- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 5y ago
But becoming aware of this disease was 2 years ago, I didn’t even think about OCD before, I was like “nah this disease is about washing your hands and stuff so you definitely don’t have this, rather another anxiety disorder” but when the best friend of my younger brother died intrusive thoughts and magical thinking (which I already had before) started to appear IMMENSELY. Compulsions too. But I always thought I’d do them on purpose to prove it’s OCD. But it’s gotten worse and I couldn’t resist so... yeah now I’m in really bad condition.
when i was 4 i had to sleep with every single one of my stuffed animals on my bed otherwise i would hurt one of their feelings hahahha
Pretty sure I was born with it. Pure O onset was in my early 20s. I’m 30 now.
Yeah, for a long time I would have said it kicked in when I was 8 but as I have learned more about myself and about OCD, I’ve realized this isn’t true. Looking back, I was 8 years old when a certain particularly dramatic and external compulsion began, but I’ve had this all along. Family members can recall me avoiding touching certain objects at 18 months old, and some of my earliest memories involve me being weird about door frames and leggings (seriously, who hates leggings?! they’re wonderful). My OCD takes very different forms and has morphed over the years, which in some ways frightens me, but in other ways is something I can now anticipate and deal with. These days I see it coming and can often head it off at the pass. It’s part of who I am and has caused me a huge amount of pain over the years, but it’s also made me both tough and empathetic. As an adult, I actually have a really nice life- both personally and professionally, and while I’ll never be “cured” of OCD, everybody has their challenges.
i had my first major episode at 12 but looking back i can see ocd affecting me throughout my whole life
I think it started when my mum told me my grandpa died because of a heart attack. I was 6, and I remember my first “ritual” took place shortly after. I had to lay my hand on my chest and repeat a few words before I went to sleep because I was afraid if I didn’t do so, I’d die from a heart attack or cardiac arrest.
I was 5 or 6. My mother was using a butcher knife in the kitchen. The worst day of my life, remember it like it was yesterday. Nothing was ever the same after! Started of harm ocd then morphed into pretty much every theme.
My whole life?
I’m just figuring it out now at 23
I was 15
When I was 6 I had to get my Aunty to put on my shoes six times until it felt just right
I was 8... I’m 21 now ?
19... I'm 21 now soon to be 22
All these younger ages, so horrible. I’m with Eliza C, pretty sure I was born with it and it kicked in when I was 24. I think back to when I was a teenager and how much of what I was going to could be related back to this.
The big one was 19. Looking back I can see a few traits in teens. Still with me, age 40...
17, i couldnt control my mind. not sure about before 17.
earliest i can remember it being bad was when i was 8-10ish, could b earlier tho idr a lot from my childhood like that
It got really bad at age eleven I was diagnosed at age 12. Have been severely struggling
How has everyone else's OCD progressed throughout their lives? Has everyone else always had severe OCD or did you live regular lives beforehand and encounter one point where it went from 0 to 100. Where are you now in your OCD Journey? I'm very curious as to everyone else's stories and have left mine below if you’d like to read it. From what I can remember, I went relatively undisturbed by OCD the majority of my middle/late childhood, only having about 1-3 thoughts a year that weren't super bothersome but did create a level of distress uncomparable to regular intrusive thoughts. They were mainly about my health and about my parents safety & wellbeing. The earliest memory about my OCD that really stood out was back in 5th Grade, when I hit my head on a swing set and immediately began reciting every moment leading up to injury as well as every math equation I knew to make sure my memory was still intact. The greater part of my adolescence was essentially the same and resembled what I believed to be a normal life, just with a couple of OCD thoughts sprinkled throughout it. I was able to function pretty well albeit depressed and somewhat anxious. It wasn't until I was close to my highschool graduation that I experienced the worst panic attack(at the time) at the idea that I would hurt my parents. It was so distressing because the thought felt so loud that I believed it was genuine which only caused more distress. I was so scared that I would act on the thought that I discarded all of my sharp objects and locked myself in my room. That was my first ever severe reaction I experienced due to OCD and was back in May of this year. I actually learned what OCD was the same night and realized that many of my newly found fears including mold growing in my walls and my parents disliking me were also caused by the OCD. Unfortunately learning that it was probably OCD wasn't enough to quell my fear and I engaged in a bunch of compulsions in the months to come, worsening my OCD In the process. June was alright. July was worse(I only had like three topics for obsessions which sounds great now). Late July-Early August was my tipping point . Things went from worse to profoundly terrible in a short period. I found this app late August which was great because I had grown exhausted. September was pretty bad but not as bad as August. Now it's October and life is somewhat good now. I've become more knowledgeable of OCD (big thanks to this app and my therapist) but I'm very far from done. There's still this looming sense of anxiety that follows me everywhere. I have like 20 obsessions now, some being larger and scarier than others but those smaller ones are still apparent. But, the fear has decreased as well as the mental compulsions that came with it. My mind is quieter now. However the anxiety has stayed the same. My heart still drops whenever my worst obsession is triggered. Headaches, brain fog, sweating, rapid heart rate, sense of being paralyzed, racing mind are commonplace in my life but I've learned to sit with the physical discomfort (not that it makes it any less terrifying). Anyways, I'm here now which is cool. I’d like to listen to others' experiences to get a better understanding of OCD and maybe feel a bit less alone. feel free to ask any questions.
I would love to know for all my SO-OCD/HOCD sufferers -how old are you? -when did this start for you/how long has it been going on? -What triggered it? -How many OCD themes have you had? -Is this one the worst one? -Whats one thing you wish more people understood about HOCD/SO-OCD? -Are you currently in a relationship? -Whats the worst symptom? -Whats your most scary thoughts? -How real does it feel to you?
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