I’ve been dealing with a backdoor spike the past couple months. I’m trying to be patient with myself, but I’m so upset I just want to cry. I was doing really good, but now this obsession plagues me all day. It hits me first thing in the morning and I hate waking up. I know how to do ERP, but for whatever reason, it’s SO much harder to spot and resist compulsions for this new obsession! Please don’t give me reassurance, but yeah, has anyone overcome a backdoor spike that lasted this long? It’s made my depression worse. I want to cry right now. It’s my brother’s birthday and I’m just so upset and on edge due to this discomfort. 😢

Madison first of all : I guarantee you 3000% what you have now, I already experienced it awhile ago (23 years of OCD trust me I know how it is). So You are not alone what you feel guilty for, zillions of people have or already had the same thoughts. Second of all, understand that ruminate over your OCD won't help you at all, you gonna get stuck in it and there's nothing you can do except this will crash your day down for a battle that was already lost in advance. Move forward, take a shower, take a walk do anything that makes you think at something else other than your OCD, whatever it is move forward see this like a battle retreat now to feel stronger later. The third of all, enjoy your brother's birthday the best you can. The fourth of all, find someone trusty you can talk to, and go see a specialist to deal with your ocd with a professional. Don't ever forget : OCD wins all the time when we face it off, but lose always when we don't fight it. Take care of yourself and again, everything you got in mine, EVERYTHING, I guarantee you a lot here already experienced it even your worse fears I've mastered in this BS and still here I am and I won't exchange my life with anyone. Hold the line and enjoy your day. You'll be proud of yourself tonight.

Do as I say, at least give it a shot you have nothing to loose you have already lose ruminating as you are doing now. Get up, go run or walk I don't know play a game read a book stop facing off it is a battle lost in advance it is THE bad trick to avoid the most possible.

Maybe I'm out of range from this but How can you not doing this properly so that you handle well your main OCDs daily. If you handle them well that means you don't ruminate over your OCDs so that means you do perfectly what it is asked by the therapists. You ruminate about ruminating? Oh man that's a tricky man lol. I'm not kidding you don't worry just I didn't know this one lol. You have passed from 😭 to 😔 I assume things get a little better, I hope! 🤞😊.

Do not forget something: you handle your ocds pretty well and still, you don't handle it bc of the way you ruminate on this one and there's an explanation for that. The thing is, before having OCDs, you have got to understand that you are obssessionnal. You had an obssessionnal compulsive behavior before having obssessionnal compulsive disorders. We have the frame for ocds because of our obssessionnal personality. We freak out about losing control on our life and the thing is that we don't control anything (Did I ask for being French, living in Paris, being a man, do I know where I'm going to in 10 or 20 years or even after life NO, we control nothing on earth and the difference between us and "normal people" is that those ones don't think of it the way we think of it bc they are not obssessionnal as much as we are. That's the trap in ocds, bind your fears together you will understand that that's always the same scheme: it is the impossibility to have the control that makes you sick. We want to be certain of everything but that's impossible, you could live a thousand life being yourself over and over again life after life you would know less than 0.00000001% of your deepself, that's why the great ancient Greek philosopher Socrate said just before dying: "I know that I know nothing." Life is too complicated that's why humans always placed their faith in god. We freak out because of this; we constantly want to control anything and that is impossible. Back off from your thoughts grant you some rest pray God and understand how ocd works you got this.

I don't know what a backdoor spike is. 🤔

I’m dealing with this now too. Instead of getting anxiety from intrusive thoughts, they just make me feel down. Idk if this necessarily counts as a spike though in my case. I don’t know much about how to deal with this, but try working on accepting the anxiety as it comes and don’t look into why you don’t initially feel anxious over and intrusive thought.

I literally want to cry right now. Half of me is trying to stop ruminating and the other half is desperately trying to find certainty on how to do the therapy right before my brother’s birthday lunch. I just want to go to bed and cry my heart out 😭

Thank you, I’m gonna try to move on and decide NOT to figure it out 😭

I’m struggling so much. I just want to cry. I’m trying desperately to stop ruminating about rumination — I don’t know why it’s so much harder for me to let this one go when it’s so much easier for me to let all the other ones go!!! I’m SO frustrated with myself! Why can’t I just stop like I do for other obsessions? 😭

What's your obsession about right now? Sexual, harm, religious. It has to get out of your system so if you need talk here don't freak out entering too much on details but at least put some words onto it.

My obsession is literally about rumination. All of my sexual, moral, and contamination themes I can easily apply ERP too — but this one, I’m literally just stuck ruminating about rumination (“am I doing it right”, “I’m just doing thought suppression”, “oh but this therapist said this, therefore I’m doing it wrong”, “how do I do it again?” etc) OCD is so stupid 😔 I know not to ruminate, but I’m having such a hard time stopping. It’s so much easier for my other obsessions, but not this! I’m really frustrated with myself. 😔

A tricky ONE* 😉

That’s a really good point, I hope I can apply ERP to this obsession like I do all my others. The horrible “something is wrong” feeling and strong doubt is awful for this 😢 thank you for the support 💖

Thank you so much 💖