- Username
- horchata_
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Thank you, zg23. I believe I gave you that advice in your own post. I appreciate it and I’m glad it helps you. I’m not looking for advice. I’m just sharing. I’m handling it
Hi there, sounds pretty rough. I am currently going through a similar situation but just remember these thoughts aren’t you- they don’t make you who you are. OCD messes with your worst fears and turns them around. The best thing for me is to be around kids it’s the best exposure therapy I can get because it makes me realise how much I care for them. These thoughts are so mentally draining and nerve wracking but you have to tell ocd to shut the fuck up. Every time you feel yourself ruminating breathe and say nope thought I see you, I’m not reacting to you and focus your attention on something else. Try your best to act normal around the kids. Cuddle your son. When bathing the child, bathe him normally if you look you look, it’s a normal psychogical response for humans to stare. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong!
Oh yes! Thank you for your post. I wish you the best of luck! Be sure to share your progress
You are incredible. That is some next level bravery, the kind of fear and torment that people going to war face. Sending you lots of light as you push through the next couple days.
My progress is that I didn’t sleep at all last night because I’d fall asleep and have dreams I was masturbating and enjoying it then I’d realize where I was, in a room with two sleeping children, and I’d wake myself up to find I wasn’t doing anything and it was only a dream. So I’d fall back asleep and there goes that dream again. I’m just so tired and annoyed and disgusted. It’s not really shame or guilt that I feel, I’m just really REALLY annoyed with intrusive thoughts. Like leave me alone already. Have you ever heard that analogy people have used for intrusive thoughts that goes something like it feels like someone is tapping you on your shoulder and you know they’re harmless but they keeping doing it and you’re like Could you please stop? But they don’t stop. And you try anything. Acknowledge them. Ignore them. Accept them. Let them be and go about your business. But they’re still following you around and tapping you. Yeah, that’s where I’m at. I wanna cut off this person’s finger and feed it to the wolves. I think they come most at night because the kids are asleep so they’re the most vulnerable at that moment therefore I’m the most vulnerable at that moment.
I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong and keep posting! ❤️
And I should add: that’s exactly the kind of bravery it takes for people with OCD to reclaim their lives.
Thank you, Fivel ❤️
POCD Trigger: I really hate this disorder and I don’t know how much longer I can do this for. I work at a daycare and I’m constantly bombarded with these thoughts that I have hurt a child or even molested them. It is the worst feeling and part of me knows I’d never do that but my OCD really does take over my life. Today, for instance, I was rocking on of the children and I rocked them for two seconds by accident and it told me I molested them. And when I when to pick them up to put them in the play area my hand accidente touched the front of their leg and it told me again I had hurt them, a similar thing happened with another child today where I was feeding them and I accidentally rocked them and I was now a molester. It really is the hardest disorder to deal with. And I hate how it attacked my occupation, I love working with kids and child psychology and everything, but my ocd is really affecting everything.
I have a dilemma. You might’ve seen my previous posts about me babysitting a kid that isn’t mine. Trigger warning for POCD It started off small. One night I helped him change into PJs Then I had him for a whole week, a lot of changing and bath time. And also the kid is terrified of sleeping alone and needs someone RIGHT NEXT TO HIM which is REALLY HORRIBLE for me During this week I was having hella intrusive thoughts and eventually had a complete melt down (while the kids were at school) This is my only income at the moment, from this family who hires me to tutor the kids and occasionally babysit. I used to tutor a lot more kids but I reduced my hours because of intrusive thoughts I agreed to babysit for two weeks while the parents go on vacation in April. I’m already having a shit ton of anxiety about it. I tried looking for a therapist but I’m having no luck finding someone who accepts my insurance. I’ve also stopped taking my meds because they made me suicidal. My access to mental health professionals right now is limited so I can’t really go talk to a professional about this situation. My best friend is strongly urging me to tell them I will not be able to babysit in April. Even if it’s last minute because of how bad my anxiety got just that one week before and because I’m already dreading it. I know this is good exposure but probably not the best idea since I don’t have a professional guiding me. I don’t even know what to tell the parents about why I suddenly can’t babysit if we’ve had this agreement for months. I’m not looking for reassurance or advice on how to deal with the thoughts. What would you do though? If you were me and your anxiety is through the roof and your meds are fucked and no one takes your insurance and you’ll be stuck babysitting a little boy for two weeks (helping him change and bathe and sleep in the same bed) like I can’t... How would I even explain this to anyone?
Pocd trigger Trying to quit my babysitting job is proving a lot harder than I thought it would be. No one is understanding and I’m not about to be like “ITS BECAUSE I DONT WANT TO MOLEST THE KIDS” cause then people would really be like wtf... so I say it’s my ocd and they’re like so what? The kids make you too anxious? Nahh you don’t understand it’s not the kids it’s that I have thoughts about molesting them and id rather not. High key fuck this shit I don’t even know what to do anymore and these parents aren’t trying to make it easy for me to quit
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