- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
I don't have the same experiences as you, but I do have a parent with untreated OCD. Growing up, this parent was not ideal and often made their childs' lives more difficult and negatively impacted their mental health struggles. For so long, I only focused on Not Being Like Them that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. There was so much shame, anger, frustration, guilt rolling around in me. Realizing how this parent not dealing with their own issues affected their kids, that was incredibly difficult and painful. Mourning that lost childhood is a big process in acceptance and moving forward. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree or like what happened, it only means you acknowledge it as it is. Grieving is a complicated process, but it is necessary for healing childhood traumas. There's a concept called Disenfranchised Grief, and if you can do so safely it's worth reading about.
- Date posted
- 3y
Thank you both for your insight
- Date posted
- 3y
I need to get my life together for my children for my kids I think that I am really struggling and I don’t want my kids to grow up to hate or resent me I need a lot of help right now I am severely exhausted stressed out over the past and things that happened a long time ago I want to be mentally healthy and happy for my kids
- Date posted
- 3y
I think this is incredibly important to realize and understand. Mourning is necessary and a keystone to healing. You have to remove dead and sick flesh before your wound can heal. I know that sounds gross and intense, but that's how healing feels for me personally. Also keep in mind that it's only very recently "acceptable" to seek out treatment for mental health, and as inaccessible as it is for a lot, it was even more so in older generations. This isn't to justify what our parents did, but to share perspective.
- Date posted
- 3y
@Bryan Kids are really resilient, and you are doing an amazing thing by seeking help even if it might feel like it is making things worse sometimes. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve love and caring compassion too.
- Date posted
- 3y
Hey man, as someone close in age to you (I'm 31) I think it's easy to mourn our pasts and lack of healing. Mourning is a part of healing, and the childhood you is in some serious need of love and affection, only which you can provide. I'd recommend checking out the books On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers and Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis. Your hurt is valid and so are you. I thought similarly as you, but, I think now is honestly the best time for treatment as when we were kids the research behind OCD was nowhere near where it is now. We might be older but this is honestly the best time to seek help now that it has stronger research and better therapies behind it.
- Date posted
- 3y
Guys I am beating the dogshit out of myself right now, over a lot I know my kids love me, please pray for me so I can get better ❤️🩹 these thoughts are gross and nasty and not me my biggest issue is or was my behavior. I can’t believe a lot of the things I have done.
- Date posted
- 3y
Right now this disorder is robbing my kids and my family of a daddy
- Date posted
- 3y
Have you any experience with grounding techniques? They sound silly, or it did to me, but I find them helpful after some practice using them during bad panic attacks. The one I use is easier to remember (I can't think straight or remember much during an attack): Slow your breathing as much as you can. Long, slow deep breaths in and out. Then, name 5 things you can see around you. They can be literally anything. A chair, a shoe, a pen, the ceiling, the sky. Name 4 things you can touch. Again, literally anything. The ground, the desk, a phone, a keyboard. Name 3 things you can hear. Anything goes. The fan, my breathing, other people. Name 2 things you can smell. I like this one, and seek comforting or stimulating scents. Anything goes though. Name 1 thing you can taste. Again, I like this one. I keep mints around. I hope you can find a grounding techniques that works for you.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 21w
Please read this. I’ve had ocd pretty much a lot of my life but never knew what it was until my senior year of highschool. I’m 21 with 2 kids and i believe i’ve had pocd a little bit before my daughter was born (which was 8 months ago). It made me start looking at all kids differently and i hate it. But it really started triggering me about 3 months ago. I’ve been thinking if i’d intentionally touched or harmed my kids the wrong way, or any kids for that matter. This started giving me false memories (or at least hope they are). I’ve been having panic attacks, yelling at myself, punching walls, praying, and even thoughts of ending my own life. I grew up in a severe toxic household throughout my childhood and teenage life. I’ve never wished that on my kids since i became a dad. I wanna give them the life i never got. I look back my photos of my children and i feel like i’m a complete fraud of a dad. I cannot look at my kids or be around them a lot of times. I can’t hold my daughter right. I can’t change their diaper when they need it. Even my son came and was hugging on me the other night while i was watching tv and i acted like a stranger to him. I can very little do this stuff sometimes because it’s either i get relief or i push my thoughts as far back as i can. I get scared if i did something to not just my kids, but any other kids in the past. I have such a a great life and such a beautiful family. It was hard and stressful at first being young with a family but i couldn’t be more thankful at all for them. I’m just so lost and stressed right now that i just don’t know what to do anymore
- Date posted
- 19w
Hello, I unknowingly have lived with ROCD or OCD (not sure what one. I’m new to this). It has ruined so many amazing romantic and platonic relationships and I am so sad that just now I am finding out what the hell is wrong with me. Maybe life would be different if I have known. My OCD and anxiety is at an all time high (ATH) due to some horrible events that have happened in the recent months. I am at the point where paranoia has taken over my life now. I had my first panic attack a few weeks ago where I fainted. My anxiety attacks are so extreme I go thought cognitive distortion that has lasted days. My girlfriend of 3 years is my emotional guardian and she no long has the energy to be that and honestly it’s not her responsibility to be that. She is bi and wanted to have an open relationship and for someone who has OCD this has not been good for me. She also was assaulted in my own home by a good friend of ours when I was out of town but it’s not a clear situation because it sounded consensual at first. I just left my very high paying job. I am financially secure but the job was emotionally abusive and looking back made my OCD worse. I am taking some time off to get my head right…but now, all I have to do during the day is live in my OCD. I’m very happy I finally figured out why I act the way I do but I don’t know if I can get better quick enough to save my relationship. I have never been so worried about myself (M 28 years old). I am a confident young professional and never thought I would be writing on a page like this. Anyway…I hope it gets better.
- Date posted
- 9w
My mom will sit and listen to me for quite a while, but she interrupts a lot and gets angry/upset. While I appreciate her passion, it's often stressful. Every time I come to her, if I even *mention* OCD, she gets frustrated and says, "Everyone deals with these issues, you know. It doesn't mean it's OCD." And I repeat, "I'm not saying my issues are unique — I'm saying the way I respond to them is a problem." But she just shakes her head and says, "Okay, I need to get back to my day." Full context, I'm an adult, and I live with my boyfriend, but I'm staying at my mom's for the next month. After living away from home for years, I went back to living with her during the pandemic, and I only recently left to live with him. Honestly, I think living with her for so long in my adulthood really messed with me and made me feel like a teenager all over again. I feel like my mental growth is stunted, and that's part of why my OCD is so bad lately. Not blaming, just noticing. She doesn't seem to understand how relieving the OCD diagnosis has been for me, because it explains so so so many things I've struggled with for years, and it's exciting to have more resources that can help me. But I think she sees it as me finding an excuse to *not* work on myself, which is just untrue. I'm not going to let OCD hold me back or use it as an excuse, but I'm also not going to pretend it's not a problem when I know it is — I was even diagnosed through NOCD. The whole point being to fix it, not use it as a crutch. When I have an issue, it's unbearable. Any issue, big or small, feels just the same. I feel a sinking feeling, my mind races, my heart beats out of my chest. I end up running to my support systems, crying, ruminating for days on end. Then, months later, the same exact issue can feel like nothing anymore, because it's no longer an obsession. I'm sure everyone deals with issues in a similar way, but I *know* there is something specific and debilitating going on with me. This is reassurance seeking, but in the face of being told I'm making a big deal out of nothing, can someone diagnosed with OCD tell me if they relate to the specific intensity of these feelings??
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