- Date posted
- 6y ago
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes , you are searching for something that doesn’t exist ! It’s not the theme , it’s how U react to the thoughts
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yeah almost everything for my ocd is evidence of cheating. It’s horrible. I really am scared it’s going to cost me this relationship but I guess if he’s the right person for me he can see thru all the chaos for the person I really am.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
P- my husband is very supportive. BUT-we separated for a time(prior to having children) and this last pregnancy was super tough. We fought so much and he drank a little too much during that time. We’re not perfect. He’s not perfect, and his character and his worth was and is being trampled on. I do realize that being supportive is almost a necessity. But our SO’s are only human. They feel it personally even if it’s only OCD to us. It feels like an attack on their character, and it will eventually catch up to them and cause issues. The best thing I know is to not tell or confess to him that you are thinking it. Keep him out of it so that he can catch his breath. It will be tough but it’s necessary if you want to stay together.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I am working on an essay explain my concept of “thoughts” being different from “thinking”. I will post it soon!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
But in the meantime, let me try to explain. One’s mind, one’s brain, one’s consciousness, experiences many different kinds of things. Some of them are beyond our control, and some of them are within our control. Still others are perhaps, or may at least seem to be, somewhere in between. Let’s look at the out-of-our-control category: Images, ideas, emotions, urges, desires, and so on, “pop” into our head. We literally cannot control this, it is simply the nature of an awake mind, that these phenomena will appear on their own. In the context of OCD, we are taking about what are often referred to as “intrusive thoughts”. Now let’s look at the mental phenomena over which we do have control. Let’s say you have to write a paper for school. You go about this task by purposefully engaging your mind in activities and processes that are specific and goal oriented, such as evaluating data you’ve collected, looking for patterns in the information, making conclusions about the meaning and significance of information, grouping ideas together, weighing the importance or likelihood or truth of one point of view against another, and so on. I call this “thinking”. I believe we have a choice as to whether or not we think about something. Sometimes we say, “I’m too tired to think about that right now,” or “Let me put my mind to that and try to figure something out.” For this point of view, “thoughts” (ie: intrusive thoughts), are the Obsessions, and “thinking” (ie: to bring down anxiety), are the Compulsions. Now some might say that sometimes the “thinking” happens involuntarily, and this would be the grey area in between volitional and non-volitional mental phenomena. But I believe that with practice, especially through meditation and watching one’s mind, we can discover that thinking is indeed volitional, and we can, with practice, and with the right motivation (ie: to beat OCD), learn not to do it when it pertains to an obsession. Does this make sense to anyone?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Yes ! Thank you ! I had an in between thought this morning
- Date posted
- 6y ago
What is your fear ?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
It’s so hard. I have the same problem. It’s so difficult when the OCD isn’t about you but about someone you love. I have struggled with OCD thinking my entire life and when I got married it latched onto him and his morals and his character. Hopefully your boyfriend has come to the place where he refuses to give you reassurance. When I am triggered or when I feel like I need to question him or look through his things, I try to not give in to the compulsions. To simply sit there with my thoughts and not do anything. Are you questioning him? Are you searching through his things, his phone, his online accounts? If you are, you must resist doing so.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
The way I see it, if something is going to happen then it will and it won’t require me to go through all of this to “find out for myself”. So you just have to allow yourself to think he may cheat, but until I have proof I have to trust him.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Mikila is correct... Ultimately the theme doesn’t matter. The problem is how you react to the thoughts when you get them.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
