- Username
- Pauline421
- Date posted
- 6y ago
It’s just like we’ve been robbed of our true selves and we have to fight to find who we once were :( it’s horrible. But we aren’t our thoughts. We really aren’t :( as much as we think we are
Pauline/Ashley I can relate to you both. I’m also in a LDR and suffer from ROCD and I feel like it keeps me from being my true self - I avoid going out or hanging out with friends and hobbies because of it. LDR and ROCD I think is very hard - I think in the end not sustainable, more so than LDR without ocd (which is hard enough). It’s too easy to get stuck in your own head and it’s almost like the person you love is not there to jolt you out of it..what helps me is making sure we talk everyday, even if it’s for a few minutes, stay in touch as much as possible, etc and accept the thoughts without acting on them (super hard I’m not a pro at this at all). But I’ve noticed anytime I act on the anxiety or ocd I’m worse for the wear so I just try to leave them be and not react. It’s just too easy to get stuck in your head with ROCD and LDR...ugh
It’s so horrible
Agreed! Your thoughts and feelings don’t control you and people with OCD are hardcore living proof of that. The good thing about folks like us is that we learn not to be slaves to our emotions, like so many people in this world are...
I’m scared my brain will push me to that as well. I hate it. I don’t feel like myself. I can’t feel the love. It’s horrible! I’ve been through this before and it did go away and when it did I was so happy it did. I was more in love than ever. I’m right back to having horrible Rocd thoughts again ?
I’m so sorry :( it’s scary isn’t it. I wish we could get through this easier. Or that it was something that didn’t hurt us so much. It SUCKS :( have you tried any therapy or medications?
Yes. I’ve been in therapy for 4 years and I’m currently on 80mg Prozac. I’ve gotten better but I’m currently in a relapse of symptoms so it’s very hard.
I also wish the ocd didn’t attack someone that I love and care about so much
:( you’ve done amazingly to persist for 4 years. I admire you so much for that. You’re very brave. And you’re not letting the ocd win!
@pauline421 your statement is so true. I am so lost because of this disorder. I have to work so hard just to find myself again. I’m scared. I’m depressed. I’m tired of this!! Every day is a battle
Unfortunately, the way out is through. It’s saying to yourself, “maybe I won’t ever feel that love again.” But regardless of your thoughts or feelings, you always have the power to make choices. So if you really want to stay with your boyfriend, you can do that, no matter what your thoughts and feelings seem to say! I promise I understand how hard this is. I’ve been struggling with ROCD, but I’m still going to get married in a month, because that’s what I want to do, even if OCD says otherwise.
No I’m not but I feel so close to all the time. It truly is the worst thing I’ve ever been through ? I miss myself
Yes it’s horrible. We’ve been dealt a shit card, that’s for sure. My ocd started in my early 20s - I remember a time I had relationships with no ROCD. How I long for those days! Some days are torture for sure...! Do your have friends you can hang out with?
Hi, I wanted to make a post because I honestly feel really alone. This is going to be long, but please bear with me and let me know if you relate or have any advice. I’m currently dating quite possibly the best guy I’ve ever met. And by FAR the best guy I’ve ever dated. We have such a strong connection and it’s my first healthy, non toxic relationship. He treats me with so much understanding, respect and kindess. But heres the thing. I have truly terrible ADHD, OCD, Anxiety Disorder, PTSD, Panic Disorder and depression. And more specifically I’ve come to realize- ROCD. I constantly have thoughts about him not wanting me, lying to me, cheating on me, etc. I’ve seen a lot of posts about having ROCD where you doubt wanting to be with the other person- but I know with everything in me I want to be with this man. What I obsess about is him leaving me. I have constant anxiety, espescially since my PTSD kicked in about a year ago. Whenever I’m physically with him, I feel incredible. I literally do not get anxiety, and if I do its considerably less harmful- and hes there to hold me and comfort me. I have trouble eating because of my anxiety, but with him that’s never the case. We’ll have a great time- but the second I leave I begin to doubt how he feels. Whether he’s with another girl. Whether it’s too good to be true. Wondering when hes going to leave. These thoughts cycle and cycle in my head in a manner that is so all-consuming I can hardly focus on anything else. If I text him and I don’t get a text back I immediately assumt the worse. I thought at the beginning it was just because we hadn’t made it official, and when we did these feeljngs would do away. But then he made it official. And they didn’t. And then I thought when it got more serious they would go away. But then he told me he was falling in love with me( I felt the same). If anything, it made it worse. I told myself when he told me he was really in love it would get better. He did. We said I love you, and still. Constant worry. He’s not a great texter or caller, but I expressed to him how much I need communication