TW POCD Babysitting those kids that aren’t mine again. This time for an entire week. Mine is here too but I’m used to him. at home he has his own room and that helps me at night when the thoughts come because he’s in his room and I’m in mine and I can forget about it. He’s eight. In this house, the little one is six and the older one is fourteen. The little one knows how to dress himself but he can’t take a bath on his own because he doesn’t know how to wash his hair. I was almost tempted to have him wear some swim shorts in the tub but that would’ve been ridiculous. I closed my eyes and focused on washing his hair. He doesn’t like to sleep alone. This is a problem because I don’t want to sleep in the bed with him. I don’t even like to sleep in the same bed as my own kid. I know I won’t sleep because I’ll be busy with compulsions. The first night I slept with my back to the kid and my hands on a fist, while my kid slept in pull out bed. The second night I made them sleep in the bed together while I took the pull out bed. We are on night number three and the little ones fell asleep on different beds. I opted for the pull out bed my own kid fell asleep on. I have three more nights to go after this. The older one will not stop making “that’s what she said” jokes and I’m the only she in the house. This is mentally exhausting.

Thank you, zg23. I believe I gave you that advice in your own post. I appreciate it and I’m glad it helps you. I’m not looking for advice. I’m just sharing. I’m handling it

Hi there, sounds pretty rough. I am currently going through a similar situation but just remember these thoughts aren’t you- they don’t make you who you are. OCD messes with your worst fears and turns them around. The best thing for me is to be around kids it’s the best exposure therapy I can get because it makes me realise how much I care for them. These thoughts are so mentally draining and nerve wracking but you have to tell ocd to shut the fuck up. Every time you feel yourself ruminating breathe and say nope thought I see you, I’m not reacting to you and focus your attention on something else. Try your best to act normal around the kids. Cuddle your son. When bathing the child, bathe him normally if you look you look, it’s a normal psychogical response for humans to stare. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong!

Oh yes! Thank you for your post. I wish you the best of luck! Be sure to share your progress

You are incredible. That is some next level bravery, the kind of fear and torment that people going to war face. Sending you lots of light as you push through the next couple days.

My progress is that I didn’t sleep at all last night because I’d fall asleep and have dreams I was masturbating and enjoying it then I’d realize where I was, in a room with two sleeping children, and I’d wake myself up to find I wasn’t doing anything and it was only a dream. So I’d fall back asleep and there goes that dream again. I’m just so tired and annoyed and disgusted. It’s not really shame or guilt that I feel, I’m just really REALLY annoyed with intrusive thoughts. Like leave me alone already. Have you ever heard that analogy people have used for intrusive thoughts that goes something like it feels like someone is tapping you on your shoulder and you know they’re harmless but they keeping doing it and you’re like Could you please stop? But they don’t stop. And you try anything. Acknowledge them. Ignore them. Accept them. Let them be and go about your business. But they’re still following you around and tapping you. Yeah, that’s where I’m at. I wanna cut off this person’s finger and feed it to the wolves. I think they come most at night because the kids are asleep so they’re the most vulnerable at that moment therefore I’m the most vulnerable at that moment.

I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong and keep posting! ❤️

And I should add: that’s exactly the kind of bravery it takes for people with OCD to reclaim their lives.

Thank you, Fivel ❤️