- Username
- agonz
- Date posted
- 5y ago
Of course it’s possible! OCD can make you doubt ANYTHING. It’s very creative. And it wants to attack what you value the most.
I worry in the exact same way and wanted you to know you are not alone. I started worrying my husband was gay, then worried about my dog and my husband. Now it takes the form of every single thing. Not just sexually but violent as well. Is he a serial killer, is he manipulative. I do believe this is a part of ocd. I believe that because I don't worry all the time. A lot of the time I think my husband is amazing. I do the same thing as you though. I check for proof. I don't have any answers for you but I wanted you to know you're not alone.
I have the same thoughts. What if in my case it's true. The one thing I've done that has really really helped is repeat this mantra "up until this moment my husband has been nothing but loving and kind," sometimes I repeat it to myself over and over and over. It really helps. It helps put into perspective the fact that I can't control what happens tomorrow but today I am happy. And today he is treating me well. I am so sorry you are suffering with this and I wish you weren't but it honestly makes me feel so relieved to know I'm not alone.
I try to do the same thing, and it works for a while, but sometimes I let it get to my head. And I wish you weren’t suffering with this either. It’s hell. And I’m also soooo relieved that I’m not alone in this. I’ve looked this stuff up online and freaked out Bc no results came up, so it just confirmed to me that he is a pedophile. Now I feel more hopeful that he’s not.
I did the same. I scoured the internet for anyone who felt the same as me. I couldn't find anything. It's such a relief to find someone who has the same thoughts although I feel awful because I know how terrible it is. If you think about it though it all comes down to control. When. You are worried about yourself being a pedophile it's a worry that you lose control of yourself. Worrying about your SO being one is even further out of your control. I guess that's why people with ocd say you need to get comfortable living in the uncertainty.
Well, maybe you should try talking to him! Make sure he understands that you can't control this emotional release! You should always feel like you can tell him everything. If you can't, is this relationship healthy for you? Remember that people care for you here, and around you. ??
What does he do or say that gives you the feeling that he could b this way.? Were u ever sexually abused in ur life?
Do you think this is an OCD thing, though? Because this fear only started a few months ago during my pregnancy. And I only knew my boyfriend a few months before that. So I don’t know if I developed this OCD due to the pregnancy or if it was intuition since I haven’t known my bf for long before that. I’m just a mess
it’s the same for me
it was like this a while ago with my dad and it was making me so so nervous
That makes me feel sooo much better. I’ve done the exact same thing!!! It started with worrying that he was cheating on me, then that he was gay, then about my dog and him as well, and now pedophilia and all the other stuff you mentioned!! That’s crazy that we’ve thought the same things. But I am still worried, like what if your thoughts are just OCD, but mine are true.
it’s awful seeing people you live in that light. it’s almost harder to disprove that than probing you’re not a pedophile yourself ?
It really is, because he can tell me he’s not, but I’m not him, so I can never know for sure. Whereas, with myself, I can say, I know I’m not a pedophile because I know myself.
I know NOCD is gonna tag me because I'm "Not supposed to reassure you because it will make it worse", but MY OCD won't let me leave this alone. I'mm so sorry your feeling this way. You don't deserve any of this. I'm so sorry your going through this, and I'm so sorry that you are having such a bad time. Nobody deserves this! You don't deserve this. You seem like an amazing person, and I really hope you'll get over this because your so fucking important to the world, and your needed in life. I'm so sorry everyone feels like this in life, and I would genuinely take the pain away if I could. I'm always here for you, no matter what, people love and support you. Again, I'm so so sorry your going through this ? stay strong because without you in the world, a lot of people would never know what a true friend is. I hope you feel better soon, and I'm sorry for anything misspelled ????
Thank you so much, I literally cried Bc of your message. Everyone on here is so sweet. ?
