TW POCD Babysitting those kids that aren’t mine again. This time for an entire week. Mine is here too but I’m used to him. at home he has his own room and that helps me at night when the thoughts come because he’s in his room and I’m in mine and I can forget about it. He’s eight. In this house, the little one is six and the older one is fourteen. The little one knows how to dress himself but he can’t take a bath on his own because he doesn’t know how to wash his hair. I was almost tempted to have him wear some swim shorts in the tub but that would’ve been ridiculous. I closed my eyes and focused on washing his hair. He doesn’t like to sleep alone. This is a problem because I don’t want to sleep in the bed with him. I don’t even like to sleep in the same bed as my own kid. I know I won’t sleep because I’ll be busy with compulsions. The first night I slept with my back to the kid and my hands on a fist, while my kid slept in pull out bed. The second night I made them sleep in the bed together while I took the pull out bed. We are on night number three and the little ones fell asleep on different beds. I opted for the pull out bed my own kid fell asleep on. I have three more nights to go after this. The older one will not stop making “that’s what she said” jokes and I’m the only she in the house. This is mentally exhausting.

Advice, coping techniques, just distraction needed. Yesterday night, my parents asked me if I could take care of my baby brother and I’ve been wanting to help them out so of course I said yes, and I was taking care of him with my other brother. A big fear of mine that I’ve told my therapist about is that my OCD will latch on to my new baby brother. It hasn’t happened since he has come home with us, but now I feel like something is brewing. My little brother is prone to throwing up so he already got the shirt He was wearing all dirty so I went to my mom‘s room and decided to change his onesie. I called my other brother for help by helping me sit him up while I put the shirt over his head after the shirt went over his head. My other brother was walking out and that’s when I clipped the buttons on the bottom of the onesie and continued to carry him around the house, but it’s that action that my mind is obsessing over. Me clipping the buttons of my baby brother’s onesie. I can’t get over it. My mind keeps replaying that one thing because my thoughts are saying “oh what if you accidentally inappropriately touched him “ and I even went out of my way to avoid touching his diaper because I knew my head would start spinning shit like this. But ever since last night, I can’t stop thinking if I accidentally traumatized my little brother some how. I know I didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve helped my mom change my brother‘s clothes before. My parents literally check his diaper if he soiled himself, but when I do anything that has to do with making sure my brother is clean and healthy my head tries to make me feel sick and crazy. The thoughts are getting worse and getting to the point where my head is trying to make me feel like I’m weird for wanting to change my brother out of his dirty clothes. I’m just so scared that these thoughts are gonna get worse and I’m trying not to freak out right now so I went for a walk outside. But im still getting such intense anxiety. I dont know how to cope or what to do advice coping techniques would be a such a help ive been doing so good with avoiding compulsions. I just need help to ground myself. I dont want to go to my mom with this ill feel worse. Is me writing this a compulsion?

Parenting and maintenance of OCD are both very much full time for me right now. I know parenting never changes and is always a full time job but I really am feeling frustrated at OCD and of having to constantly navigate this monsterous debilitation that reares it's ugly head every so often. I have to get my balance better.

my roommates are great people and very supportive, but they don’t understand ocd. they try to fix me by telling me things i’ve heard a million times before, and by doing things that actively trigger me as a kind of exposure therapy. i’m very particular about contaminants in my water, but i have a specific aversion to tap water, which is why i have my own water dispenser. every few weeks, i fill jugs with filtered water and keep them upstairs so others can use them too. after getting home from work, i filled my cup with ice water and, for once, didn’t inspect it like i normally would. i drank it down. when i went for a refill, the ice had melted a bit and i noticed particulates floating in the water, instantly recognizable as calcium and other minerals from our tap. i don’t explode when i’m triggered. instead, i shut down. the anxiety starts to crawl in. i felt myself spiraling while i pulled out the jug. i know it sounds stupid, but i swear there’s a real difference in smell between filtered and tap water. i checked it, sniffed it, and confirmed what i already felt. and once that thought was in my head, it took hold. i felt disgusting. i wanted to make myself puke. i couldn’t tell if it was anxiety or the water itself, but it felt like something was burning a hole in my stomach. i sent a message in our group chat asking about it, and one of my roommates said they had done it to prove i wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. they said water is water, so i shouldn’t care. i know they meant well. but when people who don’t fully understand ocd try to force those kinds of steps on you, it sticks. it reminds me of my parents. they do things like this a lot, pushing back against my compulsions, trying to help by challenging them. and sometimes, i do appreciate that. but this felt like too much. it crossed a line. and i just needed to rant.