- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh darl it sounds like I could have written this! One thing that helped is getting support from my mum, she told me I’m not crazy, it’s just the thoughts / nerves that are unwanted and firing unwanted messages to my brain. If you could chat to a therapist?
- Date posted
- 6y
Reading through that made me feel uncomfortable cause it reminded me of a past relationship I had. If you are in therapy, It'd be best if you'd talk to your therapist about this. Human interactions are complex AF and I know that I need a lot of help to analyse whether my or my partners motives to interact a certain way with eachother gives room for a healthy relationship. I guess you are scared to lie to yourself. I know that I am at least.
- Date posted
- 6y
You can't fake feelings. You're lucky you started to feel in love with him and i would say that you should enjoy it. I would love to be in love again, even if I get rejected, but I can't feel a thing. Not in my heart and not even "down there". My fear of HOCD and POCD have consumed me to the point of not being able to feel in love or want to be intimate with another woman. Don't let this be you. Cherish the fact that you are starting to fall for him and develop those feelings. It's normal to have doubt, but you "don't want to lose him" and "want to confess everything to him". People who are not in love don't go into so much trouble for other people unless they mean something to them.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you for understanding my point of view, but you don't have to adapt to it or be careful how you word something because I disliked that. I don't want to influence you in such a huge way. A therapist once told me that it seems noble to keep others away from you so they don't get hurt, but it's just another escape from growing up and engaging in ones own love life. I'm a wreck regarding relationships but I'll try to date whenever I find a chance to. I gotta learn by confronting my deepest fears.
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh and don't feel so sorry
- Date posted
- 6y
@deputyDean, it's really dangerous to give advice on this. You project yourself into a situation that you only read a few sentences about. nInnoaia has to figure this out by following her desires and feelings. And none of us knows about these. Not even her - maybe she does but is frustrated by the amount of intrusive thoughts. Feelings can be faked. They are influenced by past experiences and disorders. And I do understand that you would like to be in love again, but saying 'don't let this be you' is rarely an appropriate thing to say to someone in a setting similar to self help groups.
- Date posted
- 6y
Perhaps you are right, I did speak hastily, but I didn't just read a few sentences. I read the entire post. I know that most people have these concerns when one of the two falls in love with the other faster while the other still has concerns. Thats how most relationships go and it's a typical reason some of them end. I'm not a therapist, but it seems like some time passed before she felt something for her bf. I think - and again I'm not a pro - that if these feelings were faked by her brain, she would have felt in love far faster. This happens in cases such as, but not limited to, people who were saved by someone (eg in a dangerous situation or in a therapist patient relationship). The "don't let this be you" was referring to going down a rabbit hole without seeking help. My dyslexia and ADD caught up to me here.
- Date posted
- 6y
By few sentences I meant the entire post. What we teas is such a small piece of what she is currently going through. I have these concerns every time I get close to someone. I fell in love with a girl a while back and constantly questioned my feelings for her. We never came to be a couple. I really understand these concerns. But I think it bothered me that you wanted to fix the relationship that belongs to them. Lately a big part of my therapy has been to remember that I am responsible for my happiness and my decisions and so is everyone else for theirs. She even asked for help which makes my comment a bit unreasonable. Yea, I was thinking about dependence a lot. I know some people who are in a relationship with someone because they are dependant from their partners and scared of letting go because they'd hurt the other in the process. There are all kinds of dynamics to a relationship and it's so complex that I dislike when someone gives advice.
- Date posted
- 6y
teas=Read*
- Date posted
- 6y
@raphael you may be right. I may have tried to do that subconsciously. But I don't want to influence anyone based on my own insecurities. I only want people to be happy. Perhaps I need to be more careful. I understand what you are going through and I have the exact same concerns. It's tough! That's the reason I'm staying away from dating currently. No one deserves to be in such a relationship. Bottom line is that I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry if I said anything offensive.
- Date posted
- 6y
I sure wish I knew how to confront my fears regarding relationships. I'm still scared to date, especially because of my OCD. I need to find a way to get over this and pursue the life I want. If you want to chat, feel free to let me know
- Date posted
- 6y
I appreciate that you'd like to talk a lot! But I tend to compensate my lack of self worth by being a helper for others and fall into the helper syndrome. I need to build some healthy relationships that don't have one person helping and one being the helper. So I think chatting would be counterproductive for me. But you'll see me here and there on different posts or even posting something myself.
