- Username
- Bryan
- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I don't have the same experiences as you, but I do have a parent with untreated OCD. Growing up, this parent was not ideal and often made their childs' lives more difficult and negatively impacted their mental health struggles. For so long, I only focused on Not Being Like Them that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. There was so much shame, anger, frustration, guilt rolling around in me. Realizing how this parent not dealing with their own issues affected their kids, that was incredibly difficult and painful. Mourning that lost childhood is a big process in acceptance and moving forward. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree or like what happened, it only means you acknowledge it as it is. Grieving is a complicated process, but it is necessary for healing childhood traumas. There's a concept called Disenfranchised Grief, and if you can do so safely it's worth reading about.
- Username
- BryanBryan
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Thank you both for your insight
- Username
- BryanBryan
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I need to get my life together for my children for my kids I think that I am really struggling and I don’t want my kids to grow up to hate or resent me I need a lot of help right now I am severely exhausted stressed out over the past and things that happened a long time ago I want to be mentally healthy and happy for my kids
- Username
- Sound LotusSound Lotus
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I think this is incredibly important to realize and understand. Mourning is necessary and a keystone to healing. You have to remove dead and sick flesh before your wound can heal. I know that sounds gross and intense, but that's how healing feels for me personally. Also keep in mind that it's only very recently "acceptable" to seek out treatment for mental health, and as inaccessible as it is for a lot, it was even more so in older generations. This isn't to justify what our parents did, but to share perspective.
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Bryan Kids are really resilient, and you are doing an amazing thing by seeking help even if it might feel like it is making things worse sometimes. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve love and caring compassion too.
- Username
- Sound LotusSound Lotus
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hey man, as someone close in age to you (I'm 31) I think it's easy to mourn our pasts and lack of healing. Mourning is a part of healing, and the childhood you is in some serious need of love and affection, only which you can provide. I'd recommend checking out the books On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers and Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis. Your hurt is valid and so are you. I thought similarly as you, but, I think now is honestly the best time for treatment as when we were kids the research behind OCD was nowhere near where it is now. We might be older but this is honestly the best time to seek help now that it has stronger research and better therapies behind it.
- Username
- BryanBryan
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Guys I am beating the dogshit out of myself right now, over a lot I know my kids love me, please pray for me so I can get better ❤️🩹 these thoughts are gross and nasty and not me my biggest issue is or was my behavior. I can’t believe a lot of the things I have done.
- Username
- BryanBryan
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Right now this disorder is robbing my kids and my family of a daddy
- Username
- AnonymousAnonymous
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Have you any experience with grounding techniques? They sound silly, or it did to me, but I find them helpful after some practice using them during bad panic attacks. The one I use is easier to remember (I can't think straight or remember much during an attack): Slow your breathing as much as you can. Long, slow deep breaths in and out. Then, name 5 things you can see around you. They can be literally anything. A chair, a shoe, a pen, the ceiling, the sky. Name 4 things you can touch. Again, literally anything. The ground, the desk, a phone, a keyboard. Name 3 things you can hear. Anything goes. The fan, my breathing, other people. Name 2 things you can smell. I like this one, and seek comforting or stimulating scents. Anything goes though. Name 1 thing you can taste. Again, I like this one. I keep mints around. I hope you can find a grounding techniques that works for you.
Related posts
- Username
- Connie101
- Date posted
- 4y ago
When I was a kid I would get physically and emotionally abuse by my sister after school. I'm 20 years just told my mom accidentally and I can tell she doesn't believe me. I'm now realized how much it really affected me. That same little girl who was scared back then is the same voice as my OCD... Its like my brain forgot a lot of the memories that happened during the abuse. But I can tell you the address to the apartment each room were it was . the apartment was like a maze. I can tell you where the kitchen was and how it looked. I remember the kitchen because the front door was there I ran to it a lot but didn't seem to make it. But somehow I keep thinking and feeIing I was just too sensitive and it really wasn't that bad. I'm being over dramatic and I feel guilty and God doesn't want me to talk about it and he's mad at me for mentioning it. I just don't understand. I feel so broken and conflicted...
- Username
- Anonymous
- Date posted
- 2y ago
I was a very very damaged child and I did a lot of weird inappropriate things and I was all kinds of messed up. Uneducated, and lazy and all these things my family and friends and teachers told me. I was a troubled kid. And idk why. I really don’t. My parents did suck with the whole emotional support and I really needed a lot of it I guess. So I kept looking other places for that support. Eventually I got it from myself NOW. But still I feel so embarrassed and sad for that young me. Anyway, I feel like despite all the fucked up shit I did as a kid, I grew into such an amazing person. I’ve had my flaws and made mistakes 100% but I’ve loved and cared for others so genuinely. I think I’m a good person I really do, I make bad choices at times but I am human. But all in all, I’m GOOD. And it’s been proven so much from ppl who tell me and who hurt me and come back apologizing. I don’t mind admitting I was wrong etc. but I can’t help but feel like I’m this creep weirdo kid still? Why can’t I have peace with that 7 year old isn’t me anymore and she also just needed love. I can not forgive myself honestly & my ocd makes it 100000x worse cuz it involved real events.
- Username
- Scoobysnacks42
- Date posted
- 1y ago
OCD and relationships
I have been with my SO going in 13 years now. We met in college and have been together ever since. We got married in 2021 and welcomed a baby girl in the world last year. I had a severe mental breakdown in 2013 that landed me in the hospital because I was contemplating suicide. That breakdown nearly destroyed our relationship. I had severe intrusive thoughts and felt the need to tell him all of them. I felt like if I didn’t tell him, I was lying. I destroyed his self esteem, telling him all of the mean thoughts I had about him. I would feel the need to tell him anytime I saw an attractive guy in public, I questioned our relationship and told him I wasn’t sure if I loved him anymore. It was bad and very dark. Fast forward to now and I feel like I’m letting him down in different ways. I don’t feel the need to tell him every thought I have now but since having my daughter my OCD and depression seem to be getting worse. I just feel like I’m no longer happy and my daughter should’ve had a mom that wasn’t damaged like me. Didn’t have the abusive childhood like me. Wasn’t broken like me. I feel so much guilt. It’s putting such a strain on our relationship and I feel like my husband deserves someone better. Someone whose happier.
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