If you need an idea for an exposure to do I have one for you. I wouldn’t think watching a show or movie about cheating would be too distressing. An idea for an exposure would be to think about it happening or even picture/imagine it happening in your mind Without engaging in a compulsion.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I have this theme, too. My OCD thinks my girlfriend might cheat on me. I hate this OCD soooo much. The intrusive thoughts/images/ideas, are so torturous. She knows about this, and also about OCD in general, and ERP, so she will not engage in ANY reassurance behaviors. And I am pretty darn good about not doing any physical compulsions, like checking her phone or clothes or car or whatever crazy thing my OCD thinks it wants to know to try to get reassurance. BUT, it’s mental rituals that I am having a heck of a time stopping. I do mental review, I do self-re-assurance, if I don’t nip it in the bud, I can ruminate pretty badly. I just went to the IOCDF Conference in DC, and it was phenomenal! I learned that EVERYTHING I do, mentally (or physically), related to the arrival of an intrusive obsessional hit of anxiety, IS A COMPULSION. So “sitting with thoughts” might be compulsing, if you’re not careful. “Thoughts” are the obsession, but “Thinking”—active, word based, thinking, to achieve a goal, like problem solving and anxiety reduction, is a compulsion! Hope this helps a bit. Feel free to ask for clarification
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thanks everyone for the replies. As mentioned my ocd fear is that my bf is cheating. I do not go through his things or his phone but sometimes if he’s on his phone I’ll ask him who he is texting. Sometimes if he’s sitting in the car and using the phone it really agitates me. He finds himself avoiding using the phone around me b/c of it (even tho I tell him not to) - but he just doesn’t want to deal with the conflict. We are in a ldr so most of my compulsions involve calling/texting him excessively and asking him details about what he was doing or where he was at. But I’m getting better at this. I also ask him a lot for reassurance that he loves me and wants to be with me and why he loves me. I don’t feel like I am that bad with compulsions but he gets extremely pissed anytime I engage in a compulsion and starts going off and it has now gotten to the point where he is avoiding me altogether. I don’t want us to break up b/c of this - I’m trying to avoid compulsions as much as possible but I’m not perfect at this..I’m just scared I will lose him - he keeps telling me I am amazing but he can’t handle my ocd ?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I’m so sorry P. My marriage has suffered a lot over the 11 years we’ve been married. I can tell you that my husband has suffered greatly because of my constant checking and accusations. It puts a strain on our marriage. But we’ve stuck it out so far, and I can only attribute that to God. I pray that you find relief from this monster.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@MusicNinja can you explain more about this thing you learned at the conference?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@Ashley thank you for the support. Part of me thinks that if the person cannot handle the ocd part of me, maybe he’s not the right person. I’ve heard people on here comment on how supportive their partners are. I think that’s so important and my therapist has emphasized that so many times as well. I’m not sure if mine is the right one - I guess time will tell.
- Date posted
- 6y ago
@pineapple that is a good exposure - I do that sometimes naturally (idk why, it’s kind of sick imo)....! My therapist suggested the shows, articles to read, etc but they don’t bug me as much...it’s too impersonal I guess but I think she realized that relatively quickly. I think I also do a lot of mental rituals for example with time (how much time he takes to do xyz)..
- Date posted
- 6y ago
P that’s how mine started. Unfortunately mine didn’t go away but just jumped from thing to thing. And o see something as “evidence” when it really ends up being something I did or something that just happened and is unrelated. My ocd wants to take it as evidence. Its awful
- Date posted
- 6y ago
I also just don’t know how to get him to be more supportive. Sometimes he is great and other times it’s a disaster. I tried explaining how to not reassure me or get defensive or yell but often it turns into a yelling match where he’s yelling, I’m crying and that adds to the stress. He always realizes later that it was wrong of him but I mean that doesn’t help
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thanks Ashley. The hard part for me is not anxiously blowing up his phone with texts and calls when I can’t get a hold of him. I had an entire day of this today. It was agony for us both. My rituals other than that are mostly mental but I’m afraid of them devolving into accusations again or asking too many questions. I wish I could somehow get him to understand it’s not about him but I get what you mean - for him, there’s no separation. Just the not being able to get a hold of him...ugh. The ldr thing is probably something I should have not gotten involved with - he also travels for work...double whammy. How did you manage?
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Nice job perceiving that!
- Date posted
- 6y ago
Thank you !
