- Date posted
- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I don't have the same experiences as you, but I do have a parent with untreated OCD. Growing up, this parent was not ideal and often made their childs' lives more difficult and negatively impacted their mental health struggles. For so long, I only focused on Not Being Like Them that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. There was so much shame, anger, frustration, guilt rolling around in me. Realizing how this parent not dealing with their own issues affected their kids, that was incredibly difficult and painful. Mourning that lost childhood is a big process in acceptance and moving forward. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree or like what happened, it only means you acknowledge it as it is. Grieving is a complicated process, but it is necessary for healing childhood traumas. There's a concept called Disenfranchised Grief, and if you can do so safely it's worth reading about.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you both for your insight
- Date posted
- 4y
I need to get my life together for my children for my kids I think that I am really struggling and I don’t want my kids to grow up to hate or resent me I need a lot of help right now I am severely exhausted stressed out over the past and things that happened a long time ago I want to be mentally healthy and happy for my kids
- Date posted
- 4y
I think this is incredibly important to realize and understand. Mourning is necessary and a keystone to healing. You have to remove dead and sick flesh before your wound can heal. I know that sounds gross and intense, but that's how healing feels for me personally. Also keep in mind that it's only very recently "acceptable" to seek out treatment for mental health, and as inaccessible as it is for a lot, it was even more so in older generations. This isn't to justify what our parents did, but to share perspective.
- Date posted
- 4y
@Bryan Kids are really resilient, and you are doing an amazing thing by seeking help even if it might feel like it is making things worse sometimes. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve love and caring compassion too.
- Date posted
- 4y
Hey man, as someone close in age to you (I'm 31) I think it's easy to mourn our pasts and lack of healing. Mourning is a part of healing, and the childhood you is in some serious need of love and affection, only which you can provide. I'd recommend checking out the books On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers and Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis. Your hurt is valid and so are you. I thought similarly as you, but, I think now is honestly the best time for treatment as when we were kids the research behind OCD was nowhere near where it is now. We might be older but this is honestly the best time to seek help now that it has stronger research and better therapies behind it.
- Date posted
- 4y
Guys I am beating the dogshit out of myself right now, over a lot I know my kids love me, please pray for me so I can get better ❤️🩹 these thoughts are gross and nasty and not me my biggest issue is or was my behavior. I can’t believe a lot of the things I have done.
- Date posted
- 4y
Right now this disorder is robbing my kids and my family of a daddy
- Date posted
- 4y
Have you any experience with grounding techniques? They sound silly, or it did to me, but I find them helpful after some practice using them during bad panic attacks. The one I use is easier to remember (I can't think straight or remember much during an attack): Slow your breathing as much as you can. Long, slow deep breaths in and out. Then, name 5 things you can see around you. They can be literally anything. A chair, a shoe, a pen, the ceiling, the sky. Name 4 things you can touch. Again, literally anything. The ground, the desk, a phone, a keyboard. Name 3 things you can hear. Anything goes. The fan, my breathing, other people. Name 2 things you can smell. I like this one, and seek comforting or stimulating scents. Anything goes though. Name 1 thing you can taste. Again, I like this one. I keep mints around. I hope you can find a grounding techniques that works for you.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 19w
This is my first post on this app, though I made this account back in late September of 2021. I grew up in a toxic environment, and was mentally abused by my parents, included being taken advantage of because of my autism. I’ve been suffering from OCD as long as I can remember. Ever since I was a child, I’ve sometimes had thoughts that scared me, and I’d often try to find ways to calm myself down. I’ve had thoughts over the smallest and silliest of things, but as time went on, these thoughts suddenly became more violent, like wanting to step in front of moving car while waiting for the bus, or grabbing a knife on the dinner table and using it to stab a family member. Even thoughts of death and what happens afterwards scared me. Aside from being afraid of a kids horror show for a while, OCD did bother me at points in my life, but they never severely crippled me… until my teenage years. Throughout my teen hood, I would very occasionally suddenly imagine fictional child characters being SA’d. I would also sometimes imagine children getting injured while noticing them sometimes. I didn’t know why those thoughts popped up into my head and they would weird me out, but I would be able to usually push them aside and not think about them too much… but it got worse after I was dropped out of high school without my consent by my parents. In March of 2017, I was at a gas station when I saw a child and imagined doing a disgusting action with them. It freaked me out immensely and sent me into a panic attack. I was able to calm down from it shortly after, but I think it planted a seed into my brain, and it would launch a horrific attack on me the very next month. Me and my family were driving around a town for a special occasion when I had the worst OCD attack I’ve ever had. Every child I saw, I imagined doing something disgusting to them. I was having a full blown panic attack and it honestly felt like my mind itself