- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
There’s a difference between struggling with uncertainty all of your life and having a sudden influx of intrusive thoughts. I’m a lesbian and although I dealt with uncertainty/anxiety about my sexuality, it wasn’t because I wasn’t sure if I was gay or not. I knew from a very early age. Just like most gay people do. Accept the fact that you may be a lesbian in the future. Allow yourself to feel all the bad things that come with that and then go on with your day. The thoughts will be less scary after you let them be there without resistance
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for sharing this was super insightful
- Date posted
- 4y
You’re not alone! It was triggering, just because I have soo much anxiety about lying to my boyfriend and not knowing and sometimes feeling like I am a lesbian because of all the thoughts! Even when he said he knew something was different, ocd said “you did too! That’s why you never wanted anyone to think you were a lesbian because you got aroused by lesbian sex via porn and so on” but I decided not to go further into figuring it out and living with the uncertainty! Try not to compare, it’s a tricky compulsion that we all fall into sometimes!
- Date posted
- 4y
@Ope Omg same!
- Date posted
- 4y
This was so triggering for me! I wanted to look up his story to find differences from mine and provide reassurance by comparing. I pretty much did neither! But my heart is still in my throat haha. I’m going to look at this news, say “that’s a possibility “ and make myself a good meal haha
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- 4y
That’s perfect!
- Date posted
- 4y
good job!!! Unintentional erp !
- Date posted
- 4y
I literally came on here looking to see if anyone else was triggered by this cos it made me so scared. We must not look for reassurance and how he ‘knew something was different when he was six’ as that is a compulsion, finding differences between that and yourself as reassurance. I’m struggling with it but you have to think yeah this happens, it could happen to me, it also could not and try and leave it. Easier said than done, trust me I know.
- Date posted
- 4y
Exactly!!
- Date posted
- 4y
yes, exactly! ty
- Date posted
- 4y
I was so triggered by this today as well! I ended up feeling so anxious that I used the interview as ERP and watched it several times until my anxiety went down. You are definitely not alone! ❤️
- Date posted
- 4y
It got me this morning. First thing I saw when I got on Facebook. Love that journey for him but not for me. Hocd sucks. Because I'll get lost in thoughts and it seems so real but once I snap back to reality I don't want to be with a woman like that at all then I start to freak out. It didn't that with pocd for about a year.
- Date posted
- 4y
yep, I feel you 100%. It sucks so much. I’m so sorry 😓 you aren’t alone!!!!
- Date posted
- 4y
Thanks!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?
- Date posted
- 17w
trigger warning!!!!!! I’m really scared right now. I’ve been reading Elle Warren’s articles about her experience with HOCD/SO-OCD, and it feels so similar to mine. She went through the same fears of being a lesbian, felt distressed by her attraction to women, and spent hours ruminating, Googling, and analyzing her feelings. She even experienced groinal responses and revisited old memories, just like I do. Eventually, she had a moment of realization in college when she flirted with a girl, and everything clicked. She now identifies as a lesbian. I’m terrified that the same thing will happen to me. I thought the OCD fears were supposed to never be true and that HOCD thoughts are usually just compulsions that don’t end up being real. But reading her story, it’s like I’m seeing my own experience mirrored. What if it clicks for me, just like it did for her? What if I realize that I am a lesbian? Elle’s story makes me so scared. I thought my feelings of attraction to women were just OCD-driven, and now I’m questioning everything. I thought I was straight, but now, reading her journey, I’m wondering: could my OCD fears actually be real? Elle’s experience was very similar to mine: • She got distressed when she thought she might like women, not relieved. • She spent a lot of time ruminating, Googling, analyzing, and comparing. • Her attraction to women only became intense when her OCD flared up. • She said things like, “I feel peace when I believe I’m straight.” • She had already been diagnosed with OCD and had a history of this pattern. After years of fear and distress, Elle had a moment of calm and realized that it was true. I’m scared that this could happen to me too. Will I have a similar moment of acceptance, where everything clicks and I realize I’m gay? Or will I come to accept that this is all OCD, and that I’m straight, with the possibility that I’m not? I also keep thinking back to when my OCD lessened the first time. Did I go back to men because I wasn’t actually attracted to women, or was it just because the grip of the OCD had loosened? Elle also talked about the shame associated with non-heterosexuality. She mentioned that, like many of us, she had internalized stigma around being gay, and that it made her fear the possibility of being non-heterosexual. I can relate to this so much—growing up, I never saw it as an option to be anything other than straight, and now it’s hard to shake that fear and shame. Elle mentioned that she found reassurance in seeing other people with HOCD who worried that their fears would come true, but eventually realized they were just OCD thoughts. That idea is comforting, but also a little scary, because what if that moment of realization happens for me too? What if I finally accept that I am a lesbian? Or, what if I’m just struggling with OCD and eventually realize I’m straight? I just don’t know. The scariest part is that, just like Elle, I feel like I don’t have any obvious signs. She had no idea she was a lesbian until one day, everything clicked. She was 21, just like me when my OCD fears really flared up, and she had a breakthrough moment in Denver when she made friends with lesbians. That hasn’t happened for me yet, and it’s terrifying to think that it could happen in the future. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I’m really scared about where this will lead.
- Date posted
- 16w
hi i’m a lesbian! and i have known im a lesbian for a really long time and i have a sweet girlfriend of 1 year. it all started when i saw this masc lesbian come out as straight, after that i had my guy friend over and he’s a sweet guy and he was flirting with me (he didn’t know i was gay) im not sure but i panicked and my brain froze and i was like “do i like him”, ever since my brain has been over worked 24/7 for 2 months now and it’s spiralling constantly. im trying to control it but all these thoughts are so disgusting and my brain tries to put him and i in scenarios that make me uncomfortable and i feel panic and i hate it. i have always been comfortable being a lesbian and i still am comfortable as a lesbian, but i dislike these thoughts i have about him and men and i want it to be over. i do not want to experiment with men even tho my brain is telling me i do, i find it disgusting and i dread it, i have a sweet girlfriend and i want to be with her forever, i do not imagine anything with any men and i hate these thoughts. im scared of becoming bisexual/straight one day and i hate hearing sexuality is fluid. its a whole mix of comphet and so-ocd
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