I'm always here for you, stay strong because your amazing in every way just by being yourself. ? I have a type of OCD that makes me want to correct things if they aren't right in general, in this case your hurting, and my OCD went off. I'm so sorry you are having such a terrible time, and I'm really happy you could cry, because you deserve any relief you can get, and crying is one way to do so. There's nothing wrong with you for crying. I know your going through a lot, and I can tell you need someone there for you. I'm here for you. The entire NOCD community is here for you. I love and care for you, as well as everyone else, and more people need to love and care for each other in the world. Here's a virtual hug, and a promise that everything will get better ???
I have talked to him about it, and he says he isn’t and whatnot, but I still get scared. I wonder if it’s OCD or not. And I haven’t told him everything because I’m not comfortable with it. I just feel really sick about it.
Like I read into everything he does and get so worried and sick. And no matter how many times he assures me he isn’t a pedophile, I still have my worries.
Like I will get this feeling, like “I know he’s not a pedophile, this is so stupid to think that”, but then he’ll do something that seems like proof to me. But idk. I feel like what if I’m right and then ignored it and my son ends up getting harmed? And then we have I restart our lives, like he’ll be scarred and so will I. I won’t trust any guy anymore, not that I do that much anyways, and I’ll probably end up alone and my son will be without his dad and whatnot. I hate it.
I don’t know, different things. And I always look to see if he’s hard, but I can’t tell. And when I ask him about if he’s a pedophile, sometimes he’ll be frustrated and other times he’ll just be like “no”, not defensive and I take both of those negatively. Like when he’s frustrated I think, oh so he is, because he’s getting defensive. And when he’s not defensive, I’m think the same thing. Like no matter what he does, I can take it either way. And no I haven’t been sexually abused, at least that I know of. I’ve wondered if I have been before, though and it’s just a repressed memory because for years, at times I’ll feel sexually uncomfortable around people, mostly men.
Yeah, I’m just currently freaking out bc I don’t know if I’m imagining these certain things about my bf or if it’s actually happening. And no one can even reassure me Bc they weren’t there or anything. You know? It’s driving me crazy anxious. And I feel sick Bc I think what if he’s lying to me and I was right all along and he ends up hurting our son or someone else? It’s making me sick. I’d be responsible and I just want to cry. Sometimes I wish I’d never gotten involved with him so I wouldn’t have to deal with this.
does anyone else with pocd also fear that other people are pedophiles? im a csa survivor so it could be that but i get intrusive thoughts about others harming children too which triggers episodes and adds another layer of me distancing myself from my family
It’s been almost 5 months since this has started. It’s been on and off. Ive come to realize it’s probably POCD to fitting into every symptoms. Ive never been diagnosed with OCD but I do have anxiety and am constantly worried about everything. I dont know if anyone here can help reassure me that this happens to people and i am not what i think i am because it is basically taking over my thoughts and life. Seeing that i have every symptom, am i sure that i do? ugh this is so stressful. Never in my life have i ever had this thought. Never ever thought of children in that way. Growing up I’ve always liked older people older. I never had crushes on any child. Or did I and it just didn’t stick out to me? It’s gotten to the point where I can’t take these instrusive thoughts anymore either.. and are they even intrusive because I feel like I’m forcing myself to think about them just to see if I give myself a response. I have kids and have friends with kids and I can’t stop have the thoughts of maybe hurting them even though I never have before!! Then it makes me fixate on them and why am I fixating on just them if I wasn’t someone with POCD??? just the terrible person I’m scared that I actually am. It’s no other kids just the ones I’m familiar with or have known forever. Can you just turn into a P and not realize it until wayyyy older? I’m so stuck im not sure what to do.
My brain is attacking itself again to the point I am sobbing and hyperventilating. I am genuinely so terrified of being a pedophile I’ve been ruminating over things from my childhood and the intrusive thoughts I’ve had. I don’t want to be a pedophile, I am a victim of CSA and do not want to be anything like my abusers. I was groomed, sexually assaulted, and harassed by adults when I was a child. What if I turn out like them? What if they were subconsciously a role model. My POCD latches onto anything. My partner is almost 2 years younger than me, I like kids shows, I like stuffed animals, etc. What if that means I’m a pedophile? What if it means I’m a monster? I am so out of my mind scared. All I can do is shake and sob violently from this fear and disgust.
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