my OCD has caused my marriage to start to fail because I cannot controls my impulses and get very angry when I can’t make someone understand. Does anyone have advice on how I could controls the anger better or make my spouse understand?

I’ve just downloaded the app because I’ve had a very bad break down in front of my best friends because of a trigger regarding a social obsession that I have a lot of trouble with. And I regret that this isn’t the first time but it’s been a little over 6 months since the last one in front of them. This break down has caused a lot strain between us, and they feel as if I’ve unfairly blamed them for something even though I’ve tried to explain that I understand my emotional reaction was not rational given the situation, and that I don’t in fact blame them for anything and that I feel horrible for the situation itself and not being able to be normal during it rather than them. I think it’s difficult for anyone without OCD to understand how this feels so I can’t blame them for being upset with me. My question to anyone who doesn’t mind sharing is, if anyone has had a lot of strain caused on the relationships with your loved ones, were you able to repair it? And if so could you please give me tips on how you managed to explain your situation to them?

First, let me preface this with that I am not seeking reassurance with this post. I just need to put it out into the ether. I’ve had OCD in one form or another my entire life. Only last June it morphed into rOCD really bad and I had a nervous breakdown. With all the stress that I am under not only as a teacher during COVID, but a mother of two young children, I’ve been spiking like crazy. Everything my husband does annoys me. He is dealing with his own mental health issues but self medicated daily with booze and pot. He has just started seeing a virtual therapist. My sex drive is at an all time low and when I’m spiking I don’t even want to be touched. He has worked really hard in a short amount of time to be supportive and understanding of my triggers, but sometimes his human side comes out and he makes me feel bad about my OCD. “I just want to have sex with my wife. You don’t love me anymore, I disgust you.” Which of course makes me spike even more. I know avoiding sex is part of my compulsions but I’m just so mentally, emotionally, and physically taxed that sex is the furthest thing from my mind. He, at times, can be cruel and spiteful and almost give me the silent treatment the next day after he’s asked for sex and I’ve said no. I just don’t know what to do. I’m also on an SSRI which could be affecting my libido. I know it’s not fair to him at all and any normal person would be frustrated by me. Any ideas on how to quell the rage and resentment that he has against me is greatly appreciated.

Does anyone have any advice for someone with contamination OCD that is living with a partner without OCD? (Especially given that that partner intentionally or unintentionally sometimes /often says things that make me feel worse/down). I could really use any advice anyone has right now. Things are starting to feel hopeless and I don’t know whether it makes sense to continue with the relationship or if that’s just a temporary feeling in light of what I’m going through. I just feel so alone and misunderstood.