- Username
- 222
- Date posted
- 3y ago
There’s a difference between struggling with uncertainty all of your life and having a sudden influx of intrusive thoughts. I’m a lesbian and although I dealt with uncertainty/anxiety about my sexuality, it wasn’t because I wasn’t sure if I was gay or not. I knew from a very early age. Just like most gay people do. Accept the fact that you may be a lesbian in the future. Allow yourself to feel all the bad things that come with that and then go on with your day. The thoughts will be less scary after you let them be there without resistance
Thank you for sharing this was super insightful
You’re not alone! It was triggering, just because I have soo much anxiety about lying to my boyfriend and not knowing and sometimes feeling like I am a lesbian because of all the thoughts! Even when he said he knew something was different, ocd said “you did too! That’s why you never wanted anyone to think you were a lesbian because you got aroused by lesbian sex via porn and so on” but I decided not to go further into figuring it out and living with the uncertainty! Try not to compare, it’s a tricky compulsion that we all fall into sometimes!
@Ope Omg same!
This was so triggering for me! I wanted to look up his story to find differences from mine and provide reassurance by comparing. I pretty much did neither! But my heart is still in my throat haha. I’m going to look at this news, say “that’s a possibility “ and make myself a good meal haha
That’s perfect!
good job!!! Unintentional erp !
I literally came on here looking to see if anyone else was triggered by this cos it made me so scared. We must not look for reassurance and how he ‘knew something was different when he was six’ as that is a compulsion, finding differences between that and yourself as reassurance. I’m struggling with it but you have to think yeah this happens, it could happen to me, it also could not and try and leave it. Easier said than done, trust me I know.
Exactly!!
yes, exactly! ty
I was so triggered by this today as well! I ended up feeling so anxious that I used the interview as ERP and watched it several times until my anxiety went down. You are definitely not alone! ❤️
It got me this morning. First thing I saw when I got on Facebook. Love that journey for him but not for me. Hocd sucks. Because I'll get lost in thoughts and it seems so real but once I snap back to reality I don't want to be with a woman like that at all then I start to freak out. It didn't that with pocd for about a year.
yep, I feel you 100%. It sucks so much. I’m so sorry 😓 you aren’t alone!!!!
Thanks!
I’ve actually tried writing this multiple times and keep getting scared. Scared because - I don’t want to be the exception. I recognize that this is typical OCD, but my OCD has been manifesting itself not in anxiety - mostly it’s just this dull nagging feeling. This feeling says that I know I’m gay - it’s like I can feel that it’s true. Yet it’s not a clarity - it just feels like this truth that I don’t want to accept. Writing this and not erasing it - is in a way an exposure so I’m going to post this. Because as I reread it, I’m scared that if I post it - people will read it and be like- oh yes that is different from everyone else. I think she’s actually gay. I try to accept the thoughts as they are - thoughts, but then things like friends will comment about cute guys and suddenly I’m reminded that maybe I don’t notice guys as much as them therefore : I’m gay. I’m trying to lean into the uncertainty - just this dull nagging starts drilling in deep overtime.
Just did a big exposure and watched a lot of “ I thought I was straight until x” videos of women in hetero relationships realizing they were lesbians in their 20s and 30s and I’m so scared and uncertain. I feel like I would actually be insane to have made up all the feelings I have felt for men consistently over the years, and I’m simultaneously afraid I’m bi and just don’t know/can’t figure it out. Today is hard and a day when I feel like I don’t have ocd and I might just be lying.
I am not seeking reassurance I just am just looking to vent with people who understand. My homework has been to look into late blooming lesbians and their experiences and I feel like I relate so much. I’ve never had a boyfriend and have had this theme on and off but panic inducing since around 14 (now 27) and SWEAR I had crushes on guys but what if that’s comphet? I never got a boyfriend cause I feared it would confirm I’m a lesbian if I started dating one and didn’t like him. It feels like I relate so much to these late in life lesbians post but isn’t that the point? Or else is would be reassurance? How do I accept the uncertainty when it looks like I’m CERTAINLY a lesbian and if I am, why can’t I accept that? Again I’m not seeking reassurance because I know it will get me nowhere but good god this disorder is annoying (if this is my OCD cause or maybe I’m using OCD as an excuse to not come out as gay?)
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