for those with sexual orientation ocd.. if you are comfortable sharing (and if you remember), what was the moment/person/place/etc. that first triggered your sexual orientation ocd? i’m just genuinely curious and want to see if there are any patterns. for me it was the summer before my freshman year of high school (i am currently 21). i was going to a pride parade with some family friends and was texting a guy that i ended up dating for a while. to be quite frank, he was a total idiot. he asked what was up and i told him that i was going to a pride parade with some friends. his immediate response was “wait does that mean that you are gay??”. i remember that i got this weird sensation of panic after i read that text. and his question like stayed lingering in my mind for longer than it should have. long story short, my sexual orientation ocd really kicked in halfway through my freshman year of high school..but i didn’t realize that that was what it was until about 2 years ago.

for me it was back in February. we were having lunch with my cousins and as i am a junior in high school, my cousins (older than me) were aaskig me about whether or not i have already made a career choice. i had always wanted to be a doctor since like 7th grade, but my mum always told me not to because it would take up a huge part of my life and i "wouldn't be able to enjoy social life, have a family and raise kids. my future husband might even cheat on me for staying out of the house for so long". so, we were all joking and i told them what my mum had been telling me this whole time, and so my cousin looked at me amd was like "just get a wife then". at first i laughed it off and shook my head as a no, he looked at me and nodded like he was asking me if i were sure and i said no again, this time verbally. and the next day, a monday, i remember doing heavy research, taking sexuality tests and ruminating a lot. this went on for 2 weeks: unbearable headaches, nausea whenever i thought about the possibility of loving a woman and being with one. then i searched "feeling nauseous when thinking about being gay" and it led me to multiple articles about hocd. i literally checked all the boxes and felt like i had found what was wrong with me. looking back at it now and remembering how much time i used to spend ruminating and searching, what i am going through now doesn't feel like hocd anymore. the thoughts have gone down drastically, mainky because of my fucked sleep schedule: i am too tired to even try and think about this stuff. my anxiety has almost vanished to the thoughts and scenarios which makes it feel real and desired. all i feel now is that i actually want the thoughts, but even that doesn't spook me as much, which makes me feel guilty for "faking" it. and whenever i feel a new obsession or compulsion forming, i tell myself not to "fake" it in order to "prove" i have ocd. i am in this huge mess now, i don't even ruminate much or think about it much, anxiety has gone down a lot which makes me really question if this is hocd or not at this point :(

For me, it was weird because I was 12 and then I saw a guy on television and thought he was ugly but also got anxiety and my brain was telling me he was cute and made me feel like he was, either tho I thiught of him as ugly, so fast forward a few weeks, I’m in bed and a random gay thought pops up, followed by a boner and by a gay emotion, at the time I knew what being gay was, so I tried to tell myself it bi, didn’t work and increased anxiety, so I threw up 4 times and cried myself to sleep

From that moment till now, I’ve suffered with this ocd and I’m finally starting to get somewhat over it 2 yrs later, I’m 14 right now and honestly can’t wait to live again

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I don't think its a good idea to share stories like this. Knowing how everyone is, y'all are probably going to try to relate to whatever someone said, and possibly spiral and ruminate on it...