- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh darl it sounds like I could have written this! One thing that helped is getting support from my mum, she told me I’m not crazy, it’s just the thoughts / nerves that are unwanted and firing unwanted messages to my brain. If you could chat to a therapist?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Reading through that made me feel uncomfortable cause it reminded me of a past relationship I had. If you are in therapy, It'd be best if you'd talk to your therapist about this. Human interactions are complex AF and I know that I need a lot of help to analyse whether my or my partners motives to interact a certain way with eachother gives room for a healthy relationship. I guess you are scared to lie to yourself. I know that I am at least.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You can't fake feelings. You're lucky you started to feel in love with him and i would say that you should enjoy it. I would love to be in love again, even if I get rejected, but I can't feel a thing. Not in my heart and not even "down there". My fear of HOCD and POCD have consumed me to the point of not being able to feel in love or want to be intimate with another woman. Don't let this be you. Cherish the fact that you are starting to fall for him and develop those feelings. It's normal to have doubt, but you "don't want to lose him" and "want to confess everything to him". People who are not in love don't go into so much trouble for other people unless they mean something to them.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you for understanding my point of view, but you don't have to adapt to it or be careful how you word something because I disliked that. I don't want to influence you in such a huge way. A therapist once told me that it seems noble to keep others away from you so they don't get hurt, but it's just another escape from growing up and engaging in ones own love life. I'm a wreck regarding relationships but I'll try to date whenever I find a chance to. I gotta learn by confronting my deepest fears.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh and don't feel so sorry
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@deputyDean, it's really dangerous to give advice on this. You project yourself into a situation that you only read a few sentences about. nInnoaia has to figure this out by following her desires and feelings. And none of us knows about these. Not even her - maybe she does but is frustrated by the amount of intrusive thoughts. Feelings can be faked. They are influenced by past experiences and disorders. And I do understand that you would like to be in love again, but saying 'don't let this be you' is rarely an appropriate thing to say to someone in a setting similar to self help groups.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Perhaps you are right, I did speak hastily, but I didn't just read a few sentences. I read the entire post. I know that most people have these concerns when one of the two falls in love with the other faster while the other still has concerns. Thats how most relationships go and it's a typical reason some of them end. I'm not a therapist, but it seems like some time passed before she felt something for her bf. I think - and again I'm not a pro - that if these feelings were faked by her brain, she would have felt in love far faster. This happens in cases such as, but not limited to, people who were saved by someone (eg in a dangerous situation or in a therapist patient relationship). The "don't let this be you" was referring to going down a rabbit hole without seeking help. My dyslexia and ADD caught up to me here.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
By few sentences I meant the entire post. What we teas is such a small piece of what she is currently going through. I have these concerns every time I get close to someone. I fell in love with a girl a while back and constantly questioned my feelings for her. We never came to be a couple. I really understand these concerns. But I think it bothered me that you wanted to fix the relationship that belongs to them. Lately a big part of my therapy has been to remember that I am responsible for my happiness and my decisions and so is everyone else for theirs. She even asked for help which makes my comment a bit unreasonable. Yea, I was thinking about dependence a lot. I know some people who are in a relationship with someone because they are dependant from their partners and scared of letting go because they'd hurt the other in the process. There are all kinds of dynamics to a relationship and it's so complex that I dislike when someone gives advice.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
teas=Read*
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@raphael you may be right. I may have tried to do that subconsciously. But I don't want to influence anyone based on my own insecurities. I only want people to be happy. Perhaps I need to be more careful. I understand what you are going through and I have the exact same concerns. It's tough! That's the reason I'm staying away from dating currently. No one deserves to be in such a relationship. Bottom line is that I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry if I said anything offensive.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I sure wish I knew how to confront my fears regarding relationships. I'm still scared to date, especially because of my OCD. I need to find a way to get over this and pursue the life I want. If you want to chat, feel free to let me know
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I appreciate that you'd like to talk a lot! But I tend to compensate my lack of self worth by being a helper for others and fall into the helper syndrome. I need to build some healthy relationships that don't have one person helping and one being the helper. So I think chatting would be counterproductive for me. But you'll see me here and there on different posts or even posting something myself.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I meant it more in a mutual manner, but as you wish! ?
Related posts
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 12w ago
I'm 18, and been in a relationship with my man for nearly 2 years. I started living with him around 2 months ago, and all I do is think about if he's cheating. We were long distance for a year and a half of our relationship, maybe seeing eachother once every month or two. I decided to move in with him, and ever since all I can think about is if he's cheating or watching porn. When he's in another room I think he's doing something wrong, I have to check on him every ten minutes to ease my anxiety. I didn't have this problem before moving in. Granted he has talked to some girls on his phone, even having his ex on his phone (didn't do anything bad) and he is porn addicted though he is getting better for me. It's gotten so bad I want to leave him. A couple days ago I broke up with him and it absolutely broke my heart, I couldn't bare it so I gave him a month to show me he can do better, and for me to work on myself. If I'm still unhappy with us I'm going to leave. I love this boy more than anything. I'm scared to be without him, this is my first real relationship. At this point I refuse to even sleep until he is sleeping. I don't want to start over, I don't want to leave him, but I really can't take this pain it's causing me. It's all I think about. I've convinced myself so many times that he's cheating, but I know he wouldn't. I question whether it's anxiety or intuition. Maybe I just know deep down he really is cheating and I just don't want to believe it. I don't know. I don't think he would do that, but at the same time he's really into women. I hate that he looks at other girls in a sexual way, it bothers me so much, and we talk about it often, but with it being an addiction it's difficult. He has gotten a lot better since we have talked about it. He understands I have an issue and is usually happy to talk about it over and over and promise me over and over that he's not cheating. He allows me to have his phone whenever I want and everything, I have no reason to think he's cheating, but I can't get over it. It's not fair to him either. How do I deal with this? How do I stop hurting so much?
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
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