- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh darl it sounds like I could have written this! One thing that helped is getting support from my mum, she told me I’m not crazy, it’s just the thoughts / nerves that are unwanted and firing unwanted messages to my brain. If you could chat to a therapist?
- Date posted
- 6y
Reading through that made me feel uncomfortable cause it reminded me of a past relationship I had. If you are in therapy, It'd be best if you'd talk to your therapist about this. Human interactions are complex AF and I know that I need a lot of help to analyse whether my or my partners motives to interact a certain way with eachother gives room for a healthy relationship. I guess you are scared to lie to yourself. I know that I am at least.
- Date posted
- 6y
You can't fake feelings. You're lucky you started to feel in love with him and i would say that you should enjoy it. I would love to be in love again, even if I get rejected, but I can't feel a thing. Not in my heart and not even "down there". My fear of HOCD and POCD have consumed me to the point of not being able to feel in love or want to be intimate with another woman. Don't let this be you. Cherish the fact that you are starting to fall for him and develop those feelings. It's normal to have doubt, but you "don't want to lose him" and "want to confess everything to him". People who are not in love don't go into so much trouble for other people unless they mean something to them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for understanding my point of view, but you don't have to adapt to it or be careful how you word something because I disliked that. I don't want to influence you in such a huge way. A therapist once told me that it seems noble to keep others away from you so they don't get hurt, but it's just another escape from growing up and engaging in ones own love life. I'm a wreck regarding relationships but I'll try to date whenever I find a chance to. I gotta learn by confronting my deepest fears.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh and don't feel so sorry
- Date posted
- 6y
@deputyDean, it's really dangerous to give advice on this. You project yourself into a situation that you only read a few sentences about. nInnoaia has to figure this out by following her desires and feelings. And none of us knows about these. Not even her - maybe she does but is frustrated by the amount of intrusive thoughts. Feelings can be faked. They are influenced by past experiences and disorders. And I do understand that you would like to be in love again, but saying 'don't let this be you' is rarely an appropriate thing to say to someone in a setting similar to self help groups.
- Date posted
- 6y
Perhaps you are right, I did speak hastily, but I didn't just read a few sentences. I read the entire post. I know that most people have these concerns when one of the two falls in love with the other faster while the other still has concerns. Thats how most relationships go and it's a typical reason some of them end. I'm not a therapist, but it seems like some time passed before she felt something for her bf. I think - and again I'm not a pro - that if these feelings were faked by her brain, she would have felt in love far faster. This happens in cases such as, but not limited to, people who were saved by someone (eg in a dangerous situation or in a therapist patient relationship). The "don't let this be you" was referring to going down a rabbit hole without seeking help. My dyslexia and ADD caught up to me here.
- Date posted
- 6y
By few sentences I meant the entire post. What we teas is such a small piece of what she is currently going through. I have these concerns every time I get close to someone. I fell in love with a girl a while back and constantly questioned my feelings for her. We never came to be a couple. I really understand these concerns. But I think it bothered me that you wanted to fix the relationship that belongs to them. Lately a big part of my therapy has been to remember that I am responsible for my happiness and my decisions and so is everyone else for theirs. She even asked for help which makes my comment a bit unreasonable. Yea, I was thinking about dependence a lot. I know some people who are in a relationship with someone because they are dependant from their partners and scared of letting go because they'd hurt the other in the process. There are all kinds of dynamics to a relationship and it's so complex that I dislike when someone gives advice.
- Date posted
- 6y
teas=Read*
- Date posted
- 6y
@raphael you may be right. I may have tried to do that subconsciously. But I don't want to influence anyone based on my own insecurities. I only want people to be happy. Perhaps I need to be more careful. I understand what you are going through and I have the exact same concerns. It's tough! That's the reason I'm staying away from dating currently. No one deserves to be in such a relationship. Bottom line is that I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry if I said anything offensive.
- Date posted
- 6y
I sure wish I knew how to confront my fears regarding relationships. I'm still scared to date, especially because of my OCD. I need to find a way to get over this and pursue the life I want. If you want to chat, feel free to let me know
- Date posted
- 6y
I appreciate that you'd like to talk a lot! But I tend to compensate my lack of self worth by being a helper for others and fall into the helper syndrome. I need to build some healthy relationships that don't have one person helping and one being the helper. So I think chatting would be counterproductive for me. But you'll see me here and there on different posts or even posting something myself.