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w ago
I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(
- Date posted
- 19w ago
Hi everyone, I’m struggling with what I believe is ROCD, but it feels so real and overwhelming that I don’t know what to trust anymore. I wanted to share my thoughts and experiences, hoping someone can relate and maybe help me feel a little less alone. Lately, I’ve been feeling completely disconnected and numb toward my boyfriend. I don’t know if I love him, and I’m constantly questioning my feelings. Sometimes when we’re together, I feel like I don’t want to talk to him, or I find him annoying, boring, or even cringe. Then, I feel immense guilt because he’s a loving and caring person who doesn’t deserve this. I have these intrusive thoughts that say: • “You don’t love him.” • “You’re just pretending.” • “You’re fed up with him.” • “You want someone else.” Sometimes, it doesn’t even come as a question like “What if?” — it comes as a statement, which makes it even scarier. And because I feel numb or indifferent when these thoughts come, it feels like they must be true. I’m also terrified that this isn’t ROCD, that maybe I’m not experiencing anxiety at all, and that these thoughts reflect how I truly feel. This fear is paralyzing and makes everything worse. I feel trapped, wondering if I’m just in denial and avoiding the truth. When I’m with him, I get caught in mental compulsions like: • Checking my feelings constantly to see if I feel love. • Comparing how I feel now to how I used to feel. • Seeking reassurance by thinking things like, “If I didn’t love him, would I feel this bad?” • Replaying memories to convince myself that I care about him. • Reading posts about ROCD to feel better, but the relief never lasts. I also feel like I’m ruining my relationship day by day. I get irritable and rude, and I know it hurts him, which makes me feel like a horrible person. I worry that I’m pushing him away and that one day he’ll give up on me, and it’ll be all my fault. Sometimes, I have moments where I feel happy to see him, and that confuses me even more. I recently saw him for a few minutes while I was out with my friends, and I felt joy seeing him. But when we’re together for longer, my mind gets flooded with doubts and fears again. I hate myself for feeling this way. I feel like I’m failing him, and failing myself. I’m scared that I’m in denial, that I don’t really love him, and that I’m forcing myself to be in this relationship. The numbness makes me feel like I don’t care, but deep down, I want to care. I want to love him, feel happy with him, and just be normal. But my thoughts keep telling me otherwise, and I feel trapped in this loop. If anyone has gone through something similar, or has any advice on how to manage these thoughts and compulsions, I’d be so grateful. I just want to know that I’m not alone, and that there’s a way through this. Thank you for reading. 💔
- Date posted
- 19w ago
1. Thoughts about Not Loving My Boyfriend: • “What if I don’t love him?” • “I feel like I’ve lost my feelings for him.” • “I don’t feel love the way I used to.” 2. Fear of Changing or Being Different: • “What if I’ve changed and this is the real me now?” • “What if I’ve grown out of the relationship?” 3. Doubt About Attraction: • “I’m not attracted to him anymore.” • “I feel numb when I look at him.” 4. Thoughts of Disconnection and Irritation: • “I feel irritated when he shows affection.” • “I feel bored or disconnected when we talk.” • “Why do I feel like I can’t stand him sometimes?” 5. Fear of Denial: • “What if I’m in denial and I’m just pretending to love him?” • “What if all these thoughts are true?” 6. Fear of Being a Bad Person: • “I’m a terrible person for feeling this way.” • “I’m ruining my relationship and hurting him.” 7. General Anxiety About the Future: • “What if I’ll fall for someone else in the future?” • “What if I’ll never feel love again?” 8. Intrusive Thoughts from the Past: • “I had violent thoughts about my dad.” • “I worried I was a pedophile after seeing a video.” Feelings Associated with These Thoughts: 1. Numbness and Emotional Disconnection: • Feeling emotionally flat or unable to access love or joy. 2. Guilt and Shame: • Feeling like a bad person or partner. 3. Hopelessness and Despair: • Feeling like things will never get better. • Believing i am stuck this way forever. 4. Irritation and Frustration: • Getting annoyed when my boyfriend shows affection. 5. Fear and Panic: • Experiencing overwhelming anxiety when questioning my feelings. 6. Sadness and Confusion: • Crying frequently, feeling lost, or not understanding why i feel this way. Compulsions I Engage In: 1. Reassurance Seeking: • Constantly asking others if everything is okay or if your feelings are normal. 2. Researching and Googling: • Searching for answers about ROCD, anxiety, and relationships online. • Checking forums like the NOCD app for reassurance. 3. Mental Checking and Analysis: • Constantly checking if i feel love, attraction, or connection. • Analyzing every interaction and emotion to see if they’re “right.” 4. Confessing: • Telling your boyfriend or others about your thoughts to relieve guilt or doubt. 5. Avoidance: • Pulling back from conversations or interactions with my boyfriend due to anxiety. 6. Comparing: • Comparing your current feelings to how you used to feel at the beginning of the relationship. 7. Self-Criticism: • Judging yourself harshly and believing i am a terrible person. FEELING SO REAL I’m struggling with ROCD and it’s consuming me. My intrusive thoughts make me feel like I don’t love my boyfriend, that I’ve changed, or that I’m a terrible person. These thoughts make me feel numb, disconnected, and hopeless. My compulsions include constant reassurance-seeking, analyzing my feelings, researching online, and confessing my fears. It’s exhausting, and I’m desperate to feel like myself again. Does anyone relate to this? How do you cope?
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