for those with sexual orientation ocd.. if you are comfortable sharing (and if you remember), what was the moment/person/place/etc. that first triggered your sexual orientation ocd? i’m just genuinely curious and want to see if there are any patterns. for me it was the summer before my freshman year of high school (i am currently 21). i was going to a pride parade with some family friends and was texting a guy that i ended up dating for a while. to be quite frank, he was a total idiot. he asked what was up and i told him that i was going to a pride parade with some friends. his immediate response was “wait does that mean that you are gay??”. i remember that i got this weird sensation of panic after i read that text. and his question like stayed lingering in my mind for longer than it should have. long story short, my sexual orientation ocd really kicked in halfway through my freshman year of high school..but i didn’t realize that that was what it was until about 2 years ago.

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

for me it was back in February. we were having lunch with my cousins and as i am a junior in high school, my cousins (older than me) were aaskig me about whether or not i have already made a career choice. i had always wanted to be a doctor since like 7th grade, but my mum always told me not to because it would take up a huge part of my life and i "wouldn't be able to enjoy social life, have a family and raise kids. my future husband might even cheat on me for staying out of the house for so long". so, we were all joking and i told them what my mum had been telling me this whole time, and so my cousin looked at me amd was like "just get a wife then". at first i laughed it off and shook my head as a no, he looked at me and nodded like he was asking me if i were sure and i said no again, this time verbally. and the next day, a monday, i remember doing heavy research, taking sexuality tests and ruminating a lot. this went on for 2 weeks: unbearable headaches, nausea whenever i thought about the possibility of loving a woman and being with one. then i searched "feeling nauseous when thinking about being gay" and it led me to multiple articles about hocd. i literally checked all the boxes and felt like i had found what was wrong with me. looking back at it now and remembering how much time i used to spend ruminating and searching, what i am going through now doesn't feel like hocd anymore. the thoughts have gone down drastically, mainky because of my fucked sleep schedule: i am too tired to even try and think about this stuff. my anxiety has almost vanished to the thoughts and scenarios which makes it feel real and desired. all i feel now is that i actually want the thoughts, but even that doesn't spook me as much, which makes me feel guilty for "faking" it. and whenever i feel a new obsession or compulsion forming, i tell myself not to "fake" it in order to "prove" i have ocd. i am in this huge mess now, i don't even ruminate much or think about it much, anxiety has gone down a lot which makes me really question if this is hocd or not at this point :(

Ocd Warrior

Date posted: 4y

For me, it was weird because I was 12 and then I saw a guy on television and thought he was ugly but also got anxiety and my brain was telling me he was cute and made me feel like he was, either tho I thiught of him as ugly, so fast forward a few weeks, I’m in bed and a random gay thought pops up, followed by a boner and by a gay emotion, at the time I knew what being gay was, so I tried to tell myself it bi, didn’t work and increased anxiety, so I threw up 4 times and cried myself to sleep

Ocd Warrior

Date posted: 4y

From that moment till now, I’ve suffered with this ocd and I’m finally starting to get somewhat over it 2 yrs later, I’m 14 right now and honestly can’t wait to live again

[Deleted]

Date posted: 4y

Comment deleted by user

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

you questioned your sexuality before this hocd??

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

@ConfusedAsAlways713 ow okay. i didn't speculate i promise it's just that i did for a little while last summer because of tiktok and all the stereotypes on there. i fit a lot of them and so i thought that would mean i am bi :( that's like the biggest "proof" this is denial and not hocd so i thought someone else might have gone through this too. sorry again for possibly triggering you i didn't mean it that way

Nour04

Date posted: 4y

@ConfusedAsAlways713 but it makes it feel so much more real and like this is denial and not hocd, especially that i don't have a lot of thoughts and don't ruminate much, and the anxiety towards the thoughts has gone so now it feels like i want them

Ocd Warrior

Date posted: 4y

@Nour04 I’m going theough it to, I’m getting better by not ruminating

girlwithocd..

Date posted: 4y

Omg I can relate a lot to this. Except no one called me gay or was suspicious of anything like that because I was very boy crazy in school but never had a boyfriend tho. And I also felt like every girl was more popular and better than me and I had problems being with other females. After that I got worried myself If I was gay because I didn’t want a boyfriend and I didn’t have female friends. Soo I can relate a lot.

alexisrae1999

Date posted: 4y

I don't think its a good idea to share stories like this. Knowing how everyone is, y'all are probably going to try to relate to whatever someone said, and possibly spiral and ruminate on it...

Insephy

Date posted: 20w

When did you realize you have OCD?

Last year during April I started to experience groinal responses when I looked at kids. I was terrified of what it could mean and decided to attempt two weeks later. The very next day I had those responses I decided to attempt. I didn’t really have the courage to do so at that time but I started experiencing images about disturbing things done to kids and as days went by it got worse. April 16 was the last straw and I couldn’t take it anymore. I ended up in a mental hospital but before I ended up there I had searched up what I was experiencing. That’s when I started to understand that it was OCD. I felt relieved for a few moments until I felt the urge to get more information. I saw lots and lots of things and many comments saying that it wasn’t normal and that people who went through this were disgusting people who shouldn’t be allowed to roam free. That’s when my anxiety and fear became worse and I tried to get rid of it but nothing worked. I shook the entire time I was awake, I didn’t have motivation for anything anymore, I just felt so disgusting. In the end, I’m so glad I ended up in that mental hospital or else I wouldn’t be here with my friends and family. Thank you for reading my story, I’m so glad that I’m not alone

POCD

vaiiolyn

Date posted: 17w

Lesbian with Sexual Orientation OCD

I need too know that I'm not insane, really. I am 16 and for the past two weeks, this has been completely ruining my health and happiness. I only recently came out as a lesbian like 3 months ago after a lot of confusion about my attraction since I used to think I liked men. At first, I felt so sure that I liked women, but lately, I've been having these unwanted thoughts about the possibility of liking men. I never used to feel this way, but now, every time I look at a man, my brain obsessively fixates on it. It forces me to imagine kissing him, loving him, things I don’t want, and then tries to convince me that I do. It’s painful. The thought of this fills me with fear and anxiety, leading to panic attacks and breakdowns. I don’t want these thoughts. I hate them with every fiber of my being, but I’m terrified that one day I’ll act on them and somehow like it. I used to think I liked men, but back then, I was in a very unhealthy space in a time of escapism and something deeply parasocial. I’ve only ever liked the attention and validation a man could give me, but these experiences are somehow treated as further proof that I’m "bisexual." I’ve never been in a real relationship with anyone, which makes my brain constantly challenge me—telling me, “You don’t even know what love feels like.” It won’t shut up. It keeps obsessively trying to make me prove that I’m a lesbian, testing my reactions and questioning my certainty. Is this normal?

geodrimilis

Date posted: 16w

How did your so-ocd feel when it started?

For me it was a weird intrusive thought and after that I slowly started developing anxiety and I felt a weird thing like I was losing my attraction to girls. Then I woke up one day in complete panic cuz it felt like I had lost feelings for girls suddenly and I started searching online how to know if you’re gay if sexuality changes suddenly and I took some gay tests or sexuality tests online. Chat gpt was a big thing back then too. That was before therapy and before I knew what ocd is.Can anyone relate?

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Share your thoughts so the Community can respond

Related posts

Be a part of the largest OCD Community

Be a part of the largest OCD Community