- Username
- nlnnoaia
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Oh darl it sounds like I could have written this! One thing that helped is getting support from my mum, she told me I’m not crazy, it’s just the thoughts / nerves that are unwanted and firing unwanted messages to my brain. If you could chat to a therapist?
Reading through that made me feel uncomfortable cause it reminded me of a past relationship I had. If you are in therapy, It'd be best if you'd talk to your therapist about this. Human interactions are complex AF and I know that I need a lot of help to analyse whether my or my partners motives to interact a certain way with eachother gives room for a healthy relationship. I guess you are scared to lie to yourself. I know that I am at least.
You can't fake feelings. You're lucky you started to feel in love with him and i would say that you should enjoy it. I would love to be in love again, even if I get rejected, but I can't feel a thing. Not in my heart and not even "down there". My fear of HOCD and POCD have consumed me to the point of not being able to feel in love or want to be intimate with another woman. Don't let this be you. Cherish the fact that you are starting to fall for him and develop those feelings. It's normal to have doubt, but you "don't want to lose him" and "want to confess everything to him". People who are not in love don't go into so much trouble for other people unless they mean something to them.
Thank you for understanding my point of view, but you don't have to adapt to it or be careful how you word something because I disliked that. I don't want to influence you in such a huge way. A therapist once told me that it seems noble to keep others away from you so they don't get hurt, but it's just another escape from growing up and engaging in ones own love life. I'm a wreck regarding relationships but I'll try to date whenever I find a chance to. I gotta learn by confronting my deepest fears.
Oh and don't feel so sorry
@deputyDean, it's really dangerous to give advice on this. You project yourself into a situation that you only read a few sentences about. nInnoaia has to figure this out by following her desires and feelings. And none of us knows about these. Not even her - maybe she does but is frustrated by the amount of intrusive thoughts. Feelings can be faked. They are influenced by past experiences and disorders. And I do understand that you would like to be in love again, but saying 'don't let this be you' is rarely an appropriate thing to say to someone in a setting similar to self help groups.
Perhaps you are right, I did speak hastily, but I didn't just read a few sentences. I read the entire post. I know that most people have these concerns when one of the two falls in love with the other faster while the other still has concerns. Thats how most relationships go and it's a typical reason some of them end. I'm not a therapist, but it seems like some time passed before she felt something for her bf. I think - and again I'm not a pro - that if these feelings were faked by her brain, she would have felt in love far faster. This happens in cases such as, but not limited to, people who were saved by someone (eg in a dangerous situation or in a therapist patient relationship). The "don't let this be you" was referring to going down a rabbit hole without seeking help. My dyslexia and ADD caught up to me here.
By few sentences I meant the entire post. What we teas is such a small piece of what she is currently going through. I have these concerns every time I get close to someone. I fell in love with a girl a while back and constantly questioned my feelings for her. We never came to be a couple. I really understand these concerns. But I think it bothered me that you wanted to fix the relationship that belongs to them. Lately a big part of my therapy has been to remember that I am responsible for my happiness and my decisions and so is everyone else for theirs. She even asked for help which makes my comment a bit unreasonable. Yea, I was thinking about dependence a lot. I know some people who are in a relationship with someone because they are dependant from their partners and scared of letting go because they'd hurt the other in the process. There are all kinds of dynamics to a relationship and it's so complex that I dislike when someone gives advice.
teas=Read*
@raphael you may be right. I may have tried to do that subconsciously. But I don't want to influence anyone based on my own insecurities. I only want people to be happy. Perhaps I need to be more careful. I understand what you are going through and I have the exact same concerns. It's tough! That's the reason I'm staying away from dating currently. No one deserves to be in such a relationship. Bottom line is that I understand where you're coming from and I'm sorry if I said anything offensive.
I sure wish I knew how to confront my fears regarding relationships. I'm still scared to date, especially because of my OCD. I need to find a way to get over this and pursue the life I want. If you want to chat, feel free to let me know
I appreciate that you'd like to talk a lot! But I tend to compensate my lack of self worth by being a helper for others and fall into the helper syndrome. I need to build some healthy relationships that don't have one person helping and one being the helper. So I think chatting would be counterproductive for me. But you'll see me here and there on different posts or even posting something myself.
I meant it more in a mutual manner, but as you wish! ?
