- Date posted
- 7y
- Date posted
- 7y
It’s just like we’ve been robbed of our true selves and we have to fight to find who we once were :( it’s horrible. But we aren’t our thoughts. We really aren’t :( as much as we think we are
- Date posted
- 7y
Pauline/Ashley I can relate to you both. I’m also in a LDR and suffer from ROCD and I feel like it keeps me from being my true self - I avoid going out or hanging out with friends and hobbies because of it. LDR and ROCD I think is very hard - I think in the end not sustainable, more so than LDR without ocd (which is hard enough). It’s too easy to get stuck in your own head and it’s almost like the person you love is not there to jolt you out of it..what helps me is making sure we talk everyday, even if it’s for a few minutes, stay in touch as much as possible, etc and accept the thoughts without acting on them (super hard I’m not a pro at this at all). But I’ve noticed anytime I act on the anxiety or ocd I’m worse for the wear so I just try to leave them be and not react. It’s just too easy to get stuck in your head with ROCD and LDR...ugh
- Date posted
- 7y
It’s so horrible
- Date posted
- 7y
Agreed! Your thoughts and feelings don’t control you and people with OCD are hardcore living proof of that. The good thing about folks like us is that we learn not to be slaves to our emotions, like so many people in this world are...
- Date posted
- 7y
I’m scared my brain will push me to that as well. I hate it. I don’t feel like myself. I can’t feel the love. It’s horrible! I’ve been through this before and it did go away and when it did I was so happy it did. I was more in love than ever. I’m right back to having horrible Rocd thoughts again ?
- Date posted
- 7y
I’m so sorry :( it’s scary isn’t it. I wish we could get through this easier. Or that it was something that didn’t hurt us so much. It SUCKS :( have you tried any therapy or medications?
- Date posted
- 7y
Yes. I’ve been in therapy for 4 years and I’m currently on 80mg Prozac. I’ve gotten better but I’m currently in a relapse of symptoms so it’s very hard.
- Date posted
- 7y
I also wish the ocd didn’t attack someone that I love and care about so much
- Date posted
- 7y
:( you’ve done amazingly to persist for 4 years. I admire you so much for that. You’re very brave. And you’re not letting the ocd win!
- Date posted
- 7y
@pauline421 your statement is so true. I am so lost because of this disorder. I have to work so hard just to find myself again. I’m scared. I’m depressed. I’m tired of this!! Every day is a battle
- Date posted
- 7y
Unfortunately, the way out is through. It’s saying to yourself, “maybe I won’t ever feel that love again.” But regardless of your thoughts or feelings, you always have the power to make choices. So if you really want to stay with your boyfriend, you can do that, no matter what your thoughts and feelings seem to say! I promise I understand how hard this is. I’ve been struggling with ROCD, but I’m still going to get married in a month, because that’s what I want to do, even if OCD says otherwise.
- Date posted
- 7y
No I’m not but I feel so close to all the time. It truly is the worst thing I’ve ever been through ? I miss myself
- Date posted
- 7y
Yes it’s horrible. We’ve been dealt a shit card, that’s for sure. My ocd started in my early 20s - I remember a time I had relationships with no ROCD. How I long for those days! Some days are torture for sure...! Do your have friends you can hang out with?
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
I believe I have ROCD — at least, that’s what many people here have told me based on what I’ve shared — and I really need help, because I feel like I’m falling apart. I don’t know what I feel anymore. I don’t know what’s real. My thoughts come as loud, cold statements — not questions. They say things like: “Nothing is the same.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just staying because you’re used to him.” And even though I know I’m supposed to let the thoughts pass and not engage with them — I can’t. I get stuck in them. I try to find answers, I ruminate, I check, I cry, I panic. Everyone says “love isn’t just a feeling” — and I know that. But… I still want to feel something. I want to feel warmth, or connection, or even just peace. It’s been so long since I felt anything like that. Now everything just feels empty or terrifying or cold. My brain only gives me negative interpretations. No memory brings me comfort anymore. Nothing feels like it used to. And the worst part is — it all feels true. Sometimes I think: “What if I’m just denying the truth?” “What if I’ve finally realized that I don’t love him, and I just don’t want to admit it?” This feels like the worst version of myself. I’m so confused and scared and tired. Even therapy didn’t help — my therapist said things that made it worse, and now I don’t know who or what to believe anymore. I just want help. I want to know how to face ROCD — if that’s what this really is. I want to believe I can feel love again. I don’t want to lose myself in this forever. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you start to get better? i cant even remember past good memories with him, my head tells me that i didnt love him and i was just “excited “ to have someone. We have 2 years together and i have been dealing with this for a year and a half.