- Date posted
- 6y
I meant it more in a mutual manner, but as you wish! ?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 25w
I realized I’ve depended a lot on my boyfriend for comfort through my ocd, and I’m starting to feel like even before my ocd I was paying more attention to the relationship itself more than him, or the attachment: even though I remember distinct feelings of me wanting to be with him forever, and feeling so happy and complete with him, time didn’t exist, I felt like my most authentic self. So now I’m trying to create a healthy attachment and see him as his own person, which was helping at first, but now it feels as if I’m seeing that I don’t actually love him for him, the thought of moving forward in life without him breaks my heart and I don’t want to but my mind keeps telling me that I want it because of the attachment. He’s the exact type of person and partner I would want but it feels like whatever I feel is not enough.. But I DO experience moments of affection and care and admiration for him but they don’t last long..before I started making this shift in perspective even with the ocd I was still so sure and confident in moving forward with him, I felt so much like I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. But now that I’ve made this shift it feels like I’m seeing him from a whole different place. Like all those good and happy feelings I had for him are gone now and I don’t have any confidence in what I want anymore. Before I did feel confident that I wanted to be with him but now it feels like there’s this wall between him and me :( I want to be with him I know I do, because even now I still feel the desire to keep going, but I can’t see the future anymore or the confidence to keep going. I was never much of a future thinker, even in my personal life but this feels like added proof I feel like I’m alone in this like no one else has this situation and the chances for me to realize after I recover that I don’t actually love him are so much higher 💔
- Date posted
- 22w
I am in a relatively new relationship (around 2 months) and it has been completely virtual due to varying circumstances. I have never been in a serious relationship before and my past “exes” have never been this serious or brought up any of these feelings. About a month in I started having tons of symptoms and thoughts I figured were due to an SSRI change (i eventually went back to my original med/dose) however, it has remained quite bad since. Thoughts include: -I don’t actually like my partner, I just like the feeling of being wanted -I have crushes on other people, including my partners friends who I barely know -I don’t feel butterflies so I must be losing feelings for him -I think he’s ugly/im just not attracted to him -I’m secretly a lesbian and I’m wasting his time by being with him -a general feeling of dread, wrongness, or needing out of the relationship -not being able to believe him when he reassures me about everything -all of the above is just my genuine feelings and I’m using ocd as an excuse These are obviously crazy things to think, however one of my biggest compulsions is confession and self sabotage so I have told my partner all of these things in detail. He’s really great and patient about all of it but I can tell it weighs on him. Hes even recently expressed feeling like it’s his fault and that he wonders if it wouldn’t be this bad if I was with someone else. I feel so miserable but i feel like I’d be miserable in any relationship but im scared that’s not the truth and my ocd isn’t real. When it’s good i feel the most romantic love for him I’ve ever felt toward anyone ever. He’s an incredible person but I just feel so alone and lost on what to do. I’ve literally tried to break up with him like five times and each time we’ve ended up wanting to stay together. I’m really really scared I’ll never get better or this is simply the wrong relationship for me.
- Date posted
- 14w
I need advice. I’ve had OCD in different forms since I was eight. I’ve been with my boyfriend for two years now. He has always been subtly anxious and jealous. He would say things like, “I find everyone but you ugly” or “I could never find anyone else attractive.” That stressed me out morally, especially since it’s our first relationship and I, of course, want to be good enough for him. It started around the three-month mark of our relationship. Now to the problem: When I see someone who is attractive or cute, it already begins. I start thinking—or rather, I don’t just think, I feel. I genuinely and naturally feel these emotions, like I find that person attractive, like I like them, like I want them. I even feel infatuated, like I want to be with them, spend time with them, be their partner, even sexual scenarios or feelings like I love them. These emotions feel so natural and real that I can’t tell the difference. With one person, I’ve had these feelings for over a year. But I only know most of these people by sight. It could be that I’ve fallen in love with the idea of them. That’s a big issue for me. It completely goes against my moral values. I don’t want this. For me, it would be terrible to have a crush on someone else, to like someone else, or to fall in love with another person. Or worse, to love someone else. Because I do love my partner, and I want a future with him. And I know the relationship wouldn’t survive if my fears came true. Even if he always tells me, ‘No, I wouldn’t break up with you,’ I couldn’t live with it myself. And the thing is, it’s not even such an unrealistic fear. It’s not like I’m afraid I want to kill someone or that I have feelings like that. No, this topic I’m dealing with involves real people. There are many people who suddenly fall for someone else, who develop a crush or even fall in love with another person. And I can’t reconcile that with myself. A year ago, I saw someone, and it hit me like a shock (I think in a negative way). Yes, he is attractive or cute. But in that moment, I felt so much fear, panic, and adrenaline because I felt and thought that I liked him more than my partner. When that happens, I start testing my feelings again. And of course, I feel exactly what I’m afraid of. I then constantly feel this pressure or burden, along with guilt. When I think about a scenario, or imagine the person, those feelings come immediately—followed by fear, panic, and guilt. Because of that, I avoid certain places, things, or even numbers because I’m afraid of being triggered. By now, I’m convinced these are my true feelings, because I just can’t imagine that OCD could produce such emotions, and for such a long time—sometimes over a year. I simply don’t want this. I just feel awful, like a monster. What should I do?
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