Tw Do you guys think with POCD/HOCD it‘s nearly impossible to not develop ROCD? I met my boyfriend during recovery, but I didn’t have any butterflies or faster heartbeat and I wasn’t that attracted to him but I was fascinated by his character, attitude and charisma. I started to google and asked friends if I’m allowed to start a relationship with him if I don’t have overwhelming feelings. I noticed I still thought about other guys.But I knew that I wanted to be with him I was feeling good and happy, he is perfect. I thought maybe I’ll develop harder feelings during the next couple of weeks. But I didn’t. I developed more feelings than I had in the beginning and even sometimes butterflies, but I always thought it wasn’t enough. After 2 months my POCD started coming back because I was asking myself constantly if I’m not enough attracted to my boyfriend. We got intimate a couple of weeks before it came up again and it was new and everything to me and it was hard to manage, questioning my feelings constantly. My therapist also said that we have to work on my feelings because she thinks I’m not letting me feel enough. She’s right, since POCD is here again, I am afraid to have feelings towards anyone because I think all my feelings are linked to children. I feel like I just can’t let go and be happy. I don’t know what to do. POCD is one thing, but I thought about breaking up with my boyfriend a lot of times because I feel very guilty concerning the fact about my lack of physical feelings. I know that I love him, I want to be with him, I want him to be the last person I see in the evening and the first person I see when I wake up, I feel safe, he feels like home, he is the most caring, loving and sweet person I’ve ever met. The thought of braking up with him makes me cry so hard and breaks my heart. But I just can’t stop thinking about whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s enough or not, whether it’s right or not. I think my OCD plays a huge part concerning the feelings but at the same time I question “what if not? What if OCD isn’t the one who stops you from feeling things and you just don’t love him?” It makes my POCD even worse. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do/feel/think. Whether it’s my OCD ruining it or not. If I’m ruining it myself and in denial and just not wanting to let go of my boyfriend. I feel very guilty especially towards him. But I want to be with him but all the things from the beginning and everything tells me that I shouldn’t. I don’t know anymore.
I’ve had doubts my whole relationship with my boyfriend. Things like “you don’t find him attractive. You don’t think he’s funny. You’re lesbian because you don’t love him. You don’t love him at all. You think he’s annoying. You think his face looks weird. You want to be with other guys. He doesn’t make you happy.” But I always cry and get upset at the thought of losing him. Is that ocd, or something wrong with the relationship. It’s so hard to tell if this is Rocd or if this is one of those, “you never loved nor were interested in him in the first place.” Type things. I want to be interested and in love with him so bad, but I feel like all these thoughts get in the way. :( I don’t get that crazy “you love him so much,” feeing everyone talks about. Like yeah I know I feel for him and love him for who he is, but I don’t feel crazy deep in love :(
When my soocd and rocd first hit hard, it really shattered my world and the kind of stability I had in life before the constant fear of losing the one I love. When I got my first job, I buried myself in the idea that I was too busy to deal with it anymore, it helped that I started school and got a pet hedgehog as well. But some nights it hits me that this hasn’t gone away at all, I don’t spend night after night or day after day stuck in the same thoughts anymore but I feel so cold inside like I’m not worth anything and like I don’t deserve the love and attraction I think I once felt for my sweet boyfriend. I feel like the fact that I can’t “feel” those feelings for him anymore that I’ve spent so long chasing means I don’t deserve him, I feel like even though the great anxiety has stopped I’m still trying to chase down that love feeling and how it “should” feel instead of just feeling it for what it is. I’m still terrified that if I let go of my walls that I’ll realize I don’t love him and lose him. It’s hurting me bad and making me resort to bad coping mechanisms. I’m starting to seek out validation again and craving that rush of infatuation when in reality the only one I want is my boyfriend. For almost a year and a half I obsessed about sexual attraction, it’s really affected my intimate life. I have self-esteem issues about my body, my “skills”, fear of not liking it enough and false expectations just all cause me to not feel much in my body and it makes me horribly sad. My boyfriend says I need to accept the possibility that the things I fear could be true and that I could be with someone else but it’s so hard because I really don’t want that but the longer I fight it the further away I feel from him. I didn’t think ocd could be this complex and cause such havoc on my life. I kind of miss when I felt extreme anxiety every day and had the same thoughts over and over because at least then it was easier to know it was my mind games at work. Now it just feels like I’m sabotaging myself daily by chasing the feelings of love I want. I don’t want to ruin this otherwise healthy relationship, my boyfriend is my best friend and I still want that. Can anyone relate to this? I feel like a lot of people just have the obsessiveness and I’m here trying to deal with the side effects of the after math and it makes me feel so alone
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