- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I don't have the same experiences as you, but I do have a parent with untreated OCD. Growing up, this parent was not ideal and often made their childs' lives more difficult and negatively impacted their mental health struggles. For so long, I only focused on Not Being Like Them that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. There was so much shame, anger, frustration, guilt rolling around in me. Realizing how this parent not dealing with their own issues affected their kids, that was incredibly difficult and painful. Mourning that lost childhood is a big process in acceptance and moving forward. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree or like what happened, it only means you acknowledge it as it is. Grieving is a complicated process, but it is necessary for healing childhood traumas. There's a concept called Disenfranchised Grief, and if you can do so safely it's worth reading about.
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- 4y
Thank you both for your insight
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- 4y
I need to get my life together for my children for my kids I think that I am really struggling and I don’t want my kids to grow up to hate or resent me I need a lot of help right now I am severely exhausted stressed out over the past and things that happened a long time ago I want to be mentally healthy and happy for my kids
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- 4y
I think this is incredibly important to realize and understand. Mourning is necessary and a keystone to healing. You have to remove dead and sick flesh before your wound can heal. I know that sounds gross and intense, but that's how healing feels for me personally. Also keep in mind that it's only very recently "acceptable" to seek out treatment for mental health, and as inaccessible as it is for a lot, it was even more so in older generations. This isn't to justify what our parents did, but to share perspective.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Bryan Kids are really resilient, and you are doing an amazing thing by seeking help even if it might feel like it is making things worse sometimes. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve love and caring compassion too.
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- 4y
Hey man, as someone close in age to you (I'm 31) I think it's easy to mourn our pasts and lack of healing. Mourning is a part of healing, and the childhood you is in some serious need of love and affection, only which you can provide. I'd recommend checking out the books On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers and Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis. Your hurt is valid and so are you. I thought similarly as you, but, I think now is honestly the best time for treatment as when we were kids the research behind OCD was nowhere near where it is now. We might be older but this is honestly the best time to seek help now that it has stronger research and better therapies behind it.
- Date posted
- 4y
Guys I am beating the dogshit out of myself right now, over a lot I know my kids love me, please pray for me so I can get better ❤️🩹 these thoughts are gross and nasty and not me my biggest issue is or was my behavior. I can’t believe a lot of the things I have done.
- Date posted
- 4y
Right now this disorder is robbing my kids and my family of a daddy
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- 4y
Have you any experience with grounding techniques? They sound silly, or it did to me, but I find them helpful after some practice using them during bad panic attacks. The one I use is easier to remember (I can't think straight or remember much during an attack): Slow your breathing as much as you can. Long, slow deep breaths in and out. Then, name 5 things you can see around you. They can be literally anything. A chair, a shoe, a pen, the ceiling, the sky. Name 4 things you can touch. Again, literally anything. The ground, the desk, a phone, a keyboard. Name 3 things you can hear. Anything goes. The fan, my breathing, other people. Name 2 things you can smell. I like this one, and seek comforting or stimulating scents. Anything goes though. Name 1 thing you can taste. Again, I like this one. I keep mints around. I hope you can find a grounding techniques that works for you.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi ❤️ I’m really struggling right now I’m in my sophomore year of Highschool and I’ve finally started planning or thinking abt my future (for context I was extremely depressed and suicidal from 6-9th grade) After conquering my depression this is a huge leap for me and I’m proud of myself ❤️ But there’s something still holding me down :( and I’m not sure what to do anymore that thing is OCD. Since 6th grade I have had strong and invasive intrusive thoughts all the time they scare me so bad and make me feel as though I’m not even real anymore :( I’m sick of taking the time to do ridiculous compulsions to rid or ease these thoughts it’s a waste of time and energy and it hurts me so bad I feel like I will never get to just live my life without this :( How can I plan my future when I can’t even find myself in this mess of anxiety 💔 I’m so tired of fighting my mental health it’s been years from anxiety attacks to sh to survived suicide attempts (I got help dw❤️🩹) and recovery there. Just to be thrown into a storm of awful scary sickening thoughts day and night-when can I just be a normal teenager and possibly a happy adult? How do I conquer this so I can love myself to the fullest and live my life free and happy? :( ❤️❤️🩹 I’m so scared to talk to my parents about it I’m ashamed of my thoughts and every time I bring it up they just say I shouldn’t be diagnosing myself or it’s just ADHD. It really really hurts me they have no idea how awful this feels and it makes me feel so alone sometimes 💔
- Date posted
- 24w
since february i have "POcd". Initial symptoms were thoughts, but then I did a testing compulsion during an intimate time, and I spiraled ever since. I struggle with addiction to smut. I'm cutting that out, but I feel as if it is too late. Ive never experienced this much mental, and emotional anguish in my life. On my time on this application I have given advice to others, and helped around, but I wonder if that even applies to me. Millions of times I wish I could turn back time and be more careful. I want to prevent many things, including what led me to spiral into OCD in the first place. I'm surely having an OCD episode. I have gotten a diagnosis, but I'm still not sure. I feel evil, cause unlike many here, I tested on my body sensations and it backfired (twice) I know I'm not supposed to figure out why that is the case, but now I have to live with it for the rest of my life even if its something I don't desire. This is disgusting for me, it is abhorrent. I could've never seen this coming. Day by day I've become more fearful of living with this, "OCD". I was a normal person before this, I knew what I was attracted to, I know my preferences, so why did this come about? This is singlehandedly the most painful thing that has happened to me and I have nobody but myself to blame. I am scared of death but I also would'nt mind sleeping for years on end. My parents and brother were understanding of my situation, but I failed them regardless. I don't want them to see me this way, nor do I want them to learn more of my predicament. I'm cooked. I know it, Fin, thats all folks. I'm only 20 and I already have other diagnosed mental illness so I recklessly brought upon myself another one. Its agonizing to live through, I wish this on nobody, not even my worst enemy. I can't even identify myself at this point. Its tearing me apart.
- Date posted
- 16w
This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.
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