- Date posted
- 16w
Hi everyone. I’m really struggling and I need to let it all out. I’ve been dealing with ROCD (or what I think is ROCD) for a long time, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’m in a loving relationship with a boyfriend who is kind, understanding, and patient. But ever since I started reading a lot online, googling symptoms, talking to AI like ChatGPT, searching for reassurance, things have gotten worse and worse. And now… I feel completely disconnected from my feelings. I don’t know what’s real anymore. My boyfriend told me that he believes I’ve convinced myself that I have something that needs to be treated, and that all this constant researching is making me feel worse. And honestly, I think he’s right. Before I fell into this cycle, I could be more intimate with him. I used to say “I love you,” I used to feel warmth. Now I don’t say it anymore. I haven’t in a long time. And it hurts him. And I know I’m hurting him, and that makes it even worse. He also said that maybe I’m having these obsessive thoughts because I don’t have a daily purpose, that I need to get occupied, to stop being consumed by this. And others in my life have told me the same. He even suggested taking a break from each other for a week, just to give me space. But I’m terrified of that. I’m scared that the thing I fear most will become “the truth.” I’m scared I’ll feel relief, and that will mean everything I fear is real. But he told me that if I don’t want the break, maybe it means I still care. Still love. Still want this. The problem is, I don’t know anymore. And that’s what’s killing me. I’ve also had a psychologist who told me that just because I feel guilt or “care,” it doesn’t necessarily mean I like him — and that sent me spiraling. She said that maybe I care about people in general, but it doesn’t mean I love him. And it made me feel like I’m just lying to myself. That maybe I’m holding on out of obligation, or because I set in my head that I “have to be with him.” And even when he tells me beautiful things — logical things — things that SHOULD make me feel safe and seen… I don’t feel better. I just feel more empty. And then I start spiraling again: “If this doesn’t help me feel better, then something must be wrong.” “What if I’m just pretending?” “What if I’ve been lying to myself all along?” I feel like there’s something wrong inside of me. Like no matter what anyone says, or how much love I’m given, I can’t feel it. I just want to know what to do. I want someone to tell me what this is. I want to stop feeling like I’m running after a version of myself that used to feel, used to love, used to be calm. I don’t know if this is ROCD or if I’m just slowly facing a truth I’ve been afraid to accept. Please, if anyone has felt this way, I need to hear that I’m not alone. And if you’ve come out the other side… how? My relationship is perfect and he is perfect, i just deal with this and i am far from happy.
- Date posted
- 14w
Hi everyone. I’ve been struggling deeply with what I believe is ROCD for about a year and a half. I’ve read so much, I’ve learned about ERP, I know that I’m supposed to let the thoughts and feelings pass without reacting — but even knowing all of that, I feel stuck. More than stuck — I feel broken. Lately, I can’t stop thinking that maybe I never loved my boyfriend. That I only loved the idea of being in a relationship, and now I’m just trying to hold on to a fantasy. These thoughts feel incredibly real. When I’m next to him, kissing or cuddling him, I feel like I’m faking it. And that scares me. It feels like something inside me changed and I can’t go back. And now I can’t even remember what love felt like — it’s like I’ve lost myself completely. Yesterday was especially painful. I was overwhelmed and my mom, who usually notices when I’m not okay, tried to talk to me. She loves me a lot and has been carrying her own burdens lately. When she saw how much pain I was in, she reacted strongly — not because she doesn’t care, but because it hurts her to see me like this every day. She told me I might be lying to myself. That I’m hurting both myself and my boyfriend by holding on if I don’t feel love. She asked me to imagine what I would feel if he broke up with me — and I couldn’t answer. I froze. The thing is, I don’t know what I want anymore. I feel hopeless. I try to remember good memories and feel nothing. I used to cry when we said goodbye — now I feel numb. It makes me think that maybe I’ve always been in denial. That maybe everything I believed was love was just me forcing it. And yet… I still don’t want to lose him. But even that feeling feels far away now. These thoughts aren’t just whispers anymore. They feel like truths screaming in my head. “You don’t like him.” “You don’t love him.” “You’re just used to him.” “It was all fake.” And I can’t stop ruminating. Every second of my day is consumed with doubt, fear, guilt, sadness, emptiness — and above all, confusion. I just want to know if anyone else has felt this. Felt like they were losing everything, like nothing feels real anymore, like they’re trying so hard to do the right thing and nothing works. I’m trying to sit with the feelings. I’m trying not to seek reassurance. But I also need support. I feel so alone in this. Thank you for reading.
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