I don't feel like a girl because I don't feel like I look like one but I wanna look like one and feel like one. I sometimes feel like a boy but that makes me scared and uncomfortable because I wanna feel and look like a girl!

So i started to feel like a lesbian again and that i have to be one. I dont want to be one. I just dont. But being straight feel like a lie now. I question my whole life, my feelings and everything. The biggest indicator of this must be that i will be slowly 21 year old and ive never dated anyone and i dont really find anyone attractive and i dont even know if i truly was attracted to someone and im scared of relationships i might have trauma or have anxious avoidant attachment. Help me. I do feel lost. Really lost. I dont know who am I anymore. I feel like that i must have been gay my whole life now. I feel like an alien. I sometimes feel like 2 people are living inside of me.😞😞😞

I've been really overwhelmed with thoughts of detransitioning even though I don't want to like thinking I'm not a boy. It's been making my anxiety go up like crazy but I've never had this problem this much before, and I've always felt so proud of who I was and stuff but I don't know why this is coming up all of a sudden and I'm scared. I don't want to detransition but these thoughts won't go away. I often have feminine interests and have been trying to get into a better mindset and I feel like those things are making me feel more feminine and I don't want to feel that way.

I don’t know why I keep triggering myself but I think it’s real this time. I’m really fucking scared. I don’t want to be a boy but I feel like I have evidence now. Honestly this is the worst I’ve ever been, my anxiety is so bad and I really think it’s true I don’t want to be a boy but fuuuuuuck it feels like there’s no way out. I’m only 14 and I already feel like my life is over before its even started :(( I miss the girl I used to be Edit: I know I shouldn’t be doing this but I’m doing compulsions by going on trans forums to confirm I’m not trans, any advice to help me stop?? I really need your help :(