was being sexually assaulted by this horrifying thoughts. This incident scarred me mentally, and to this day, I’m still afraid of being around anyone younger than me. I tried researching what these thoughts could mean, and I found out about these being symptoms of OCD. After talking with a psychiatrist a month later, I was diagnosed with OCD. For a while, I thought I’d be okay from that point. I thought I could conquer this on my own… but by early 2018, I was still struggling. I eventually came out to my older sibling and parents about what I was dealing with. They thankfully didn’t ridicule me, and did help me with getting a therapist. The first visit with my therapist went alright, but I was an emotional mess after finishing the session. The next time I went in however, I was seen by someone else because my therapist was out. The man I saw honestly felt condescending, and he basically made go to a group therapy session. The group therapy didn’t help in the slightest, and with more toxicity developing in my family afterwards, I stopped going after the group therapy. I did see my therapist at least once I think, but that was it. Ever since 2018, I was silent about my OCD. I was just hoping that someday I’d be free of my shackles both from my mental illness and my toxic environment. Two years later though, a friend (now partner) of mine heard about my family’s living situation and wanted to help get me out of there. I first visited them in 2021, and thankfully I stay with them for the most part. That being said, I was still worried about opening up to them about my OCD. I did talk with them about general OCD from time to time, but never got into P OCD… until last year finally. I opened up them fully about it, and both they and their mother told me that they weren’t upset, and that they understood where I was coming from. I think that genuinely helped me out, and I don’t feel as anxious as I did before. Just yesterday, I finally talked about my OCD to my older sibling (they’re super supportive and understand our parents toxicity). I was genuinely nervous about telling them for a while out of fear of them either abandoning me or ratting me out… but they understood. They were accepting and didn’t ridicule me at all. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders… and honestly, I think I might have the courage to speak up on this app finally and hopefully find a therapist who can help me. I’ve been suffering with P OCD for over 8 years now ever since I was 18. I just recently turned 27 a few days ago. I’ve been suffering in silence for so long due to trauma, fear, and PTSD. But now, I think I want to take a step forward and get onto the road to recovery. It most likely won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but I feel relieved knowing I have people who love and support me, now that I’m in a better environment.
- Date posted
- 17w
Just feel like getting it off my chest since I was little I always felt like my mom was my enemy like she was always competing with me and was always boy thirsty she never really focused on me although it was always me and her because I would never rly see my dad since they weren’t together I feel as if she was never really their it was alway other people taking care of me not her and I hold a lot of resentment towards her because I feel like she try’s to play this role of innocent mom whos kid hates her for no reason but that could be farther frm the truth she would always just focus on her bfs and whenever she would fight with them she would take it out on me or if she would see them making a bond with me she would also get mad the other day too I had memories of when I was 8-9 she would take me to her friends house who had two boys 10-11 and I remember we would always play ruff but their would be times where I remember they would bend me over and hump me and I never said anything I also remembered this one time she took me with this random lady and I only went that one time but I recall a boy who looked to be 13 like a teenager he told me to go under the bed and at the time I was very little like probably no more then 7 and I rember he started touching me and kissing me I never got rapid or anything tho but very touchy and I was telling my bf about it and I started crying because I hadn’t thought abt those things since years ago and now that I remembered I can’t forget and no one knew because I never told anyone but my bf just comforted me and hugged me but it makes me really sad and I know my mom wouldn’t care if I told her she also has kicked me out about 8 times already and we even had a cps case which she still blames me for although it was her fault and she also always does stuff just to upset me on purpose she also made fun of me bien suicidal and would joke about it with anyone she could get the chance too theirs a lot more that I could talk about for hours but this is already very long point is I hold so much anger and resentment towards her and if I’m being completely transparent I truly can say I hate her I feel so bad about it because in the end she is my mom but I can’t forgive her for the stuff she’s done to me and the stuff I’ve had to go through because of her I wish I could fix our relationship but at the same time I feel hopeless and like theirs no fixing it
- Date posted
- 14w
I honestly don’t know how I’ve made it this far in my life. OCD has had its claws in me since I was 7. I used to lay in bed and tell myself over and over “it’ll be gone when I’m older, it’ll be better” but it just got worse with age. I’m 25 now and I’ve lost so many years to this. Or to pretending to be someone else in order to avoid it all. I can’t say or do one thing without analyzing it to death. Everything is black and white when it comes to me and my own morality. I overcompensate by allowing everyone else around me to be gray. I don’t allow myself that same grace. I try, everyday. Sometimes I sit and look back on my life and just wonder why. And how. I carry every mistake I’ve made with me from day to day. It rules me, it owns me, and it chips away at the person I could have been without ocd. I mourn myself.
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