- Date posted
- 6y
I meant it more in a mutual manner, but as you wish! ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 18w
I need advice. I’ve had OCD in different forms since I was eight. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He has always been subtly anxious and jealous. He would say things like, “I find everyone but you ugly” or “I could never find anyone else attractive.” That stressed me out morally, especially since it’s our first relationship and I, of course, want to be good enough for him. It started around the three-month mark of our relationship. Now to the problem: When I see someone who is attractive or cute, it already begins. I start thinking—or rather, I don’t just think, I feel. I genuinely and naturally feel these emotions, like I find that person attractive, like I like them, like I want them. I even feel infatuated, like I want to be with them, spend time with them, be their partner, even sexual scenarios or feelings like I love them. These emotions feel so natural and real that I can’t tell the difference. With one person, I’ve had these feelings for over a year. But I only know most of these people by sight. It could be that I’ve fallen in love with the idea of them. That’s a big issue for me. It completely goes against my moral values. I don’t want this. For me, it would be terrible to have a crush on someone else, to like someone else, or to fall in love with another person. Or worse, to love someone else. Because I do love my partner, and I want a future with him. And I know the relationship wouldn’t survive if my fears came true. Even if he always tells me, ‘No, I wouldn’t break up with you,’ I couldn’t live with it myself. And the thing is, it’s not even such an unrealistic fear. It’s not like I’m afraid I want to kill someone or that I have feelings like that. No, this topic I’m dealing with involves real people. There are many people who suddenly fall for someone else, who develop a crush or even fall in love with another person. And I can’t reconcile that with myself. A year ago, I saw someone, and it hit me like a shock (I think in a negative way). Yes, he is attractive or cute. But in that moment, I felt so much fear, panic, and adrenaline because I felt and thought that I liked him more than my partner. When that happens, I start testing my feelings again. And of course, I feel exactly what I’m afraid of. I then constantly feel this pressure or burden, along with guilt. When I think about a scenario, or imagine the person, those feelings come immediately—followed by fear, panic, and guilt. Because of that, I avoid certain places, things, or even numbers because I’m afraid of being triggered. By now, I’m convinced these are my true feelings, because I just can’t imagine that OCD could produce such emotions, and for such a long time—sometimes over a year. I simply don’t want this. I just feel awful, like a monster. What should I do?
- Date posted
- 17w
Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.
- Date posted
- 16w
I know it’s long but plz read :( have been having really bad ocd about my relationship and my partner and it has gotten worse and worse over the span of like about nine months I’d say. I do acknowledge there are flaws and legit issues about him and the relationship like there are with anyone but I also know ocd has clouded my judgement and perception by analyzing everything and compulsions. For a while I kept feeling this need to get out which I know was ocd. I was really scared to spend the weekend with him because I thought I would just be annoyed and irritated cause it’s been that way for a while but he also was going through a period of high stress so maybe I was resenting him for that and I also wasn’t communicating how I should have been when I was upset because I’ve done that too much in the past. This weekend I was told in therapy to just be in the moment and not have to worry about trying to answer the question of do I love him or should I break up. It did help but It’s weird cause this weekend ended up better but I also was kind of numb? Like I was enjoying myself but didn’t feel what I always have felt in the past? Anyway, I am really anxious because i feel like if I loved him I would be supportive of when his parents compliment him or when he does well at something when instead all I think of are that I’m not happy or annoyed because of things he does that upset me or make me mad and it’s like that’s the only way my brain wants to see him as a person. Or when he is upset it feels like I don’t care like I used to because I think of how he doesn’t deserve this when he does this or he shouldn’t have this when he is like this etc. Why does my brain automatically go there? That’s horrible! I feel like I should be excited for him, rooting for him. But it also feels like I do care for him? But my thoughts keep changing. I am afraid I only am with him because I love that he loves me and how he treats me. This makes me feel selfish cause I can’t do that. I notice I still like when he cuddles me and is sweet to me and does fun things watching movies etc. And that’s not how it used to feeel which scares me because I don’t want to be without him. I also love his parents am I only with him cause of how his parents treat me? I feel so selfish and like I have to tell him and break up with him cause it’s the right thing to do. I never used to feel like this. I’m scared. Is it possible I’m just I’ve been mad and resenting how it’s been cause he’s been stressed mix with my ocd? My therapist said relationships can go through phases. Can I fall back in love with him again? I feel like I have to try to start with someone else like this is too far gone. I don’t want to stay in something where I don’t feel toward him the way I want to but I really don’t want to leave him. I feel like such an awful person cause he doesn’t deserve this and is so caring and loving despite everything the major thing that bugs me is how he gets irritable a lot which is an imperfection that makes me get anxious and question him😭 trying not to read into this and just follow what the therapist said but this is scaring me because I feel like if I loved him I wouldn’t think like this or feel like this.
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