable with that, it’s totally okay don’t feel pressured in any way:) I just didn’t want to miss the opportunity to finally make some German ocd friends 😅

@mere123 Thanks 💖 your right, it always finds a way to make you doubt yourself and get you back into rumination! But we've got this 💪💪

@Heleni I would love that! Any idea how?

@Heleni I would like that! Is there a way we can do it safely/privately, maybe via a separate email account?

@Shoeshifter are you guys on instagram? just give me a dm there and we can change emailadresses: @lowcarbfitnessbodyshapequeen (just a fun name..)

@Shoeshifter Hmm are there any apps where we can chat privately without phonenumbers and stuff?

@mere123 Sounds good, I‘ll send you a dm :)

@mere123 I‘m kind of paranoid of messing the wrong person 😂 do you have blond hair ? So I can be sure this is the right account

@mere123 I'll do that too! 👍

@Heleni Thats me :)

I listened to the lesbian chronicles, two women who came out in their 30s and 40s after being married with kids for a long time. It was very hard sometimes because one of them didn't know she was a lesbian until then and there always stays a bit of uncertainty even if I don't relate to most of what they talk about. I also listened to Nancy, a podcast not so much about coming out but about different people on the lgtbq spectrum and their experiences. But be careful when you want to start with that, don't overwhelm yourself with too much, maybe just listen to one episode a day and then go about your day with whatever feelings they might trigger