- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you, zg23. I believe I gave you that advice in your own post. I appreciate it and I’m glad it helps you. I’m not looking for advice. I’m just sharing. I’m handling it
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi there, sounds pretty rough. I am currently going through a similar situation but just remember these thoughts aren’t you- they don’t make you who you are. OCD messes with your worst fears and turns them around. The best thing for me is to be around kids it’s the best exposure therapy I can get because it makes me realise how much I care for them. These thoughts are so mentally draining and nerve wracking but you have to tell ocd to shut the fuck up. Every time you feel yourself ruminating breathe and say nope thought I see you, I’m not reacting to you and focus your attention on something else. Try your best to act normal around the kids. Cuddle your son. When bathing the child, bathe him normally if you look you look, it’s a normal psychogical response for humans to stare. I wish you the best of luck and stay strong!
- Date posted
- 6y
Oh yes! Thank you for your post. I wish you the best of luck! Be sure to share your progress
- Date posted
- 6y
You are incredible. That is some next level bravery, the kind of fear and torment that people going to war face. Sending you lots of light as you push through the next couple days.
- Date posted
- 6y
My progress is that I didn’t sleep at all last night because I’d fall asleep and have dreams I was masturbating and enjoying it then I’d realize where I was, in a room with two sleeping children, and I’d wake myself up to find I wasn’t doing anything and it was only a dream. So I’d fall back asleep and there goes that dream again. I’m just so tired and annoyed and disgusted. It’s not really shame or guilt that I feel, I’m just really REALLY annoyed with intrusive thoughts. Like leave me alone already. Have you ever heard that analogy people have used for intrusive thoughts that goes something like it feels like someone is tapping you on your shoulder and you know they’re harmless but they keeping doing it and you’re like Could you please stop? But they don’t stop. And you try anything. Acknowledge them. Ignore them. Accept them. Let them be and go about your business. But they’re still following you around and tapping you. Yeah, that’s where I’m at. I wanna cut off this person’s finger and feed it to the wolves. I think they come most at night because the kids are asleep so they’re the most vulnerable at that moment therefore I’m the most vulnerable at that moment.
- Date posted
- 6y
I know exactly how you feel. Stay strong and keep posting! ❤️
- Date posted
- 6y
And I should add: that’s exactly the kind of bravery it takes for people with OCD to reclaim their lives.
- Date posted
- 6y
Thank you, Fivel ❤️
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
back in october i made my first post about my specific type of ocd, how it mixes in with my day to day and how i “deal” with it. i talked about the starting point, how it gradually got worse, and then how it was going just a few months ago. i always think it’s insane how much can change in just the course of a small to a large amount of time. right now, i honestly feel like garbage. to be quite sincere i really want to give up, i’m barely holding on by a thread. and if i cut that thread, i really doubt anyone would care. i’ve never considered myself to be a suicidal person, and i still don’t consider myself that right now. it just gets to a point where it’s just, a lot to deal with. i don’t really enjoy things a lot nowadays. sure i have good days like everyone does, like today, when i was just enjoying my day without worries. but then it all comes crawling back twice as bad the following days. i take online college so i’m usually just stuck at home most of the time. but, when i do decide to actually go out and leave my house, my ocd just explodes because i have this whole routine i need to do or else i feel like i’ll contaminate wherever i end up going. i’m not going to go really deep into my compulsions because it’s hard enough to live with them, much more having to type them all out in detail. but when i go out my compulsions go from wiping down all my stuff i’m going to use after showering, to washing my clothes/cleaning the washer + dryer. i also have separate things (or two of the same thing) i use specifically in my house, and items i use when going out. such as shampoo/body wash, deodorant, lotion, hair curler, etc. as if that’s not draining enough, i also feel the need to fast a couple days prior to any plan i make because i’ve forced myself to believe i need to feel empty in order to be clean. i’m not sure if that’s my past eating disorder talking, or my ocd, but my brain can’t help but think any food in my house is utterly and completely contaminated. i’m so tired of this feeling, feeling like nothing will ever be clean again. feeling like my ocd is trapped in my childhood home. feeling that wave of diseases rushing through my veins the moment i step foot into what’s supposed to be “home”. and i’m so scared of therapy because what if i do get healed, and then everything comes rushing back the second i step into my room. i’m planning on moving somewhere far from my current house in this next coming year, so sometimes i feel like just waiting it out. but it’s insufferable when going to hangout with someone. i miss my friends, my family, and my partner. it’s crazy to me that i’m dealing with all this at the young age of 18 but, i’m sure lots of people have it way worse. i just want to find a way out, any possible way. but i keep pushing myself deeper and deeper that when i finally find a way, it will no longer exist.
- Date posted
- 22w
Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore
- Date posted
- 11w
I have to be alone with my children tomorrow and I'm scared. Harm OCD has me panicking and ruminating. I don't want to hurt my babies they mean everything to me. I keep fighting for them, I got a better job for them and I want to create a better life for them. I'm so afraid that I might hurt them so I need to be away from them but I also don't want to be away from them. The thoughts and images are so much. I'd rather die before I hurt them. Accepting the uncertainty of possibly hurting them is not something I can accept or live with. And it doesn't help having existential ocd because that says none of it matters anyway. I just want to be the old me, I hate this disorder I hate this disease I hate me for having these thoughts. I'm sorry for ranting. I just need to get it out. I hate this worry disorder!
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