and how much it bothers me when he doesn’t respond- and he apologized (WITHOUT getting defensive) and said that he would work on it. And he HAS. But still. It’s a cycle. The anxiety waiting for a text, the dopamine rush when I get it, respond, then wait and it starts again until he responds. Then again. It’s a vicious cycle and it’s tearing me apart. We’re open with each other- so everytime I get a thought I bring it up to him for reassurance. I explained to him that I’ve been hurt so badly before. The last time I was in love/my first love- was a narcissist who took my virginity by raping me and i stayed with him for a year and a half after that until it got to be too much physical and emotional abuse and he then fucked my best friend. Told everyone I was pathological when I tried to warn people about him. Every guy I’ve started to care about since then has lead me on or used me, and the less attention they gave me the more I needed it and the more I prioritized them. My dad was a narcissist who gave me love then would dissapear, or come back and I would have to take care of him as he was depressed and suicidal (I was 4) and to this day relies so heavily on me that when I don’t respond to him he says hes going to kill himself. I understand that I have severe abandonment issues, as well as trauma, and that I most definitely have an anxious attachment style. I’ve been trying so hard for the past two years to heal myself, but now its all the more important because I can tell that even though hes patient, it hurts him that I don’t feel secure, that I don’t seem like I trust him. I said that as time goes on and I get to knkw him more it’ll get easier, but I’m terrified that may not be the case. I’m so worried that I’m going to ruin this thing, that it will be a self fulfilling prophecy and that I’m missing out on this honeymoon phase, on being happy because I’m constantly worried about when it will be taken from me. I’m in therapy and we tlak about this a lot and I know it stems from my low self esteem and people-pleasing tendencies, but it doesn’t really seem to be helping all that much. Can anyone relate? Does anyone have advice?
Hey all. First time posting here and I’ve been struggling a lot with this. My partner and I have been together for four years and he means everything to me. He was able to get me and my dog and sister out of our abusive home, has created a family with his family for me and we have been the best of friends. For the past few months he’s been experiencing low libido and it’s been frustrating for me as intimacy and touch are a huge part of my love language. I know he loves and cares about me but I’ve been having obsessive thoughts of whether this is the right relationship for me, if I’m betraying myself and what I truly desire and need, and fearing that I’m going to harm or coerce him into sexual intimacy when he’s not ready. We’ve reached out to a couple therapist to work on this but I keep obsessing and worrying about why if this doesn’t work out and that child we planned to have is going to disappear and the beautiful life we’ve created is going to disappesr too. This has been a confusing theme of OCD because while the feelings are distressing sometimes I fear that I genuinely need to stop betraying myself and break up because I’ve been such a big people pleaser all my life due to trauma. Why if I’ll end up in a sexless relationship my whole life? Why if he ends up feeling traumatized and coerced? I’ve experienced sexual assault and would never want anyone to feel that so it really coincides with my harm ocd. It’s made me feel really suicidal the last time we got into a fight and he felt he wasn’t enough. I hate making someone I love feel this way. I don’t know what to do or if this is even relationship OCD or genuine incompatibility
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years and he is an absolute angel. All throughout the relationship I would have nightmares and intrusive thoughts “what if he leaves/cheats”. And he would reassure me and treat me like the world revolves around me. Lately I’m realizing this was actually ocd and not anxiety as I had previously thought. I would get paranoid if he didn’t check his messages for a couple hours, I’d get anxious if I saw an ambulance heading toward his street while I was driving, I would ask for reassurance that he loved me constantly. Bear in mind, I have no reason to have these fears. My boyfriend is my best friend and has supported me through thick and thin and he’s amazing. One time a couple months ago I was being a bit snappy with him one night and I had the thought “only people who don’t like their partners are snappy with them” and it just stuck. Now I struggle with intrusive thoughts about my own feelings, do I love him, do I miss him enough, is my relationship going to end because this couple on social media broke up. I could deal with the thoughts about his feelings because he is so so good about making me feel loved but now I’m stuck in this constant guilt loop where I question my relationship for no reason then get anxious and feel guilty for even thinking that way because I think I’m manifesting it. Was wondering if anybody else in a healthy long term relationship has had this happen to them and how you talk yourself down :(
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