I have a lot to say to my parents, I am 35 mine started young but hit hard at 16. Why didn’t they get me the help with this I needed growing up?? I could have been cured of this mess this disorder I didn’t have to suffer for 22 years. I feel like a fool like a idiot for suffering all these years I feel like a fool for my past for me trying to “figure myself out” it didn’t have to be like this or like it is for me right now my life could have been so much better and full of love. I am angry both my parents were drug addicts my mom had OCD she didn’t deserve to have kids when my symptoms got severe I turned suicidal my mom decided she wanted a divorce and abandoned us took my bro and sis and left me with her ex. I watched my dad tumble thru the divorce threatens suicide on me 3 times and I watched him put a shotgun in his mouth. All this is coming back up I am 35 now. I can’t stop thinking about the things I saw and the things that happened to me growing up. All this is on the surface now I am dealing with it. It’s all horrible I have been holding all this in for 22 years. I just want to be free and happy 😊. I feel Horrible

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I don't have the same experiences as you, but I do have a parent with untreated OCD. Growing up, this parent was not ideal and often made their childs' lives more difficult and negatively impacted their mental health struggles. For so long, I only focused on Not Being Like Them that I couldn't see the forest for the trees. There was so much shame, anger, frustration, guilt rolling around in me. Realizing how this parent not dealing with their own issues affected their kids, that was incredibly difficult and painful. Mourning that lost childhood is a big process in acceptance and moving forward. Acceptance doesn't mean you agree or like what happened, it only means you acknowledge it as it is. Grieving is a complicated process, but it is necessary for healing childhood traumas. There's a concept called Disenfranchised Grief, and if you can do so safely it's worth reading about.

Bryan

Date posted: 4y

Thank you both for your insight

Bryan

Date posted: 4y

I need to get my life together for my children for my kids I think that I am really struggling and I don’t want my kids to grow up to hate or resent me I need a lot of help right now I am severely exhausted stressed out over the past and things that happened a long time ago I want to be mentally healthy and happy for my kids

Sound Lotus

Date posted: 4y

I think this is incredibly important to realize and understand. Mourning is necessary and a keystone to healing. You have to remove dead and sick flesh before your wound can heal. I know that sounds gross and intense, but that's how healing feels for me personally. Also keep in mind that it's only very recently "acceptable" to seek out treatment for mental health, and as inaccessible as it is for a lot, it was even more so in older generations. This isn't to justify what our parents did, but to share perspective.

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

@Bryan Kids are really resilient, and you are doing an amazing thing by seeking help even if it might feel like it is making things worse sometimes. Be gentle with yourself, you deserve love and caring compassion too.

Sound Lotus

Date posted: 4y

Hey man, as someone close in age to you (I'm 31) I think it's easy to mourn our pasts and lack of healing. Mourning is a part of healing, and the childhood you is in some serious need of love and affection, only which you can provide. I'd recommend checking out the books On Becoming a Person by Carl Rogers and Under Saturn's Shadow by James Hollis. Your hurt is valid and so are you. I thought similarly as you, but, I think now is honestly the best time for treatment as when we were kids the research behind OCD was nowhere near where it is now. We might be older but this is honestly the best time to seek help now that it has stronger research and better therapies behind it.

Bryan

Date posted: 4y

Guys I am beating the dogshit out of myself right now, over a lot I know my kids love me, please pray for me so I can get better ❤️‍🩹 these thoughts are gross and nasty and not me my biggest issue is or was my behavior. I can’t believe a lot of the things I have done.

Bryan

Date posted: 4y

Right now this disorder is robbing my kids and my family of a daddy

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

Have you any experience with grounding techniques? They sound silly, or it did to me, but I find them helpful after some practice using them during bad panic attacks. The one I use is easier to remember (I can't think straight or remember much during an attack): Slow your breathing as much as you can. Long, slow deep breaths in and out. Then, name 5 things you can see around you. They can be literally anything. A chair, a shoe, a pen, the ceiling, the sky. Name 4 things you can touch. Again, literally anything. The ground, the desk, a phone, a keyboard. Name 3 things you can hear. Anything goes. The fan, my breathing, other people. Name 2 things you can smell. I like this one, and seek comforting or stimulating scents. Anything goes though. Name 1 thing you can taste. Again, I like this one. I keep mints around. I hope you can find a grounding techniques that works for you.

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