- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh darl it sounds like I could have written this! One thing that helped is getting support from my mum, she told me I’m not crazy, it’s just the thoughts / nerves that are unwanted and firing unwanted messages to my brain. If you could chat to a therapist?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Reading through that made me feel uncomfortable cause it reminded me of a past relationship I had. If you are in therapy, It'd be best if you'd talk to your therapist about this. Human interactions are complex AF and I know that I need a lot of help to analyse whether my or my partners motives to interact a certain way with eachother gives room for a healthy relationship. I guess you are scared to lie to yourself. I know that I am at least.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
You can't fake feelings. You're lucky you started to feel in love with him and i would say that you should enjoy it. I would love to be in love again, even if I get rejected, but I can't feel a thing. Not in my heart and not even "down there". My fear of HOCD and POCD have consumed me to the point of not being able to feel in love or want to be intimate with another woman. Don't let this be you. Cherish the fact that you are starting to fall for him and develop those feelings. It's normal to have doubt, but you "don't want to lose him" and "want to confess everything to him". People who are not in love don't go into so much trouble for other people unless they mean something to them.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you for understanding my point of view, but you don't have to adapt to it or be careful how you word something because I disliked that. I don't want to influence you in such a huge way. A therapist once told me that it seems noble to keep others away from you so they don't get hurt, but it's just another escape from growing up and engaging in ones own love life. I'm a wreck regarding relationships but I'll try to date whenever I find a chance to. I gotta learn by confronting my deepest fears.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Oh and don't feel so sorry
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@deputyDean, it's really dangerous to give advice on this. You project yourself into a situation that you only read a few sentences about. nInnoaia has to figure this out by following her desires and feelings. And none of us knows about these. Not even her - maybe she does but is frustrated by the amount of intrusive thoughts. Feelings can be faked. They are influenced by past experiences and disorders. And I do understand that you would like to be in love again, but saying 'don't let this be you' is rarely an appropriate thing to say to someone in a setting similar to self help groups.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Perhaps you are right, I did speak hastily, but I didn't just read a few sentences. I read the entire post. I know that most people have these concerns when one of the two falls in love with the other faster while the other still has concerns. Thats how most relationships go and it's a typical reason some of them end. I'm not a therapist, but it seems like some time passed before she felt something for her bf. I think - and again I'm not a pro - that if these feelings were faked by her brain, she would have felt in love far faster. This happens in cases such as, but not limited to, people who were saved by someone (eg in a dangerous situation or in a therapist patient relationship). The "don't let this be you" was referring to going down a rabbit hole without seeking help. My dyslexia and ADD caught up to me here.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
By few sentences I meant the entire post. What we teas is such a small piece of what she is currently going through. I have these concerns every time I get close to someone. I fell in love with a girl a while back and constantly questioned my feelings for her. We never came to be a couple. I really understand these concerns. But I think it bothered me that you wanted to fix the relationship that belongs to them. Lately a big part of my therapy has been to remember that I am responsible for my happiness and my decisions and so is everyone else for theirs. She even asked for help which makes my comment a bit unreasonable. Yea, I was thinking about dependence a lot. I know some people who are in a relationship with someone because they are dependant from their partners and scared of letting go because they'd hurt the other in the process. There are all kinds of dynamics to a relationship and it's so complex that I dislike when someone gives advice.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
teas=Read*
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@raphael you may be right. I may have tried to do that subconsciously. But I don't want to influence anyone based on my own insecurities. I only want people to be happy. Perhaps I need to be more careful. I understand what you are going through and I have the exact same concerns. It's tough! That's the reason I'm staying away from dating currently. No one deserves to be in such a relationship. Bottom line is that I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry if I said anything offensive.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I sure wish I knew how to confront my fears regarding relationships. I'm still scared to date, especially because of my OCD. I need to find a way to get over this and pursue the life I want. If you want to chat, feel free to let me know
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I appreciate that you'd like to talk a lot! But I tend to compensate my lack of self worth by being a helper for others and fall into the helper syndrome. I need to build some healthy relationships that don't have one person helping and one being the helper. So I think chatting would be counterproductive for me. But you'll see me here and there on different posts or even posting something myself.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I meant it more in a mutual manner, but as you wish! ?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w ago
Flagged as triggering to be safe I’ve never been in a real relationship before… you can guess why lol. But I really want the one I’m in to work out. Still I can’t help but be scared that I don’t actually have feelings for him. I’m scared that I’m leading him on? And I’m scared because I can no longer identify what’s real and what’s ocd. To make matters worse we went on winter break from college and we are long distance so I went from seeing him every day and now I haven’t seen him for four weeks. I’m going to see him in two days and I was trying to lay out an outfit that he would see me and think “wow” in. But I started to wonder, am I doing this cause I like him or because I just want him to like me and I don’t have feelings for him. I feel like a terrible person. The combo of no relationship experience plus the ocd plus winter break is distressing. (We’ve been together three going on four months)
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 14w ago
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
- Date posted
- 12w ago
For the past 3 months ish I’ve been struggling on and off with this anxiety and fixation over my relationship. To wondering if i still have feelings for an old friend, wondering if i actually love him, wondering if the thoughts are all real and im just trying to cover it up with ocd. It sucks, when im talking to my boyfriend i feel fine. The words i love you and talks about the future come naturally. I can’t imagine myself with anyone but him. But this constant rumination on my relationship is KILLING me and I’m scared it’s going to ruin what i have. It makes me numb and disconnected which therefore makes me believe the thoughts even more. They just feel so real sometimes and it’s so scary like why can i not just enjoy it. We’ve been together for a while so i know there’s periods of like feelings ebb and flowing but this is so much more. It’s just constantly sitting on my chest with anxiety. My compulsions are coming on this app, looking at photos of us and confessing it to him. He’s very understanding and helpful. I love him so much. I just need help / I’m also just starting new meds as well ..
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